Gosh Mama Mia... your question is something I am struggling with in my life right now.I was with a man that I THOUGHT I'd be with forever - we were madly in love. Our relationship began when I was 14 years old, and it always felt somehow "fated" to me. About a month before he came into my life, I had dreams about a man who looked exactly like him - dark, mysterious features. Then I met him, and it was like electricity went thru me like a bolt of lightning the first time we touched. I knew he was the one.
Fast forward a few years - we loved each other desperately, but as the old saying goes, sometimes love ain't enough. We parted ways many times, but even when we tried new relationships it never seemed to be REALLY over. When we were about 21, I ended things for good, thinking this was the most logical thing to do at the time. I moved 3 hours away and tried to start a new life.
Though I tried to break free of the ties, I never could get him out of my head, and he was always able to track me down, despite my best efforts. The last time we talked was 3 years ago when he called me up to tell me he was getting married. I was inwardly destroyed, but put on my best face and wished him well, and then did my best to move on.
To this day, I never truly got over him.
We both turned 29 this year, and I still think about him all the time. I have been thinking about him a lot especially lately - and out of the blue last month, he calls me up. All the feelings I ever felt for him came flooding over me like no time at all had passed. He said he's been looking for me for the last 2 years...
We always have had this strange psychic connection - like I know what he's thinking and WHEN he's thinking about me. I'll have a strong thought of him, and that moment an email comes in. It's almost scary.
Our love was real, was intense, but in my heart I don't think either of us could sustain it. Or that's what I tell myself. Just when we'd get things right, one of us would screw it up, hurt the other, etc. In a way, it felt too big for either of us and I think the best thing to do is to walk away, as much as it kills me and as much as I fear (I know) that my heart will never know love like that again.
He's still married, and I don't see him divorcing, even though it's very clear that he is not happy. We've been emailing each other multiple times a day, and I feel alive again for the first time in years. I am well aware this is a slippery slope. Despite the fact he's married, there's still a bond between us that can never be broken. I want to walk away, but I can't bear to lose him again.
I want to be clear to everyone that there is no way I'd ever ACT on this, but I know in my heart that keeping our email friendship going is not something his wife would appreciate. I'm torn. I don't know how in the world things ever ended up so different than we thought they would.
Why is love so hard??? I wish love could just be enough, and everything else could work itself out... magic is so very rare... he is my heart... I don't know how to walk away one more time... any thoughts are appreciated...
me:
4/13/77
11:53 am
Juneau, Ak
him:
2/9/77
Birthtime unknown
Tecate, MEX
Peace & Blessings,
Scarlett