posted August 05, 2018 08:43 PM            

I met this fellow a few months ago, and a relationship started at lightning speed. Uranus is transiting my 7th house and square my moon right now, so a series of fast-on (and unfortunately, fast-off) connections have been happening for awhile. No surprise, he's heavily Aquarian (sun, Venus, Merc).

By all accounts, he's wonderful and we seem extremely compatible, and the circumstances surrounding our meeting were nothing less than kismet. We only had a little time together in person (which was spent platonically) before I had to move to a far-away city. The romantic part of the relationship has all unfolded long distance. I have a flight booked to go move in with him soon for as long as I want, so that we can spend more time together in person (this was his invitation/idea -- he lives way out in the middle of nowhere, so there's really no place I could move to make seeing him more convenient, other than literally living with him).

Everything was unfolding like a fairytale (hey there composite Venus square Neptune!), and then I woke up a couple days ago thinking "WTF am I doing???" Suddenly I'm scared and have cold feet and wonder if I'm ready for this and how much of it is just fantasy and projection. The synastry is filled with squares, including some pretty gnarly ones (Mars/Pluto, Mars/Saturn, Mars/Uranus), but also some nice planet-angle conjunctions and my sun/Merc right on his north node. Objectively, there really is a ton of good stuff that's emerged between us and I feel we could help each other tremendously in terms of life paths. But still, I'm suddenly dragging my heels and wondering if that's intuition or merely fear.

I feel part of what has overwhelmed me is his Mars conjunct my ASC, which was extremely attractive at first, but now feels so sex focused and intense that I'm a little put off.

I'm particularly concerned about the Venus square Neptune and Moon square Pluto in the composite, which has always given me trouble in the past.

I'm the Taurus outside (red), he's inside (blue). Yes, he's 20 years older, but I almost always date people significantly older than me and he almost always dates people significantly younger than him so it kinda works.

Synastry:
https://i.imgur.com/dEZ85BU.png

posted August 05, 2018 09:05 PM            

The squares from the outer planets tend to play out over time, so you might be all roses for the first few months and then before you know it those squares could start causing real problems. And if you're 'stuck' together then that's really not good.

For me it's mostly about trust and safety, and I personally couldn't trust a person I've only known for a few months, enough to move in with them. You don't really know them yet.
However, if you have the means to move in impulsively, and just up and move out whenever you feel like, then there's less to lose I guess. But I'd still be concerned about the safety of the situation; abusers are known to suck their victims in with a whirlwind of romance and then flip the switch after the victim is 'stuck.'

Also, do you know anyone else out there where he lives? Or will he be your sole source of emotional and romantic fulfillment? From personal experience, it's very hard to make that type of adjustment, and I only moved across the country where I knew no one because we'd dated for 2 years and I knew it was going to be ok in the end. But it's still hard!

posted August 05, 2018 09:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Selenite:
From what you're saying, and the squares in the composite, it seems like this could be a potentially awful situation, to be real with you. Can you go visit him for a little and stay at a hotel instead of moving in with him right away?

The squares from the outer planets tend to play out over time, so you might be all roses for the first few months and then before you know it those squares could start causing real problems. And if you're 'stuck' together then that's really not good.

For me it's mostly about trust and safety, and I personally couldn't trust a person I've only known for a few months, enough to move in with them. You don't really know them yet.
However, if you have the means to move in impulsively, and just up and move out whenever you feel like, then there's less to lose I guess. But I'd still be concerned about the safety of the situation; abusers are known to suck their victims in with a whirlwind of romance and then flip the switch after the victim is 'stuck.'

Also, do you know anyone else out there where he lives? Or will he be your sole source of emotional and romantic fulfillment? From personal experience, it's very hard to make that type of adjustment, and I only moved across the country where I knew no one because we'd dated for 2 years and I knew it was going to be ok in the end. But it's still hard!

Just think hard and long about it, astrology aside, it's a huge change.

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Thank you so much, Selenite. This is really good advice.

Part of the issue is that he lives out on a farm that's about 30 miles from the nearest town (a very small town), and it's extremely unaffordable in that town in terms of lodging. I don't have a car, and the road to his place gets shut down periodically due to rock slides, so moving in is actually the easiest solution, even though it is risky in an objective sense. He lives off the land and doesn't need to go into town very often. Basically we'll be stuck together for most of the day and the only social interaction I'd get for most days would be him. He does have visitors over sometimes. But, I'm from the city, and used to a more heavily populated environment, so I worry about feeling isolated.

posted August 05, 2018 09:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by featherlightly:
Thank you so much, Selenite. This is really good advice.

Part of the issue is that he lives out on a farm that's about 30 miles from the nearest town (a very small town), and it's extremely unaffordable in that town in terms of lodging. I don't have a car, and the road to his place gets shut down periodically due to rock slides, so moving in is actually the easiest solution, even though it is risky in an objective sense. He lives off the land and doesn't need to go into town very often. Basically we'll be stuck together for most of the day and the only social interaction I'd get for most days would be him. He does have visitors over sometimes. But, I'm from the city, and used to a more heavily populated environment, so I worry about feeling isolated.

I do know a couple people in the town near him (including mutual friends), and I also know one of his ex-girlfriends, who can vouch that he's a really good guy. My bigger concern than him being abusive is that I'm going to get there and freak out and leave while he's gotten so attached, and end up breaking his heart. That's what his last girlfriend did to him, and I already see him projecting a lot onto me in terms of being the love of his life, and envisioning many plans with me far into the future. Knowing how most of my connections have gone lately (Uranian instability), I'm braced to just go with the flow and allow things to end when they need to, but I think he is already getting invested in this being a forever thing. To be fair, we have a spectacular amount in common and it's a very rare connection.

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Ok, that makes me feel better about the whole thing. So it's more of an ethical dilemma then? I don't think it would be bad at all to tell him you're feeling this way, maybe put in not so blunt terms. They say honestly and clarity is the antidote for challenging Neptune aspects. If you present yourself from the beginning that this is a strange time for you and you just want to see how it goes, it might end in a less heartbreaking way, if it does. More romance and less deception, if he's willing to accept your stance from the beginning.

posted August 05, 2018 10:34 PM            

I think that his upcoming transits are very problematic. Consider:

Transitng Uranus in Taurus is currently square his Sun/Mercury, and will continue to be hovering in this area until March 2019. At some point, transiting Uranis will also cross his DSC/NN and spend 6+ years in his 7th house.

Actually transiting Uranus is currently forming a t-square with his Sun/Mercury and your Moon. So I'd say if you guys are starting to back out suddenly.. it may be wise to create an objective "pros/cons" list about this relationship and DEEPLY analyze the hell out of it.

The synastry is equal parts concerning and interesting. I love the Moon/Venus trine, Sun/Mercury on the DSC/Node is dreamy. Your Pluto on his ASC and his Mars on your ASC.

The kite between both of the Mars/his Moon/his Venus and your Saturn. Looks very glue-y.

Then of course that dreaded t-square which involves a Saturn/Moon opposition. Yikes. He could come to resent your Saturnine authority when this new Uranus in Taurus transit really kicks off for him.

Your Jupiter/Venus/NN in his 5th does mean that you ARE a lot of fun to him though, could definitely see you as future mother-of-his-children material.

posted August 05, 2018 10:58 PM            

Only trines and sextiles is boring, sooner than later you will get bored without the challenging aspects.

Further a perfect synastry and composite does not exist.

posted August 06, 2018 06:25 AM              

You seem like a very interesting person who’s full of life.

posted August 06, 2018 01:26 PM            

Being an aquarius I think he could tolerate you having hobbies or reasons to leave the farm every so often, although his scorpio rising may be threatened by it. But why not find an arrangement where you keep a life outside and don't have to be stuck with him. I don't mean it in a bad sense but as an aqua he can surely understand that need, and if it is a necessity from the start, the scorpio in him may get that it is not because one day you get bored. May be

posted August 06, 2018 02:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
hey,

the synastry looks interesting especially with that T-square there entangling severl of your and his planets, so I can see the draw. But look, your venus conjunct Jupiter conjunct Node does not receive any stimulation from him, like - you cant find a common ground in terms of Venus - likes, hobbies, love, romance, humour….none of this will be relevant to you in regard to him. I think you will run away sooner than later.

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posted August 06, 2018 02:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Selenite:
Ok, that makes me feel better about the whole thing. So it's more of an ethical dilemma then? I don't think it would be bad at all to tell him you're feeling this way, maybe put in not so blunt terms. They say honestly and clarity is the antidote for challenging Neptune aspects. If you present yourself from the beginning that this is a strange time for you and you just want to see how it goes, it might end in a less heartbreaking way, if it does. More romance and less deception, if he's willing to accept your stance from the beginning.

It's good you would have friends nearby though! And that you have a lot in common with him.
I also moved form a city 8 months ago and went into depression and freaked out a couple times. But it's gotten better, though I'm itching to move to the nearest major city in a year or so. Haha. But neither of us ever wanted to live here forever, it's just because he goes to school here. You can always try to convince him to move somewhere else with you.. I don't know, logistics are always so hard.

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More of an ethical dilemma -- exactly! He's also been telling me about his ex girlfriend of six years ago, who he was madly in love with, and how she broke his heart, and I see a lot of parallels in her personality and mine -- including an extreme independence that triggers his anxiety. You're so right; honesty and clarity is key here. I'm going to talk to him today and be super clear about where I'm at. I think we've both been trying to uphold the fairytale this thing has been so far and that means keeping some of the potential challenges fuzzy and undiscussed.

posted August 06, 2018 02:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by featherlightly:
Thank you, Orange! You're right -- my Venus/Jupiter only get a very wide opposition from his Mars, wide enough so I would hardly count it, and no planetary interaction other than that. Our biggest personal differences are definitely related to music, arts, aesthetics, and socializing. Venus being my chart ruler, an artistic connection has historically been very important to me in relationships. Thanks for noticing that!

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I checked and your VENUS Quintiles his MOON just under 2d so there is that. I use a 2d orb for quintiles, some people even go wider. Quintiles go right before sextiles, is the 5th harmonics. Quintiles give you a good intuition around meeting the needs of the other planet so your venus knows just what his moon needs and his moon just knows intuitively what to give to your venus.

I had venus quintile mars double whammy with someone and yes he knew how to make my venus and mars happy. Quintiles are NOT my favorite but there is something to them for sure, they do make you in-tune to the other in connection to the planets that are interacting for sure.

posted August 06, 2018 03:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenaia:
I swear I could have written this post. You sound so much like me just by the way you write and describe yourself - studying astrology for 10+ years, using the word "kismet", you're a Taurus Sun, Aries Venus and Leo Moon - I'm a Taurus Sun, Aries Venus and Aqua Moon. I also exclusively date people 10+ years older than me (my last boyfriend was 31 years older than me).

I think that his upcoming transits are very problematic. Consider:

Transitng Uranus in Taurus is currently square his Sun/Mercury, and will continue to be hovering in this area until March 2019. At some point, transiting Uranis will also cross his DSC/NN and spend 6+ years in his 7th house.

Actually transiting Uranus is currently forming a t-square with his Sun/Mercury and your Moon. So I'd say if you guys are starting to back out suddenly.. it may be wise to create an objective "pros/cons" list about this relationship and DEEPLY analyze the hell out of it.

The synastry is equal parts concerning and interesting. I love the Moon/Venus trine, Sun/Mercury on the DSC/Node is dreamy. Your Pluto on his ASC and his Mars on your ASC.

The kite between both of the Mars/his Moon/his Venus and your Saturn. Looks very glue-y.

Then of course that dreaded t-square which involves a Saturn/Moon opposition. Yikes. He could come to resent your Saturnine authority when this new Uranus in Taurus transit really kicks off for him.

Your Jupiter/Venus/NN in his 5th does mean that you ARE a lot of fun to him though, could definitely see you as future mother-of-his-children material.

Transit Jupiter is probably opposite your Sun right now so definitely hold off on making BIG BIG moves (figuratively and literally) at the moment. Take things slow. Remember we're in the middle of eclipse season and Mars has been retrograde for a while. Permanent decisions are not the best thing to indulge in at the moment.

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WHAT! Are you my internet twin?! That's wild. So, you totally get it. What year were you born?

Wow, I hadn't even looked at his transits -- just mine -- ha. How Uranus is hitting both of us is definitely an issue. I just noticed it will also be crossing the composite DSC/Chiron in the future, AKA "give this thing space to breathe or it'll die." When Uranus made its final pass over my DSC, my partner of 3 years and I broke up (heavily Saturnian relationship that spanned my Saturn return), and ever since, I've been getting into all these short-lived affairs with people who I have tons of Uranian synastry with or who are heavily Uranian themselves. The pros and cons list is a great idea. Both he and I are super analytical, so I think bringing things into an objective realm will go over well.

The moon/Saturn (and moon/Uranus) oppositions are definitely concerning to me. I can already tell that between the two of us, I'll be the more flighty and detached -- he tends to get insecure and needy in relationships (per what he's told me; I think from his natal moon square Saturn) and I tend to get more autonomous. Kind of a lethal combo. If we can outsmart our own psychology there, I think this would be a great opportunity to work on healthy interdependence.

Also funny you mentioned children -- he has a vasectomy but has been talking about reversing it in case I want to have his babies! Ha!

posted August 06, 2018 03:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Its the hard challenging aspects that keep things interesting and the intensity alive!!

Only trines and sextiles is boring, sooner than later you will get bored without the challenging aspects.

Further a perfect synastry and composite does not exist.

I like your synastry and composite. I think is worth giving it a go and seeing how things play out! Good Luck!

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posted August 06, 2018 03:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Yanmorg:
Just by reading your posts, Feather

You seem like a very interesting person who’s full of life.

Regardless to what, you’ll be fine.

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posted August 06, 2018 03:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by pire:
I love his way of life, I am a guy who lives in the country too (France), although not as isolated, but a friend of mine does, and I understand the drift.

Being an aquarius I think he could tolerate you having hobbies or reasons to leave the farm every so often, although his scorpio rising may be threatened by it. But why not find an arrangement where you keep a life outside and don't have to be stuck with him. I don't mean it in a bad sense but as an aqua he can surely understand that need, and if it is a necessity from the start, the scorpio in him may get that it is not because one day you get bored. May be

Good luck anywaySsss

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Thank you! Yes, I totally get the country appeal. I have fears of isolation that go deeper than any actual risk involved in that lifestyle, and on the whole it's probably much healthier to be out in nature. This guy in particular is almost totally self-sufficient out there, grows his own food, chops his own firewood from tree to furnace, builds everything by hand -- he's been doing it for decades.

posted August 06, 2018 03:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
I checked and your VENUS Quintiles his MOON just under 2d so there is that. I use a 2d orb for quintiles, some people even go wider. Quintiles go right before sextiles, is the 5th harmonics. Quintiles give you a good intuition around meeting the needs of the other planet so your venus knows just what his moon needs and his moon just knows intuitively what to give to your venus.

I had venus quintile mars double whammy with someone and yes he knew how to make my venus and mars happy. Quintiles are NOT my favorite but there is something to them for sure, they do make you in-tune to the other in connection to the planets that are interacting for sure.

I am rooting for you two!

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posted August 06, 2018 11:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by featherlightly:
Thank you, Hypatia! Yes, the hard aspects definitely keep things spicy. That Mars/Saturn though, ugh... I've had that with so many people and it's never ended well. Maybe this is a chance to figure out how to finally work with that energy instead of letting it be a buzzkill.

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posted August 07, 2018 01:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:
I'm in a similar situation to you at the moment and have a lot of similar synastry aspects too! I think Uranus has something to do with this and I'm also scared to take the plunge.

I love the house over lays though 4th, 5th, 7th and 8th are all lighting up which are my favourites.

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Interesting! Do you have your synastry posted anywhere? I’d love to see it.

posted August 07, 2018 01:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Plut0nian2:
Could you tell me about your experience with Saturn/Mars hard aspects?
Generally I feel that Saturn Mars is an aspect that doesn't end well most of the time same goes for Uranus aspecta

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Sure thing. First, I’ve actually found that Mars-Saturn hard aspects are some of the most common in marriages a long-term relationships, especially the square and conjunction. It can be really tough energy to work with, but it sure does lend endurance, and brings a sense of challenge/purpose that can keep two people fighting to stay together even when it’s miserable. Cosmic glue. I personally struggle with the square in synastry because it turns my natal Mars-Saturn opposition into a T-square and activates the conflict of those energies not only with the other person, but also within me. The natal charts have a lot to do with whether Mars/Saturn feels too burdensome to bear, or like a worthwhile challenge that produces future fruit (in the form of commitment and mutual responsibility to each other). Personally, I’m a freedom chaser and my Venus in Aries hates feeling restricted, so hard Mars/Saturn feels like a prison to me after awhile and I usually bail.

My longest relationship was with someone whose Saturn was exactly opposite my Saturn and conjunct my Mars. The conjunction is easier than the square, but still created a feeling of being unpleasantly stuck together and saddled with obligations and restrictions that wore down my free-spiritedness. This relationship spanned my Saturn return, so obviously it was time to become more responsible and learn how to work with Saturnian energy. I don’t know if there’s anyone else I’ve ever known other than my ex who I would’ve stuck it out with for three years in the midst of so many hardships. That was the Mars/Saturn glue.

My parents also have the conjunction and have been together 30-odd years. Despite having very little in common and bickering all the time, but their commitment to each other is palpable.