posted January 07, 2008 11:41 PM            

He is a very (very!) successful person, but he was nervous on our dates and he's nervous when he calls.

On the other hand, bellemalheur, you might be right. He was actively pursuing me at first, but he might have lost interest, and thought that pulling away forever without any contact was too mean. He is definitely not a game-playing kind of guy.

Signs he's not interested: never making a move on me, ignoring my text, the vague language about seeing each other when he's back in town.

Signs he's interested: his email (the most recent one with the bogus excuse and vague allusion to seeing each other) was also, other than that, long, detailed and very witty. I won't post it, but my guy friend said it read like he was trying really, really hard to play it cool but was very interested. In the email, he referred to our discussions and dates, which I feel like a guy giving the polite brush off wouldn't have. Also, generally, he seems to have total recall, remembering everything I've ever said to him, like a Scorpio would, only not creepy.

I'm glad a bunch of you think it's okay or good that I emailed back. It was short, sweet, and just responded to a joke from his email. No reference to his long absence, lame excuse about it, or seeing each other again.

If he is interested, I'm not sure how I feel about him ignoring my text, etc. Part of me thinks it's better after something like that to just move on. But we met so very recently, and I don't think he was looking to meet somebody at all, we just kinda fell for each other, and I can see why I make him a little nervous...so if he needed some time to get his bearings, I do want to give him a chance. But...am I just setting myself up for heartbreak?

I think he's wonderful! But, I'm probably NOT such a good match for a Capricorn. We are both very funny and brainy and creative (and HE'S modest about it, while I'm a Leo lol), and we have a bigtime intellectual compatibility, and when I sit close to him I get tingles and goosebumps (in my experience, that kind of thing is usually mutual, plus he LOOKS at me like he wishes he had the nerve to stop being so polite and come touch me all over)...but he's a very conventional person in some ways. Not in his thinking, but his lifestyle. And I'm pretty eccentric and unconventional. And messy. He is sooo family and career focused and sooo successful. I feel like he's thinking very seriously about things in a way that would freak anyone out.

posted January 08, 2008 12:25 AM              

My point: he was reciting things you guys said on your dates? Trying to be witty and play it cool? Well, I think your friend is right and I stand by the opinion that he's still interested.

And just because you haven't been "intimate", I still think he has reason to feel gooey... you give each other the tingles, gosh darn it! lol

CF - I can totally see how a pisces influence might make you forget to call someone back, and I am sure you don't mean anything bad by it. I'm just saying, from the Cappy point of view, that it's not as common to do that. Sure, I've "flaked out" and not returned calls, but I think that somewhere, deep inside my Capricorn psyche, I didn't want to return the call for some reason. I think I usually sense that I would be forced to take on some obligation that I'm not ready/eager to take. It may be an actual duty, or something as simple as "I know if I call so-and-so back that I'll be on the phone for a while and I don't have time."

posted January 08, 2008 01:23 PM            

A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. he compensates for this fear by focusing on increasing his power and competence. Success, achievement, and efficiency are foremost in his life. Before they discovered the Venusians, the Martians were so concerned with these qualities that they didn’t care about anything or anybody else. A man appears most uncaring when he is afraid.
Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving. To extend himself by giving to others means to risk failure, correction, and disapproval. These consequences are most painful because deep inside his unconscious he holds an incorrect belief that he is not good enough. This belief was formed and reinforced in childhood every time he though he was expected to do better. When his accomplishments when unnoticed or were unappreciated, deep in his unconscious he began forming the incorrect belief that he was not good enough.

A man is particularly vulnerable to this incorrect belief. It generates within him the fear of failing. He wants to give but is afraid he will fail, so he doesn’t try. If his biggest fear is inadequacy, he naturally is going to avoid any unnecessary risks.
Ironically, when a man really cares a lot his fear of failure increases, and he gives less. To avoid failure he stops giving to the people he wants to give to the most.
When a man is insecure he may compensate by not caring about anybody except himself. His most automatic defensive response is to say “I don’t care.”

I have a LOT of male friends and I've seen this in action and they agree when asked.
I'll type the "Venusian" "deepest fear" info and put it on the other thread.

We're all just little boys and girls and loving and honoring the child within each of us is a joyful spiritual loving. I had something to say about the spiritual subject, I think Coral brought up on the other thread. I've been busy this morning. I think we all agree, (other than on the subject of Gray's morality) but I don't always explain well enough so there aren't misunderstandings.

posted January 08, 2008 05:21 PM              

Will attempt to put another perspective on the situation.

Speaking as a male we are often expected to be the ones who make the first move by society even if as a male I am not personally comfortable with this. It would be so much easier if women would take on some of this. We wont think you are too forward. Relieved probably ! Women often have the power to pick and choose who they like. Us males have to risk being rejected each time we appraoch a woman we like.

It could be he feels under "pressure" to make the first move.

You mentioned that you have wondered why he hasnt got "physical" yet. Perhaps he is scared to trust the signals,doesnt want a commitment or that he may just think he is being a gentleman and not wading in straight away. Just a suggestion but why dont you females make the first move every now and again ? I know I personally would be relieved and grateful instead of trying to work out why he isn't doing the moves like many other blokes you may have met. Doesnt mean he isnt interested. We are not all womanisers or supremely self confident. Its a difficult thing to do risking rejection.

Just a suggestion but instead of txting why dont you phone him up and arrange something ? Least you would know where you stood instead of waiting in the dark. The not knowing where you stand is the worst situation as you have to fill in the blanks.

Having said all that I personally don't like people who dont respond to messages. Doesnt have to be straight away but it is courteous to respond when you get the chance in my book. How hard is a txt message to respond to ?

He may be insecure and playing games. If so forget about him and find someone who doesnt play games and likes you for who you are. It should be natural if you like someone not difficult !

posted January 08, 2008 07:18 PM            

quote:

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I think he's just Serious about dating and he wants to get to know someone before he makes a move.

---

I don't know how much Capricorn this guy has in his chart. I wouldn't enter a relationship with someone or have sex with them, unless I'd known them for at least a year. This may completely vary from person to person but I remember a poster on here Jkk? or Jkkx.. something like that - who is triple Cap and was saying that he needs to know someone for a long time before it gets serious.

I have: Moon/Mars/Nept - in Capricorn. Merc/Jupiter in 10th.
Sun trine Saturn.

Btw - that doesn't mean I wouldn't kiss the person or get closer physically after a while.. if I liked the way things were going. But sex NOOO wayyy - unless I know them really well LOL.. I wouldn't even enjoy sex if I didn't. You said at the start you only just met him.. That could be why..

:edit: Venus trine Pluto - great post! So true.. Finally someone says something defending the guys.. about time! lol There are often posts on here where women paint men as being the a-holes every time.. and it's NOT at all true. It goes both ways.
I don't like social views that paint women as "the princess" or little red riding hood.. and the male as the big bad wolf. Because I love men and some men are such genuine people. It's not like they don't get hurt.

posted January 08, 2008 10:09 PM              

??? Do women not get rejected time and time again for various reasons? We run the same risk when approaching males as they do when they approach us.

posted January 09, 2008 09:53 AM            

quote:

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I don't know how much Capricorn this guy has in his chart. I wouldn't enter a relationship with someone or have sex with them, unless I'd known them for at least a year.

---

I wouldn't necessarily pin this attitude on all Capricorns. I think we run the gamut there. I myself generally make a move quite quickly once I've decided I'd like to. I'd only hesitate if the woman's personality was not easily read. I am very respectful of boundaries, so I wouldn't be interested in making a potential partner uncomfortable.

posted January 09, 2008 03:41 PM            

I am leo too, Lucia and not so young anymore, after longterm relationship which was broken last year and also soooo inexperienced with dating!
I think he is late sagg rising but has capricorn intecept in first house. Other way he is a taurus with cancer venus and libra mars and virgo moon.

We know eachother for ages but during the last few years we've start having small talks when we run into eachother on the street - We live in same neighbourhood. I was secretly in love with him from distance in childhood time and the fact I saw him so often wasn't easy for me and my feelings came slowly back. From the way he looks at me each single time we met, with some interest and turning sometimes the head back after me and smiling and deep eyes connection, i thought maybe I am not indiferent to him eithter.

Recently I called him on the mobile phone and he ask me to come talking on messenger. Next day I invited him for a cup of coffee. We talked about lot of things we did after school years, asked me to see pictures with my family, put me lot of questions, but he didn't say too much about his life . In the end we decided to keep in touch, We talk next day a bit on messenger and after that ... quiet!

I imagined that he might have had to take a step back to think about things so I keep quiet too. I gave him a mail with earlier season's greeting. Also I've mentioned I was pleased about our talking and will be nice to meet again if he would like. I sent as well a nice sms with kinds wishes on New Year's Ewe night.

I am sure meantime he went on messenger but all the time he appear offline - to me at least! So he didn't answer back.

At least it was courteous to respond! a simple polite answer! i was expecting - a little sign - thanks for wishes and Happy New Year to you too!I know also for sure is no way he was too busy to get back to me somehow, and no way did he not notice that mails or sms!

I don't understand why he keeps distance so much! after he was quite excited to keep in touch with eachother just few days earlier! I mean I don't even expect to start something right now or to promis me something is not ready for, but was so hard at least to answer me back to some greetings?! Ok, I heard about guys back off when they are feeling too close to a woman, because they just feel really vulnerable and need a little space. But how to know if he really feels like this! Or just he ignore me?! We never kissed or we haven't gotten intimate, so he didn't back off because of that~ If he took a step back to think about things how long could that take? Soon will be a month!

I like as well to analyze everything to death having Moon, and Venus in Virgo and i just realized yesterday that when he first met to my home was Moon VOC!!! I was so careful the day before when I first call him to be good aspects and next day the opportunity to come to me just pop out and I didn't think about! Ok is not first date we met before just casual but in a way , was our first date! I am blaming myself I was so stupid to don't noitice and that is why nothing come up!

I don't know what to think and sometimes I am feeling I just setting myself up for heartbreak! And I am so much into him!

I hope will be like this ... "When men begin to feel emotions for a woman they often back off for a while so they can feel independent again. When they come back they "pick up at whatever level of intimacy they were at before they left as if nothing has happened"

posted January 09, 2008 08:07 PM              

For some reason your post kind of made me smile but was also intelligent.All I was trying to say is women can wait for blokes to try chatting them up ? Look pretty and approachable (probably abit of male chauvinism on my part). But I guess I would like to understand the difference in how we think!

I suppose the downside is you get jerks trying it on that you would rather not have to deal with. But it would be nice to have the choice all the same !

I have often wondered what would happen in a role reversal situation. Probably wishful thinking I know.

I am quite a good looking bloke and I am sure there are certain women wondering why I am not making a move when us guys are just dumb at reading signals ! (unless we love ourselves and play the percentage game). But if I am attracted to someone I freeze, paralysed with fear usually. Then beat myself up afterwards as I missed out !lol

Just doesnt seem to be much hope for sensitive types who take a while to feel comfortable. But then again I often feel its like a cattle market in pubs and clubs.

It is just really annoying when you get "girlies" on these forums saying I like this bloke but he is not making a move therefore he is not interested period.

...meaning I will move onto the next one as I dont have a brain if you see what I mean...

posted January 09, 2008 08:57 PM              

You post alot so that is high praise indeed to a newbie like me ! lol

On the whole seducing a Capricorn thing. It is funny how other signs misinterpret a cool detachment.

We are not cold,aloof or calculating (might appear to be on the outside). Probably just weighing up whether to risk our hearts. But we are very passionate when we find someone to trust.

posted January 09, 2008 09:56 PM            

You made it very clear you were interested and you were willing to spend time with him. He knows where you live and how to reach you on the internet. Now you just go on with your life and be friendly when you see him on the street. If he is interested in spending more time with you he will let you know. Since you have had a little crush since you were a child, you are way ahead of him in the dating/feelings department. He probably doesn't even know if he MIGHT have interest in you yet, let alone feelings, but obviously finds you pretty if he is looking at you like that.
You said you are having small talks and he probably expects to have the chance at more small talks in the future. A lot of men don't respond to things unless they absolutely require a response. If he's a plumber and your sink has a leak (for example), then send a message asking for advice on how to fix the sink. If he wants an excuse to spend time with you and get to know you a bit more he might offer to help.
I've never met a man who doesn't LOVE to make a woman happy. Just don't hold back on any happiness you might feel at his offer to help and at the help he gives you. If the energy is right between the two of you then you will know that you can send him a message a few weeks after telling him you would like to make dinner for him or invite him out to dinner sometime as a thank you for helping you. If he accepts you can get to know each other better and see where it goes from there.

What do you think about that, Venus Trine Pluto?

AG?

posted January 09, 2008 10:52 PM            

Ugggh...unfortunately, I have!! Luckily I have not been personally involved with one, but they're there.

posted January 10, 2008 09:48 AM              

Yes, they can wait and let a male approach them. Then what usually comes of this (in my experience)? They begin talking and the female becomes more and more interested, while the male's interest begins to wane. Sometimes this is not the case and the guy is really a respectful, empathetic gentleman, but not usually. He was most likely just interested in the chase of a beautiful woman and once he has her he will dump her as quickly. That may sound a little bitter or pessimistic, but yet it is the truth if you look at it.

"I have often wondered what would happen in a role reversal situation. Probably wishful thinking I know."

You are from the UK right? Where I am from, women approach men all the time.

"But if I am attracted to someone I freeze, paralysed with fear usually. Then beat myself up afterwards as I missed out !"

That's interesting that its like that for you. Nice to see another male perspective, because most guys I know would just go for it and if they missed one woman, they just think "there are more fish in the sea."

"Just doesnt seem to be much hope for sensitive types who take a while to feel comfortable."

Of course there is hope. There are many sensitive women who are probably just as shy as you are! But someone has to make the move or nothing will happen, know what I'm saying?

"It is just really annoying when you get "girlies" on these forums saying I like this bloke but he is not making a move therefore he is not interested period."

Usually these "girlies" have been interested in the guy for a long time and has made their interest very clear to the guy, yet he has still not made a move. I see nothing wrong with assuming that he is not interested, in which case he probably is not. If someone has showed you over and over again that they like you and are willing to invest their time in you, why would you then not reciprocate unless you were not interested? I guess sometimes the guy is trying to "feel out" the lady, but I think most women have good enough sense to know when this is the case and when the male is just flat out not interested.

posted January 10, 2008 05:42 PM              

I agree with what you have said. It's good to get another perspective.

Yes I am from the UK and women tend expect the first move. Maybe I need an American woman to break the ice ! I hear they like the British accent. lol

Yes I am shy at first until I get to know someone but probably because I tend to feel things deeply.

I have Mars in Pisces and the Sun and Venus in the 12th house. Also I have alot of natal Pluto aspects which is in my 7th. So this deepens and intensifies things! Also, Venus in Cappie you tend not to invest time in flirts if it isnt going anywhere.

Maybe too cautious and have unrequited love with Venus in the 12th ?

Still I am alot older and wiser now (and feel younger) and astrology has helped me understand myself. Pluto purges alot of crap out also.

posted January 10, 2008 05:58 PM            

You asked me on Alma's problem. I think that with a bachelor Taurus my first instinct is that he's hooked up with some other woman. Older male Taurus bachelors have typically given up on the idea of marriage, and therefore date quite a lot. When he's done with this woman I think he's with, then he'll be able to use his Taurean charm to gloss over his silence and start talking with Alma again. There is always a chance of luring an older male Taurus back into a long term relationship, but I would say it's more the exception than the rule.

posted January 10, 2008 08:59 PM            

See, I think a lot of women who post here with questions about how to gauge a guy's interest aren't dealing with guys who are interested or not...they are dealing with Mixed Signal Guys. The Scorpio I was obsessed with at the most vulnerable time in my life (ending a 15-year relationship I'd been in since age 18) was like that...he gave me signals of intense interest and signals of total lack of interest, and whether he was (is?) interested or not, it just meant that he's kind of an ass, because I know he considers me his friend, so letting me know more clearly one way or the other would've been a great plan. This went on for a year.

(The Cap is not even remotely similar...he's either not interested, and when he doesn't call I'll know he's not, or he got a little freaked meeting someone new at a time he wasn't planning on it and he needed a little time to think--either way, not a Mixed Signal Guy.)

When I look at the Scorpio's (very limited) history of other relationships, it's clear that it wasn't something I did wrong or misunderstood--he goes around hurting people, and hurting himself, with his Mixed Signals. (Ironically, he has talked with me about how miserable he is in his love life.)