posted December 18, 2013 01:33 PM            

Well anyways, fast forward to about last week. I was just about to disable my profile because I hadn't found anyone worth my time and I was soon to be off campus for break when a guy messaged me and we clicked instantly. He goes to my university (and yes I checked and did my research), we've Skyped since we met (so no catfishing), added each other on facebook, AND he's willing to drive an hour to meet me for a date at IKEA. He even likes me asking questions and asks me alot in return. He's passed all of my "tests" with flying colors and he hasn't steered any of our conversations towards anything sexual.

So, I told my mom I had a date this friday and after she asked me where and how I met him I kind of freaked out and lied to her about the circumstance and said we met on campus. They just recently Skyped together (him and my mom, AND he offered) but she still doesn't know I met him online and just not at school. They're also going to talk and meet before we officially start our date friday. Can anyone give me any advice? I feel so bad about lying to her and I really want to tell her the truth but I don't want her to say I can't meet him or something because I SERIOUSLY like him and he's not just another crush/infatuation like every other guy I mentioned about on here. Even astrology wise we even have a nice synastry and really good composite.

posted December 18, 2013 03:18 PM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
Do you think your mom will try and prevent you from meeting him if you tell her how you two really met? I think that would be odd. People meet through the internet countless ways, all the time.

And you two really did "meet" on campus, just electronically, not physically.

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posted December 18, 2013 03:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Do you think your mom will try and prevent you from meeting him if you tell her how you two really met? I think that would be odd. People meet through the internet countless ways, all the time.

And you two really did "meet" on campus, just electronically, not physically.

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posted December 18, 2013 04:32 PM            

I think it is incumbent on you to level straight with your mother.

This is just another date, whether electronically virtual or in person. Nothing with this date measures to the love your mother has for you. I believe you owe her the absolute truth.

I know you don't want to hear this, but ***he is just another of many guys*** This will probably not be your first time nor your last time.

posted December 18, 2013 05:27 PM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
As the parent of a soon-to-be-18 year old, my first and foremost concern would be the level fo candor from my child, regardless of circumstances.

I think it is incumbent on you to level straight with your mother.

This is just another date, whether electronically virtual or in person. Nothing with this date measures to the love your mother has for you. I believe you owe her the absolute truth.

I know you don't want to hear this, but ***he is just another of many guys*** This will probably not be your first time nor your last time.

Not that it matters at all, I just so happen to concur with your assessment of what your mother would likely think/say. I won't allow my 18 year old to engage in internet dating, and I have a boy.

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posted December 18, 2013 05:29 PM            

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Originally posted by CatMote:
Since they are going to meet...you can have them meet, and then after she approves him, then tell her you met him online.

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posted December 18, 2013 05:33 PM            

Based on what you just explained - nothing can happen in this situation that would put you at risk.
I mean he even offered to Skype with your mum and meet your mum before he dates you - and you are going on a date in a public area.

posted December 18, 2013 05:55 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
Do what you feel is best.

Based on what you just explained - nothing can happen in this situation that would put you at risk.
I mean he even offered to Skype with your mum and meet your mum before he dates you - and you are going on a date in a public area.

It's your personal life. You don't need to inform her about exactly how you met him.
You can tell her later on if you like.. after she meets him, and after you date.

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posted December 18, 2013 10:52 PM            

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Originally posted by CatMote:
best of luck chiemi!

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posted December 19, 2013 02:18 AM            

Is it normal to tell your parents that you're going on date?
I just use to tell my parents I'm going out.. I'm not really lying it's not like they would interrogate me either.

posted December 19, 2013 04:46 AM            

The only way you can truly know, is by telling her. If you feel guilty about not telling her. Tell her as soon as you have the courage to. Remember, she cannot refuse you to go out on a date, you can always sneak out and do it anyway. Just let her know you value her support and want her to know and be part of this.

Hope everything goes well.

posted December 19, 2013 06:49 AM            

My perspective that its double the trouble to go on the date first and find out, and then tell. My kid would be in so deep that he won't be able to extricate himself. I'm reading the suggestions above and shuddering in horror and dismay.

Again, she's your mother. He's just a guy: one in thousands of compatible guys.

posted December 19, 2013 09:39 AM            

There's a point when you have to be independent and responsible for your own choices and can't let your parents control you too much, even if they try.

posted December 19, 2013 10:05 AM            

What exactly is my "parent-child relationship?" Do you think I'm some North Korean dictator that rules with an iron fist? Foster love and respect and your kids will exude love and respect. My kid doesn't have sex, doesn't drink and doesn't experiment with drugs simply because I tell him not to. If it can happen with my kid, it can happen with all kids - my kid isn't that unique. I'm no dictator, but yes I run a tight ship at home. Kids are smarter and more logical than we all think. Don't sell them short.

My version came with the middle finger attached, but I was ready to suffer the irrepairable consequences for that.

There's a huge difference between marriage and a date... a date which isn't even in a formal relationship.

posted December 19, 2013 10:16 AM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
Yeah but YTA, not everyone is in a parent-child relationship like yours. I'm sure you didn't ask your parents if it was okay to go out with a woman, every time you did so, after age 18?

There's a point when you have to be independent and responsible for your own choices and can't let your parents control you too much, even if they try.

You wouldn't even be married to your wife except that she gave her parents the finger

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Was going to say, Respect is a two way street, granted she is projecting what her mother's reaction would be, the fact she is apprehensive about telling her speaks loudly.

posted December 19, 2013 10:56 AM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Yes, but I never disrespected my parents and certainly didn't lie to them or obscure the truth.

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My point is that you were on your own from age 14, so you didn't have to worry about them grilling you on what you were doing with each and every girl.

Never said you were a dictator but frankly from what you've said here about how you and your wife demand total abstinence from your son, I am just observing that you are more in control of his life than other parents' tend to be.

posted December 19, 2013 11:11 AM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
My point is that you were on your own from age 14, so you didn't have to worry about them grilling you on what you were doing with each and every girl.

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First of all, you are making assumptions. There's the communications leash called the phone. My dad would call me from East Asia to the UK three to eight times a day. he would call me a dozen times a day in *graduate school* in my mid-late 20s, and yes he would demand a full account on every girl I dated.

Second, I was stuck in the British countryside without a single attractive female in sight, unless you include the old folks serving miserable and gross pie and stew for food.

There were no girls. Just studying. But there was grilling multiple times a day.

Yes, my wife demands abstinence from my son. A lot less so for me. But I have had my talks with him, and he understands and complies.

Yes, I am in full control of my son's life. His achievements are a product of his hard work, but also the result of parental involvement beyond "go study for the next eight hours." Pardon my insolence, but if my wife and I are stiffling my son's growth, then whatever his accomplishments sort of makes up for that.

My wife undermines me because I'm softer on my sons than she likes, and I'm the Asian and she's not the Asian.

posted December 19, 2013 01:09 PM            

I loved my dad so much partly because he left me alone. He never pried. He was always just there for me when I needed him. That's the kind of parent I would like to be.

To each his/her own.

posted December 19, 2013 01:51 PM            

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I'm surprised you told your dad that you were so promiscuous; I imagine other fathers pulling the financial plug if their children failed to live up to certain moral imperatives.

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