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Author
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Topic: Love
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ShadowLost
unregistered
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posted April 17, 2003 12:28 AM
 
Hello I'm new here and need some help with what's gone on.....
I met a guy online nearly 5 years ago, we ended up meeting in person about 5 months later and he moved to the state I lived and we moved in together a month later. But, it just didn't feel like I had found the one I thought I'd found. (sorry I'm leaving a lot out so I can explain this) We started having communication problems and I was feeling like I didn't want to be with him anymore and stuff even though I did care about him. About 8 months later at work I met a coworker of mine his first day of working the day shift. It was like synchronisity. We just started talking about our age, how long we'd worked there, where we'd gone to school until a coworker snapped us out of it. It was love at first sight for me. He was soo easy to talk to. The other guy ended up moving back to his home state about 2-3 months later. I got really upset and sad and stayed that way for about a month cuz, the first guy and I had intended on getting married, etc. About a month and a half or so after the first guy left, the new one ended up taking me home from work and we were connecting on so many mental levels. I couldn't believe it. We sat in his truck out if front of my apt. for something like an hour before he decided that we go for a drive. I thought I was in heaven. He ended up taking us to the beach to walk and continue to talk. Our interests and everything were so in sync. We walked around the beach with our arms wrapped around each other. A commercial jet flew over our head above the cliff. It was sooo cool, loud, and just awe-inspiring. It was soo fun. It was like I'd dreamed him into being or somthing. Anywayz, we went hiking a couple weeks later and it was still wonderful. I later found out he had wanted to kiss me on the hike but, didn't. About this time the other guy had contacted me and wanted me to move to his state. And I was really unsure obviously. (I'm really shortening this next part) I decided I would, then about 2-3 weeks before the move I decided I wasn't going to. But, then the next thing I know I had packed up everything and moved. I was stunned and sooo sad. The last week I was in my home state was like the best week of my life. Needless, to say it wasn't working out with the old guy cuz, I had feelings for the one back home. I kept in touch with him. 5 months later I went back home to visit and spent time with him and found out he really wanted a relationship with me and of course. I did too. I had agreed. I went back to where I was currently living and was going to move into my own apt. away from the old guy within the month. But, when I went back it didn't turn out that way. To make it short, he through a fit, and I ended up calling my new guy and breaking things off. About 6 months later I finally moved into my own place and wanted to work things out from a distance with the new guy. Things were going smoothy until I the following summer I went back to visit and I found out he still loved me and wanted me but, said he didn't see the same in my eyes. I was really sad. Cuz, in my heart I did. I was just sad cuz, I had hurt him so bad. He had previously told me so, and that he had made plans of how he'd propose to me in the future, etc. So this time I went back and started going back out with the first guy. Then I got some shocking news about my Dad...he'd died. Between this and my last visit to my home state...My parents had told me that the new guy came to visit them every 3-5 weeks or so. This was really cool I thought. But, anywayz, when I went up there for the memorial service I saw the new guy and was mostly cold to him. But, I still loved him after nearly 3 years of knowing him. But, I kept him at bay cuz, of the old guy. Then I came back to where I currently live and was still working things out with the old guy. And about a month later...guess who decided to call me. THE NEW GUY!!! I was cold at first but, I couldn't keep my love in. So we had a nice talk. And then a few days later I felt that I needed to call him and I found out he wanted me to move back home and that he wanted to be with me. Even though I had hurt him so many times. He started callling me regularly and I was starting plans in my head to move back after my lease was up in about 6 months from then. One night we were talking and the old guy was trying to get a hold of me and I wouldn't pick up the other line cuz, the new guy and I were having such a wonderful conversation. We must've talked for about 3-4 hours. I found out also there were a couple of girls that wanted to date him and he kept telling them he was in love with me, a girl in another state. Anywayz, needless to say it was getting late. And the old guy was getting worried about me and decided to check my saved voicemail message and found out I was talking to him. And blew his top. (This was after I had finished my conversation) He said it was over and said he was bringing stuff over that he didn't want anymore. And I was thinking IT'S ABOUT TIME. I met him downstairs. He sat the box on the ground and got back into his truck. And I was going to turn around and go back upstairs but, for some reason I felt really bad and went around and talked to him and he told me why he was angry, hurt, etc. And threatened to fly up there and hurt him and then himself. I'm sure he saw the pain in my eyes when he said that. I was scared. I couldn't imagine this guy hurting the man I love. I ended up giving in and deciding to stay with this guy. He's not a horrible guy...we just don't connect as well. And don't get me wrong our commnications have improved sooo much. But, anyway for the next week I didn't answer any calls from the new guy and it was breaking my heart. I wasn't going to stick with it but, the old guy wanted me to call and be ice and cut all contact off with the new guy. About a week later I did just that. He was trying soo hard to let me know his love for me. And it was what I believed I wanted too. But, the old guy was in the room while I was talking to on the phone to the new guy....so I didn't give into the new guy or myself because I was scared I think. Needless to say yet again.....I told him not to call, write, not visit my family, etc. EVER AGAIN. I regret it everyday. Finally 6 months later I called and apologized. He told me he'd always forgive me. And that he was dating another girl, but he also said he was fine and also felt bad everyday since I made that horrible call to him. It's been nearly 7 months since the last call. I can't let him go....I feel like I'm dying a little each day. I'm still with the old guy but, living in my own place still. The old guy wants to get married but, I just don't know. I do love him but.... And at this point I'm afraid if I moved back home that things wouldn't turn out the way I want them too. Back in the day...the new guy used to tell me he thought about me all the time. Somehow I always new that. And he used to tell me when I called that just before I called he knew I was going to call him. Really cool stuff. I'm really confused. I still somehow know he's thinking of me or it just might be me thinking of him. I'm not sure what to do!!! HELP!!!!
My birtdate is: 11-12-1972
Time: 5:40AM
Place: Anchorage, Alaska
The old guy is: 10-16-1976
Time: 11:05AM
Place: Springfield, OregonThe new guy: 9-18-1975
Time: unknown
Place: Somewhere on the western border of Michigan ------------------
"If you have love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter what else you have."
~Sir James M. Barrie IP: Logged |
LoonyFish
unregistered
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posted April 17, 2003 10:02 AM
Greetings ShadowLost..I haven't had a chance to look at your charts, but I have to ask you why you feel obligated to give in to the emotional blackmail of "old guy"?
Lack of communication, controlling behavior, checking YOUR messages, threatening bodily HARM????????
Sweetie, these are classic signs of an abusive relationship!
You say you feel as if you are "dying inside". "Inside" is where YOU, the real you, resides.
YOU are a unique and wonderful being.
You owe it to yourS-elf to experience all the Love and Light that Life provides.
How much Love and Light can penetrate the incredible darkness you have surrounded yourS-elf with?
Is FEAR the foundation to build a Lifelong relationship on? NO! NO! NO! "Old Guy", "new guy" is not really the point!
What ShadowLost needs and deserves IS!
YOU deserve better! Everyone does! My 2 cents. Apologies if I have offended!
I so want to have lots and lots of immortal friends. I abhor death of any kind! Especially the kind you are suffering.  
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"Back of every action is a thought, and behind every visible phenomenon there is an invisible cause." Max Heindel IP: Logged |
ShadowLost
unregistered
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posted April 17, 2003 11:46 AM
Thank You and no I'm not offended....I do understand what you see here and I'm not surprised at all....and you are very right about my suffering inside. On the inside I want to break it off with the old guy and move back home and hope that the new guy will come back around but, I'm not sure if I should just forget both of them stay here and move on but, as much as I try I can't forget the new guy. It's like he's a part of me. Just a short conversation on the phone revitalizes me. It's been almost 7 months since I talked to him. He doesn't know my true feelings except deep within. I can survive and feel happiness without him. But, when I'm talking to him or he's around there's something inside that fills an emptiness and causes me joy. If you want it would be cool if someone looked at our charts and helped me get some deeper insight into the situation!!!!
~ShadowLost~
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"If you have love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter what else you have."
~Sir James M. Barrie IP: Logged |
Lunargirl
unregistered
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posted April 18, 2003 03:19 AM
SL, your "old guy" sounds incredibly controlling, and nothing like a soulmate. I'm with LoonyFish, yikes!I also noticed that you don't use many words like "love" or "joy" about him... but you consistently do about the "new guy". That is pretty revealing, don't you think? What is it that makes you think you want the Old Guy at all? Is it the sexual connection? Security? Is he richer, better-looking, smarter or more ambitious than the New Guy? Are you afraid of him? There must be something, because the way you describe him, most women would run for the hills away from him and his behaviour. Sounds like you're his possession and somehow that makes you feel _safe_. Or maybe you just need a back-up plan -- but you've tried that, and see that approach hurts everybody. I smell addiction, somewhere. You are a Fixed Water sign-- you attract more than you initiate -- the Old Guy is Cardinal -- he will push and initiate, and maybe that makes you think he's a better bet -- but the New Guy is Mutable Earth, and he will flow with you-- but don't expect him to be a pushy stereotypical male like the Old Guy. Maybe you've been expecting him to act like the God of Male on some level, maybe because it reassure your insecurities, even though you love his sweetness and milder style. That's just not Virgo. With him, true vulnerability is possible-- and therefore, true intimacy. A bigger risk for a bigger love. I haven't done your charts (try sites like http://www.astro.com or http://www.astroadvice.com where you can get free comparison charts done, for you, and them), but chances are, you and the Old Guy share some aspects -- maybe he has some Scorp planets, and maybe you have some in Libra. You probably understand each other well enough, but is that compatibility? Consider this: I understand my boss, but does that mean we should be in a relationship? If I were you I would get the heck away from BOTH of them -- take a trip, get some counselling, meet some new people, hang out with women for awhile. I mean, why does it have to be either of these guys at all? Aren't you young, attractive, full of energy, loveable?  If you focus on being grounded, and healing yourself (away from these people), then you can act naturally out of wholeness, not some horrible compulsion to "decide" everything NOW! If you really, really are in love -- and love the New Guy (in love/love are different -- one's a state of mind, the other is a verb), get your head together first before you contact him again. Break your dependency on Old Guy, for good (you need and deserve your space more than he needs your phone number, chiquita!!). Date other men. Set yourself a mental goal -- that you will not contact New Guy until you are truly single, and truly ready to try a relationship with him -- whether it takes 6 months, a year, whatever. Above all, end it for good with the Old Guy. He is your past, and it's unfair to keep him around as your back-up if New Guy doesn't work out. Just be honest with him. Sorry for the lecture but you _did_ ask for advice!!!  Also, you might want to read the messages on this thread-- a guy who went through a similar situation with a girl -- just to see other people's points of view.
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum3/HTML/000162.html Good luck to you, ShadowLost -- a three way heartbreak is tough (been there, cried a lot!), and it's hard to see how it started or how it should end, when you're right in the middle as you are. I wish you well and send you a lot of Light.  Lunargirl IP: Logged |
RubyRedRam
unregistered
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posted April 18, 2003 04:14 AM
Wise words and wisdom from fish and Lunargirl I agree with the both of them fully I say move on, onwards and upwards! New guy or no new guy..just MOVE! IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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