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T O P I C R E V I E WInfatuation423i am not too sure where to post this so ill leave it here.i want to talk about who texts who first. i hear so many different opinions. i have a couple people tell me we, as women, have the power. we have the V so do go ahead and text the guy. whereas other people say, and i agree with this more, let the man initiate or else he will take you for granted. but i am really confused because i feel the two contradict each other. i dont know! tell me what you guys think!furrybunnyI have some rules when it comes to intial dating phase but bottom line is , u should feel free to do whatever u want. If u want to text or call do so. Obv know the difference between normal communication and obsessive. 😂 don’t show any negative emotions in text like neediness and desperation. Obv do it in person if u really need to 😂Because If something as simple as texting first causes him to lose interest , is he really a guy worth keeping ? I’m sure if someone’s that flaky , he might not be super open minded and it’ll ultimately affect the rest of ur relationsip. Tbh, anything preventing urself from doing what u want within normal boundraries is essentially playing a game. I personally don’t want to start of a healthy relationship with that. I can’t stay in a relationship or pursue a relationsip where I can’t be myself and I have to worry about little things like texting when really people involved should be focusing on the connection. Trust me , u can’t do anything wrong in the beginning with a person ur suppose to meet and get involved with. Because even if u suck at the texting and make a wrong move , he will come back around . Universe does funny stuff like that. Had this convo with a friend last week 😂Infatuation423thank you furrybunny! i have only dated so i really dont know how this thing works!ProxyxBlueI'm actually going through this right now. I've been waiting for someone to respond back to me since Monday. Originally I did send another message today, but I unsent it (meaning he won't get that I ever sent anything), but I was questioning myself if I should allow him to reach out to me or not. I felt if I kept trying when he hasn't even responded that maybe I should fall back. I somewhat regret cancelling what I sent, but I'm disappointed that he has yet to say anything to me. I say always go with what you feel is right, but I also agree not to seem too needy or desperate. I feel there should be an equal amount of initiating between both parties. It's possible that the other person may have gotten busy, and if you feel you should reach out, do so and maybe the conversation can continue to go from there once the person replies. Infatuation423proxy, i agree. it definitely should be equal. i think once we pull back, they are going to react because they are used to you reaching out all the time. i have an issue always reaching out first and my gut is telling me to stop.im sorry the person didnt respond to you. i say give it a week and then try to ask them whats going on. well, i dont know your situation so im not sure if you should or shouldnt try again. but if its bothering you a lot, i feel you should say something againProxyxBlueI have an issue with that too and most of the time the ending results aren’t good for me in the long run. You’re righ! Men do tend to come around once they notice the woman isn’t talking as much. Usually when that happens for me, I’m no longer interested lol. I did reach out to him again and the conversation wasn’t a fun one. I think I’m probably going to give up on this friendship, because he’s applying distance due to something I said last week and it hasn’t been the same since. I feel bad about it, but I’d rather be friends with someone who would push me to the side. Jessica2407Thread moved to LL 2.0Randall quote:Originally posted by furrybunny:I have some rules when it comes to intial dating phase but bottom line is , u should feel free to do whatever u want. If u want to text or call do so. Obv know the difference between normal communication and obsessive. 😂 don’t show any negative emotions in text like neediness and desperation. Obv do it in person if u really need to 😂Because If something as simple as texting first causes him to lose interest , is he really a guy worth keeping ? I’m sure if someone’s that flaky , he might not be super open minded and it’ll ultimately affect the rest of ur relationsip. Tbh, anything preventing urself from doing what u want within normal boundraries is essentially playing a game. I personally don’t want to start of a healthy relationship with that. I can’t stay in a relationship or pursue a relationsip where I can’t be myself and I have to worry about little things like texting when really people involved should be focusing on the connection. Trust me , u can’t do anything wrong in the beginning with a person ur suppose to meet and get involved with. Because even if u suck at the texting and make a wrong move , he will come back around . Universe does funny stuff like that. Had this convo with a friend last week 😂RandallBump!RandallBump!anonymidarknessI'm okay with whatever lol, if they don't and I wanna talk to them, I do, if they do, great. Even if they are p!!ssed at me, I do. I don't think I have ever waited for someone to text me first, well some don't respond even when I text them for a long time, they have life ofcourse and some ice me out, nothing quite p!sses me off like getting iced out though, I just am left with a mehh feeling towards them, nothing is quite hurtful like getting iced out in my experience, hate is far better, and next time the ones who ice me out text me, it just creates apathetic feeling towards them in me, although I might respond.Randall quote:Originally posted by anonymidarkness:I'm okay with whatever lol, if they don't and I wanna talk to them, I do, if they do, great. Even if they are p!!ssed at me, I do. I don't think I have ever waited for someone to text me first, well some don't respond even when I text them for a long time, they have life ofcourse and some ice me out, nothing quite p!sses me off like getting iced out though, I just am left with a mehh feeling towards them, nothing is quite hurtful like getting iced out in my experience, hate is far better, and next time the ones who ice me out text me, it just creates apathetic feeling towards them in me, although I might respond.RandallBump!RandallBump!RandallBump!RandallBump!RandallBump!RandallBump!mirage29I guess I'm just kind of shier about doing that! In my life, I've never chased a guy down. If he's interested in me, then, HE has to express that interest. But I certainly would be flattered and impressed by someone who went through the trouble to 'initiate' contact. Even if not interested, I would reply kindly ~~uh, ~depending!? LOL.Anony!!! You are SUCH an interesting soul! Heck. I wouldn't be surprised if you kept a lot of women on that lonnnng heart-string of yours?!!! (music) Will It Go Round In Circles (Billy Preston, 1973) [3:45] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F_DRNCGjQM RandallBump!PixieJaneFirst and foremost, if the V makes the rules, then the V can impose more rules after making first contact. I know if I was in it just for the sex that's how I'd see it. (Furthermore, media says "bad girls" equal sexual, typically the one who controls others through seduction, even if she does nothing villainous beyond this. This is to the point that girls who go bad start exposing more breasts or even magically get bigger ones. So go with it, be the witch in control, if this is what you want. There is a beast in men, but in women as well, just waiting to be tapped.) But assuming this is about finding love rather than merely getting laid then it should be immaterial. Y'all should end up seeing each other as people rather than as objects to fulfill each other's needs, at which point mutual respect should come in no matter who got the ball rolling. (And I'd be looking elsewhere other than the clubs, bars, and dating sites as the vast majority of all that is so fake, and look instead where I can find others with mutual interests that we can bond over besides sex.) And on a side note, it's pretty twisted when guys are told to not sexually harass and not be creepy while at the same time putting the pressure on them to always initiate the contact. This is why I don't put full blame on the guys who have sexually harassed me (at least not in every case), because not only are they encouraged to be relentless harassers by other men, but also by women! Therefore, why wouln't some think I was just playing hard to get or "testing" him when I say no (and mean it)? It's really frustrating and I wish people could just grow up instead of playing these games and come up with all sorts of dating "rules" that no one can agree on anyway, leaving everyone confused and creating a lot of awkward situations that shouldn't be necessary but are in this climate. It sucks for both men and women who really don't know what they're doing (as the rules are unclear and constantly changing), though it makes a lot of money for magazines like Cosmo as well as the many products that are supposed to increase our attractiveness but really don't. RandallWow, that was some very wise advice.teaselThe guys who sexually harassed me, knew that the answer was “no”. There were no mixed signals. They still lacked respect. I also dislike talk of “who has the power” in relationships. Power shouldn’t be an aspect of any friendship or relationship.
i want to talk about who texts who first. i hear so many different opinions. i have a couple people tell me we, as women, have the power. we have the V so do go ahead and text the guy. whereas other people say, and i agree with this more, let the man initiate or else he will take you for granted. but i am really confused because i feel the two contradict each other. i dont know! tell me what you guys think!
Because If something as simple as texting first causes him to lose interest , is he really a guy worth keeping ? I’m sure if someone’s that flaky , he might not be super open minded and it’ll ultimately affect the rest of ur relationsip.
Tbh, anything preventing urself from doing what u want within normal boundraries is essentially playing a game. I personally don’t want to start of a healthy relationship with that. I can’t stay in a relationship or pursue a relationsip where I can’t be myself and I have to worry about little things like texting when really people involved should be focusing on the connection.
Trust me , u can’t do anything wrong in the beginning with a person ur suppose to meet and get involved with. Because even if u suck at the texting and make a wrong move , he will come back around . Universe does funny stuff like that.
Had this convo with a friend last week 😂
I somewhat regret cancelling what I sent, but I'm disappointed that he has yet to say anything to me.
I say always go with what you feel is right, but I also agree not to seem too needy or desperate. I feel there should be an equal amount of initiating between both parties. It's possible that the other person may have gotten busy, and if you feel you should reach out, do so and maybe the conversation can continue to go from there once the person replies.
im sorry the person didnt respond to you. i say give it a week and then try to ask them whats going on. well, i dont know your situation so im not sure if you should or shouldnt try again. but if its bothering you a lot, i feel you should say something again
I did reach out to him again and the conversation wasn’t a fun one. I think I’m probably going to give up on this friendship, because he’s applying distance due to something I said last week and it hasn’t been the same since. I feel bad about it, but I’d rather be friends with someone who would push me to the side.
quote:Originally posted by furrybunny:I have some rules when it comes to intial dating phase but bottom line is , u should feel free to do whatever u want. If u want to text or call do so. Obv know the difference between normal communication and obsessive. 😂 don’t show any negative emotions in text like neediness and desperation. Obv do it in person if u really need to 😂Because If something as simple as texting first causes him to lose interest , is he really a guy worth keeping ? I’m sure if someone’s that flaky , he might not be super open minded and it’ll ultimately affect the rest of ur relationsip. Tbh, anything preventing urself from doing what u want within normal boundraries is essentially playing a game. I personally don’t want to start of a healthy relationship with that. I can’t stay in a relationship or pursue a relationsip where I can’t be myself and I have to worry about little things like texting when really people involved should be focusing on the connection. Trust me , u can’t do anything wrong in the beginning with a person ur suppose to meet and get involved with. Because even if u suck at the texting and make a wrong move , he will come back around . Universe does funny stuff like that. Had this convo with a friend last week 😂
quote:Originally posted by anonymidarkness:I'm okay with whatever lol, if they don't and I wanna talk to them, I do, if they do, great. Even if they are p!!ssed at me, I do. I don't think I have ever waited for someone to text me first, well some don't respond even when I text them for a long time, they have life ofcourse and some ice me out, nothing quite p!sses me off like getting iced out though, I just am left with a mehh feeling towards them, nothing is quite hurtful like getting iced out in my experience, hate is far better, and next time the ones who ice me out text me, it just creates apathetic feeling towards them in me, although I might respond.
But I certainly would be flattered and impressed by someone who went through the trouble to 'initiate' contact. Even if not interested, I would reply kindly ~~uh, ~depending!? LOL.
Anony!!! You are SUCH an interesting soul! Heck. I wouldn't be surprised if you kept a lot of women on that lonnnng heart-string of yours?!!!
(music) Will It Go Round In Circles (Billy Preston, 1973) [3:45] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F_DRNCGjQM
But assuming this is about finding love rather than merely getting laid then it should be immaterial. Y'all should end up seeing each other as people rather than as objects to fulfill each other's needs, at which point mutual respect should come in no matter who got the ball rolling. (And I'd be looking elsewhere other than the clubs, bars, and dating sites as the vast majority of all that is so fake, and look instead where I can find others with mutual interests that we can bond over besides sex.)
And on a side note, it's pretty twisted when guys are told to not sexually harass and not be creepy while at the same time putting the pressure on them to always initiate the contact. This is why I don't put full blame on the guys who have sexually harassed me (at least not in every case), because not only are they encouraged to be relentless harassers by other men, but also by women! Therefore, why wouln't some think I was just playing hard to get or "testing" him when I say no (and mean it)?
It's really frustrating and I wish people could just grow up instead of playing these games and come up with all sorts of dating "rules" that no one can agree on anyway, leaving everyone confused and creating a lot of awkward situations that shouldn't be necessary but are in this climate. It sucks for both men and women who really don't know what they're doing (as the rules are unclear and constantly changing), though it makes a lot of money for magazines like Cosmo as well as the many products that are supposed to increase our attractiveness but really don't.
I also dislike talk of “who has the power” in relationships. Power shouldn’t be an aspect of any friendship or relationship.
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