posted April 27, 2008 10:08 PM         

22/02/1981, Daveyton, South Africa.... (no time)

Sun Pisces 3.33
Moon Libra 11.08
Mercury Aquarius 23.36 R
Venus Aquarius 22.32
Mars Pisces 12.06
Jupiter Libra 9.08 R
Saturn Libra 8.46 R
Uranus Sagittarius 0.04
Neptune Sagittarius 24.34
Pluto Libra 24.09 R
Lilith Scorpio 6.05
Asc node Leo 10.49

This is the problem:

He refuses to be "dumped" for lack of a better word. I have broken up with him 3 to 4 times already and he just won't get it. I am not sure if it is him that is the "problem" or whether it is something in my chart that is making him unable to let go of me.

All my ex's have been like this until I turned into a total Biiaaatch on them and threw my toys. It's like I have to throw a tantrum, be cruel and shout at them in order to be taken seriously! Hence I am not friends with my exs.

When I think that I am free from my latest ex, he pops up again, from nowhere, telling me about the house he is buying for us; or telling me about my place in his life - saying that I might not think that we will be together but he is working for us to be.

He asked me to move in with him last week?!?!

He has this line, "All I want is to be the man I have always dreamed to be to you. I just want us to be happy again..." speaking as if we had a little argument or something, and totally disregarding the fact that we BROKE UP!

This whole thing is stressing me, and when I am stressed, I get cranky because of the nerves. He is giving me ulcers! I don't call him, but he calls me daily. We didn't part on bad terms - he cheated, I dumped him and there was no beef, I forgave him - so there is no justified reason why I should be horrible to him.

He is also a little emotional blackmailer, so I am always afraid that he might do something stupid (something stupid that he threatens to do).

OMG, this entire thing is such a mess! Where do I find them? he swears that he was never needy until he met me implying that his crazy antics are my fault or something!?

I have been breaking up with him since last year, and every time I think he understands the status quo, he calls me saying that he has booked us for a holiday, or some couple activity like that.

That's when I ask, "WTF? Did I miss something?"

I feel manipulated by him. He knows that I won't lash out and tell him to sod off because I am not like that. He knows that if he calls me, I won't hang up. He knows that he can talk to me if he is sad or depressed (because he lost his dad and is now an orphan so... he uses that against me telling me that I am the only family he has). He knows that if he asks for a favor I will do it.

There are more things he does which I can't even express right now. A day before yesterday, he called me, we spoke, then we hung up. A few minutes later, his friend calls asking for us to go out to dinner "as friends" (me, my ex, him and his girlfriend)...

A day ago he calls me, and then he tells me to hold the line, then I hear him telling his colleague, "Come to the phone to talk to my girlfriend."

What was I supposed to do? Tell his friend that he is not my boyfriend anymore? No. I don't have the heart to embarrass him like that.

He puts me in these situations where I have to pretend that we are still together. It's like someone proposing to you in public to make it hard for you to say "no". Then after each incident, I have to take him aside and reprimand him.

I am tired!

Sorry, I ended up venting

Here's my chart:

*sigh*

posted April 27, 2008 10:37 PM         

Please note that Pisces Soul always wants to realize that they are making some sacrifices. The more he gets HURT, the more he thinks about you - not in a negative way - but rather in a positive way that "You made my Soul sacrifice my emotions for you. Thanks for letting my Soul recognize it's purpose.". In practical world, it doesn't make sense but in Neptunian World, it does. Any kind of abuse or fight you do on Pisces, they will make you feel guilty - especially very highly to Virgos.

In my view, a different approach should be taken here - very light hearted. The Pisces should be given a dream (tell him the dreams you had over the last two months) that he has been seen with a different emotional woman - and he is deeply in love with her. He became a father of two daughters and he seems to be very exciting raising them. Then, another dream that I am already married with someone else and I am very happy in my life with that man of my dreams.

He will ask questions and try to tell you that the woman he married is you. Then, you tell him that no no, the woman was very different from me and very emotional and loving. You were very romantic with her. Then, also tell him that, I saw that I have two boys with my future husband.

Please note that he is not a Fool (the most mature and smartest soul he is!), and, he knows this dream talk is a BS, but subtle meaning of Love, Sacrifice and Romance has been told in a very different non practical emotional way. The KID will find some release and some relaxation.

Everytime he approaches - you just say the same thing - he will be off to a search of that another woman of dreams.

posted April 27, 2008 11:07 PM         

You know it's bad when I use the word 'stuff'... it means I am too exhausted to expand my vocabulary.

mblover - I will have to absorb your advice and think of how I can manage such theatrics. And as far as Pisces sabotaging their relationships... I think his Venus is responsible for that.

posted April 27, 2008 11:48 PM         

For Pisces (at least me) its difficult to comprehend that people can loose love for each other. Romantic idealism might be one of the reasons. Even though for a short while he will understand your explanations n all, however the attraction for you in him keeps returning back. There is always a strong belief in Pisces that love can make things work.
It doesn't make sense (for a Pisces mind) and no logic convincing for a break up which he hasn't initiated. The scar from such instances, if not permanent, it remains for a long time due to such a nature. Specially when he has built some dreams around you, the breaking up of these dreams is most hurting for a Pisces mind. Pisces always believe in what one said earlier and it will be always hard for them to not believe the reversal of that afterwards. If you ever said you loved him as (compared to never saying that word) then getting him to believe that you don’t love him now, is very difficult.

posted April 28, 2008 12:20 AM         

quote:

---

If you ever said you loved him as (compared to never saying that word) then getting him to believe that you don’t love him now, is very difficult.

---

touche. He said he would be faithful and I couldn't believe that he went back on his word too.

He cheated TWICE! After the first time, I was willing to salvage the union. After the second time, I believed that I was a butt to some joke - incredibly disrespected and undermined.

I don't get him.

The first time was hard enough for me to handle, the second time I was like F it! So, yes I hear you but I find it hard to believe that his idealism, of what a good monogamous relationship is, involved cheating.

Ok... I am being snappy because I am frustrated as it seems that I should feel remorse for breaking things off(this from him). If I broke my word by breaking up with him after I told him I loved him, then he did that first. He made whatever emotional contract we had null and void!

And now he's the wounded party? Whatever!

posted April 28, 2008 01:53 AM         

I like your Cancer Moon on the Midheaven. Sensitive to others, caring and giving, at a guess. But sometimes you have to pull the plug. My eldest son has Sag in the same place. "If I don't play with him, he won't have any friends," he says of a kid in his class with behavourial problems. I guess he has to learn himself how far he should go to give to others at his own expense.

posted April 28, 2008 09:36 AM         

It's in my bookmarks.

I am going to get reading if it can help this situation.

posted April 28, 2008 09:42 AM         

quote:

---

You broke up because of his behaviour. He has to take responsibility for his own actions

---

You're right on the money. He seems to forget being accountable for his actions. Somehow, in his head, I am the 'evil' one.

posted May 01, 2008 06:42 AM         

So here I am, sleeping finally, and I receive a text message from him. He has driven across the country to see me UNANNOUNCED! He doesn't know anybody here at the coast (I spend my time between the coast and the city, the coast being my hide-out).

posted May 01, 2008 06:53 AM         

this guy is really unbelievable, if you ask me.

But you won`t be there and you won`t see him, will you?
To me it sounds as if you really have to avoid any kind of contact with him, or otherwise he won`t understand that it`s really over.

Pisces or not, believing in the magic of love or not, that guy sounds almost like a stalker to me. Sorry, if you may find that too hard, but that`s the image I got from him through your description of his behaviour.

posted May 01, 2008 06:55 AM         

I can't even type properly. I'm sure I am not making sense - but no matter who you are, you don't just show up at my place without me knowing. It's not because I have secrets. No. I am a private person and I have to prepare myself for company, especially if the company is a draining sack of flesh

posted May 01, 2008 07:00 AM         

when I read about the reaction of your family, I almost spit my coffee over the keyboard. They can`t be serious, can they?
Why should you welcome him with open arms?
HE cheated on you, you broke up with him. And that should have been end of the story.

But I`m curious, what show do you have in mind?

posted May 01, 2008 07:12 AM         

Well, he has just called and he says he was joking. He is probably in town but wont say he is after the heated voicemail messages I left in his phone telling me to leave me alone.

He says he was just playing. I told him that it was not funny... etc. etc.

he could be here, or not, I don't know. All i know is that he aint coming here.

Cr@p - I seem unable to handle this well.

And as far as my family is concerned - they are deranged. I don't know why I call them for support. The only thing I ever get from them is, "Men cheat. It's how they are." blah blah blah

posted May 01, 2008 07:33 AM         

But I also don't know what to do without being insensitive and hurtful. At the back of my mind, I still get this nagging voice saying, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

I think he will only get the message if I show up with another man in my arms or something. Being single gives him hope that we might be together again. (This entire thing reminds me of High Fidelity with John Cusack.)

I also think that I am missing something here, something vital that can solve this. I seem not to understand how he reasons and processes things in his mind.

I feel terrible that it has come to this, that we can't be cordial anymore, that I have to be harsh to be heard. I just want a win-win outcome where no one is left with their dignity in shreds.

I am trying my best to be compassionate and mature about this. I can't handle another guy labeling me as a witch for breaking their hearts.

He hurt me too, but it seems he is too self-involved to see that. It's like I am hitting a brick wall. I feel helpless because I do not want to hurt him more than necessary. I just don't want to be extreme, and I just want to be assertive. But if he keeps angering me... I don't know.

posted May 01, 2008 07:37 AM         

I think you are a strong person. It`s not easy to break with "family-traditions", even though they are unhealthy. And I for my part can`t understand how cheating can be tolerated.
How can one stay together with someone knowing he has - probably several times- cheated? HOw can a relationship survive without trust and the feeling I can be myself with my SO?

I also think it`s a good idea to tell him frankly that he should leave you be and to not contact you again.

EDIT: You`re a good person to want to not be too harsh on him, but judging from his behaviour you may have no other choice than that. I`m not saying you should be insulting him or something like that, but he seems to take any kind of compassion as a sign that he will win you back in the end, and you need to make it clear, that this is not going to happen. And I fear you may have to find VERY clear words for that.