quote:
Originally posted by Starry~*:
Thank you both for your input!I am close to my friend and she has mentioned time and time again how she is unsure if he can learn how to develop a deep meaningful and intimate relationship.
Some examples that she gave were:
- Asking him to reach out to her more, get to know her more. She claims that he isn't really doing it and they have 1 way conversations with her initiating them. However, he doesn't really reciprocate.
- She wants him to initiate things with her and plan dates. He is slowly trying here and there but not to her satisfaction...yet. She's not sure if this is because of his lack of experience in dating or if it's his indifference.
The mutual attraction is present. But my friend is concerned about his level of effort.
I suspect this to be the incompatible Mars signs..hers in Gem and his in Cap. Very different approaches. Cap mars like to build from ground up and that means taking time. Gem mars? Not sure.
Judging from this scenario I'd say it's more a question of her age, her patience and if she's willing to put in the time/effort to give this relationship a fair shot.
If she's at a point where the clock is ticking then I'd also suggest she cuts her losses and moves on to someone who fulfills her needs to her satisfaction (hopefully from the onset and not with her badgering him).
If not, then perhaps she can allow herself the time to see it through and help him grow, especially if there is mutual attraction and interest.
It's complicated, because IME men mature much slower, so if he is a good man but just needs a little "fine-tuning" if you will, then it is acceptable to go through these hurdles and hopefully he becomes a more nurturing person because of it.
However if he is one who should already be mature and have learned his life-lessons, then perhaps it boils down to true incompatibility (as the charts are suggesting) and she would be better off with someone else, despite the attraction.
The worst thing she can do is become his "babysitter" in a way because it will be draining on her in the long run.
The date-planning thing is not as concerning because with a little effort someone can become better at that, but what is REALLY alarming to me if she is always having to initiate conversations with him and not getting any engaging interest in return. That will get old REAL fast, and it kind of shows he doesn't have much interest in her as a person (which is obviously not genuine love and clearly NOT acceptable in a lasting relationship). It could be laziness also, but I think it could also just be mental incompatibility because she doesn't stimulate his mind. If he talks to his friends/family etc. with ease but has a hard time talking to her, then that might tell you everything you need to know.