This is going to seem unrelated but recently I was talking to this girl I recently met online (she also lives in my area) and she seemed to be interested in spiritual stuff like hamsas and she would also post snap stories trying to get my attention to contact her. I finally decided to give it a shot and when I did it completely went south. At first we originally planned to hang out and she ended up falling asleep. Later on that night she wakes up and apologized. I said it was okay and left it alone for about 20 minutes until I felt bored enough to contact her again just to strike up a random conversation.
I sent her a song because the song kind of reminded of her in a spiritual way in the moment (Killing me Softly - The Fugees) The whole time, I was in ~higher~ consciousness, as you can say ... At one point I even asked her for her birthday, time of birth, etc, and kept on insisting that she was special, as if I was "choosing" her for a task or mission or something. She ended up feeling completely freaked out and blocked me from social media.
This girl is also very much younger than me and hasn't been exposed to higher frequencies of energy I suppose. After that talk, I felt as though my whole body had been sapped from its energy and out of nowhere this dark, thick and heavy black energy enveloped my heart chakra and still lingers there now.
I am not sure what I feel or what this is telling me. I recently broke up with my ex 1 year ago who I had been dating for 7 years and I've felt very lonely since.
I feel abandoned by every one of my friends because they're all in relationships and I feel like I'm carrying heavy baggage.. The multitude of horrible events which have led to this state of mind have been numerous. I was also on Xanax before going bat **** crazy. I stopped the Xanax use immediately after realizing what it was doing to me.
All I want to know is what I consumed .... This energy. It feels like a vortex consuming everything in the very center of my heart. It was the same feeling the night I went insane when I was withdrawing because my body went completely numb for a week and I was suffering tremendously ... Nobody contacted me this time. Partially because I chose not to tell anyone, but also because I thought they should have reached out and asked me if I was doing well. I feel like I don't have a close enough connection to anybody who can take care of me in this state.
I also feel like as if I unlocked a very volatile part of myself .. Following recent events.
My sun, Mercury and Venus are in Cancer, 12th house
Moon in Pisces, 8th house
Pluto in Scorpio, 4th house
I feel like there is a dark spirit inside of me. I still feel like a good person, but more ... Calculated, instinctual, piercing, deathlike
Elders please lend me your wisdom on this matter.