posted July 10, 2015 03:29 PM            

8 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Deal With Toxic People

Toxic people poison those around them, and gain satisfaction from creating disorganization and a stressful atmosphere.

Life is stressful enough for most of us. Allowing a toxic individual to ravage your immediate environment can cause havoc in your mental well-being, which can lead to physical challenges.

A bad state of mind not only affects your physical well-being but makes it difficult for you to respond calmly under pressure. Ninety percent of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions, so your ability to perform effectively can be affected if you do not adopt strategies that will allow you to deal with toxic people.

1. Successful People Establish Boundaries
There is a fine line between being friendly and allowing somebody to lead you down a path that jeopardizes your ability to remain effective. Successful people understand this and do not allow the toxic among them to take charge, but rather choose to set effective boundaries.

2. No One Limits Their Joy
How much do the words of those around you affect your state of mind? Successful people have mastered the ability to ensure that the negative remarks of others do not affect their strong sense of accomplishment. Toxic people like to break you down with rude, hurtful comments, and gain satisfaction from watching you fall apart.

Learn to react less to the opinions of others, especially those you know do not have your well-being at heart.

3. They Have Mastered the Art of Rising Above
I learned this from John Rampton from Due when he was on stage at TC Disrupt. “By mastering the act of rising above, successful people are able to remain rational and calm in the presence of the irrational and chaotic. They master rising above the rest, no matter what the circumstance,” Rampton said.

4. They Are Solution Focused
Do you spend more time focused on the negative person and how they affect your life than on achieving your goals? If so, then you have a problem. Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on your goals.

5. They Understand the Importance of Support
Reach out to your mentors, chances are, they have experienced what you are going through. There is a good chance that co-workers, team members, even family and friends have useful tips to help you get by. The emotionally intelligent understand how to tap into their resources to get through the challenges of working with toxic people.

6. They Are Aware
Self-awareness is important, because it involves knowing what it takes to push your buttons in order to prevent it from happening. Lack of emotional control is a great way to empower the toxic people in your life.

7. Forget-Me-Nots
Being forgiving comes with being emotionally intelligent. It allows you to remain unburdened by the mistakes of others and to have peace of mind. But being forgiving does not mean forgetting whom you can and cannot trust. It just means you stop wasting mental energy on those you cannot trust.

8. They Store Their Energy for Better Opportunities
As I have mentioned several times, the toxic thrive on chaos, and will do anything to have the ability to take you down to their level. Learning to understand your limits will help you to stay away from dangerous situations. Choose your battles wisely, and conserve your energy for bigger and better things.

posted July 10, 2015 07:42 PM            

Yes. The oft recommended ignore button is at once ostrich and bully behaviour...to maintain your center is the only way to go imo. Though obviously not submitting to physical violence.

As Kipling said, "he who can keep his head when all around him are losing theirs..." link^

posted July 10, 2015 08:33 PM            

I was writing in my journal, just last night, that I wished certain things had been different between me and my sister. That she'd gone the healthier route that I wanted - I wanted therapy with her, etc, etc. It didn't happen. I worry about being toxic, which is why I've been keeping to myself. And when I'm feeling better, but certain people keep treating me like I'm something awful, well... I understand why you disappeared for a while.

posted July 11, 2015 02:14 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by T:
4. They Are Solution Focused
Do you spend more time focused on the negative person and how they affect your life than on achieving your goals? If so, then you have a problem. Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on your goals.

---

I've noticed that the people who fall into this category

are a brand of Toxic, all their own.

It goes far beyond normal venting, which I think everyone

does for the sake of validation and sanity, when needed.

But these people get stuck-- they want to rehash the wrong

that's been done to them, and get you just as angry as they

are-- but they have no interest, whatsoever, in a solution.

Nor do they have any plans to change their own behavior or

remove themselves from the situation... and they remain

perpetually outraged that the world is not changing for them.

Bitterness soon follows... how could it not?

Pet peeve of mine.

~

posted July 11, 2015 06:29 PM            

I am starting to get self esteem from finding my passion and feeling I make a contribution to people.

This self esteem is going deep into those wounded places and providing a balm.

Even more than that is my relationship with God.

He does not make junk and to feel you are junk is a diss to Him.

I think when toxic people drive you crazy, they hook into your low self esteem.

If not, you can walk away more easily.

I doubt anyone ever "arrives" when it comes to self esteem.

I think we all have flaws and can be toxic, at time and in various situations, too, so it is not black and white.

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posted July 11, 2015 06:47 PM            

This has really helped me.

Also, there are dark forces and these are not from God.

When people have depression, self loathing, addictions etc etc, they are submitting to dark forces.

I know many people here do not believe that. I understand that.

However, I do and when I get down, self loathing etc, I think that I am not honoring God and I try to change directions.

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posted July 11, 2015 07:00 PM            

I also have to disagree about bullies. In my experience, genuine bullies function on the principle of dominance. They are meek and use flattery with people they perceive as strong or with some kind of authority, and they bully those they perceive as weak. They have a keen sense of psychological dominance and use it. A genuine hardcore bully always tests you for this, during the first interactions, to see how far they can go, and they function only with these two categories and they will test you to put you in one of them. The only way to counteract a bully is to show your strength.

------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

AstroMandala

posted July 11, 2015 07:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
I have no interest in getting people as angry as I am. I am stuck, and I admit it. A peeve of mine, is people who feel the need to look down on someone in that situation. Sometimes you can't just move past something, because of the damage it did to you. Maybe you have a teflon spirit, but I don't.

---

have no idea about your situation, but I'm sorry if it appeared

as though I was somehow talking about you.

posted July 11, 2015 07:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
Sometimes I wish I had that belief, because I know that it helps you, and has helped others.
My faith tends to be put in other people, for better or worse.

---

Yes, it is the most important and precious thing I have.

The thing is that man will worship SOMETHING.

If it is not God, it will be people, money, ego etc

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posted July 11, 2015 07:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Eirlys:
[QUOTE]
I was referring, in a vague sense, to an ex of mine... I honestly

have no idea about your situation, but I'm sorry if it appeared

as though I was somehow talking about you.

---

posted July 11, 2015 11:02 PM            

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posted July 11, 2015 11:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
I have people in my own life, who just expect me to get over things. That's all. When I was in the thick of it, someone told me I should be okay, because I was taken care of. I was fed, and had a roof over my head, so never mind about the bullying that was happening - that sort of thing. That one particular person who said that, has been out of my life for a while now, but they weren't the only one to just expect me to be okay.

---

That's unfortunate.

I'm talking about something else, and I'm not sure

why you identify with what I said.

Hopefully you're seeking some kind of catharsis,

in spite of their (irrelevant) opinions.

I'm sure they would feel differently if the issue was theirs.

posted July 12, 2015 12:05 AM            

Toxic (manipulative) fellows tend to think there's always an imminent danger, and everybody should eradicate "that danger". Don't get mistaken, when they have reached the point of manipulation, they are far from being the actual "victims". Because, by promoting negativeness mixed with confrontational and hateful feelings toward what they perceive as an "imminent danger", They only express how little tolerance they have and how much anger they feel.
===========================

To put it, in a more... simple way. (because I don't know if I'm explaining myself very well)
How many times do certain types of Bees have killed people? What does it make them more deadly than Sharks, Tigers and Crocodiles?
Easy, because they are uber-defensive and also territorial.

Socially speaking,
When there's an unwillingness or refusal to tolerate or respect opinions or beliefs contrary to one's own. Then there's little difference between a free human being and a slave. Doesn't really matter what enslaves you, if it's a dogmatic, political belief or a big etc.
When a large group of people have the false idea, that they have to defend their way of thinking (religious, political, territorial, etc) to any cost, you can only expect some massive disaster. And what's even worse than that?, the fact that they will have no rest, until the “imminent danger” is eradicated.
When you confront them, without any hate and using some simple reasoning, be aware that you might read/hear things like:

• "...What are you talking about?.."
• "... I don't get it..."
• "... You missed the whole point..."
• "...It got misinterpreted..."
• "... you are attacking me..."
• "... you are totally ignorant..."
• "... you are uneducated..."
• "... You are Smart Enough! to ignore this "undeniable danger". In other words, OBEY what I say..."

I theorize... this is because those "vampires" got owned, so, since they can't prove their points without using argumentative fallacies...
They try to blame you, implicitly saying that it's your fault. Oh my, that's one weird nature in fact.
In other words: "Abort mission => exit route => Bye"
===========================

I am not certainly sure if the act of trying to Heal people that has been contaminated by a way of thinking that operates like a Hive-Mind is something absolutely absurd and unproductive or if it is something very altruistic and compassionate.

I just... felt like sharing my thoughts about this. I think it's been discussed plenty of times already (and not only in this forum section) but I just guessed it should be mentioned again *just in case* lol
And if by any chance you got offended by my words (or you felt that way), Please, remember that it wasn't intentional lol
| You know that I'm always very direct. |

~ Until next time

posted July 12, 2015 12:40 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Yes, it is the most important and precious thing I have.

The thing is that man will worship SOMETHING.

If it is not God, it will be people, money, ego etc

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami:

Yes, it is the most important and precious thing I have.

The thing is that man will worship SOMETHING.

If it is not God, it will be people, money, ego etc

---

Thanks for posting that, Ami.

As a Moon square Neptune girl, I have trouble distinguishing what it is exactly that I should put be putting my faith in. (And I will put my 'all' into something.) It usually translates to putting other people on pedestals - or generally placing too much importance on pleasing others - and I often lose myself along the way. I am very susceptible to toxicity.. And I'm beginning to see that boundaries are a huge theme for me.

My personal view of God is different than yours, (To me, He is personal power; the strength within; integrity; Intent.) but in the end - it is indeed the most important and precious thing I have. My Self, my Intent.
I am definitely the most susceptible when I'm not deliberate. And as a fiery mutable with a very intense, fixed Venus - my own needs can be very hard to pinpoint, or even assert.

posted July 12, 2015 05:49 AM            

I'm suspicious of a lot of these lumped together categories of badness. For instance and respectfully to you ami, as it was your thread, the mal narc link _ I actually recognised potentially mal narc behaviour in the injured party of that link. But doesn't just putting all these things together mean avoiding seeing people as individually human. It's divisive.

posted July 12, 2015 06:13 AM            

I've had that happen in mostly small ways with someone else. It was designed to provoke, I guess, but it merely raised an eyebrow.