posted April 22, 2007 02:11 PM              

Node

Leopricorn, wow, those are some heavy aspects and placements. And you don't think you are inclined to depression? You don't feel depressed when you get down on yourself? Just interested and trying to understand.

JanA, good question. I don't know if there are definative boundaries to go by. So many factors can play into it. Which is why I think it's more revealing to look inside for reasons why, rather than outside at external events. Although looking at both is helpful too to see patterns of emotion in our lives.

AG, I entirely understand what you say.
And feel the same in many respects. I'm open for experience, but I don't feel that I could follow a conservative guidline that is dependant on being a unit with someone. And I am accepting that I might be destined for an independant life, and don't feel I need another to complete it. (I knew this when I was younger, and wandered off from it for a long time, trying to fit my odd-shaped size into a different shaped hole.) Although, I don't close myself off either. I'm open to possibilities beyond what I think I know.

I remain hesitant from going beyond certain stages where things become obligatory and expective. I feel safer to keep opening if I feel the other person understands my complexities and sees my strengths even for my affection and doesn't assume things about it of me.
I'm very romantic, intense about my feelings and immersing at the same time,
So, I often find myself misunderstood as needing simply for being affectionate, and it's rare to meet someone that understands how a person can be dual.

I wondered, because I find it difficult to just accept that someone genuinely loves me. And wondered if it was Venus/Saturn opposition influencing that~~ and if you felt the same.

And it's strange because it's not for having an unloveable or bad image of myself or low self-esteem.
Ever since I was a little girl I remember being afraid to accept love easily, almost like a superstition that to do so would take it away. Or that accepting it is taking it for granted and not cherishing it.
I do feel very warmed and grateful when I hear it, yet something inside of me always checks my enthusiasm.

I've come to realize the benefits of Saturn more. It's protectively balancing to have in contrast to all my more reckless, trusting and overly-idealisitic impulses.

posted April 22, 2007 02:36 PM              

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts after you've experienced the long, drawn out innerly destructive/rebuilt battleground of Pluto.

By the way---on Pluto. Being at 0 degrees Sag, the Sun/Pluto conjunction was only the first leg of the journey a ways back. (seems like a lifetime ago, even though its only been a couple of years)

Most of that time the experience was internal...just beginning to ask questions, realize, explore, observe, cathartisize, awaken. It felt entirely transforming, but the process was gradual and subtle and so much wasn't realized clearly for what it was until afterwards.

It was when the Pluto/Pluto square hit me after that, that things begin to move from internal to external. My entire life was altered for it. It had to. Metamorphosized, No longer was I able to live in the way I had been living or go back to what I was previous. There is a strong, very strong realization of Destiny. The changes had to move outside of me, or I felt that I would die inside and hurl backwards if not. It's so hard to explain.
Anymore Pluto transits heading your way in the future?

posted April 22, 2007 03:13 PM            

I think the height of the pluto pain occured when saturn opposed pluto back in 2001, that was a really rough year for me, and other sagittarians I knew. I think its hard for me to know what is pluto right now and what is not, consdiering i am at 29 deg, and pluto is sitting at 28. But your idea of fate, and not going back holds true for me. I've become dedicated, obsessed with a goal, a path, a calling, and I know now there is no turning back, I feel a sense of purpose here, rather than the the aimless wandering I may have felt a couple years ago. In a way I feel more like a capricorn or scorpio than a sagittarius. Pluto (i think) has also put me in contact with some very domineering personalities, where I am absolutely forced to stand up to them, and when I do the flow of karma is incredible. I realize by backing down and not standing up to people I am not fulfilling karma, and remain in an emotionally stifled state. SO called "idiot's compassion," of being fake nice to someone you feel hostility for is no way to live one's life. SO I guess in many ways pluto is forcing me to grow a backbone, but it has also deepened my pratice of mindfuless and awareness, bringing it into the real world and not just in the meditation room. (still working on this)

I can imagine how you would treat someone who was suffering with complete openness, non judgement, and compassion, I bet you're a great friend. And yes pluto does seem very internal, it slowly changes the way you think, makes you aware of negativity especially. I am so much more aware now of how much hate/anger/hostility I feel on a daily basis.

posted April 22, 2007 03:19 PM              

Here's a link to signs of depression...it's no joke. You literally feel those things, and sometimes, depending on who you are, you might get some symptoms and not others b/c the others are the opposite.

For example...some ppl, when depressed, either eat a lot or don't eat much. You'll be one or the other, not both at the same time. Maybe having mild depression you won't eat, but having severe depression, you'll stuff yourself.
http://www.cymbalta.com/depression/understand/causes.jsp?reqNavId=1.3&ccd=mdddtc87&WT.srch=1

There are meds for these things...but I never took medication, and I got out of depression. But let me tell you, it takes a darn long time to get out. Once you get into depression, you're sure to get into another one again

My aspects

moon, venus, mars square saturn
moon and mars trine neptune
jupiter square pluto
saturn in 8th house in scorpio