posted April 18, 2007 12:46 AM            

Thanks for the nice comments. I don't know where I get my means of expression. It's probably a combination of everything. I'd started that post, and by the time I was done there were an additional seven posts or something.

I liked this:

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NAM, i think some lessons can only be learnt alone. for example, i have a tendency to identify too much with my partner, to the extent that sometimes i am in danger of losing my own identity. i also keep compromising, when sometimes i should not. i attribute it to sun,mars,merc, SN in the 7th house. So apparently, i need to be alone for some time in order to build a strong sense of identity first. at least that's my guess.

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posted April 18, 2007 01:06 AM            

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in love I am one of the ones that adapts until i am pushed too far and I just quit and never to look back.

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I used to be somewhat like that myself. I wasn't adaptable so much as I was deceptively laid-back. I wasn't honest about what my needs were, partly because I feared expressing them only to be met with rejection, but primarily because I hate conflict. Conflict makes me feel alone, so I'd fake a certain amicable nonchalance to avoid that feeling. But that just produced fake intimacy so it would of course eventually shatter. I finally realized that by wanting to avoid feeling alone I was guaranteeing I'd always feel that way because I wasn't letting anyone know the real me. It's the silliest thing that made this finally click in my head (wow, I'm so rambly right now, I get that way when I'm over tired, sorry!). A few years ago I was watching the movie "About A Boy"--which is fantastic, btw--and there's a scene where Hugh Grant's character is waiting for his girlfriend to meet him at the movie theater and she shows up late, explaining that the baby sitter arrived late. And he smiles and says it's no problem, but in his head, he says "that ****** me off." And I totally saw myself in him and how he was not honoring his girlfriend, or himself, or their relationship by not being honest. Everything is a fake fairy tale of our own making when we're not honest. And now to my point which took me forever to make...when you say you endlessly adapt, you're creating that perfect fairy tale void of conflict and full of harmony and it inevitably collapses and thank goodness because who wants to spend their life not as themselves? I think what can help you break that pattern is to accept that there is no fairy tale and conflict is healthy.

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I couldn't have someone adapt to me(give to me all the time), I just couldn't and wouldn't like to have such power, it would not be fun!

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You need to get in touch with the Scorpio in your chart.

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can we just have a happy medium? can we have balance? can we have a real soulmate? that one that fits us perfectly , not too much of one thing when we don't need it , not to little of the other when we need it most.

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No one fits us perfectly though. And I know that's not really what you're saying, I don't mean to imply that you expect literally perfect compatibility. But I really sense that you approach romantic relationships similarly to how I did, and if that is the case, what really helped me is when I let go of this need for perfect harmony. I think part of me always felt that if it was real love, we'd naturally be harmonious, we'd never really fight, never really be jerks to one another, never hurt one another...and when those things would appear on the horizon I'd just figure, "well, guess this guy isn't the one" and I'd see the relationship as a superficial connection, not a true bond, and I wouldn't be honest, wouldn't acknowledge conflict because why bother if this guy isn't the one, you know? And I'm not saying that honesty will automatically bring the love of your life into your life, but it will make it possible to develop. It's not possible without honesty. Maybe you haven't thought of adapting as dishonesty, but it is because you're not really allowing yourself to be in the relationship. I don't mean this harshly and I may be way off base. Perhaps it's just sleep deprivation, but I really got the sense that your pattern matches my old one of relating and I just want you to know that being honest and accepting conflict is, for someone who usually avoids it, almost magical in producing true closeness.

I'm sorry this post had almost nothing to do with astrology!