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Author
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Topic: the prodigal daughter and sibling rivalry
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blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 135
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 15, 2009 08:50 AM
 
Lexx posted a link to f my life, and I have been reading a lot of the stuff on there. I've noticed many of the posts are from people whose mother dissmisses them when they are offering up their tender feelings in some way, maybe they call her up for a chat and she says: why are you bothering me? That kind of thing. Then there are ones like these:-
http://www.fmylife.com/top?page=10
quote:
Today, my parents won't stop bragging about how my sister is dating the captain of her high school football team. I just got accepted to law school. FML
Someone else is the favourite, whatever you do it will never be good enough or there is that other person who is always going to be better or more noteworthy. How much pain does this cause in the world, I wonder, and how much trouble does it cause when siblings stop being sad and start fighting for that bit of attention or praise? Just my cheerful little thought for the day. It's not particularly about my life, just something I noticed on these pages and out in the world.
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Cheshire Kat
Knowflake Posts: 87
From: Wonderland
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 15, 2009 09:16 AM
A person has to stop measuring their self worth by other's measurements and standards. You have to look inside yourself and find your own self worth.It's painful not having validation from loved one's but it's more painful when you don't have validation for yourself and you let yourself down.. Atleast that is what I felt in my situation similiar to this. There is this book I am reading over the summer called "You Are the Answer: Discovering and Fulfilling Your Soul's Purpose" by Micheal J. Tamura. IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 84
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 15, 2009 10:23 AM
Blue Moon;
I have noticed this in my life, and sadly I know I am also doing it. It is hard for a parent to admit a favorite, but some times it is just that way. Not that I don't love the other two children, God I do, I would lay my life down for them, just as I am sure your parent would. It's just that for some reason, it is much much easier for me to express my love toward the male child. The rythm and flow between us is always easy, and with the girls its like walking on eggshells. AND I brought this up to my mother once, cause she did the same thing. My brother would do something unremarkable and she would go on and on, while I would hold down several jobs, go to school etc.. and no comment from mom. When I brought it up she said "OMG I just did that because he was always so jealous of you, and I wanted to booster his confifence. I always knew you would be fine, but he needed me more." Then she said, and I'm still on the fence about this one, "You were always my favorite, and my pride and joy." I don't know if you can get anything out of this, but I tried. Keep your chin up.IP: Logged |
blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 135
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 15, 2009 11:00 AM
Oh I never wrote it, it's a quote from the site. It's not something that has caused me any great personal pain. If I wasn't the favourite child I never really noticed it when I was growing up, and it is too late to worry now. It's a bit odd that after writing this post I read this in the paper: quote:
It should have been such an emotional meeting - two sisters, both adopted as babies, finally getting together after 35 years. They thought they would fall into each other's arms and share an instinctive bond. Instead, within hours of meeting for the first time, they were at daggers drawn, a fierce sibling rivalry having erupted almost at once.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1181828/Sisters-g iven-adoption-babies-reunited-35-years---hate-other.html
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Cynnared
Knowflake Posts: 65
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 15, 2009 02:48 PM
My family is very big into playing favorites and my sister gets most of the attention - she's the baby of the family. At 18 I was tossed out of the house and told to get a life and grow up cause I didn't need a family any more and to start paying for stuff. My mother almost had a nervous breakdown when my sister moved out to her ex boyfriend's place. She is now living back at home for free and my mom as her personal chef and chauffeur service to boot. They go for lunch every day. When I was in touch with my family - we're estranged now, My mom would have the why are you bothering me? I'm too busy to talk! I'll call you back and she never did. There are other siblings too that get special care as well. My brothers kids are there all the time and they take the kids to movies and buys them nice toys - yet my mother can't even be bothered with my 6 year old. Once she did have my daughter over and I have never heard my mother complain so bad about looking after a child...."Oh she is too much to even look after. Oh I really HATE kids...." There is nothing much I can do with the situation. I walked away from the dysfunction of it all and I wish them a happy life. (no family counselling could ever bring the clan back together and every family member uses me as a scapegoat or deeply despises me when I really don't think I have done wrong." So that is my story that relates to what was written above. Cynn
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MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 229
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 15, 2009 03:37 PM
delete. IP: Logged |
amowls*
Knowflake Posts: 118
From: richmond va
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 16, 2009 01:06 PM
I'm so glad I was born an only child, because sibling inequality INFURIATES me. Blue Moon, you and I have Libra Moons, maybe it's why this subject is awful for us. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 300
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 16, 2009 02:33 PM
well if we choose our parents (and children) there must be some rhyme or reason to this sort of thing. personally i never felt i could handle another child - my super fiery daughter was a full-time job! but my mother-in-law had my niece half the week till she was 3, yet if i asked her to have mine overnight once in awhile she considered it an imposition. like i said, tho, mine was a full time job and when it came to it i didn't want her grandmother influencing her too much. i was relieved really, once i thought about the advantages!in my birth family we were all favourited for one thing or another, but no one exclusively. but you can take that sort of toxic relationship and use it to make you or break you...i think some kids just aren't made in a way their parents can "get", and vice versa. different paths/karma..? IP: Logged |
blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 135
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 16, 2009 05:39 PM
Libra Moon, I think maybe you are right. Mine is at 7 seconds into the sign. I say to my kids: I love you the same, 100%. How could I name a favourite? It goes against my Libran Moon instincts. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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