posted August 23, 2016 05:19 PM            

I'm a "member" of Kannon's stone exchange. You can read more about it.
http://kannonmcafee.wordpress.com/2016/08/17/healing-gemstone-crystal-exchange/

I'd like to make notes here. Feel free to comment or ask questions even if I seem deep in conversation with myself.

posted September 01, 2016 07:24 PM            

here are a few of my new kunzites. I keep them wrapped in silk for now until I can find velvet... kind of tough to do around here

posted September 10, 2016 08:14 PM            

I have really depressed energy floating around my heart right now. Partnership and love and working together feel so important to me, but it always seems to get in the way- in the way of my independence, of developing my positive self-worth feelings, of happiness itself.

It's like I'm a wacko off her meds sometimes. The meds are self sufficiency. And every time I start feeling good about my own accomplishments, that good feeling makes me want to celebrate with companionship. I can't understand why I yearn for companionship so much when it is always so disappointing. I have been thinking it is my yearning for God, but because I am human and probably very underdeveloped spiritually, I always stop short of pursuing true fulfillment and just hope someone will love me…

My parents and children love me. I guess in some ways I don't trust their love as love.. How can that be? Their love is probably the most genuine and consistent love I have ever experienced, so why mistrust it? I don't know.

Gonna have a smoke.

posted September 10, 2016 09:03 PM            

Strange thoughts (or unexpected thoughts) came immediately. I don't know. The yearning I felt with those thoughts made me cry. Then they left.

I began to feel more relaxed. There was a warm feeling covering my whole neck and throat. Almost like someone pressing down, bit I felt no pressure. I felt what I can only describe as energy moving up from my throat to my chin and cheeks.

Then something in my belly...just below my chest (heart). An upward movement again.

I have a problem in my back. There's usually pain or discomfort around my left shoulder blade. The doctors say I have a bulging disc in my back (maybe from some wild and reckless dancing idk). To me the story goes like this. I thought I was invincible (really) for a good part of my life. I've had no problem EVER with taking risks and chances. But I'm not invincible. My heart can hurt. My heart can "break". I've always felt power and positive energy emanating from my heart, giving me the courage and power to go forward. But I've taken so many careless risks not acknowledging my own sensitivity. I feel like my heart, that I've been careless with, has been releasing it's Pain Poison into my body, starting with my left breast (they say I don't have cancer...but I think it's there waiting for me to get weaker spiritually), and then working it's way to my back and left shoulder blade.

During the healing I was laying on my back and after I became relaxed I had the urge to roll onto my belly while he was concentrating and working. I rolled over and went into a deeply relaxed state.

The session ended. The ENTIRE experience was kind of overwhelming so I really didn't have any feedback at the time.

I rested a while on my bed with a whole bunch of kunzites, my Larimar, and my amethyst. Like 10 minutes or so... Then I had an amazing burst of energy! I went down stairs to where my children were waiting and all of us just knew something amazing was happening. I kind of had to try to keep from laughing because of happiness. I told my children a little about it and one of my boys, the Pisces said he could feel my "vibes" and it was really relaxing for him. We decided to have some cereal and went to the second floor kitchen and when the children got up to the second floor they all had a reaction to the energy up there, where I was during the session. One had chills and goose bumps, another felt dizzy, another felt cold...they all loved the feeling in my bedroom.

posted September 10, 2016 09:25 PM            

While walking my back pain/blockage felt different! It seemed to move away from my left shoulder blade, out! Out to my shoulder! This is improvement to me because while I describe the pain as back pain and doctors see it as a back problem, I'm convinced it's my "heart". This feeling. Those results were kind of hard to believe. Really significant for me.

Another interesting thing. I admin in a religious FB group. I'd gotten drawn into a debate the day before. After the energy healing and after my walk, I checked notifications and started responding. Two things happened in this one particular situation. I was explaining something and I felt so generous I cant see how anything I was communicating could be confused for anything but love. Something about me made this one "sister" furious. I mean, the day before she was fine with me, but today she hated me and every single word out of my mouth. In the moment I didn't feel the usual immediate need to react and set her straight. That kind of set me up for a pounding. I wouldn't fight back. I don't think I did anything wrong. I know her reaction to me was too strong to be explained with normal excuses...and the situation would not be resolved. I "left".

Then I felt the pain. I was hurt. I know I usually feel angry or motivated to show I'm right, especially in religious debates. I never knew I felt pain over these things. Maybe I could feel the pain because I didn't feel anything else Mars and Mercury didn't come swooping in to save the ego day... I actually felt the Pain Poison from my heart leak into my body...and the pain/blockage that was closer to my shoulder moved back to my left shoulder blade.

I'm alright with this experience. I don't regret it. It didn't take anything from me. It helped me to understand a little better. One thing is, how many things do I do a day that hurt, that I don't let myself feel? How can I heal if I don't allow myself to feel?

I'm very grateful.

posted September 13, 2016 09:11 PM            

I work ALOT. Some Vedic astrologers say that having either Saturn or NN in your second house can make you very focused on money and work; however, having Saturn in 2nd will delay the development of career, the ability to save money, or even the interest in money until after 35-42. And It's true!

There was a time when I refused to work! I had babies, and I didn't care if we had less money. I was never working. It's ironic that the thing that caused a chain reaction resulting in my children's father moving out and me having to work was his threat to make me get a job and put my sugar plums in daycare and regular school

Our split forced me to either live in poverty or work and I did both for a while. For a while I really couldn't commit to working and earning. My babies were still so young and I wasn't ready to leave them. I'd make what I needed and make sure I didn't need much. But as I approached 35 Saturn pulled it all together for me or released me. My mom retired, but still needed an income. I hired her to take over my homeschool. My youngest is 10. She's still a baby, but she has so much support, and family, and safety, and independent, and freedom. I know she's fine.

I'm learning to nurture in the "daddy" role. I like to make money for their future and to strengthen our foundation. When I'm home it's like the old days when "dad" came home. I hang out with them, catch up with them. For a while I couldn't find a balance between motherly love- affection, and intimacy basically, and the fatherly love- providing, protecting, and guiding. I've learned it's as simple as saying I love you, and I'm doing this (working and being away from you) because I love you (in a warm and gentle way- and not a defensive way. I initiate these conversations). I've learned to just touch my kids, and play with them and hug and kiss them a lot. It's funny because when I was home with them all the time, I probably took our time together for granted and didn't hug and kiss them as much...

Anyway... I work A LOT, but I'm trying to make my way back to you Mirage.

posted September 14, 2016 01:31 AM            

Your story above has elements just like mine.
I know how that feels. ... And see now how you could relate to Lucia's story too.

You are sooo strong. You are Providing for your children, at sacrifice of really being with them the way you wanted to. And, you realize how much more you can appreciate them in a different way now. {{ }} Good to have your mother involved. That works out.

Please know, you can take your time answering. (And I thank you for your patience in waiting on my posts too. Can't always be here as I wish.)

posted September 14, 2016 07:49 PM            

I don't just struggle with leaving (working) my children. I struggle with leaving my 12th house stuff or Moon stuff or SN stuff, I'm not sure. With lots of time alone or in nature or at home with my children I can express myself from my heart easily, but when I'm out and about I feel things strongly, but that's it. I struggle with building on spiritual inspirations and communicating my emotions. I just feel them. I never liked that part of being in the world. In fact I've hated it, but God would never give me Pisces without also giving me Virgo In Virgo, I take all that Pisces understanding and apply it to living. Honor the temple with a healthy and organized lifestyle. Create a connection between the material and spiritual through consistency and ritual- and strive to be an impeccable human being. Be the marriage between spirit and body. That's what I've been telling myself. It works.

I am strong, but the best thing I've ever done is let people help me. When I let my family and friend help me, I could be really strong. Not just stubborn, scared, and heels dug deep in- something I am also capable of..

Yes. I feel Lucia and where she is. Of course she's a different person..Actually her openness and honesty and her readiness to ask for help and offer help even while she is hurting is very impressive to me. I think she's much further along then I was when my situation was similar.

Yes. I read a little about your life Mirage. I feel very protective of you and your story. I see myself in it

posted September 15, 2016 08:35 PM            

You sound quite knowledgeable about astrology. Ever think of getting your Certification, then becoming a Professional Astrologer? .. Complement it with your photography skills and stones to create videos for clients, too?

posted September 15, 2016 10:09 PM            

Healing was never a real thing to me when I was younger even though I was surrounded by people focused on spiritual healing. To me it looked like the sun, the moon, and blissful freedom. I left home and carried that in my heart for a long time. I had so much abundance that I was also able to share, but it was solely from dreams and memories and no real work. I just shared the light I had, which blazed strong for years on its own. But with each passing year that I have not focused or done any inner work and also been somewhat careless with myself, my reliance on my ♓ SN for peace and guidance fails me...

Pluto brought me here, where eventually I stumbled onto "healing" (maybe Pluto is responsible for that too), and receive it without knowing I needed. But once I received just a little of this healing gift I understood it is something that you do, it's not something that you are or believe or have. It's not a place or people. Seems weird I didn't know that right? I've been given something in the last few months that will change my life forever. If one day I can show others the door to freedom the way I've been shown then I will be grateful for the opportunity. I'm not sure how that would work. I think the opportunity will come to me when I'm ready.

What about you, Mirage? When you start talking astrology I cover my eyes because it's over my head. Have you thought of doing something with your extensive knowledge and abundant love? Are you already doing something?

posted September 15, 2016 10:33 PM            

The photos of the stones above were taken with my phone. The quality of my cell photos has improved since I taped a kunzite stone to it.

posted September 16, 2016 06:10 PM            

Planning to come back later this weekend to respond (God willing).

You're a Beautiful Woman with a Beautiful Soul.