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Author Topic:   What Attracts Men?
ariestiger
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posted February 10, 2005 08:21 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Okay, maybe you would say this is an inappropriate topic to broach, since I am attached anyway - but what is it that some women have that attracts men???

I have been trying to figure it out for ages, I join special interest groups that are PREDOMINANTLY male. Trouble is, men see me as great to talk to about (whatever the interest is), but not as a potential love interest. I was thinking about something Pixelpixie said on an earlier thread, about being approached even though you're married. I never get that!!! I never even used to get it BEFORE I was attached!

My chest isn't exactly ample, and I get the awful feeling that guys see me as "one of the guys", rather than a sort of soft, feminine woman that would "mother" them. Many seem scared of me, it only seems to be the entirely psychotic, off-the-wall ones who have actually had the bottle to approach me for a date. (What does that say about me?????) Some have told me I am a "scary" person. I never knew I had that much power!!!

It gets to me a bit, because I am terribly vain and need male attention most of the time.

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Yin
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posted February 10, 2005 08:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't know, AT. Flirting? Making eye contact? Looking gorgeous, sexy and helpless?

I would like to have this question answered as well.

I don't consider myself unattractive or stupid, but maybe that's not what the male population sees.

Maybe it's a self-esteem problem?

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GingerB
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posted February 10, 2005 09:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It also could be a bit of an intimidation problem coming from the males.
Took me a long time to realize that it was more to do with the guys self esteem, than something from the female.

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CNO732
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posted February 10, 2005 09:09 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey ariestiger .. It's a variation of a number of things .. but most guys like coy, a little shy, a little dumb-acting, a little motherly, playful and non-threatening ... Most guys want to feel like a king and don't want the nag-nag, ***** -***** girl ... The one who plays along and is sexy but won't challenge him head-to-head in every aspect of his life ...

Ur an Aries women and I have dated a few and they come off like one of the guys, like a counter-part: self-confident, brash, outspoken, opinionated, challenging ... This scares many a man ... It goes against every acrhetype built in our minds about how women are supposed to be ... It throws a wrench in our programs, which are pretty well set and limited if u ask me ... Men are not that evolved in that way and stick to visuals, plans and desires rather than emotions and the heavy brain stuff with women ... we don't want to think so much all the time about how you can be our equals and so on ... and this frustrates strong-weilled females

JMO

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GingerB
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posted February 10, 2005 10:07 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I had a Scorpio/Leo male tell me one time, just out of the blue.
'The biggest problem with relationships is the male ego.'
Honest, that's what he said, and I'm still trying to figure out 'why' he said that to me...

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GemStar
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posted February 10, 2005 10:16 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL!! THAT right there is what the man is all about-EGO!

What attracts men?? Easy...stroke their ego. They like to be noticed for any and all good deeds (good anything for that matter)...they like to be told so!

Do an experiement with your man...compliment him on something and carefully watch his reaction. Usually they will blossom like a flower and want to please you more. They like the stroking (keep your mind out of the gutter for a 'moment' please-Ha,ha) and doing this will most often get you where you need to go! Must be sincere of course!

Try it!

Sometimes I try it on strangers and so many things are done for me by just being nice and complimentary (read-stroking their ego!).

My two cents...GemStar

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Aphrodite
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posted February 10, 2005 10:21 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hi ariestiger,

have you read linda goodman's love signs? she wrote insightful information in the aries woman - xyz sun sign man chapters that address the inquiry here.

i have a feeling that the responses here are going to be a hurtful disappointment. just a premonition kind of feeling.

a.

------------------
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

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Yin
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posted February 10, 2005 10:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Aphrodite
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posted February 10, 2005 10:51 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh, no no! not a reflection on the posters or posts. i meant in regard to stereotypes that will eventually come out and the insecurities strong-willed women have about them.

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Yin
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posted February 10, 2005 10:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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viper
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posted February 10, 2005 11:26 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi everyone,

This is a good topic, I like this. Very much like GemStars run down on complimenting us!!! but isn't that the males role?? or is that just my ego talking? Ha ha LOL.

I think it depends a lot more on the males venus placement than generalising the whole thing. I have a large group of friends (male) yet they don't all fancy the same girls! a couple of us are naturally attracted to attractive women, but as they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I guess we all look at different aspects of a potentially worthy female?

I know, from my own knowledge - with venus in Pisces - I am very much attracted to the other worldly, very feminine and a little reserved types. However, from bitter experience, LOL, it is usually their ascendant I see as this and in a lot of cases, in reality they turn out to be completely different to as I first saw them!

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Mama Mia
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posted February 10, 2005 12:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So strange this topic would come up right now
I am reading this book Called Why Men Love b**ches. It is a really good book inspite of its title nothing like what you might think. It is by Sherry Argov and man there is some really good points in this book. Put it like this it is a refresher course for me.

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ariestiger
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posted February 10, 2005 01:06 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi CNO732,

Do guys really like coy, shy, and (heaven forbid) DUMB-ACTING women?

I do compliment those I like but if they want constructive criticism then I will also give that.

I guess I can relate to the "challenging" personality traits you mention. I am definetely not non-threatening (!), I like asking questions, not because I want to make guys feel insecure about themselves, but because I want to know more about them. I also love competing with them, which they really don't like, especially when my results are better than theirs. I think competition is good, it encourages both sides to do better, but somehow they don't see it that way.

When the male ego gets bruised, it gets really, really bruised. Yet I cannot for the life of me subjugate my ego just so a man's ego won't suffer. If he doesn't want his ego to suffer, in my opinion, that is up to him. The challenge is there, if he'd only take it. It is up to him to do better than me.

About the only "feminine" personality trait I have is a tendency to emote when I get occasionally and uncharacteristically un-self-confident. Then guys are very supportive. But I am not sure whether they could handle that all the time.

The thing is, I've played stuff like The Rules, and I hate it, I really, really hate it. It goes against every aspect of my being. I don't like playing games, I like being open and honest, because I feel that that is ultimately what a proper friendship or relationship should be about, not acting in a certain way in order to make someone like me.

(Sigh) Are there any guys out there who like straight talking and someone who will keep the game fast and furious? Or do they just want someone to pamper and relax them?
- That's it! Maybe I don't make them feel "relaxed" enough!

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astro junkie
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posted February 10, 2005 01:07 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*crickets chirping in my head*

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GemStar
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posted February 10, 2005 01:18 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL...everyone's comments are making me smile! (tweet, tweet, chirp, chirp...)

I made the comment about stroking the males ego because of the very comment viper stated...(traditionally)it is the man's job to compliment and we women usually do not compliment the men so readily. Some guys are easy to compliment, others,well...

My idea is that you do not give up your ego to please the Other's...no,no, no. Just strive to be honest and give up the compliments when they are due. That's all.

Maybe the true feeling I have about attracting men is really this: Be Yourself.

I have seen that book Mamma Mia is talking about....it can be harsh! LOL!

I can't imagine acting coy or helpless to get someone's attention...I see many women who do it but today's man-I like to think respects a well-rounded woman much better than a weakling. Of course, that means they will have less control over the woman.

SO-Is that such a bad thing???

Naaahhhh...be the best version of who you are and keep improving...a good heart always finds another good heart!

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Mama Mia
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posted February 10, 2005 01:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
GEMSTAR u are a GEMSTAR that comment about be yourself is right on time. That is the best thing you can do for yourself. I always b myself can't and won't be any other way. I hate when ppl come in with a painted picture of themselves. What you see is what you get. I attract alot of the opposite sex a balanace of two reasons at the risk of sounding modest my beauty first then I back it up with my brains. I refuse to let you think the package is wrapped up all nice with nothing in it. Now if you can't handle that to bad if I am to much for ya in time that will be revealed.

This book is harsh GEMSTAR and I do find myself saying ouch here and there, but its real and I can identify with being a nice girl and being a B****. I think mostly though I have been a nice girl and a change is needed for me. Shoot beauty,brains and a B**** dang Im sure to get it right next time around...

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CNO732
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posted February 10, 2005 01:53 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
back atcha' AriesTiger ...

That's just it .. u answered ur own dilemma at the end of ur post .. about the fast-furious game, relaxing-thing part ...

Guys don't always want to be and feel challenged ... We get the fast and furious from our buds, so when we are with women we're looking for a DIFFERENT TYPE OF ENERGY ...something that strokes our egos a little ... That is the amazing thing about the differences of the 2 species .. Maybe because of ur strong fire prescense ur just "on" a lot and sometimes guys need women to just be "off" for a hot second so they can make the moves w/out worrying about stumbling, saying wrong things, being uptight or feel like they are being tested (which men do to each other all the time) ...

... strong minded women will always have this problem with men ... AND then women will complain when men stop acting like men cause they are too scared of what's going to happen during the approach

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The Mutable Night Force
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posted February 10, 2005 02:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote


CONFIDENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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sthenri
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posted February 10, 2005 03:00 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Practice crying, look helpless physically, not emotionally, Drop things, act happy to see a man like you are his puppy, smile a lot, sigh. Look unhappy, but beautiful.

Do not talk about work, I get that a lot too
Scary!
It means you are more confident and make more money than he does. Men hate that. I never talk about work anymore after scaring off too many. I am totally supportive of what the man does and never criticize, speak warmly.

The women who cry, seem helpless, mainly Cancers, get all the men, so fight the Crab way. Sometimes fighting for something is not the direct approach, it takes some tricky thinking through.

I went through this insecurity after my breakup, I thought every man was looking at me as a freak of nature. I couldn't believe I was attractive, and I am very attractive. So it's typical new man insecurity.

Build up a comfort bubble, enjoy doing something feminine such as putting on lip gloss. I have five shades, or wear a new perfume.

I did my hair a new colour, starting painting my nails again for the first time in ten years, little things that say I'm available. Men look for signals, they don't see a flashing sign,

Also a dirty trick, giving him a drink helps, loosen up the nervous ones, and I take lots of B-vitamins to give me that serene look. It's not natural.

Also decide what you want to do with him once you attract him, most men want to know that there is a plan, even if he looks shallow he wants a plan, they all do.

My current plan is go to a country I haven't visited before, with a man who can guide me so I don't feel lost and helpless:> If nothing else clicks at least we can do that together. It's good to make it a big plan, otherwise, it doesn't sound like you are serious. I feel that men are always expecting a woman to be serious or at least want to be a priority so have your needs in order.

I mean you would think attraction would be the first priority but it's not, most men want something emotional in a woman after attraction, and if you can't present that, express that right away, you will lose your opportunity to both attract and collect. If you are afraid or insecure maybe because you don't know what's in store for you?
But do not put all the power in his hands, have your plan ready and act as if you are going to get what you want, that makes it easier for a man to say no, or yes, rather than maybe.

You don't want maybe. It's safer at first, but more dangerous in the long run.

Natasha
Taurus
Venus Aries

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The Mutable Night Force
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posted February 10, 2005 03:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mutable Night Force     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
B-vitamins??? What do they do??!?

Scorpios are perfect at acting all girly/ helpless/gosh I'm feminine. I can't do that naturally... I start blathering and it makes me come accross as immature... which is a shmae because its only infront of guys I like.

All I know is that confidence shows. Girls who are somtimes not even the best looking can get all the guys just simply because they ooze confidence and sex appeal. Damn them... actually the girl I know who I suppose I was referring to there is a Taurus and is soooo confident (on the outside)plus, she has um... large... well, you get the point..

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LeoSweetHeart
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posted February 10, 2005 04:17 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When I USED to see a guy was interested and making eye contact, I just naturally got butterflies inside and got flirty with them. It just happens to me that way, I don't put on an act and I guess guys like that because they would always take that as a sign to keep flirting and come talk to me. So I guess being a little coy and flirty does work. oh and I sometimes blush...totally on accident ( I don't like it).

I have seen girls that are more of the direct, aggressive sexy types get guys attention as well. So I think different guys like different things.

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sthenri
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posted February 10, 2005 04:53 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes Scorpio men and women both have that helpless sex appeal, as in rescue me, I don't think they mean to do it,

I have watched Scorpio women carefully for tips, but I can't keep up the act.

B-vitamins keep you very calm and serene,
as in http://www.vigorousliving.com/coliamrewga9.html

and now all you need is Taste like Sugar lip gloss http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P40412&shouldPaginate=true

And go hug and kiss on the cheek.

Natasha

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moonshine
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posted February 10, 2005 06:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I find acting like you're not interested usually works..

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virgotaurustaurus
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posted February 10, 2005 06:31 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That would explain why I cannot seem to get rid of the guys I'm not interested in

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Everlong
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posted February 10, 2005 06:58 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Um. All that I have to say is, I rather have no men than act like a dumb, hopeless girl just to get their attention. If a guy can't like you for who you actually are, then it's not worth anything. I mean, I don't know, that just seems ridiculous to me, because in the end, you're not going to be happy unless a casual, shallow relationship is the one you're looking for.

But if the helpless, feminine thing is what comes natural to you, then by all means, great. People just shouldn't act fake and against their nature when they're looking for happiness.

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