posted December 25, 2019 01:54 PM            

Composite
[img]https://imgur.com/Cymg3gM[/img]

As some of you might remember, I met a great guy at the beginning of the year, though the chemistry was always somehow off... Physically he’s my type, he’s a good person, over time he really grew on me, mainly because I wanted to make it work and because he kept
being persistent, and things actually started to get much better.. until the point when I told him that I liked him a lot.. from that point on he started to retreat, so I retreated as well. We had a break for a month, then he came again missing me and all and for the first time he started opening up much more, we had one good month where everything worked out between us.. finally there was intimacy .. I was happy with what we had up until that point, I thought so was he. Then one evening after an amazing night, he started crying and told me, he’s afraid he’ll never be able to love someone, that he’s trying to connect with me but he can’t, he can’t reciprocate my feelings for him, that he’s sorry. And here we are now.

We had an honest talk yesterday evening spending Christmas Eve together, and he told me that I look good on paper for him, that he finds me attractive, he likes me very much as a person, I’m the first woman he wanted to make it work, but he can’t. He’s just not in love with me. (His exact words)
Today he texted me, wanting to know how I was feeling, that he’s extremely sorry, he doesn’t want to lose me as a person, that he’ll always be there for me, that I could rely on him. etc. I know he’s not someone to just say things like that, I know he means it, so it makes it even harder for me.

Like I said before, I know exactly what he was talking about.. I feel the same about him.. good on paper, but there’s something very unnatural about the way we act around each other. I feel repressed a lot of times in my natural expression towards him, I always have to hold back and check myself.

It still breaks my heart, because I feel for him a lot. I don’t know if I stepped into the trap most women probably do.. falling in love with the potential of someone.. or if there’s still something real between us, that it just takes time and some inner work..

When I look at our charts he should be totally into me, unless I’m missing something.

I knew his Saturn square my Venus/Mars would be a major challenge.. because I don’t handle Saturn squares very well.. but someone told me that Saturn would still love Venus, it doesn’t indicate the absence of love per se.. don’t know if that’s true or not..

What do you think? Can you give me some insight about what he’s actually feeling for me and why he’s not in love? It’s like .. I almost can’t believe it, looking at all my planets in his relationship houses and all, and him always being the first to initiate contact between us.. I’m confused.

posted December 25, 2019 05:07 PM            

A lot of what you wrote, fits right in and makes sense to me. Him being hot and cold towards me, also his identity crisis at the moment. We’ve been talking about this quite a lot. Quite at the beginning he told me that he feels like I make him a better person, someone he always wanted to be, but it’s almost like he’s not ready for it, yet. He also said that he’s torn between two directions, either go the conservative route of buying a house maybe starting a family in a few years or partying with his friends and being irresponsible. I told him that there aren’t just these two possibilities. The reason why he feels torn, is because none of these directions would fit him personally. That there’s some middle ground there. He can start a family and not marry, or marry but not start a family and have fun, or have a family and still have fun, be occasionally irresponsible etc.. there are so many ways to live ones life.!There are so many ways to raise a family or have a relationship, that he should maybe be more open to more alternative ways and philosophies.. (Jupiter in Aqua speaking)

What I don’t understand.. yes we have our heavy aspects, but so do other people. Every chart has them.. I would almost expect that our positives would outshine them.. but somehow not..

Right now Saturn is square our compMars .. next year our compMoon then Asc, if we’d still somehow make it past next year, there Saturn is again to square our Sun and finally compVenus.. probably the final call. So depressing. I know one’s not supposed to give too much into predictions like that, but I’ve experienced these kind of Saturn squares to Composite in other relationships. Saturn square Sun marked always the ending. No exception..

posted December 25, 2019 07:27 PM            

Yes his transits seem very tough..

posted December 26, 2019 04:45 AM              

So ... in this relationship ... a problem in the 1st and 7th houses is adversely affecting the activities of the 2nd and 8th houses - in a way that is preventing the positive expression of the qualities of Cancer, Moon, Scorpio, Sun and Mercury.

Then ... look at the opposition made by his natal Venus to the Saturn/Uranus mid-point in the Davison Chart; the conjunction of his natal Pluto to the Davison Sun + his natal Saturn opposition to Jupiter-Sun-Chiron.

posted December 26, 2019 10:04 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Graham:

Look at the Davison Chart ... which has intercepted (6th house) Scorpio, Sun, Mercury + intercepted (12th house) Cancer, Moon - and Gemini duplicated on the cusps of 1st+2nd, with Sagittarius duplicated on the cusps of 7th+8th.

So ... [b]in this relationship ... a problem in the 1st and 7th houses is adversely affecting the activities of the 2nd and 8th houses - in a way that is preventing the positive expression of the qualities of Cancer, Moon, Scorpio, Sun and Mercury.

Then ... look at the opposition made by his natal Venus to the Saturn/Uranus mid-point in the Davison Chart; the conjunction of his natal Pluto to the Davison Sun + his natal Saturn opposition to Jupiter-Sun-Chiron.

Might he be having doubts about the 5 years age gap? Perhaps, (subconsciously), he sees you as an "older sister" and you see him as a "younger brother".
[/B]

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I feel the age difference in our life experience. I have a child and had several serious relationships, until I met him. For him, I’m the first woman he ever officially dated and introduced to his family.. So it is a big deal for him. I am aware that it’s not just me .. it’s also a personal issue of his.. relationships, falling in love, staying in love, feelings.. Emotionally he’s very guarded.
So yes in that sense I feel older than him and he feels it, too. (I don’t look or act my age, I assume that helps. )

My biggest issue is the asexual energy between us. Most of the time, it’s like we’re friends or siblings. I’m trying to deal with this, but it’s hard for me. It doesn’t feel natural to me. When I hug him, he gets tense. Physical contact always has to happen on his terms!

But is he attracted to me..? yes, he says so himself, I also feel it. He always has a hard on, sometimes even when we just kiss. When we have sex.. sometimes he’s completely there and it’s really satisfying.. most of the time though, I lose him at some point. Then he just goes through the motions and has trouble finishing.

So it’s like two steps forward, one step back.

I feel a lot empathy for his issues. He had a hard childhood, no money, a physically and emotionally abusive stepfather.. It hurts me to think of what happened to him. I want to help him, but it’s frustrating when he pushes me away or tells me, that he’s not in love with me. When I retreat, he comes up again, tells me that he misses me. Then we have a few good weeks, and it starts all over again.

What gives me hope is.. I genuinely like him. I always thought I liked other people before, but actually never like that. So my experience with him is also rather new to me, too. My past relationships were often quite volatile, I felt so much resentment and anger at times. Though I’m frustrated with him, I never really get angry. My positive feelings for him, haven’t been compromised so far.

In the end, time will tell, what happens with us.. but maybe we’re better off as friends..? What do you think?

posted December 26, 2019 11:01 AM              

quote:

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My biggest issue is the asexual energy between us. Most of the time, it’s like we’re friends or siblings. I’m trying to deal with this, but it’s hard for me. It doesn’t feel natural to me. When I hug him, he gets tense. Physical contact always has to happen on his terms!

But is he attracted to me..? yes, he says so himself, I also feel it. He always has a hard on, sometimes even when we just kiss. When we have sex.. sometimes he’s completely there and it’s really satisfying.. most of the time though, I lose him at some point. Then he just goes through the motions and has trouble finishing.

So it’s like two steps forward, one step back.

I feel a lot empathy for his issues. It hurts me to think of what happened to him. I want to help him, but it’s frustrating when he pushes me away or tells me, that he’s not in love with me. When I retreat, he comes up again, tells me that he misses me. Then we have a few good weeks, and it starts all over again.

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I'd look at his Huber-Style natal chart for clues about those kind of (what are perhaps) psychological issues, created by childhood conditioning.

And what immediately jumps out of that chart is Mars - ruler of 7th house; in 7th house (on the Low Point*); at the anaretic degree of Aries and square Mercury (which opposes NN).

[ * Note the two black markers in each house, on the outer rim of the chart. The first marker is the Balance Point and the second marker is the Low Point (of the energy exerted by planets in that house).]

In the Huber School of Astrology, planets at the Low Energy Point are considered to have difficulty in getting noticed/"heard" by others. ... So, the chart owner tends to push harder (than the average person) to get this energy noticed. But the more he/she does that, the more others become irritated by (and resistant to) his/her "attention-seeking-behaviour".

Hence, here we have a (confrontational) Aries Mars in a man for whom partnership is "everything" (Libra Ascendant + ruler of 7th in 7th) and whose ruler of the Ascendant + chart (Venus) wants everyone to "get-on/think alike/be as one" (Gemini/9th). ... And that naturally-confrontational Mars squares a 10th house look-at-me Leo Mercury-conjunct-SN, whilst making an obstacle/enemy-creating 48th harmonic aspect with the nodal axis.

In effect then, this is a man that is psychologically-programmed (in the natal chart) to keep others at arms-length ... and my guess is the reason for (and solution to) that particular issue will be found only by exploring his childhood conditioning.

However, if he can overcome that (subconscious) program, the synastry between you and him indicates that this could become a long-term partnership. ... And, in the meantime, you'll always have the option of being in a "friends-with-benefits" relationship (which may actually be what his Mars-165-Pluto really wants ... and his Pluto-Moon-Sun Grand Trine knows exactly how to get).

posted December 26, 2019 12:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenaia:
[QUOTE] Right now Saturn is square our compMars .. next year our compMoon then Asc, if we’d still somehow make it past next year, there Saturn is again to square our Sun and finally compVenus.. probably the final call. So depressing. I know one’s not supposed to give too much into predictions like that, but I’ve experienced these kind of Saturn squares to Composite in other relationships. Saturn square Sun marked always the ending. No exception..

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Just keep being your fun loving little Gemini self, don't message him sad things, and I feel pretty positive he'll be back.. [/QUOTE]

Wow athenaia sorry for your breakup, how are you dealing with it? Was it very serious?

Thanks your advice about being all Gemini and fun.. my Gemini Moon likes to hear that lol
It’s actually been rather hard for me to let lose this past year, being a new mom, all the responsibilities and then this relationship. Transit Saturn is square to my Venus/Mars till the end of next year. It’s been a drag so far. It’s hard for me to see the lightness of life especially with him.. I would love to be this fun girl that inspires him to have fun as well and losen up, but I can’t get over my own issues and insecurities most of the time.
When someone is distant towards me, I also take a step back (after stating my feelings). Many situations that were supposed to be fun and cozy always somehow ended up being quite heavy between us.

Also how does one deal with a Venus / Saturn square in synastry as the Venus-person?? Do you have any idea?
It is quite confusing.. on one hand he wants Aries energy due to his Dsc, but apparently my energy is too much for him or not enough.. is there ever a way to overcome this?

posted December 26, 2019 02:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ana_bee:
Wow athenaia sorry for your breakup, how are you dealing with it? Was it very serious?

Thanks your advice about being all Gemini and fun.. my Gemini Moon likes to hear that lol
It’s actually been rather hard for me to let lose this past year, being a new mom, all the responsibilities and then this relationship. Transit Saturn is square to my Venus/Mars till the end of next year. It’s been a drag so far. It’s hard for me to see the lightness of life especially with him.. I would love to be this fun girl that inspires him to have fun as well and losen up, but I can’t get over my own issues and insecurities most of the time.
When someone is distant towards me, I also take a step back (after stating my feelings). Many situations that were supposed to be fun and cozy always somehow ended up being quite heavy between us.

Also how does one deal with a Venus / Saturn square in synastry as the Venus-person?? Do you have any idea?
It is quite confusing.. on one hand he wants Aries energy due to his Dsc, but apparently my energy is too much for him or not enough.. is there ever a way to overcome this?

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posted December 26, 2019 02:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenaia:
[QUOTE] Right now Saturn is square our compMars .. next year our compMoon then Asc, if we’d still somehow make it past next year, there Saturn is again to square our Sun and finally compVenus.. probably the final call. So depressing. I know one’s not supposed to give too much into predictions like that, but I’ve experienced these kind of Saturn squares to Composite in other relationships. Saturn square Sun marked always the ending. No exception..

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Just keep being your fun loving little Gemini self, don't message him sad things, and I feel pretty positive he'll be back.. [/QUOTE]

posted December 26, 2019 03:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenaia:
That was EXACTLY how I felt, and I'm an Air Moon, Aries Venus just like you! I felt so repressed in that relationship, constantly walking on egg shells, and yet I deeply loved him and wanted it to work in spite of all the flaws. Though you have WAY better synastry/a composite than we did, plus my ex is beyond salvaging and I think your guy has way more potential to evolve to be honest with you

Astrology aside for a brief minute, he sounds like someone that has a fearful avoidant attachment style and you sound like you have a secure attachment style, maybe with little hints of anxious attachment.

I'm currently reading a book about attachment styles and it explains so much, here's a brief screenshot I took that might be useful for you:

The book is called "Avoidant: How to Love or Leave a Dismissive Partner"

Back to astrology..
[QUOTE] Also how does one deal with a Venus / Saturn square in synastry as the Venus-person?? Do you have any idea?

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Hmmm.. I am usually the Saturn in a hard aspect to someone's Venus (unfortunately), so as someone that has played the role of the wet blanket to someone's sweet irreverent energy.. I think the Saturn person needs to relax. They need to understand that not everything needs to be controlled, that everyone displays love and affection in their own unique ways, that there is no "wrong" way of doing this, and to let people be themselves in peace without throwing hints of disapproval in the mix. It's Saturn that needs to work on this, not the innocent Venus so much [/QUOTE]

Thank you for the book links!! I will buy that book if it’s on amazon. I recognize a lot of this in his behavior, like..

-being judgmental in small ways

-‘it’s not like I don’t have feelings for you’ was the closest he ever got to expressing any sentiment towards me

-and he‘s basically been single his whole life, choosing unemotional sex over true commitment

But he never made me jealous, like other boyfriends used to.

posted December 27, 2019 02:11 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by ana_bee:
@graham What does it tell you? I’m not familiar with that chart..

And do you see longevity in our relationship?

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I have expanded my comments in thread reply 14 (which contains the Huber chart image). ... So, please read it again - as something might have been added by me since you last looked there.

posted December 27, 2019 11:46 AM            

In a way I’m mostly a mix of the ‘secure’ and the ‘preoccupied-anxious’ type in romantic relationships, always dating emotionally unavailable men, but so far the ones who were mostly ‘attachment-avoidant’.. I’ve had one ‘dismissive’ kind but that only lasted a couple months.

Interestingly with family and friends, I’m usually the emotionally detached, avoidant type! I haven’t yet figured out, why there’s such a distinct difference in my emotionality when it comes to sexual and non-sexual relationships.

I don’t know why I decide to project my distant features on my romantic partners.

I once dated a secure - type man. It was my ‘healthiest’ relationship so far in the sense that he helped me to heal emotionally. But I distanced myself from him after 3 1/2 years for someone who offered me more excitement (my baby-daddy.. most hurtful relationship!)

Interestingly, the guy this thread is about, reminds me a lot of the one good relationship I had.. they have a similar temperament, they even look alike, though this current guy is far from being emotionally secure.

In this current relationship I’m assuming the more emotionally secure role. It’s the first time for me, because before him, I’ve always been anxiously clingy (romantic relationships).

Someone wrote here that this relationship would change my pattern of relating and indeed it does.. I can see it now.

In this relationship I am challenged to assume the emotionally mature role to help my partner heal his emotional wounds.

Now, I don’t know how we will continue.. whether as romantic partners or as friends..

On a side note.. that book says that we usually look for partners who are similar to our opposite-sex parent!
In my case it’s reversed!
My partners, on a subconscious level, always reminded me of my mother, who is emotionally-distant, while my father is the obsessive, neurotic, clingy type, and more like me.