posted October 25, 2012 10:07 AM            

oh, my question! my question is: can you see why there would be an attraction to sociopathic types and how this occurs - which elements stand out, if any, that i can work on with this. my energies feel very confused (especially in terms of feeling self-destruction) and i think it will help to find focus in the chart.

posted October 25, 2012 02:21 PM            

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posted October 25, 2012 08:18 PM            

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posted October 25, 2012 08:21 PM            

I see a few important things. Did you have a dad who was a strong source of pain to you?
Do you feel you have to fins your identity and ego in partners( sun conj DSC
Chiron conj Sun

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posted October 25, 2012 08:22 PM            

Are you a driven task master on yourself?

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posted October 25, 2012 08:24 PM            

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posted October 25, 2012 08:24 PM            

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posted October 25, 2012 09:14 PM            

ty, i was so excited to see replies.

i feel a very strong bond with my dad, we are very close - in nature, i could discuss anything with him. so sun-chiron descriptions confused me at first until i got to the part where the father can also represent a guru - that made complete sense to me. i do feel my dads pain strongly though, although he is a very functional person, i feel some wistful, sadness in his nature and protective towards that.

with my career, i can make most sense of that in these terms - in a regular job, i feel very conscientious of work done translating into money so i have always tried to be productive. i now, lately, i feel i can only pursue work i care about (i suppose i either care about the work i do or i have to do work i care about) and i push myself hard in that - i am self-critical, but i think working to objective goals. my work is semi-academic and as with when i studied, i have to reach something new, not just churn out the already-done. so i measure myself by those standards which has had its own battles.

re- chiron. i don;t know if this is why but i do feel pain disproportionate to how others seem to.

posted October 25, 2012 09:24 PM            

betrayal is an in-built fear of mine and has been on my mind in relationships but with my dad i feel no pain with that. he did have an affair and very recently i discovered when i was young, possibly ever since but i only feel a mild disappointment that he doesn't seem to have sifted it through his morals. even if he sifted it through his morals and it came out not mattering but he seemed in some denial about how it might have changed the meaning of his relationship. but, apart from that i didn't feel betrayed, i suppose i felt it was a self-betrayal but it was a brief conversation it emerged and only lacking in congruency did it surface in my mind. apart from that i feel he is the most loyal person in my life. but i do attract situations in which it seems imperative i work out whether someone is for or against me so it seems like something that didn't manifest in my dad.

posted October 25, 2012 09:29 PM            

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posted October 25, 2012 10:00 PM            

my dad is very liberal and gave me great independence to grow. he was always there, it was a good family environment - stable but free. and i always felt if there was any disbalance he loved my mum just a little more than she loved him (although my mum was just contained so i don't think that now). his brief affair emerged when my mums did and he was basically set up to make a husband jealous - i suppose i partly felt sorry for him that his one moment of rebellion had consequences. now, a few stories emerge and i think he was a flirt but still committed and in love with my mum, but i guess once or maybe more having a brief sex-thing. it's hard to explain because i can't help but just see it as both my parents being whole people, for the most part very committed but a couple of brief 70's induced tangents. it never affected my life. what i do feel upset about, but only really searching for it ...

1. a recent discovery (the second to the set-up) which sounds like a drunken tussle at a party with a family friend, i do feel it is double-standards in that i know my dad would be jealous and feel injured (but would also get over it soon, too) so it is almost like not doing as one would like done to them but only with expecting, and having coming to expect rigorous fairness in him, that doesn't make sense. but i really feel no hurt

2. kind of related, although he is a compassionate person i've realised he can't feel compassion beyond what he knows subjectively. i know now that he does have weakness and it is only because he is so generally forgiving, loving and understanding that that kicks back a little.

i really can't feel pain in relation to my dad. he has always been there for me and i feel he always will. apart from these above scenarios i feel he has always been put upon. i have recently questioned how much that is cultivated because my grandma has a very pisces-regal sacrificial type of aura and maybe that passed down and i experience the result of that in my dad.

i will keep thinking because i release how defensive it seems but it just seems so contrary to my experience.

the sedna - i looked it up after you requested it and it rings very true for me. this week, i feel very sedna energies - i even cut my finger whilst trying to dispose of EDIT a sentimental object relating to someone i feel a sedna-theme with. (then i worried i would lose my finger if it got infected)

posted October 25, 2012 10:29 PM            

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posted October 25, 2012 10:47 PM            

actually, i feel really bad so it must have touched on something. it might be other matters but i have a feeling they are related. i will come back tomorrow and see how it falls.

x

posted October 26, 2012 05:22 AM            

i really cannot think of a strong betrayal from my father but every relationship i have had with a man has had a theme of betrayal around it (in some cases i am not even sure the betrayal exists, which is part of it for me) and these are increasingly stronger. each time i am utterly plastered across the floor. entirely consumed by it, don't feel i will recover. that is definitely to the core because i feel a splintering of my beliefs and reality. i suppose some of that could have been forged growing up. but i wonder if these themes can be latent for a long time and almost, out of their absence, come to the surface with force. apart from that any betrayal from my dad will have to be very unconscious - in which case i can't access it, or not have happened yet. could a father be sometimes be viewed more abstracted like god because me and god have fallen out a lot and deep.

thinking on the sedna story, from what i recall of it -- maybe the man who promises her things but it turns out to be fake, maybe in that story the pain is not around the poverty of goods but the pretense - maybe that is what she tries to escape from. maybe she tries to return to a belief system she knows but that is not there either and instead she has to give up belief, that's when she finds some peace.

posted October 26, 2012 05:33 AM            

many thanks for your help. i think i am understanding what particular aspects i might be playing out in going for sociopath-types, or possibly those types as i still feel very unsure.

posted October 26, 2012 01:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by florence:
ami anne,

i really cannot think of a strong betrayal from my father but every relationship i have had with a man has had a theme of betrayal around it (in some cases i am not even sure the betrayal exists, which is part of it for me) and these are increasingly stronger. each time i am utterly plastered across the floor. entirely consumed by it, don't feel i will recover. that is definitely to the core because i feel a splintering of my beliefs and reality. i suppose some of that could have been forged growing up. but i wonder if these themes can be latent for a long time and almost, out of their absence, come to the surface with force. apart from that any betrayal from my dad will have to be very unconscious - in which case i can't access it, or not have happened yet. could a father be sometimes be viewed more abstracted like god because me and god have fallen out a lot and deep.

thinking on the sedna story, from what i recall of it -- maybe the man who promises her things but it turns out to be fake, maybe in that story the pain is not around the poverty of goods but the pretense - maybe that is what she tries to escape from. maybe she tries to return to a belief system she knows but that is not there either and instead she has to give up belief, that's when she finds some peace.

I feel very injured in matters right now and so many aspects of the sedna story seem to fit. so many peculiar aspects too. unfortunately i don't feel i can talk about this but i am going to see what transits are occurring as am sure some aspect must be forming.

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YES, Study the story, Sweetheart. That is the way to learn about yourself. Meditate on it and make it your own.

I have Echo conj Saturn and echo is a big one for me!

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posted October 26, 2012 01:52 PM            

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posted October 27, 2012 01:19 PM            

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posted October 27, 2012 08:54 PM            

i was waiting until you posted the sedna information before replying again . i might not be back for a little while as i am moving house but i will look back in the future in case it is here

thx once again, it really helped to have that input and so warm too xx

posted October 29, 2012 09:28 AM            

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posted October 30, 2012 06:33 PM            

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