posted July 12, 2012 12:25 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by littlecloud:
Therein lies the difficulty; the question. I know I want to move, and I am set on it. I suppose my main concerns are to ensure a successful move, school and work. Does that make more sense?

And yes I like how you look at the cards as a whole and as a progression.

---

Makes perfect sense. I framed the question as "What can LC do to ensure a successful move and in turn better the school and work environment?" I did a Cross using the Rider-Waite deck.

In the first position, the situation we're dealing with, we have the Queen of Wands. I find court cards are almost always people, and in this case I think it's you. Most often a fire sign (or having the overt characteristics of such), I think you're an expansive, creative person who is passionate and ardent in your zest with so, so much love to give (this came through extremely loud) but you just can't. I don't get that it's a self block or that someone is denying you -- it's like, in the place you are at right now, you just can't. It's just not possible. And you aren't angry about it anymore; I get a real sense of resignation to it. An acceptance. It's extremely sad to me, and to you, because at the core I think you've got something most people really want and need: a pure heart and pure intentions, a fundamental goodness that only wants to love people. (I realize that sounds like hokum, but it's the first thing that came through and like a damn trumpet.) The Queen is crossed by the 2 of Cups, which says you are desperately seeking balance and the ability, the place, to share that love and in turn, take part in the expansiveness of the world. I say you aren't angry anymore, or at least not crying over spilled milk sotospeak, because in the 3rd position -- the root cause -- the Page of Swords appears. You've started your journey of cutting through the emotions and feelings that cloud our judgment, through the mental games we play on ourselves (and others on us), and you're ready to move on, to become the Knight of Swords (who rides into battle chin high with little thought, only instinct.) You are done playing games. You want the truth. You want to see the world for what it is. It's a hard place to be, but a good one. I think a weight is coming off your shoulders little by little. Not dramatically (we'll get here in a minute), but it's a good start.

In the 4th position, the passing influence (what's dropping away) the Moon. You harbored a lot of fear and dread before. Fear of people lying to you, of hurting you, fear of failure, fear of moving, I mean just pick something, and it really brought up an intense amount of anxiety, almost destructive. You felt lost, confused -- you had an idea of what you wanted (the Queen always does), but no idea how to get it or if it was even right. Your inner guides just seemed to shut off, and it didn't seem like you were getting any outside assistance. This led to the 5th, how you feel about the situation, which is the 9 of Swords. The fear of transition and failure is still there, enough to bother you and keep you up at night, keep you guessing, but this will start to fall away. You can probably already feel it going. What's great about the Page is he's helping you understand that these are self-imposed anxieties and stresses, which isn't to say they aren't real, but that the extremes to which you internalize them are self-destructive (and I personally think this is probably indicative of a coping mechanism... something you fall back on because of how you were raised or an experience that caused you to really beat yourself up more than you should, question yourself.) However, the Page gets to be coupled with the 3 of Wands, who lives in the 6th, the present, position. You're starting to plan, and come Hell or high water, you're going to follow through. You're focusing less on people and fear and so much more on your passions and desires. You're trying to dig deep and find the Queen again, to let her come out. That's why I'm not too worried about you. It's like you are waking up from a very long and very sad dream. The stirring will take some time, but you'll get there. All in all, I think you are on the right path and moving at the right speed. Personal change can only goes as fast as we think it needs to.

In the 7th, how you feel about yourself -- well no surprise here, the World reversed. You feel limited, boxed in, unable to move, to listen or feel or grow. This is probably due to the 8th, the outside environment, which is the 5 of Swords. Not everyone is supportive of this move -- I get loud martyr signals; people are making it about them and not you, trying to make you feel guilty, as if you will ruin them if you go. This puts you in a tough place, because you are the Queen... and she can't turn her back on people she knows and loves, even if she hates to love them. You give and give and give, with little in return, I think.

The advice is the 9th, and I pulled the 9 of Cups. This says... be proud of who you are and what you are about to achieve. You have to have more confidence and more of a ***** backbone. If someone tries to make you feel bad about what you are doing, put them in their place. Stand up for yourself, showcase your worth, and really embrace the changes you are making for yourself. Others put others down because of jealousy and fear. This to me says screw 'em. Never be outright rude or malicious. Never intend to hurt anyone, but stick up for yourself when the time is right. You aren't a doormat, and you know it. In the outcome, I have the 6 of Swords with a clarifying card of Temperance. Moving on, but taking your lessons learned with you. We can't ever escape our family (and I say this as someone who comes from a very dysfunctional and estranged household); it will always be a part of us, but that doesn't mean we can't grow from it. I know I never want to be my father, but I could never have learned that without living with his BS for so long, for seeing him for the charlatan and crook he was. It's a double-edged sword, because it hurts, but it's made me better. You've got to find the good in the bad to grow and to make this move good for you. Temperance says to me when you go... you'll get the balance you've been looking for, the inner peace to really begin your journey of spirituality and self-acceptance. Calmness.

All in all, to answer your question, you need to move, and you need to do it when the time is right for you. In order for it to be successful, quit hiding your lamplight under a bushel. Family be damned. Everyone be damned but you. To be frank, you're doing what you need to do; you're gearing up. You can't go until you've really dealt with the issues at hand, because the stress of moving will only compound your overall stress, and you'll burn out and be worse. Don't be afraid of the bad grades. Don't be afraid of the money. Temperance says to me, trust in God (or the Universe) and trust in yourself to be able to do this. You can. You're strong enough, smart enough, and responsible enough. Ask and ye shall receive.

I wish you nothing but the best. The overall feeling I get here is a slow acceptance. Like I said, it's like coming out of a daze, a long sleep. It takes time to acclimate and be ready to stand, but you're on your way.

Hope this helps. Lots of love.

posted July 12, 2012 01:34 AM            

My current environment (city, people, family) actually does make me feel like I can't love properly. For me true love is unconditional and not being able to love that way makes me feel like I'm not living up to my potential. Unfortunately it sometimes means separating myself from those I love.

I'm no longer as angry as I once was. It took me a long time to get here, and I still occasionally have to remind myself of the lessons learned.

Your interpretation for the World reversed, spot on. Every word of it.

The 5 of swords sounds actually very similar to what would be my mother's reaction. That being my mother, you can imagine how difficult it can be.

posted July 12, 2012 10:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by littlecloud:
This is one of the most bitter-sweet things I've ever read about myself. You got me all teary-eyed. It's actually hard for me to formulate my thoughts into words...I'll try. That trumpet you heard? You heard right. You really got to the core of me and my issue. I think your own experience with family allowed you to help see my situation.

My current environment (city, people, family) actually does make me feel like I can't love properly. For me true love is unconditional and not being able to love that way makes me feel like I'm not living up to my potential. Unfortunately it sometimes means separating myself from those I love.

I'm no longer as angry as I once was. It took me a long time to get here, and I still occasionally have to remind myself of the lessons learned.

Your interpretation for the World reversed, spot on. Every word of it.

The 5 of swords sounds actually very similar to what would be my mother's reaction. That being my mother, you can imagine how difficult it can be.

Your advice/answer, so simple yet so difficult. Believing in myself. Basically believing in the intangible lol. The messages lately are the same, believe, trust in God. I will humbly ask then. Thank you so much.

---