Ami Anne... Sometimes I think NarcMoms tried to "absorb" who YOU are, and want to "inject" their own poisons into you. You can't be "your own person" around a NarcMom... It is one of the most PAINFUL childhoods a kid can have.Sometimes Pain can be Homeopathic.... What was made to "kill" you, only processes you into the best "parts" you can have. Afterwards, it's like "gift-wrap".... YOU are the one who gets to take the bows, the tissue, the cords off and look inside each box.
Pandora had a box full of stings and bad things. She was "set up" to fail by those who were god/authority to her.
Then the angel came and said that there was one more thing clinging at the bottom of that vessel, after all the nasties were released. In the bottom was Hope.
Ami Anne, you were "primed" by your mother to be and obey 'authority'.... even to follow them with INCREDIBLE show of the Best Loyalty. Who would not want such a person in their life? You have incredible qualities.
I know how fiercely you love God! And so do I. THAT'S OUR BOND, Ami Anne. Any Soul that can fight that hard for something or someone has earned my deepest admiration.
Personally, I'd love to see you 'untether' yourself to 'man's-religion' --- not reject it. The Word calls us to be Rooted and Grounded "In Him"... In God, and God Alone. SOMETIMES...... Religion can "get in the way" of our relationship with God. God will NOT punish you, abandon you, or hate you for 'existing' outside of a dogma/institution, etc.
Just like an astronaut on a Space Walk.... I wish you'd try to just unclip the tether from the Spacecraft. Without moving or budging away from it. I'd like you to see that it's all about "Space" --- that's what your astro-suit and the space-craft moves in. Church is not God. Religion is not God. Religion 'can' be ABOUT "Man's Belief" in God, but the RELIGION itself is NOT necessary to have God be your All-In-All.
Be "identified" with Christ! --- and not "Man's Religion".... Religion can come in after the fact; Be involved in religion AFTER you have become deeply "secure" in God's Love for you. Otherwise, "the men" will CONTROL your thought-life.... The things THEY say and do, may or may-not, represent 'everything' YOU want to be....?
Sometimes people are like Diamonds. May have a lot of crust and crap all over it. And we may try to display our dirty diamond in a setting to try to hide the dirt and enhance what we think others find beautiful about it. But if we agree, then we're not BEING the Diamond.... We're being the look of the diamond, and not the GEM itself....
Your mother crapped all kinds of stuff all over your beautiful fiery gem. But I think I can see the original.
I LOVE this Sheena Easton song....
(music) Sheena Easton - When He Shines (1981) [3:15] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5r6En6uPtQ