posted January 04, 2013 04:38 AM            

I thought to myself, if I were in this situation there would no way I can be their friend. This decision would not be because I hated or resented them... I understand you can't help who you fall in love with. However, I would be so hurt and empty knowing I couldn't be as affectionate with the person I "love"...plus seeing them with someone else would give me no choice but to cut off all ties with them.

posted January 04, 2013 05:47 AM            

It really depends on the nature of the relationship, specifically, before the other person found someone special/new... "you' may have just split up with them - that would take time, and be slightly troublesome I would think... you would have to deal with your own insecurities (as in any recent breakup), and being recently solo would mean literally - doing so alone (if this person was your crutch for a long time that could seriously cripple chance for a healthy healing time)... in most cases, not all~ of course.......

But, I could see the relationship as being one of those fruitless ones that never took root anyway - maybe having been just friends or casual partners for awhile or not long at all... then the other party moves on, and since things were so undefined to begin with they just kind of work that way --- and then, both parties can continue their friendship without any resentment or bitterness or confusion, that the other scenarios would have...

Or, if they had a relationship but it was long since over, and yet they'd stayed in touch - maybe one or the other openly/secretly hoping to restart again someday where they'd left off.... those are the hardest to maintain for most people I think. Because, of all the memories and everything invested into the relationship over the time they'd known each other... Having all your hopes shattered, and all the effort you put into whatever ideal was in your mind is a harsh situation to overcome, and to keep that other person in your life unnecessarily long afterwards is a very cruel reality to want to wake up to every day.

But I don't think it always has to work out that way --- I'm of the more "let it go" over time types, /usually/... I try to be...
I've had something like this happen 3x in my past and it gets easier with age and experience, desensitizing oneself to the situation and recognizing the emotions involved, giving yourself time to heal... hah (not easy but easier!)

As for selfishness --- I like to think that in love everyone is at least a little selfish.... but that it's a good thing to be selfish there.... It might be impractical to be selfishly loving of someone who doesn't return that feeling, but at the same time... it's better to love than to hate, and there's no degrees with how much or how little love is acceptable so long as you aren't hurting anyone by doing so.... And, the same goes for the other party who has moved on... I coudn't expect to dictate how much love is in their hearts and how much they can expend on whomever they choose.... I have "weird" logic in regards to love in general - which (I realize) is probably why I've never experienced it.... idealism.... hah

Either way, I'd rather they be happily selfish with their love and the love of their friends supporting them; and be a selfishly in love friend myself, who is there when that person needs me..... lol everyone is selfish~ /sigh

But - all that said I would react in most the same way as you described you would... with all those conflicted emotions.... haha - it takes time to sort through them, and sometimes the struggle isn't worth it in the end (you don't know till you get there); but sometimes it is... and, a chance for self-growth/realization like hat would be hard to pass up..... lol -- in my weird seagoat-mind... I would want to test my medal, and to at least be able to say I tried to be the best of friends and wish them well, sincere happiness, all those blessings... but, you do have to conquer your own demons first, for sure... and sometimes that alone takes ages. That shouldn't mean there's no time or room for reconciliation, for reestablishing some kind of friendship...
I guess I feel that, abandoning them (as a friend), is like abandoning oneself.... if you loved them you wouldn't want to abandon them, and if you did abandon them ---- you (alone) would be at fault for left yourself bereft of not just that friendship but of whatever you invested in it. (all or nothing)

ugh~ haha ~_~ ^ sounds capricornian, sorry ----nvm me I'm under a Saturn/Solar return spell atm~ ^^;

posted January 04, 2013 07:23 AM            

I'm not sure how old you are, but maybe as you get older and have loved and lost enough, this will make better sense to you.

It's kind of like having a baby.....you love that person that much and could never wish ill for them. Their happiness is your happiness.

It's a blessed thing.

& it's not always best to remain friends or keep in contact, but you can work on moving on and wish them well in your heart as you go.

posted January 04, 2013 07:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
I know people say that when you truly love with someone the most important thing is there happiness...but what if they found happiness in someone else? Is it possible to stay friends?
If not... would it automatically make that person selfish, and at false of knowing what true love is?

I thought to myself, if I were in this situation there would no way I can be their friend. This decision would not be because I hated or resented them... I understand you can't help who you fall in love with. However, I would be so hurt and empty knowing I couldn't be as affectionate with the person I "love"...plus seeing them with someone else would give me no choice but to cut off all ties with them.

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No way can you stay friends imho

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted January 04, 2013 10:21 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
Moon fish and saturnine are mars in Scorpio. All or nothing.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
I know people say that when you truly love with someone the most important thing is there happiness...but what if they found happiness in someone else? Is it possible to stay friends?

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posted January 04, 2013 11:12 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
Moon fish and saturnine are mars in Scorpio. All or nothing.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
I am Scorpio and Mars in Scorpio.
It all depends on why it ended.
One can be friends with an ex(es)
in my opinion.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
I know people say that when you truly love with someone the most important thing is there happiness...but what if they found happiness in someone else? Is it possible to stay friends?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Finding more happiness with someone else is not to me a
reason to not be friends.
As long as they told me and did not sneak about it;
I would gladly want them to move on.
Why waste my precious time or theirs?
Trying to hang on to anyone who is interested/involved with someone else,
is foolish and selfish and a waste of time
and energy.
No one can steal a person from you.
They go willingly to the other person for whatever reason.
Let them go.
Move on.
Remain friends if you want to;
if they simply found another and were not sneaking or abusive to you.
Just because they do not want you does not automatically make them evil.
I personally have let lovers go and was happy they were happy.
I never/would never try to hold someone against their will when they wanted/want to go to another for love.
Nor would I want anyone to go all jealous whenever I changed my love interest.
Life is too short to be selfish, foolish, pining for what is not working out for yourself, and illogical.

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posted January 04, 2013 01:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
Ur such a wise MIS. Do we get to learn that eventually?

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Also Ur is an ancient city state btw. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ur

posted January 04, 2013 05:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Just because they do not want you does not automatically make them evil.
I personally have let lovers go and was happy they were happy.
I never/would never try to hold someone against their will when they wanted/want to go to another for love.
Nor would I want anyone to go all jealous whenever I changed my love interest.
Life is too short to be selfish, foolish, pining for what is not working out for yourself, and illogical.

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posted January 04, 2013 05:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
moonfish , i dont think thats selfish at all... i think it means you have self respect. this is what guys call the "friendzone". that term seems to offend alot of women because they see it as the guy only wanted them for sex, which couldnt be further from the truth imo. the reason we dont want to be friends with women after they turn us down or break up is because seeing them with someone else would torture us, thats why its better to move on. its especially bad when you see the girl you care about dating a complete jackass who treats her like crap and/or cheats on her and makes her cry, its unbearable because you know that you would love and cherish her but you are completely powerless to do that because she doesnt see you the same way. been there done that, not gonna do it again! i dont care what anyone has to say about it, i'm not getting friendzoned again. btw i have venus/pluto and moon/pluto, i guess that explains why im all or nothing too. lol

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