Thank you all very much for your support. It is actually my abuser's birthday today. He lives in New Zealand nowadays, but is coming back to visit the family in August.
One thing I must tell you is that I made peace with my abuser almost 6 years ago, on the eve of my then infant son's christening. He tearfully apologised for what he put me through and I knew then, that he was and always will be, more messed up by what happened than me. (He also briefly abused me younger sister as well, which mercifully did not last for a very long time). I do not see this man as a typical paedophile - more as an extremely tortured human being. I think he would have done what he did with anyone of any age - it wasn't about attraction for him I don't think - just power and gratification.
Ironically, the day after his apology (the most monumental apology I have ever received), I was raped by another man. I have spent years trying to understand the timing of this event. It seems impossible to me that it could be mere coincidence. It's linked, although I'm not sure how or why yet.
I forgave my abuser for what he did and it has helped me to achieve enormous closure. I realise however, that this is and extremely unusual set of circumstances and that a lot of people would possibly think badly of me for forgiving him. The police were involved at the very beginning but it tore my family apart and sadly, things have never recovered there.
As a youngster I became very promiscuous after the abuse. I have heard that this is fairly normal reactionary behaviour for abuse victims (man, I hate that word)! I understand why now. And I occasionally ache for that young girl and the desperate, almost innocent pain I was in. But I'm a tough cookie me - it all got me some backbone.
Over the years, I have developed various strategies to cope with what happened. I mainly feel wiser and like I know things about that side of life that I can't talk to anyone about because so few understand it. It's given me drive if anything - I volunteer at a hospital and next month I'm due to start work at a child abuse charity, so hopefully my experiences have led me to give something back. If I can honestly help other kids going through the same thing then I'm damn well glad it all happened to me.
Again, thank you for your support - it's very kind.
Lady Neptune - YES! I do think the Yod is involved in this somehow. I also think Mars (sometimes related to all things sexual - especially mine being in Scorpio) has a big part to play here too. Thank you for your insights - I think you're bang on!
I've just remembered Saturn square moon as well.
BLKFox - you're a braver soul than I am. It's hard to talk about, but I think it's probably healthy in small doses. I still occasionally battle with bouts of shame - not that I should! All the best to you.