posted January 17, 2005 06:31 PM            

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!..LMAO..yes, that would really unnerve me. I am even protective of my stuff at my families houses. It is strange - like when the ex-Leo went with me to my Dad's house and stood in the hallway checking out our family pics. He just kept staring and I found it intrusive.

Mr. Taurus is like you, in that he doesn't have the tight bounderies that I have. I am very protective over my space- my drawers, my desk...my papers LOL...He likes to open drawers and peek..not to snoop but because it is just something to do.

My protectiveness over my house also extends to the work place. I like my office, my refuge- and would spend many hours beyond what was required at work, because I loved being in my office. I decorated it in a very Western way, with pictures, paintings..etc...that reminded me of home.

I understand what you mean about being affected by those around you- their strong presence. If Mr. T and I get into a fight, I want to leave the house- I can't deal with being "here" and feeling his presence because it interferes with clarity. I understand it is dangerous to the relationship, so that is one thing I have really worked on - he knows that I am not going to run out.

BUT..now here is the problem and Natasha maybe you could shed some light for me. I am not sure if it is a Taurus thing or his Venus in Cancer, but now that he is sure I won't just run away, when we have an argument and I voice any dissatisfaction with this town he will retort "Then get the blank out if you hate it here with me so much".

I think he is being too sensitive- because it is NOT him that I am disappointed in, it is this dismal place that offers almost no hope for work. (But..I will find out this week if I get that Fed job in town).

What do you think it is? I told him we need to stop letting it get that far, because honestly, if I hear it enough, he is going to come home and find me gone. I have read that this is a Taurus Male thing to do...almost like testing to see if the person will leave or just throwing their weight around- especially when they feel secure.

posted January 17, 2005 09:50 PM            

Thank you for what you said. It makes sense and it was what I was kind of thinking. Sometimes Archer's have a hard time seeing things from other points of view.

I am sorry that you are hurting. I know it is still hard. I really want to see Wicker Park too- I think Josh is a hottie- LOL..I would have recommended Anchorman or Without a Paddle though LOL...

posted January 17, 2005 11:34 PM              

I know if I look underneath there is something to see, something real. I like to look in the medicine cabinet and in the bed, and closets, for secret medication that I am not allowed to know about! Once I dated someone who had some very important medication there, another time I found drugs, another time something else, I just like to poke around, it's good to know, since I only do this when my instincts are bugging me.

I like more electric surroundings that are not neat, with sentimental value. I like abstract paintings, shocking colours. And I like to change everything often. This way people don't get bored and they understand the nature of things, that they all change.

There is no comfort in this world, not from me anyway, I dont' like to feel old, so I need surroundings that make me feel alive. I have learned to let my partner take over, but I need at least one room with colour that is not about pictures, just undefined works, but I get really nervous since I get a lot of criticism about the work before it's even done, which of course is not productive.

When I date another 4th house sun I will just give in to whatever he wants to do, but have some separation of mind where I figure out what to do somewhere else and then I can deal with the criticism, instead of retreating to a studio.

my method of operations right now is to offer the following to men I am dating

First he has to be financially supportive but not controlling of the finances, and emotionally available and single.

Then I offer the chance to get to know me really well and by that I mean moving in with me for a few weeks to see how things are, if he can't do that then I can move in with him, but eventually if it works out we have to live together. That's the only way I am secure and know that a guy will at least have to come up with a good reason for leaving, and let's me know he's leaving. Plus this way he can get to know me and then I don't feel like a fantasy woman, and the time was not real.

This has a lot to do with Neptune conjunct Ascendant, I feel unreal in a relationship because I am the fantasy woman. So I must make sure I am grounded physically, making sure the man knows who and what I am like and why. It's too easy to drift into someone else that I'm not and then I feel lonely and withdraw to be consoled by someone else destroying the emotional intimacy.

I think the Taurus part of me feels destroyed by all the emotional closeness even though I need the physical closeness and then I blow up by saying, you can leave anytime but that means you are not really connected to me, on an emotional level.

That is because I am still testing out this emotional intimacy thing and if I feel tested over and over again, to see if the connection is still there, then I will lose faith in it and myself and say leave and let me see if you come back because I am not going after you. I will not, if I am secure in someone, go after that person if he leaves. So if I say go and get out if you hate me, then I am saying you know I can't go after you, you are playing a game and you know it.

Your Taurus must think you are testing him to see if the connection is real, he feels responsible for everything, the job, everything going on in your life and he can't control that and get intimate with you at the same time. Trying to handle both fronts is really tough since he wants to still feel that closeness.

The Taurus ownership thing and security is not about being alone, it's about closeness and emotional intimacy, we have trouble with that because we are told it's not the same as the physical. Being so physical it's easy to feel afraid of the closeness which is really security.

the ways that security is threatened are
talking to other people,
expressing unhappiness about circumstances
feeling insecure about the relationship.

So, right now you are feeling insecure about the relationship because he brought you to that town, and you are not secure in your position in life, plus you are unhappy with the communication.

And communication is the Taurus weak spot, that is saying what we want to say when we need to open up and be vulnerable.

Your Taurus sounds like he is having trouble opening up and asking why you are unhappy and saying why he is unhappy too. He thinks he wants to talk about the how and what and all of that. He thinks you want to make things better without talking about why you are insecure and he may feel you are testing him to draw him out and make him say why things are the way they are.

He thinks there is a deeper reason...

If you tell him it's just the job and feel secure about that it will help. I know that security is hard. That is why I get by with a little help from my friends.

Beatles!

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me?

Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song,
And I’ll try not to sing out of key.

I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
Going to try with a little help from my friends.
What do I do when my love is away.
(does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(are you sad because you’re on your own)
No I get by with a little help from my friends,
Do you need anybody,
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.
Would you believe in a love at first sight,
Yes I’m certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the light,
I can’t tell you, but I know it’s mine.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Do you need anybody,
I just need someone to love,
Could it be anybody,
I want somebody to love.
I get by with a little help from my friends,
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,
With a little help from my friends.

We all need someone to love, even if we are with somebody, it's hard to be a friend and a lover

BTW I also have Venus in the 4th

Natasha

posted January 18, 2005 12:36 AM            

Yes, there are a few things that I am sure we are both unhappy about. He hates being away from me and I know that he is missing me more than he lets on. He won't be back until March 22. I think he feels like he adandoned me- maybe I made him feel that way when I started to get upset about the job.

I tried to talk to him about it, but I also don't want to bring him down, not now, not while he is in training. At the same time, it is SO hard being in this position and ALWAYS keeping up this optimisic front. It wears on me and sometimes all I need (and finally was able to get out to him today) is some support.

I just needed for him to be able to say "Honey, it will be okay. I know it is hard on you right now and I don't blame you for feeling down- but I'm here for you". I KNOW he is here for me and he is very solid - BUT, like I told him..I am still a woman..I still feel things even though I appear like everything is just great and nothing brings me down. It does...some things just bring me to my knees.

He seems very sure that I got this Fed Job. I want to believe he is right. I know my happiness affects him deeply and I that is also why I try not to let these things show.

In the end, it comes out..and like he said "I had no idea you felt like this. How can I when you don't say anything".

So he is worried about me..being here alone (even though I do have family 3 hours away) and he can't do anything about it. I am also sad because he is far away and so busy that sometimes our calls are less than 5 minutes with him running from breakfast to class.

Then you take away the ability for us to be intimate- we are both very touch oriented people (well at least NOW I am lOl) and we can't even give each other that reassuring hug.

I am looking forward to seeing my nephew when I go out to Idaho the first week of Feb. My sis-in-law is having a C-section so I will be staying with my little buddy until she comes home from the hospital. My brother has to work and wants to save his leave for when she is back.

posted January 18, 2005 11:09 AM              

yes i know it's fun being an aunt:>

You were probably always touch oriented, but couldn't get that connection with anyone else,

posted January 19, 2005 05:56 AM              

quote:

---

I do notice that 4th house suns must run the household or else they feel totally dominated by another presence, and that space has to be respected.

---

So true, I wish I'd figured that out sooner than I did. I moved in to live with a Pisces to his flat. For years I lived there, I could hardly change anything or arrange anything for my liking. I was allowed into his space, but not to do anything with this space. I didin't fully ralize how baseless I had become, until I moved away. I moved away to a much 'worse' place, had to work hard to make it livable, but enjoyed every moment of it and in the end, it was just like wanted it. Curiously, I've always found moving from place to place easy.