Ayelet..... Loss is NOT all illusion. I just lost my ELABORETTE search-system on this computer. I had a system of FAVORITES and I CAREFULLY built up for the past FIVE YEARS.
Some of those places/urls I had were connected to very obscure places. I had an ability to check the astro-clock and asteroids with a swapping of a tab.
It's GONE. All GONE. I am soooooooooo livid and pisseddded off right now. ALL MY WORK, GONE!!!!!! There are no URLS that show up here. I have to do weird-thing to try to get an URL to show so I can reference things. It's all just words, and NO REFS.
You know.... They have all this new software to keep people as SLAVES rather than directly being THE BOSS of your own self.
People know me as a gentle person, and I very very much am. AND THERE'S A SIDE OF ME THAT IS EFFIN-hardcoreBUSINESS TIME!!! And I RESENT NOT BEING ABLE to DO 'MY' WORK.
The problem today is NOT the 'hood, but this 'new product' that the CARELESSNESS of rm 'allowed INTO' our computer system. He has been so freaking INCREDIBLY selfish and CARELESS, CARELESS, CARELESS.
He had gotten into one of his 'destructo' modes lately------ doing things to undermine me. And NOW (accidently?) it's THE COMPUTER that got messed up.
He gets all pissedofffff and BLAMES everything ON ME, then finds out 'it was him'. I've tried not to 'react' but to be patient. He is a MASTER, master guilt-manipulator.
I had a health-event yesterday, that sent me on an emergency visit to my doctor. I take 'physical' RESPONSIBILITY 'literally' TO MY HEART.
I've had the meanest people (not LL) chiming in about how everyone has to TAKE their own "RESPONSIBLITY." Well I FREAKING DO!!!, and I cannot do 'EVERYTHING' by myself...... The WEIGHT I PERSONALLY pull to do EVERYTHING may be killing me, literally.
I had to make a compromise-promise with the doctor because they were going to transfer me by ambulance to hospital for heart problem.
Based on EKG, they said IF it was bad enough, I would have to agree to a transfer. That's what we did.
The EKG was not normal, and they called it "flukey"--- But the doctor ALSO picked up that I MIGHT be having some asthmatic bronchial-symptoms-- no wheezing, but pains and lead-pressing-tightening there.
ALSO, I was 'beginning' one of those neural-migraines which included (this time) a 'tone' I was hearing. That's something 'new' that I hadn't encountered before.
PLUS, all this freaking 'anxiety' I've been 'feeling'.......
It's like, I feel a calmness way deep within, BUT!!!! 'my body' betrays me. I feel 'torn' and anxious and SOOOOO READY to leave this place and get on with my life, with NO way to do it 'by my self'.
So.... I'm sitting in the middle of this mix. Feeling symptoms in my body like I normally don't feel. (I had to agree to go see a cardiologist 'with' my compromising, laughing gently and knowingly here.)
This past weekend, there were INTENSE 'woofer-blasts'. There was one blast around 3am/3:30am, that sounded like a giant sustained DEEP F-O-G-H-O-R-N that radiated my whole living space O--M--G!! My cot was already shaking-vibrating from their speakers, and 'THE BLAST' made my heart start to do ~weirdness. (The EKG?).
(Right now, someone's got something thumping and scraping away.... Makes me want to THROW UP vomit.)
So..... UNTIL I get some problems "solved" here, I don't know 'how much work' I can do at LL.
I'm sure rm will be LIVID about the changes on this computer..... He can't handle frustrations well these days, and is in regressing-habits.
Like I said, I DO 'feel calm' in a lot of ways, YET!!!!!, my body 'must' be 'stressing' somehow or it wouldn't be feeling like this.
At the end of any post (if I post), I'll be leaving urls TO the post, because when I 'print' it will have the address there for me as a temporary-footer.
UNTIL I figure out how to use my printer with this new downloaded system, Please excuse. More detail in my 'main' thread.
THIS is the ONLY SONG I have.
Apparently it was the 'last youtube' I watched/listened to. It's THE ONLY Url I have to my whole poofed system of youtubes right now--- until I 'figure out' the new system. There are NO FAVS. No PrintPreviews.... ALL OF IT, GONE!!!!!
So...... Thanks for reading. I HOPE you're doing well, Ayelet. Should I 'go missing' here for a while this week, then you'll understand and be able to share the info with other folks who wonder where I went.
Your interpretation of that 'wasp dream' in Astral Realms WAS AMAZING!!!!!! YOU are Brilliant!!!!!!! People are lucky to have you here, Ayelet. And I'm proud to call you a friend!
(music) Sending You Light (Melanie Demore) [3:39] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSNQFstyu_s
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Temporary linking for when I print http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum17/HTML/003159.html