posted December 29, 2012 11:47 AM            

"If These Walls Could Talk"

No words
No name
No breath
No fame

No pictures
No thought
No love
None, naught

So shallow
So still
So smooth
So chilled

Welter runs
Spilling over
Desert drape
Thickly hovers

Over the silence
Over the mouth
Over the moods
Of this house

i wish...if only
the walls
could talk
-

written November 2, 1996
mirage29
Mara
_______

posted January 10, 2013 01:22 AM            

I wrote this piece during a very constricted part of my life. I placed my words into the room or a backdrop of a particular memory... a visit to the waterfalls of Niagra Falls, NY / Ontario, in the mid 1970s.

Spent three or four days at Niagra Falls, drawing in the stunning experience. I stood at the edge of this cliff--, representing the magical point-and-line giving birth to the powerful downward thrusting thunderous waters.

Standing so close at the top (USA, NY side), I could see that the water spilling over the edge seemed less than a mere few inches deep from the place at the lip, where the water fell... The water on that day seemed so quiet and calm. But when it fell, it joined many waters. The roar on its way down had a rushing sound more mighty than the word 'thunder' could ever describe.

Such a wonder... that something so ordinary and plain (as a few inches of water) can turn down and transmute into an incredibly heavy mind-surpassing experience of power.

And I pondered (as I stood there watching) how many other people had ever stood there at these waterfalls and had such a 'personal' experience about the waters.

The history this place holds MUST be richer than it could ever tell!

The whole atmosphere was quite surreal to me. Something I've not forgotten to this day.

In my poetry scrapbook, I made a collage of 'a woman looking down on Niagra Falls'... sorta like this!

posted January 22, 2013 04:25 AM            

***

Here is a poem by Lewis Carroll, "A boat beneath a sunny sky"

A boat beneath a sunny sky,
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July--

Children three that nestle near,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Pleased a simple tale to hear--

Long has paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die.
Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.

Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.

In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:

posted January 22, 2013 04:27 PM            

[This one is closest..... I'll have to find a newer pix.] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Hunt_-_Niagara_Falls.jpg

Hello taureau20...

I wonder if ^this guy^ will actually 'wake up' to 'find himself', and suddenly realize that he was an immature fool who wound up clinging onto a ledge and could slip & fall? Has he unknowingly placed himself into a picture of reality that wound up being too 'edgy' and way over his own ken?

Will he awaken to find that he's 'not a real part of this picture'?

yes... I admit!! I'm getting a wee bit over-philosophical here for myself, taureau... Lovingly, I do appreciate your presence and comments... You help me Break the awful Silence in my life!! I am grateful... please don't stop.

'on a boat'...

Could it be that I was not fully awakened to the 'fact' that I was not "properly" trained for these things? But if I wanted to.... Who could say "how" to steer this ship, and "what" do I do to successfully navigate the treacherous waters... The physical event looms up in my sights, and I overwhelm with terrible freezing fear? My boat, my boat! I need wings WITH these paddles, for I'm at the point of exhaustions--- Yet, so fascinating that my Spirit feels so clear, and she still pursues to soar!!

'I am not alone' (ref to your beautiful Mistral poem) --- or, rather, am I?

In the absence of safety-nets and right-counsel I find myself displayed as an object of scorn... The old trash-- to be discarded? Is its use no longer worthy of re-purposing?

...Well, *sighing*, as my hurful narcissistic Mother often told me,
"It's better that they are laughing at you, and not at somebody who didn't deserve it...?"

What I said to her was like, "I could have had 'Something I Would Like' instead..."

www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum17/HTML/002603.html

Here's to misty memory of wrong paths taken....

posted January 24, 2013 09:00 AM            

Well simply put - it is difficult to be happy without having attained one's life purpose. And when one deviates from the path, he/she can even forget what they were meant to do to the point that what they are doing at the moment may overshadow - thus aiding in the forgetting - what they were meant to do.

I also see that you are unsure of where you stand - what really is out there - what is life, etc. There is no great wisdom really that one needs to obtain in my honest opinion, no book to really read. There is a famous Zen saying which I really like. Goes like this:

"There is really nothing you must be and there is nothing you must do. There is really nothing you must have and there is nothing you must know. There is really nothing you must become. However, it helps to understand that fire burns, and when it rains, the earth gets wet."

It just turns out that doing something worthwhile in life helps cultivate a sense of well-being if one is not on the path of becoming a Buddhist monk - so why not do it!

______

posted January 26, 2013 02:14 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
taureau20... Again, thank you so much for the kindness of your thought-provoking response.

edited 1/26/2013
I feel safety is compromised... presence of ethereal29 has made this place null for me... I have to leave

---

posted January 28, 2013 12:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
taureau20... Again, thank you so much for the kindness of your thought-provoking response.

edited 1/26/2013
I feel safety is compromised... presence of ethereal29 has made this place null for me... I have to leave

---

posted January 29, 2013 02:22 PM            

... Right now my concern is with the 'real' world where I geographically live.

I feel under intensive pressure and threat--Every morning I wake up, I don't know if "this will be the day" that 'all that I have known' will suddenly change & end.

I try to stay as steady and grounded as my intellect can keep me,..... but I live in a really bad neighborhood. The place where I live is literally making me sick--- harsh gnashing piercing noises, and mold and pollution here. But ALAS! "This is my only home"... I have NO where else to go, but out to live on the streets...

Been estranged from dysfunctional family for decades... (the best mental health decision I ever made). I am afraid I will physically not survive this event when it comes!

My grief is in the feeling that I had so much to give, so much good potential in me... but then, in some ways, it now seems that getting to actually live out your potential is 'reserved' for only the privileged few...

The resources in this town do not have a way to help people who are "good"... and definitely has no places for bodies and minds that were born 'sensitive'.... I am fragile, YET so mighty and capable when in the Right Environment!

In a good environment I am soooo USEFUL, and feel happy and productive; but in the wrong, I live in physical (thus emotional) torment! It affects my BODY, and I am in anguish and perish.... unavoidable here at this apartment, and daily sooo awful for me. I have NO WAY to be able to relocate. My material and social resources are depleted... and I'm afraid of 'being alone' out there in a system that CANNOT accommodate my needs. I'm afraid I could literally die, and society didn't 'realize' it could happen that way.......

When you're VALUE is 'nothing' to people---then what good can you be? People literally can die.

Some people who encounter 'bad luck' can be a good luck to agencies that can 'use' them to draw down fed and State monies: These people matter to agencies and resources because this style of government makes it lucatrive to the "charity" drawing on the funds.

Charity-aimed organizations can make profits off giving 'support' to people who do proverbial sins of society....
---- There are places for drugs and alcoholics, for ones who are ex-felons, and for sex-offenders.
----- There is help for misplaced "families", for battered-women 'with children'....
There are helps for Minorities and immigrants.

But there is NO PLACE for someone completely alone, unencumbered, white person who is too-old yet not not-old enough, not LGBT, not affiliated with cults or any of the 'religious' organizations (eastern NOR western).

"I am I"... And there's no place YET for me.

I don't "fit" the system of 'resources' because these are VERY tightly targeted and defined... They have NO wiggle-room to 'fit' me with them...

I've been told to go ahead and to "lie"--- but I won't! HOW can things in society get rightly "fixed" if EVERYONE is having to lie? Makes things dirty.

So, when you think of me, PLEASE PRAY that things will go well with me?? I'm on the ledge of a DRASTIC change, and I can't see where I'm going, nor feel (realistically) that I can PHYSICALLY survive it...

If events happen SUDDENLY, and I go missing from LL, I wouldn't even be able to tell you 'where to find me'--- I'm terrified. I KNOW what is "out there"... Been there before, and at this point I know I won't survive if it BE the same, repeating itself, again.

(music) Bessie Bobtail [3:04]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=1Y70PKOJhns

In my heart, my IMPOSSIBLE DREAM will live on Forever!!, for it is a part of my Deep Soul:

(music) "I am I, Don Quixote" (Man of La Mancha) (Peter O'Toole) 1972 [2:34]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEnDOXmyU-o

posted January 29, 2013 03:00 PM            

If I recall, you said God Bless and had a rainbow... You are so lovely.

When I came back here this afternoon, the work I had done on my post 5:17pm yesterday was NOT there.

Lucky for me that I made a copy of that one... I may go clean up one or two paragraphs so that it "makes sense"-- the part about my advocacy for parents & children at that school... But nope, it's gone from posting above...

Thanks for reminding me about your rainbow. Just feeling pretty isolated and threatened today. The gangs around here (my physical neighborhood) are sorta ramp-up with violence, depending on "which" drug is being imported and distributed. I hate it when the more violent side-effect drugs are around. Just tooo many shootings ALL AROUND where I live. yeah, sometimes we appear on national news... I would say sheesh, but nope-- it's serious, and scary, and "they" don't like "me" because I witness their doings. The thing is I have no power... it's up to law enforcement. I just pray that 'they know' and will do a sting. BUT that does NOT bode well for "me"--- the lowly law-abiding older white-lady who happens to see (or they think I see) all their 'business'. It's just sooooooooo corrupt! Apartment manager is sooooo dirty. Oh welp! Vive l'anonymitie---- (I just wish things were different, and the difference looming before me does NOT look good. Sarcastically, it's like do you want to be shot, drowned, or choked? I just PRAY that the one who (metaphorically) grabs me will be the knight in shining armor to translocate me into that place of safety where I will live and flourish without molestation.

posted January 29, 2013 10:09 PM            

Ok, you didn't see my other post. I had just remarked on your transits, noticing it made sense that sun transiting Chiron and the t NN over your 12H would make you very sensitive; the other astrological details were a little over my head; I'm way behind with asteroid studies.

I also said that Yellow Wax is my favorite forum here, I think it's the most soul-supportive, and you can count on us to buffer and protect you, mentally, while you are here. For what little comfort that brings to your life....which I now see is desperate and terribly sad.

So you need better housing but the government is discriminating against you, based on your lack of...how shall I put this..."politically noteworthy" needs?

I feel that someone as talented as you ought to be rich! Sought after. Writing and teaching piano, astrological consultations maybe (?) for good money? But I feel its not my place to talk about careers with you...wish I just had something to make your situation all better.

I loved your posts, I agree that that it's possible to feel threats just by how people cut in without respecting the atmosphere. I have a person here who constantly wedges herself into my conversations, charming whomever I was talking to and then putting me down, either with astrological hate speech, or more directly.

Whenever I try and point out the pattern to other people, I sound like a loon. And it bothers me that other people can't see it. SOME do...and we happen to all be Pisces moons, who see it. A little more intuitive.

Anyway...I won't make this too long. Thanks so much for your genius, music, inspiration...it DOES mean a lot, it IS wonderful, and I'm sure many of us are really grateful that you are here.