posted May 03, 2007 05:17 PM              

You wrote about a number of ways to play dumb, lie, act uninterested, try to make him jealous, etc. Where I come from this is exactly what people mean when they talk about "playing games". I thought you were saying you are against game playing? I'm not trying to upset you. I dont think adrienne meant to offend you when she referred to those behaviors as "phony". I think she was just being honest. I dont think it was "ugly". Your response to her, I thought, was a little agressive, though. I don't know. What do you think?

posted May 03, 2007 06:40 PM              

1)In my first post to Dreambecca, I explained there how I indirectly taught an Aquarian not to disappear all of a sudden when it is me. With him I was completely honest in my behaviorals. Yeah, it is true that I was wondering what he was doing, but he was the one who wanted to be close to me. And I am not going to chase a man who acts irresponsible. It is how I am and if someone is comfortable with how she is, how she feels, and how she responds, then she is natural.

2)In my second post to thisdivarocks, I adviced her to be supportive of her Aquarian's current issue. He needs emotional support right now. As I have understood so far from her posts, she is confused with him, with his complicated behaviorals and this obscurity distress her. She has to be independent and unpredictable if she doesnt want his mixed signals to sadden her, not to win his interest or to boost his affection. About that party version, while getting every men's attention and not being with the man I am interested in, I would be bored after a while and leave there, telling him 'i dont know, maybe I was bored' wouldnt be a lie! next time we saw each other. And dancing with other men is not for making him jealous. It is normal, not every girl dances with other men to make their loved ones jealous.

posted May 03, 2007 07:25 PM            

Alllllll better!!!! Now lets get back 2 da stars.

posted May 03, 2007 08:56 PM              

thats so true... and your right aqua's don't always contact you everyday... but if your there freind they won't forgot you even if its been a while.

Its been a while since I last spoke to an aqua I meet at my first job.

Then just right now I bumped into her a second time and she gave me the same warm reception the first time we became freinds, its as if we never broke contact with each other.

Then theres also another aqua I went to high school with, and I always ask my Libra buddy how she is doing...

He always give me the "i wouldn't bother, she's messed up".

Then i mention she isn't messed up, she's a little diffrent.

Aquas normaly have a way of coming back into her life again a second time.

Chances are you'll cross paths again..

I've always found that aqua gals can be a litte odd at times, but thats what makes them special and diffrent, diffrent in a good way.

I've connected with one aqua right now and she's there when ever I need her and I'm the same back with her.

posted May 03, 2007 10:01 PM              

Most importantly, in the beginning of a relationship we run away when things get too intense. We sometimes do this later, too, but once we've decided we love you we always come back. I know it sounds terrible, but we need to process all of these emotions and make them into something rational, if possible.

posted May 04, 2007 11:10 AM              

Please don't accuse me of being impure.
I am not looking for what is not there,
I am just telling you what appears to me.
Our perceptions seem very different.
And I'm just trying to understand you.

I think the best advice to someone trying to date an Aqua is,
"Be yourself. Be honest about your feelings.
Discuss what comes up, as it comes up. Be real.
If that doesn't work, neither will the relationship."

To complicate it much more than this,
is to ask her to be someone she is not.

It always amazes me how often people come to these message boards seeking relationship advice. The vast majority of these concerns ought to be adressed directly to the person with whom they are in the relationship. After all, that is usually the person who knows the answer. And that is exactly what people mean when they say "Communication is the life-blood of relationships,".

quote:

---

I acted like I wasnt worried. Even though I wanted to hear from him so badly, I stayed cool.

---

You "acted".
You pretended.
How is this being yourself?

quote:

---

She has to be independent and unpredictable if she doesnt want his mixed signals to sadden her,

---

I agree. But, is she independent and unpredictable? Because she cannot pretend to be independent and unpredictable for her own sake. She must really be that way. It sounds to me like his mixed signals do sadden her. You can advise her to try to detach, not think too much about it, focus on other things for a while, and, basically, as you say, attune herself to a more independent frequency. The Aqua will detect the change, but he will also (sooner or later) detect whether it is merely superficial or not. If it is not in her nature to learn detachment now, she will only be frustrating herself more, and denying her own relationship needs. She may only end up resenting him for not being more available, and/or resenting herself for submitting to a dynamic which is not in her best interest. The best advice may be for her to find someone with whom she is more compatible, rather than try to change her own nature to suit this man. That is, of course, her choice to make. What is essential is that she understands this choice, so that she may make it consciously, and be in a position to take responsibility for the outcome.

quote:

---

not to win his interest or to boost his affection.

---

Are you sure?

You said:

quote:

---

I would say, "I don't know, maybe I was bored," in a very friendly smiling tone and change the subject.

---

Why would you be smiling?
Is it because you got what you were after (his attention)?
But I thought that was not the point?
And why change the subject?
Isn't this the very issue you desired to raise?

quote:

---

I would be bored after a while and leave there, telling him 'i dont know, maybe I was bored' wouldnt be a lie!

---

Actually,
if you were bored,
and you know you were bored,
then, telling him that you don't know,
and that maybe you were bored,
would be telling two lies.

posted May 04, 2007 01:00 PM            

Most importantly, in the beginning of a relationship we run away when things get too intense. We sometimes do this later, too, but once we've decided we love you we always come back. I know it sounds terrible, but we need to process all of these emotions and make them into something rational, if possible.

This is what I tell ppl all the time

once we've decided we love you we always come back.

posted May 04, 2007 01:21 PM              

Yeah, it is true I was worried at first. And I did want to hear from him, but then I thought I shouldnt be worried for someone who acts irresponsible, so i decided to detach myself. I am not a native english speaker HSC, and this is exactly what I meant there. It is not acting, nor pretending! You are being judgemental about how I feel and then how I prefer to respond according to my feelings about the situation. What YOU are doing is approaching with impure thoughts, searching for things with offensive intentions even though you seem to appear peace-loving.

''First of all, I wont suggest you tactics, because I dont like being unnatural and applying tactics on men just to win their affection, because those tactics take effect for a short-time period. Besides, it is all going to be tiresome for you after some time if you are not the girl who you pretend to be. So, for now, I am assuming that you will be comfortable with how you appear to him.'' (SLAYER)

I am first warning her about the invalidness of tactics, then I am telling her that if she feels comfortable with the qualities I make mention of, this means appearing like that isnt being unnatural. Because what important is the person feeling comfortable or not. What you said in your previous post is parallel to what I said before, just one difference, yours is more detailed and it is much more well expressed than mine.

''If you are a predictable person and also await him to be like that, things will continue to stress you and the process will be unbearable as time passes, and to avoid that you have to create a new frequency which is being totally independent and unexpected, yet very reliable and super honest.'' (SLAYER)

I ALSO tell her to be honest, indeed Super Honest!

''Are you sure?'' (HSC)

Yeah! I am sure. HSC, You are still thinking with impure mind and insistently questioning my pure intentions and intend to say that they cannot be like that.

''Why would you be smiling? Is it because you got what you were after (his attention)?'' (HSC)

LOL. I would be smiling because that amazing-looking great-hearted man would be standing in front of me, gazing at me with childish looking eyes and sweetly asking me why I disappeared all of sudden. Fast beating heart, rossy cheeks! C'mon! A girl who is in love smiles.

''But I thought that was not the point? And why change the subject?Isn't this the very issue you desired to raise?'' (HSC)
Because I wouldnt make it a big deal after all he is with me now. The one I am in love is with me, nothing is important but that moment.

''Actually, if you were bored, and you know you were bored, then, telling him that you don't know, and that maybe you were bored, would be telling two lies.'' (HSC)

Boy, just stop right there! Too much thinking! HSC, I was wrong about you since from the beginning. From this moment, I am not interested in what you say about me.

SLAYER

posted May 04, 2007 03:29 PM              

last year, he was quite interested in his ex (pisces sun, aqua rising/venus) last year around this time and he told me that he only wanted to be friends and did not have the same feelings for me...we stopped talking and then he came back and we became the best of friends and then he made a move a couple months later and we were back to the way we were.
this year, a couple months ago, i found out that he had been an item with this pisces ex, from a good friend of mine. i asked him about it and he confirmed that it was true however we were VERY affectionate with each other- he would put a blanket on me if i were cold, he would hold my hand while i lay on his stomach and would listen to everything i asked him to do.
he also confronted the person who told me. a week later, we saw each other and i told him to massage my feet (thinking that he wouldnt) and without question, he did both :-) he then practically forced himself onto me- he cheated on his girlfriend (he has never cheated before) but i could not enjoy myself because all i could think about was them while he on the other hand, was totally in the moment and me. anyways, i asked him why? and he told me he didn't know why he was with her. he also said "it's hard because you're there (in college) and i'm here (at hometown)" i then asked him if he was happy and he said, "we'll leave it at, i'm satisfied" i then asked him what he was feeling and he said "what you and i have is so real that it's unexplainable. that's how real it is."
anyways, he continued to act as though everything was fine between them and after i returned back to school, he and i spoke...it was a friendly yet light conversation and i told him how i felt, "i'm realizing that even if you care about someone, that things don't always work out as you would've hoped and that is the struggle in life" he replied with "well that's real" and then he changed the subject and then had to go a few minutes later. we had another short and light conversation and then i realized that we could not go from being intimate to being friends, just like that and so i decided to take a step back and figure out what i wanted. time away was my cure and it still is.
my only dilemma is that all the interests that we shared together he ha expelled from his life and he has adopted all of her interests...all within a month. i found it hard to believe how one could change so drastically and within a month!!
he and i have not spoken with each other for about a month now. i just don't know what he's feeling. but i feel that it's up to him. he needs to grow but i hope to be friends because its all too difficult any way else.