posted November 10, 2008 05:32 PM         

Frustrated with my own unprecedented dry spell in that arena, I recently decided to ask friends who had what I wanted that way for advice...and it turned out, when I started really looking at the situation, that there's NO ONE who fits that description!! In high school/college I had hoardes of interested guys, and lots of them were great people...and now none of my female friends seem to be in that situation, and there are several threads lately at Lindaland from cool, smart, beautiful women who can't seem to mutually attract anyone.

Let's hear from single women who are choosing between gorgeous, talented, witty, sweet, sexy men. What are your charts like?

posted November 10, 2008 05:53 PM         

A female friend tells me all the time how she can't find anyone. But she has guys hanging all over her, at least one must be worthy of consideration. She acts like she has been given an unfortunate fate, and it just makes me want to smack some sense into her.

posted November 10, 2008 06:29 PM         

Anyone with a list of partner requirements is automatically hampering their own efforts. They're not being flexible, not opening themselves up to possibility, and they're not giving themselves chance to listen to their own instincts.

Because if there's one thing strikes me on Lindaland is how little people seem to trust their instincts. Does anyone really need a chart to tell them if someone likes them or not? Maybe it's confidence, too.

How do you know that your soulmate isn't that ordinary person leaning against the bar? If you take one look and decide he's not up to snuff, you've missed your chance. Gone.

Soulmate is maybe a bad choice of word, because there seems to be an obssession about it. It's not something that comes with an instruction kit.

posted November 10, 2008 06:59 PM           

And what's wrong with being discriminatory? I think people are too UN-discriminating. That's why you see people on here who are in abusive relationships, or with some guy who cheats on them, etc.

Discrimination and prudence are good things in my book.

posted November 10, 2008 07:30 PM         

Feeling like you're too good for someone is a sense of entitlement that most people really shouldn't have, but not having any boundaries whatsoever can be problematic too. It's hard to connect with someone you have nothing in common with and don't share at least similar views with.

ACTUALLY... What I find to be the biggest problem in meeting guys is the fact that it seems like so few people are willing to reach out, and in fact, it is hard for ME to reach out as well. Maybe it's just the fact that I live in a city. Everyone seems so impersonal that when you do finally get up the courage to talk to a complete stranger it's hard to keep a conversation going. It's weird. Maybe people are less friendly? I don't know.

posted November 10, 2008 07:43 PM         

quote:

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Oh please ladies It's all so stereotypical !

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Tell me about it!

posted November 10, 2008 07:55 PM         

Don't get me wrong - I do want to settle down in a good relationship. In fact, I've always wanted to settle down young. Why? I want to capitalize on my youth for more important things while I still have the energy to do so. I want to work hard and not have the dark question of "WHEN AM I GOING TO MEET MY SOULMATE" weighing down my thoughts. It sounds... a bit cold... but it would be one less thing, you know?

Anyways, I hate saying it because I don't like to sound braggy, but I always have someone around. Very rarely am I not pining for someone's affection and vice versa. Even though I'm moving 1000 miles away for a year, I've got someone waiting for me in New York... hopefully. Who knows what will happen, but he's a Cancer Sun/Leo Moon/Libra ASC so I'm praying that he clings onto his fantasies of me like a typically clingy Cancer boy (God knows that I'm going the same thing towards him) until I come visit in June next year and move back to New York again in November. He's also a workaholic and travels just as often (though not as distant) as I do. I think about him every day and feel sad that I'm going. Part of me doesn't want to go at all, but this is something that I've gotta do to make my life better and the experience will be priceless. By going I'll come back to him a wiser, more journeyed woman and I want to give him that.

posted November 10, 2008 08:37 PM         

I usually dont like to go for arabs and they are just everywhere in this country!

I think the older we get the more picky we become because weve had so many relationships that have gone wrong and we try and avoid all these mistakes again so it leaves us limited to who we can be with or let our guard down with..

------------------
Sun.. Cancer

Moon.. Gemini

Mars.. Cancer

Mercury.. Cancer

Venus.. Leo

posted November 10, 2008 08:51 PM           

Not to metion, after that age, you just don't hang out in bars and clubs like you did in your 20's. Back then, it was less of a bar and more of meeting place for friends, and you'd meet there friends - who, for the most part were also single.

It's harder to meet quality people as you get older. They are out there, but they're few and far between.

I'm the last person who longs for a soul mate. I have a great career, which I focused on.

posted November 10, 2008 09:21 PM         

I put my creative work first, period, and I'm an independent woman who's not looking for a heavy, one-on-one relationship just now, or to "settle down." What I AM looking for is some fun--mutual attraction and crushes with delicious men with whom I can be friends, collaborators, and partners-in-crime.

I think that it's healthy and laudable to seek fulfillment in the life areas governed by our sun signs, and our lives are much richer if we are fulfilled on those areas. For a 4th house person/Cancer that's home and family, for a Sag it's deep philosophy, travel, higher learning and exploration, for a Pisces it's spirituality, dreams, altered consciousness and merging with the universe.

For a Leo like me, creativity, romance, pleasure, fun, the arts, children and play are the priorities. Without those areas fulfilled, a Leo woman can't find full and rich self-expression.

(I'm also a very 8th house person, fascinated by deeper truths, psychoanalysis, research, transformation, death, mythology and sexuality, so if something seems like it might be a widespread sociological phenomenon, I'm always interested in knowing how and why.)

It bothers me when people get judgemental and moralistic about the search for exciting mutual crushes and romantic stimulation. Those are deeply fulfilling, thrilling areas of life for many people, and I don't think seeking them out is less valuable than seeking out fulfillment in other areas, like work or friendship.

posted November 10, 2008 10:03 PM         

right now for me is just a special rare case, that i'm just in a wrong country. i'm in an environment where the chance of meeting even a fling is probably less than 1% and that's pretty depressing.

posted November 10, 2008 10:54 PM         

quote:

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I've never gone searching for a partner/relationship. I think it's so strange... to make that your objective for the evening. Like when my friends and I go to a concert and I know certain ones are only going to meet someone they might be able to date. I thought we were going to the concert to listen to music? Meeting someone is just a perk.

Don't get me wrong - I do want to settle down in a good relationship. In fact, I've always wanted to settle down young. Why? I want to capitalize on my youth for more important things while I still have the energy to do so. I want to work hard and not have the dark question of "WHEN AM I GOING TO MEET MY SOULMATE" weighing down my thoughts. It sounds... a bit cold... but it would be one less thing, you know?

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And I thought I was strange: I never got the point of one's every waking moment being based on looking for that 'special guy'. My bff is like this and it baffles me. She's in a relationship now, but sometimes I feel like she's settles because she doesn't want to be 'alone'. She thinks my standards are way too high and I wouldn't be single if I lowered them but Idc. Its weird because she's the sag and I'm the cancer so you would expect it to be the other way around, its probably our venuses that are to blame: her's is in Scorpio and mine is in cancer.

posted November 10, 2008 10:59 PM         

My Venus squares my ASC, Chiron, Saturn and Uranus and is conjunct my NN. It's in the 10th in Pisces. I also have a Libra Moon in the 5th. My DSC is in Sagittarius and contains Saturn, Uranus and Neptune and my Jupiter is in Aries in the 11th.

posted November 11, 2008 03:28 AM         

Substitute it for "leaning against a bookself in the library", will it help?

It won't if it just means still assessing him to see if he is suitable partner material. It's the approach that is wrong, not the place.

posted November 11, 2008 08:12 AM         

On what basis?????? Is it an interview? Do they know they're being assessed in this crazy way? I hope to god not. Poor men.

I couldn't tell about my man after 5 minutes. He was a scruffy oik who didn't have much to say for himself. I had no opinion about him for months. It took a long time for me to get a good idea of his character and his values, then I liked him, then I loved him. In between the liking and the loving he became unbearably sexy to me. Why should men (or anybody)feel that they are being appraised and found wanting in such a short space of time?