posted May 10, 2016 10:38 AM            

At first we originally planned to hang out and she ended up falling asleep. Later on that night she wakes up and apologized. I said it was okay and left it alone for about 20 minutes until I felt bored enough to contact her again just to strike up a random conversation.

I sent her a song because the song kind of reminded of her in a spiritual way in the moment (Killing me Softly - The Fugees) The whole time, I was in ~higher~ consciousness, as you can say ... At one point I even asked her for her birthday, time of birth, etc, and kept on insisting that she was special, as if I was "choosing" her for a task or mission or something. She ended up feeling completely freaked out and blocked me from social media.

This girl is also very much younger than me and hasn't been exposed to higher frequencies of energy I suppose. After that talk, I felt as though my whole body had been sapped from its energy and out of nowhere this dark, thick and heavy black energy enveloped my heart chakra and still lingers there now.

I am not sure what I feel or what this is telling me. I recently broke up with my ex 1 year ago who I had been dating for 7 years and I've felt very lonely since.

I feel abandoned by every one of my friends because they're all in relationships and I feel like I'm carrying heavy baggage.. The multitude of horrible events which have led to this state of mind have been numerous. I was also on Xanax before going bat **** crazy. I stopped the Xanax use immediately after realizing what it was doing to me.

All I want to know is what I consumed .... This energy. It feels like a vortex consuming everything in the very center of my heart. It was the same feeling the night I went insane when I was withdrawing because my body went completely numb for a week and I was suffering tremendously ... Nobody contacted me this time. Partially because I chose not to tell anyone, but also because I thought they should have reached out and asked me if I was doing well. I feel like I don't have a close enough connection to anybody who can take care of me in this state.

I also feel like as if I unlocked a very volatile part of myself .. Following recent events.

My sun, Mercury and Venus are in Cancer, 12th house
Moon in Pisces, 8th house
Pluto in Scorpio, 4th house

I feel like there is a dark spirit inside of me. I still feel like a good person, but more ... Calculated, instinctual, piercing, deathlike

posted May 10, 2016 10:51 AM            

This young girl was nothing more than a pawn of the universe to trigger this wound inside yourself that needed your attention. Now that the feelings have been exposed, you can dive into them, express them, explore them... It will feel like your heart is physically breaking.. but in reality it is healing, it is opening, it is sleughing through the pain that has been sitting stagnant there.. and it is preparing you to get ready for real, true love.

and remember, the pain you are feeling, what you think is being triggered by people hurting you.. it is really hurting because of love that you withheld, love that you were afraid to give. I know it is painful dear, but this is the feeling of healing. Be brave, and work through this <3

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."- Rumi

posted May 10, 2016 11:36 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by missblyss:
You're opening your heart through breaking it... this is a shamanic/ spiritual path that comes when we experience heartbreak... feelings of rejection. It triggered the irritation of our deepest wounds and fears so that they may be healed and released.

This young girl was nothing more than a pawn of the universe to trigger this wound inside yourself that needed your attention. Now that the feelings have been exposed, you can dive into them, express them, explore them... It will feel like your heart is physically breaking.. but in reality it is healing, it is opening, it is sleughing through the pain that has been sitting stagnant there.. and it is preparing you to get ready for real, true love.

and remember, the pain you are feeling, what you think is being triggered by people hurting you.. it is really hurting because of love that you withheld, love that you were afraid to give. I know it is painful dear, but this is the feeling of healing. Be brave, and work through this <3

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."- Rumi

“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”
― Rumi

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Thank you MissBlyss. I have always held a fondness for you since you've joined. That response was absolutely God-sent as you completely understood what I was saying ...

I feel like I'm in a karmic momentum/leap as if I've been through a worm hole. I feel scattered in all of these different places and I feel like I've planted a seed in each and every one of them.

This is what terrifies me the most.

posted May 10, 2016 03:29 PM            

It is said that whoever practice astrology or any religion , he will always suffer in this yuga.

posted May 10, 2016 03:41 PM            

Thank you.

posted May 10, 2016 10:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Muzixoulrythm:
I am not an elder, but the feelings you are having are just reflection of your moon and nakshatra. Big thing is that there is no hope for you if you are still inside here.explore world.

It is said that whoever practice astrology or any religion , he will always suffer in this yuga.

Priests and saints are there for us.they are made to heal the world and not us.

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