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Author
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Topic: 12th house and feeling lost
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ilunatique
Knowflake Posts: 807
From:
Registered: Jun 2014
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posted September 24, 2023 04:33 PM
  
How to find myself and enjoy life? Who am I?Who am I, what do I enjoy? Life is cool now but I feel lost and I do not know who I am and what I like. I admire strong willed, smart and powerful people with a clear vision because I know that is not me. What is your experience with the 12th house? Mine is: I have, I lose. I have no clear sense of self, I go with the life’s flow. Everything goes, everything comes. I have some interests and particularities about myself, but generally speaking I do not have a clear identity. I am like a mirror reflecting whatever is close to it. If I spend too much time with a specific person, I instinctively and naturally become like them, my little mannerisms change, my voice tone, how I express myself. A while ago I spent 3~ days impromptu with a foreigner from Taiwan, and I started speaking faster than usual and acting like them… my internal voice also changed into their tone. That is just an example. In my life, I lost so much that I ended up losing myself into derealization/depersonalization, ED, escapism -> dangerous ways of living. But that’s the past now, I am at peace now: I lost most attachments and my ego (kind of) died. I am at peace but in the same time I feel empty, like I am everything and nothing, same as my mind’s eye (I have no imagination). When I am alone, I am ”empty” but still I know I am capable to be anyone. When I am with people, they just pour their individuality into me. But it is still not me. I ask myself many times Who am I actually? Rationally, I know my social and biological construct, but underneath all of this it’s like I have no ego. Everyone around has an ego and I can hardly relate, I cringe because of the many material/facade things. Sun in 12th. How is your experience with placements in 12th house? What is the constructive potential of placements/sun in 12th house? Constructive, pun intended Chart :
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PhoenixRising
Knowflake Posts: 3209
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 25, 2023 12:18 AM
" I lost faith in God and spiraled into depersonalization, "
I believe people who believe in God had good parents and people who don't didn't. Psychologists concur too. The reality of whether God exists or not is a topic for another day.
You have to find yourself. To know oneself is to realize and know God. Astrology is one tool to find it. Continue your hunt -- find out basics -- Sun is soul, moon is spirit, mercury - prince etc etc. Ascendant is what the world perceives you as. Saturn rules capricorn and he wants people to see the shade he has cast on you. Consider as reward or punishment, it is for you to figure out. Find out about houses and what they mean. Then run charts for today or future date and see which planets are transiting your natal. Ask questions based on houses significance and planets in there in aspect with one another etc... Try to ask question when you are stuck. You have to carry your own cross as Jesus would say. IP: Logged |
MonteCristo
Knowflake Posts: 513
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted September 25, 2023 09:12 AM
You could look at this way: the ego is the one obstacle towards spiritual growth. You say your ego is lost—what an immensely perfect opportunity to go deep within and have your spiritual awakening. You’re closer than most to finding God—whatever/whoever that may be  IP: Logged |
MonteCristo
Knowflake Posts: 513
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted September 25, 2023 09:15 AM
You could look at this way: the ego is the one obstacle towards spiritual growth. You say your ego is lost—what an immensely perfect opportunity to go deep within and have your spiritual awakening.IP: Logged |
Dons2angelss
Knowflake Posts: 1197
From: Virginia, US
Registered: Jan 2019
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posted September 26, 2023 07:30 AM
They call the 12th house the house of the subconscious, of prisons, and of self loathing. I call it the house of the soul. It's where the ego goes to die and over and over again, you will find yourself in situations that will tear it down. We chose this house for a reason. I have a stellium there with sun, venus, mercury, chiron, and my north node. It's definitely not for the faint of heart. You could easily lose your mind if you don't anchor yourself in a deep knowing of who you really are. That's the point of this house, finding truth of the soul through the illusion of the ego. It gets much easier in time discerning what's ego based, you can feel it. When I was very young (maybe 5 or 6) I would lay in bed and this feeling of who am I would come over me and I'd repeat "who am I" over and over. I was so confused because I knew my name and I knew my body but, there was this knowing I wasn't that at all. Figuring that out wasn't the hard part, it's spending your life letting go of the conditioning of the "reality" around you and bringing soul into your personality. This is extremely difficult because in order to destroy the ego, you must go through much trauma. It's hard not to integrate that trauma into your everyday life and go forward through the lense of all that's happened and not the light inside. When you become aware of the separation of ego and soul (which can only happen by shattering the ego) then you can work on leading with soul. I can't think of anything more challenging and I'm pretty sure that's why the 12th house has such a bad rep. IP: Logged |
Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 10461
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted September 27, 2023 11:09 AM
12th house is about isolation. This whether metaphoric or literal. So someone who has Sun in house 12 may be a person whom ( no matter the company) feels the loneliness or sense of "separation"There are many ways that this can play out- through a career that requires solitude? Through a lifestyle that finds you being "singular"? I.e. outrageously rich or dirt poor? Psychically gifted ?And thus unable to relate(in the mundane sense) to others? The latter makes one unable to make friends and therefore makes them feel lonesome. The good news about Sun in 12th , is that you become very self aware and self reliant.The insight you have about yourself,can also aid u in understanding others concealed motives. Sun in 12th would also make you a very reflective personality. With Sun in Sag trine Moon-Leo (9th),you may be someone who does a great deal of reflections (12th)about your belief systems(9th)? Perhaps you pursue education vigorously (Jup in Aries in 5th)? Perhaps in the process of those moments of isolation(12th), you reach epiphanies and realizations(Sun)? You may often need time alone or in some type of seclusion (12th) to gain clarity and perspective (Sun)? IP: Logged |
Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 10461
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted September 27, 2023 11:10 AM
Double postedIP: Logged |
93nov
Knowflake Posts: 240
From:
Registered: Oct 2019
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posted September 27, 2023 05:19 PM
Mars in Sagittarius exactly on my 7H cusp conjunct NN.Mars rules my 12H. Scorpio stellium in my 6H including Moon. My 6H/12H axis is HUGE. Uranus has been transiting my 12H for almost a decade now and it has been TORTURE. Death of ego? Definitely.
Over and over? Definitely. I feel like the Universe is conspiring against me at this point. A lot of fears coming true.. a lot of privacy and boundary issues. A lot of loneliness AND solitude.. a lot of questioning "why me?". It's very depressing. I'm looking forward to Uranus entering my 1H even though I have a ton of planets right behind it ready to enter my 12th.. sighs. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 178262
From: I hold a Juris Doctorate (J.D.) and a Legum Magister (LL.M.)!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 12, 2023 05:01 PM
Bump!IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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