posted April 12, 2006 08:06 PM            

I'd love to hear the different stories about love here in LL. To start it off, I'll post my own little story about my unrequited love.

Most of you have heard my story about the infamous Saggie, so I'll talk about The [almost, not too sure yet] One. I'll use the pseudonym Mark.

I first met Mark when I was 15 and he was 17, my age now. We were both in the Fall play at school, Metamorphosis [not the one about the cockroach. the one about greek gods and, ironically, the different kinds of love in our world]. He played Hades and I was student assitant director.

It wasn't until perhaps a month after the Play ended that we started to become friends. He'd walk with me to 2nd hour class everyday and we'd eat lunch together. Everything was very platonic until we started the Spring Musical.

The Spring Musical is known as the most hardcore, longest, and excrusiatingly painful production [far more than any sport] to ever come out of my School. The whole production takes about three months. We're there for 4 fours to start off with. But after a month we're there until 9. Then after two weeks, we're in the Theatre practicing until 11pm. That's 7.5 hours a day. For two months.

So, Mark and I bond together for 7.5 hours everyday for two months, and eventually people start asking questions. By this time, I already had developed a closeness with Mark and I knew that I liked him a lot. And it seemed as if he felt the same way too. He would pay for everything whenever he'd take me out for dinner during our dinner breaks. He'd offer to pick me up at home for practice or to drive me home after practice. We would talk online until 3am. But for some reason, he was very distant with me, and it wasn't until <i>she</i> came around that I knew why.

Her name was Sarah and she was one of the most stuckup, depressed College girls I had ever known. But Mark was in love with her, so I decided from the get-go that I would never tell him how I felt because what good would come out of it? Mark and I were inseperable, except when Sarah came to visit her friends and Mark here at home.

Around Prom, it came to point where Mark and I were getting too close. I was always talking to him, he was always talking to me. He was always protective of me, and I was always comforting him. People started talking, and those people told Sarah.

Keep in mind, at this time Sarah wasn't dating Mark for whatever bull$hit reason she always comes up with. She never sat with Mark at cast parties, during rehearsals, and never talked to him when people were around. She actied like he didn't exist when her friends were looking, and it wasn't until Mark was around me instead of her that she ever mentioned Mark to anyone.

Sarah started being mean to me when Mark wasn't around and she basically told me in a very heated, awkward converation to not hang out with Mark anymore. Did I listen to her? No, but I was much more careful whenever Sarah was around us.

Sarah and Mark started dating immediately after they to Prom together. After that, I almost never saw Mark because the musical was over and he was graduating. I bet Sarah was super happy about that.

I talked to him in the summer, but Sarah kept him busy enough to not be able to hang out with me. The last time I saw him before the summer was during his Graduation. I was on stage with the symphonic band. I saw him walk across the stage, and he stopped right in front me (maybe 10 feet away), accepted his diploma, turned and smiled at me. I wouldn't see him until the next Fall Play that I didn't direct. I was hoping we'd see it together, for old times sake, but guess who was tagging along from college? Sarah.

It wasn't until a year and a half later than they broke up. It was this past Fall that Mark was in London, studying abroad, that I contacted him. I didn't talk to him for a year after he brought Sarah with him to the Play. Not only was it awkward, I realized that I was doing a very very wrong thing trying to get Mark with me alone. Even if nothing would happen, the want and need behind my actions were nonetheless immoral. So I stopped talking to him.

But when my friend Mike told me that Mark was in London, I e-mailed him and the first thing he told me was "Liz, Sarah and I broke up. I don't know what to do. I miss you."

What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? Oh wait, I knew! I wrote him a letter. A 6 page, front and back letter written to him confessing my love to him and how I missed him and how I hated Sarah and the things she told me. I sent him the letter in London.

I waited for two weeks for him to recieve it. But he never did. That's because my MOTHER intercepted the letter, read it, and burned it, letting me believe that Mark was going to recieve it.

Every since I found out what she did, I haven't written him another letter nor told him how I feel. He's back home now, but still at college. And with guess who? Sarah. He hates her now though, even though he's very very congenial with her. Always the gentleman, no matter what.

I'm not sure why I can't tell him again... or write another letter. I'm not ready...[after I wrote that letter, I dated my ex-bf Virgo again for the third time, a Leo who ruined my reputation for ruining his heart, and I've been having romantic liasons with Mr. Saggies.]...

So, there's my story about my first Karmic Love, Mark. Here are our placements:

Me:
Cancer Sun
Scorpio Moon
Gemini Mercury
Gemini Venus
Pisces Mars
Libra Asc
Taurus Vertex
Pisces NN

Mark:
Pisces Sun
Taurus Moon
Pisces Mercury
Aries Venus
Sagittarius Mars
Cancer Asc
Scorpio Vertex
Taurus NN

posted April 13, 2006 01:45 AM              

I was in love and obsessed with this boy. he was 16, i was 12.. I swore we would get married. I used to pray for it. (he was my first and i wanted to wait until marriage) i was so wild because i thought we were supposed to me married, since did I gave myself to him.

posted April 13, 2006 11:27 AM              

That makes a lot of sense. Since Pluto is about power and Venus about relationship, challenging combinations of these two energies between people just about always create strong issues between them.

Agreeing,

posted April 13, 2006 03:13 PM              

Selena, you have a database of couples? How cool. You are an astrologer for hire then?

posted April 13, 2006 03:50 PM            

Unrequited... no.. karmic... probably!
dangerous and true... yes!

We have the pluto/venus conjunction in synastry and composite....

My venus at 8' Virgo
His pluto at 9' Virgo

posted April 13, 2006 06:24 PM            

I don't know about Pluto on the ascendant, but it also sounds very compulsive and magnetic, I mean, the ascendant is our core being, and one of the main angles of the horoscope. So someone's Pluto being there surely has to be felt...

CapGirl,

posted April 13, 2006 09:25 PM              

Yum...

posted April 13, 2006 10:08 PM              

Selena~ yes, it must be in large part the emotional games- they've been longrunning and hardcore! And we have a venus-moon square, and saturn-sun quincux, and I think a mars-moon square which is also in my natal chart. Yikes! A Sun square pluto, but then a pluto trine sun....

posted April 14, 2006 06:24 AM            

I also know that I have karma with Scorpios and he is indeed a Scorpio. Our Pluto aspects are : mars conjunct pluto, pluto in the 7th house, moon square pluto, as well as venus and neptune sextile pluto.

I know that I have never felt the way about a man that I did (do...) about him ~ even with the man I thought I was going to marry and with whom I spent 7 years.

This particular guy I only spent 7 months with but it was seriously intense.

And I know that I am not allowed to be with him which really sucks.

posted April 14, 2006 09:02 AM            

My father and stepmother did have a hard time in the beginning but they've learned to deal with eachother. Plus, she'sthe pluto person.I always think its better when the girl is the pluto for some reason.

posted April 14, 2006 09:13 AM              

I told him in that letter that when I first met him I did not take him serious. (Dead on w/ the venus not taking pluto serious in the beginning!) I did make him jealous, push him away and then reel him back in. This was all within the first month of knowing him. He's been willing to keep "participating" in this dance though for the 17 months which followed, but it has never been the same. I've had to chase him, for the most part, putting in 2-3 contact attempts to get a return call. But then other times, he's come running with just a single message, calling me repeated times to get me on the phone.

I have totally viewed this relationship as him being sadomasochistic at times. I've gone from thinking he's a narcissist, to a commitment-phobe, to just plain not interested and stringing me along. It is rather astonishing that this one synastry aspect can explain the whole underlying dynamics of the relationship??

Then the feeling "controlled but empty"! I told him in my letter not to respond or contact me if he did not feel the same or if he wasn't in the position to have a serious relationship, because it has been very difficult to date OR MOVE ON otherwise. You've stated it exactly precise- I feel stuck in this limbo, on someone who is giving me so very little of his time and attention, but yet somehow manages to keep me hoping and hanging on to a future.

I predict that he is not letting me go this time either! He will let me stew and think he doesn't care, and maybe 3-6 weeks from now will contact me out of the blue, which would be utterly disrespectful and rude after what I had asked for in the letter to not contact me IF... I have a hard time believing though that he's now going to just walk away after receiving a letter like that from me, which rather convincingly lets him know he has had power over me.

What do I do??? Ignore any contact and shut him out, realizing that this is too far gone to get that equal balance of power? I'm open to doing that and accepted in giving him that letter that I may be forcing this to an end. In closing, in my letter, I told him that whether I ever heard from him or not that I was happy to have met and known him, and that I do love him and have no regrets. For me- that was giving of myself to break the karmic ties, to offer retribution and be free of him, in a way.

I am floored that this one aspect is causing all of these power struggles and control games. I have told him that is our problem, on more than one occasion! And I was just thinking it was because we're both Capricorns! We have intense physical/sexual attraction with the mars-venus mutual conjunct, mars-sun conj., pluto-sun trine, and even emotional and spiritual connections (moon-moon conjunct, neptune-moon conjunct)- it's too many to list- but it really seems that this pluto influence forces him to want control more than to give in to these strong attractions felt on all levels!

Here's our birth data if you care to see all of the aspects at work:

Me- 1/5/70, 4:45 pm EST, Bay City, Michigan

Him- 1/16/77, 3:00 pm EST, Grand Rapids, Kent County, Michigan