quote:
Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Ceri, I don't think you should worry though, go there to enjoy the show and everything will be fine Worrying about how it will be can attract bad energies otherwise not present. You are beautiful, you have an awesome outfit, you love the show, everything will be just fine
Thanks, Leeloo. I know you are right.
I just try to, I donīt know, be forewarned or something like that.
Getting back to some sort of realism, keeping -firmly- in my mind, that he is totally unavailable to me, married (despite never wearing his wedding band) and with a little baby at home, and that it is not too unlikely he is going to have another one.
He had been paying so much attention to me on these last occasions, that it was tempting to, well not forget, but sort of just focus on the nice experiences.
However I have not forgotten that june evening in 2013, when he randomly mentioned his future mother in law, which came as a shock to me (despite me having dreamed it before), and it should not have come as such. It should not have rattled me like it did, but truth is, I had a startling strong emotional response to that; from then on I stayed in a realistic frame of mind, and just settled into, I donīt know, into accepting that there never had been a mutual spark, it was all in my mind, a grand delusion (which might have been necessary for a time even), and that he probably would not even recognize me anyway, once I leave the building.
And - after a time- it was alright, even comforting, comfortable, it`s what my Neptune does best anyway - dreaming, from afar, no risk of getting entangled in some messy earthiness. lol
So yes in a way I think I was even relieved, to a tiny part at least. It meant I did not have to change, did not REALLY h ave to come down to earth. lol
Yeah and then he started paying so much attention to me, and frankly, I was ANGRY with him after last june. After the concert with that comment about me driving him crazy (I was also flattered, flabbergasted, but totally furious).
You know the day after that, my brother came home and just ask me how the concert had been. I jumped up without a word, hurried outside the house and shut the door with a loud bang. Before taking a deep breath and getting into the house again, apologizing for my behaviour (my brother is very accepting of me, he is my soulmate actually. Well one of mine ) and well, was kinda telling this story, from a warped point of view. I am aware of that. Expressing anger about the fact that I had been made the sorry excuse for Mr Sag not being able to memorize his lines properly.
I could not be held accountable for THAT!
But in all truth I was so furious cause I had a good footing again, had just settled into how things were, admiring from afar at best, and denying all these other things before even had happened or had a meaning.
And within one evening (okay three or four nights by now. lol) he made that house of cards crash down.
He once again jumped out of the category I had put him in (well the connection between the two of us. lol), why can`t he simply stay in the box where he is supposed to be to ensure my peace of mind?
But anyway it WAS fun, the last year, it was flattering, it was very nice, the way he was looking at me, the way he - frankly spoken - has always been looking at me (when we were talking at least), not even I could deny that.
But I am realistic enough to know that this can`t go on like this.
I still don`t really know what "this" is between us: a little more than nothing, but also a little less than something I suppose.
Maybe I will never know. Maybe it`s not supposed to fit into a category.
I am talking nunsense again, I know.
So I will shut up again, and just have a mighty fine time tomorrow night.
At least my life is not boring.
My very own soapopera. lol
The card clouds always reminds me, that where there is darkness, there will also be light. And after a storm the sky will clear up again. It always does.
LOL nothing bad even has happened yet, and I am already planning for the aftermath. Gosh, I am so Saturnian today.
Funny enough tomorrow tr Sun will be right on the middle of our Moon-Venus-conjunction in composite.
And Tr Moon moving from 9-11 Virgo in that time will activate
my Jupiter 11 PIsces
his Mars 10 Virgo
his Jupiter 11 Virgo
his Amor 9 Virgo
and if we count squares
my Neptune-NN 10 SAg
his Mercury 9 Sag
(which funny enough is our first meeting charts ASC-degree. lol)
it will these midpoints:
my chart:
Saturn/Uranus 9.09 Virgo
- actually will have just passed this mp of mine, I suppose the half an hour before it is going to start, I just wanna run away. lol
Moon/MC 11°06 Sagittarius (= Jupiter= node= Neptune)
Vertex/Uranus 11°27 Virgo
- oh I never even realized my Jupiter is on my Vx/Uranus-mp. lol
his chart:
Venus/Pluto 8°39 Sagittarius (=Mercury on 9°23 Sagittarius)
around the same time my wish to run away (Saturn/Uranus) might get triggered, he will apparently experience some intense emotional activation
Pluto/Juno 9°31 Virgo
Sun/Uranus 10°10 SAgittarius
(which falls PRECISELY onto my North Node, to the minute! lol oh and his Jupiter is on 10°09 Virgo)
Mars/Jupiter 10°37 Virgo
MC/URanus 10°51 Sagittarius
Moon/Uranus 11°01 Sagittarius (=Mars 11°05 Virgo)
Lilith / ASC 11°55 Gemini
Well the Moon will be on these degrees (the transiting Moon I mean)
7:30 p.m.: 9°37 Virgo (conj. Lilith9°31 Virgo)4
10:30 p.m.: 11°06 Virgo