posted August 08, 2004 08:06 PM              

AJ - You mentioned feeling like "life is drowning" you sometimes. It's probably no surprise that I think it's that corpio Neptune rising as the leader planet in a 12th house stellium that's doing this. You're right about this Neptune as a focal point, but being in a stellium, it's not acting alone. This is a very complicted configuration, since Neptune is conjunct to your ASC, so all that intense stellium energy that's generating in your 12th (subconscious) is surfacing in your 1st (self-awareness, consciousness). This may be awfully confusing at times, like getting suckerpunched by your own moods and emotions. Since it'll be hard to sort out where exactly these moods and emotions originate in your 12th house, it may very well feel like "life," the "cosmos," "God" or the "gods" are taking you down for the count. Add to that, Mars is the trailer in this stellium - so these moments can be very intense or be manifestations of repressed, unconscious anger or frustration. try not to let this get you down when it happens. This is a good thing, if you've learned to live with it, because this can be sort of spontaneous carthesis, allowing these negative energies to surface and be purged. It's also a chance for you to become aware of them. Mars in the 12th house can be big trouble if it doesn't have an outlet to let its energies surface, so this is good news for you, even if you may wish at time that this "carthesis" wasn't so chaotic and overwhelming.

Because this stellium is aspected to other strong aspects in your charts, it's a bit more stable. That means once it's purged its energies, you can pull yourself together and get on with your life. This is thanks to the square with Jupiter (squares with this planet are often very constructive - note that it's precisely squared with Mars) and sextiled with Pluto, which seem to act as guardians over this stellium, making sure it doesn't overwhlem you (if it did overwhelem you, you'd be a prime candidate for profound mental illness or even substance abuse). The Venus conjunct Pluto and sextiled the stellium helps too - this possibly helps you attract supportive people who can be understanding of your sometimes dramatic and often intense moods and emotions. This may even attract people who can constructively help you work with such emotions, or who see your emotions as a source of personal strength for you.

Now Saturn and Uranus, heh. These may be acting as "initiators" for your stellium. This can be good or bad, but probably good for you more often than bad. Stelliums don't normally release their energy unless acted upon by another aspect, either in the natal chart or in synastry or transits. The Saturn squares can be trickly, but since yours is conjunct to Jupiter, chances are it's highly beneficial in must cases (excpting some more precarious transits that may turn this joint Jup-Sat influence on its head - look out for those). Saturn "presses" the energy out of this stellium, and it's going to be a steady, patient influence. The more aware you become of this stellium's influence, the more you can use this Saturnine influence to your advantage, helping you to access the stellium's energies at times other than when it "explodes."

Uranus' sextile helps motivate this stellium too. Good that it's a sextile, a soft and aggreeable aspect - with a stronger or conflicting aspect, Uranus would have a heyday with literally erupting your stellium's energy in the most unpredictable fashion. This way, it helps motivate the stellium without overwhelming it. A little taste of chaos, but not so much you can't live to work with it and reaps some benefit.

So all of this is very fortunate: you have an excitable, very intense and problematic stellium as a strong focal point in your chart, but it is balanced out with aspects with the four outer planets plus Venus. If you can keep the balance, you should be quite self-reliant in the sense you don't need someone else to take you by the hand and sort out your emotional issues for you, although Venus' influence will be accepting of some help from others along the way (and with stelliums it's always good to accept such help). This may not be the easiest configuration to live with, but it's potentially very constructive and no doubt makes you a very colorful individual.

You do have something that you need to keep an eye on: while you have all this intense and complicated emotional activity going on in your subconscious and consciousness with your Scorpio stellium, your Cancer moon is being left out of all this action. I wouldn't be surprised if you felt like you were comprised of two distinct emotional "spheres" - like having two TVs on tuned to different channels on in the same room at the same time, or even like being possessed by another "spirit." With a water stellium AND a water moon that aren't strongly trined, it's like you have two emoitonal "cores" to you. More importantly, your stellium cannot be ignored and your Cancer moon *will* not be ignored. If this moon were a person, it'd be outright jealous of having to share a chart with such an intense stellium, acting like it was "the guest that just won't go away." To add to this lunar woe, your moon does get some indirect feedback from the stelluim, through the Jup-Sat oppo. The inevitable ficton from the squares with the stellium will irritate those oppositions with the moon.

Since this is water moon, it's going to be highly sensitive and receptive to this. Because it is in Cancer, there may be a tendency to try to clamp down on the situation whenever it picks up vibrations from the stellium pulsing through the Jup-Sat grapevine. You should avoid this - your moon wants things in other parts of your chart to be under control so it can be Emotions Central, but it isn't in a position to really control this stellium at all. This may cause you undue frustrations and confusion unless you've learned to listen to your lunar influence. So be good to your Cancer moon, pay attention when it starts acting upset and grumpy and find very Cancerian ways for it to express itself (like caring for other people or pets; tend to domestic stuff) so it doesn't feel overly cramped by this stellium.

OK, now the "Good Little Girl" phenomenon: notice that your Sun isn't strongly aspected? To people who know you causally, you probably do appear as simply a very charming, pleasent, friendly Libran (and with Jup-Sat in the 3rd, they probably see you as cheerful yet level-headed, even when you're being anything but that). That's because without strong aspects influencing it, your Sun's not betraying your inner workings. Even your intense stellium can go unnoticed since it's in the 12th house, and save for times when it surfaces intensely in your 1st house, much of its activity is beneath the surface. Granted some Neptunian and Scorpio flavor should be noticeable, but your Scorpio rising planet and ASC influence may seem like more of a magical "aura" aroudn you to those who don't know you on a deeper level. Those who do know you better probably see you as someone with strong emotions, yet quite capable of handling them.

Lastly, one problem you may run into however, is being so emotionally complicated, if you're not careful in how you communicate your emotional needs, people may see you as hopelessly conflicted, and even high maintenence, even though you are neither. Since your Merc's in the 12th house stellium, communicating your emotional complexities may not be your forte and will take practice and some introspection. Probably studying astrology has helped you a lot in this regard, helping you connect concepts and interpretations to inner feelings that previously you had trouble articulating.

posted August 08, 2004 10:23 PM              

I'm just curious about something, almost afraid to ask if you used a different house system because the placements you metioned were not in the Houses you mentioned. I have no planets in the 12th. So before I get really into everything you put down, wondering if you have the house positions right? There were a couple of others that were not in the Houses you referred to.

Thank you!

posted August 08, 2004 11:37 PM              

Man, that drives me nuts that I screwed that up for you - I really gave it a lot of thought. I can give your chart another shot, if you like - just give me a chance to forget the "wrong" chart I've still got in my head (I have photographic memory, which helps me interpret a chart, cos I can kick over things about the chart in my head while I'm doing other things, like cleaning or watching TV... but I have to be careful not to mix up charts in my head :P ).

posted August 09, 2004 03:07 AM            

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which of the planets do you think you most "identify" with? Since you obviously don't see yourself as a Satrunine, do you see yourself as a Sun-dominant, or perhaps a Jupiterian?

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When you were a child, were you a rather serious child and learned to be more care-free over time, or were you always care-free? Did you often wish as a child to have more fun, or to participate to fun things, but felt that you shouldn't for some reason?

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Having so much Scorpio in your chart, what do you feel are the strongest Scorpian traits that you express? Are there any Scorpian traits you feel you never express?

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posted August 09, 2004 11:39 AM              

A lot of earth can bring you down a bit, without cheeriness in your life, or lots of children.
This woman has a Gemini ascendant conjunct Uranus which just makes her more unstable. True Node and Moon are Pisces/10th house conjunct Midheaven. Her moon rules her life.

She is very depressive, my observation is that those with strong Pisces do have an interest in alcohol, but especially if you have a lot of earth energy for determination, and an unstable quality that needs to relax.

Another case is an Aqua with a Libra moon and ascendant, with Venus in Cap, Mars in Aries, and Neptune in the 2nd house and is a singleton. True Node is Scorpio.

I know of few other men with mood problems and alcohol and they have Neptune singletons.

Drinking is one kind of addiction, that is socially acceptable.

posted August 10, 2004 07:56 AM              

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Capricorn moons seem to have a slightly higher than normal tendency toward alcoholism.

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I know several Capricorn Moons, and yes, they can get REALLY depressed. Scorpio Moons seem to be close runner up. Neither of them are good at asking and receiving help either.

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It's of particular interest for me because I have chiron in Aries oppo my 1st house. As one would expect, per more common interpretations, I has serious issues with my self-identity. I also have the "opposition point" falling into between my Pluto and my Uranus in that house.

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Same situation here. I have to say that I have yet to figure out (or feel out?) the *Chironess* in my own life. You on the other hand are obviously seeing Chiron in your life very clearly. Very interesting and thank you for sharing. I have to say I've never quite got the woundedness part. What else has been said about Chiron?

posted August 10, 2004 10:00 AM              

Do not worry too much about the rage thing, as I know several Scorpios and they all get into rages sometimes. They pass, and seem to be incredibly therapeutic for them. Actually, I think pent up emotions do more damage, and I secretly admire Scorpios take their passions to that level.

I know one Scorpio woman who buys china at Goodwill so she can throw it at a wall, she is always buying more dishes, but at least she is frugal at the same time! She accepts her rages now because everyone she knows thinks they are great and admire her passion.

posted August 10, 2004 09:37 PM              

My dad and I were discussing Gemini Nymph's totally on target reading of mom's chart. He asked that I post his, as he is a recovering alcoholic and is interested if there is some notion of this in his chart.

posted August 10, 2004 10:44 PM              

Remember what I said about looking for potential ego aspects vs potential insecurity/anxiety aspects? Well that Nep-moon would very likely make your father feel like he wasn't capable of coping with life, but his Leo Mars would make it hard for him to ask for help or being emotionally vulnerable. I suspect that your father became an alcoholic largely to avoid his own confused emotions, which he never learned as a child to express. Possibly, with such a masculine Mars, he may have been attempting to be a macho guy during his drinking days, and used alcohol to keep up his bravado.

That stellium with all those planets may have caused a serious imbalance in his overall personality earlier in his life, making his "extreme" or very rigid/narrow (perhaps even scared of change, espeically beyond his control), until he was forced to reassess his behavior and learn better living skills and how to communicate his emotions. I wouldn't be surprised that he had a pretty intense "wake-up call" at somepoint that factored into his decision to stop drinking, like getting a DWI or losing a job - anything that would be a slap in the face to make him look at what his drinking was doing to him. That kind of stellium takes a lot of work to live to live with in a healthy way, and if its intense energy start heading in the wrong direction, it often takes something very sudden and forceful to get it to turn around. The good news is if you get a stellium working for you rather than against you, it's very very helpful, giving you a lot of motivation and momentum to accomplish things that make otherwise be impossible for you. I suspect that getting this stellium's energy on the right track has a lot to do with your father's ability to stay away from alcohol longterm.

posted August 11, 2004 03:51 PM              

It is so ironic that I found this post because I have been struggling w/my brother's addiction. He had DUI's but is in denial that there's a problem. I just looked at his chart and he has a Cap Moon - wow! Anyway, I was wondering if you could look at it for me and let me know how serious you think the problem is, and whether he will be able to recover.