More of Stella Hyde's Darkside Zodiac fun Aries
Punctuality - You are either 30 minutes early, raring to go, and incandescent that everyone else is late, or you turn up 4 days later at a different venue and are outraged that the expedition went without you.
Toothpaste - After a 5 minute rant in the bathroom when you throw everything out the window lookinh for your tube of toothpaste, you finally find iit in the laundry basket. You hammer in flat with your bare hands.
Temper Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling point instantaneous, and occurs roughly every two minutes because people just won't do what you tell them, and you've lost the keys/hammer/remote control/plot.
Taurus
Punctuality -You are never late; you have never been late; you will never be late. People in Switzerland set their clocks by you, train companies call you for advice.Strangely, everyone else is always late meeting with you.
Toothpaste- the Taurus toothpaste tube always lives in a toothpaste tube cozy on the third shelf down and is always rolled up from the bottom. If anyone moves it- let alone squeezes it in the middle - you kill them.
Tempter Gauge- 0 degrees to boiling point in about 6 months, but on a regular five-year cycle. Much earth-shaking; small buildings fall down; you gore everyone within reach. Ten days later people armed with chocolate can approach you.
Gemini
Punctuality- You-re rarily late (you'd hate to miss any good pickings), but never stay long since you are usually on your way to somewhere else that you think might be more interesting, or stuffed with classier celebs.
Toothpaste- You have a shiny new electric toothbrush "borrowed" from somewhere, and toothpaste picked up from unguarded retail displays - you didn't pay for it, so why should you give a damn how it's squeezed.
Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling point in five seconds, inventive invective, blistering bitchery, then back down again in two, mostly because your attention has wandered off. You prefer to get even, not mad.
Cancer
Punctuality- You are never on time for anything; who'd want to see you? Who'd even notice you weren't there? Plus, it's a classic way to control the event without appearing to-passive-aggressive or what?
Toothpaste- New moon: new toothpaste, cap firmly screwed on, tube squeezed from end; half moon: cap qite near tube, squeezed anywhere; full moon: cap lost, tube cut open; moonless night: no toothpaste at all.
Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to snapping point in one second or several decades, depending on the Moon. Either short outbursts of unfocused tetch and filthy temper or centuries of insoluble sectarian intransigence and filthy temper.
Leo
Punctuality- There must be some mistake. Of course you are never late. How could you be? No event would ever start until you and your entourage arrive, surely? If it did, you'd flounce off right away and have it cancelled.
Toothpaste - Leos would not deign to behave inconsiderately around the toothpaste. You simple wouldn't know how to squeeze the tube from the middle; you have a little woman to do that for you.
Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling point in a nanosecond. Dramatic solar flaring and flouncing, down a notch to murderous irritation, and then you allow yourself to be soothed by a meaty tidbit thrown by a terrific acolyte.
Virgo
Punctuality- You are never, ever late; or early, for that matter. You are always exactly on time - it's not difficult,, If only they'd let you run the world, you'd make sure that DBL (deliberately Being Late) was a federal offense.
Toothpaste - In a time locked closer in your bathroom are 3 x 365 individual prewrapped disposable toothbrushes, each loaded with the precise amount of toothpaste needed for one cleaning. Only you have the key.
Tempter Gauge- In your case, the gauge gas to be recalibrated, as you maintain the constant inner seethe-rate you were born with. Although you can reach boiling point instantly if your patterns are disturbed, you never return to 0 degrees.
Libra
Punctuality-You're always late because you take so long to decide what to wear (and to tear yourself away from the mirror), but look so gorgeous, and are so limpidly, charmingly abject when you do show, that you are forgiven.
Toothpaste- You don't have toothpaste in tubes, since squeezing involves effort. You have three kinds of pump-action dispenser instead, and there is always an intimate friend around to help you choose which flavor you want.
Tempter Gauge - 0 degrees to boiling in 20 seconds, but rarely, and only if you think appearing to have lost your cool will get you what you want. You pout, flounce, toss your curls, and stamp your little foot; it always works.
Scorpio
Punctuality- Scorpios are never late. It's tactically unsound. You like to get there a bit early so that you can observe your victim arrive; then you calculate an angle of approach that ensures the sun shines directly into their eyes.
Toothpaste - You neither leave the lid off the toothpaste nor squeeze from the middle of the tube; you either use rock salt and a twig, or minimalist Japanese designer devices that disgorge paste in precisem bead-shaped portions.
Tempter Gauge - 0 degres to boiling point in 10 seconds, or several days, just to unnerve the guilty. You don't shout. What would be cool about that? You stare intimidatingly and speak with ominous quiet, to summon your henchmen.