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Author
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Topic: is a 1 1/2 yr relationship long enough to know for a cancer?
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Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 2828
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted May 28, 2008 05:27 PM
 
Sindelou: Saturn opposes Pisces sun right now and there has been tons of lessons for us this year. Areas that we are weak in Saturn is making us stronger. One problem that Pisces have is being selfliss in love we can bend over backwards to accomadate the man/woman we love especially if we are deeply in love. I have learned to put my needs first and let the other person meet my needs. So all I am saying is it would be nice to get your needs met..BUT I would talk to him about this however I would wait until the Mercury rx is over, I read that in Susan Millers column about Pisces relationships.. IP: Logged |
bvanzy
Knowflake Posts: 379
From:
Registered: Jul 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 05:37 PM
Sinderlou - I think AcousticGod's advice on this is along the right lines.I would NOT move in with him. In my opinion, moving in might make him less likely to marry you. But it's a gamble as always. IP: Logged |
sinderlou
Knowflake Posts: 1039
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 05:39 PM
mama mia thanks for taking the time to read that info on pisces. I will take a breather on this.
Acoustic.........Your advice is so logical and I appreciate it. Its hard to be logical when your emotions are so heavily involved. I am coming to the conclusion that I am not being impatient on this subject. He was making me doubt myself and think that I was not being reasonable. I feel we have been together long enough. I really am not hard to live with and don't have any weird habits except to try unusual food combinations but I would never force feed him  , I am not lazy and am very fair. I think my libra asc really kicks in for the fairness in all things. thats why this disturbs me so much. Like you said Acoustic, I agree that there should be balance. a dance.........not a one sided chase. IP: Logged |
AQUADean
Knowflake Posts: 147
From: UK
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted May 28, 2008 05:47 PM
I disagree with a lot of things being said.
This poor guy,you lot are making him look like he stole the crown jewels or something.
To add a little balance here,what if after 5years of marriage Sinder wakes up in the morning and decides,actually i don't think i love this guy anymore and leaves him(hey, it could happen)would you have the same sympathy for him? that he wasted 5 years of his baby making years?...i doubt it.
All he is asking is to see what pre-marriage
co-habitation is like,to be sure of his feelings and to make sure Sinders are still authentic after what i think is a reasonable time frame,your all acting like he IS gonna decide actually i'm not gonna marry her.He may fall and probably will fall more in love with her.
Theres a lot of pessimism here!!!
Have some faith.
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Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 2828
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted May 28, 2008 05:53 PM
AquaDean: I hear what your saying but BOTH ppl have to be secure with that both have to want that..And if he spent 5 years with her and she decided to move on we would have sympathy for him and be supportive of him moving on to some one who loves him..Its about both ppl being in the same place at the same time..This is a gamble you have the option to either gamble with it or not..We all are just speaking on what we might do, she is gonna do what Sinder wants to do at the end of the day..Her heart is going to lead, how do I know, shes a Pisces thats what we usually do.. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 13873
From: CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted May 28, 2008 05:57 PM
I was afraid I'm come across too harsh really. We haven't been giving this guy the benefit of the doubt at all, but I expect that you would since you know and love him. (I hadn't even read AQUADean's post when I wrote this.)It does make sense to continue negotiating for a better compromise. Any Cardinal Sun should be happy with the support a Mutable Sun gives them. If he has more of a Fixed nature, that could explain some hesitance on his part as Fixed signs want some reassurance that you're in it for the long haul. IP: Logged |
AQUADean
Knowflake Posts: 147
From: UK
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted May 28, 2008 05:58 PM
I'm just playing devils advocate Mama  In my experience people fall in love at different speeds(Men usually a lot slower,but no less intense),does it make HIS feeling any less relevent?
I'm just saying if she really loves this guy then give him a chance,i know i'd rather wait a while and have a trully deep love than have a quick superficial romance. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 13873
From: CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted May 28, 2008 06:01 PM
The quick superficial romance part should be over, though, after two years (I would think... if they're somewhat mature adults).As to him losing his baby-making years, that's not really an issue for us guys. We can make babies into our old age. Our window shuts a lot slower than theirs. IP: Logged |
AQUADean
Knowflake Posts: 147
From: UK
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted May 28, 2008 06:04 PM
Lol,i know acoustic,i was being sarcasticI'd agree about the 2years thing IF they had been living together,like i said you don't know someone until you do. IP: Logged |
sinderlou
Knowflake Posts: 1039
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 06:08 PM
The baby is getting tossed around all over the place here.........(whose kid is this anyway? )
he says he doesn't want kids..that is fine with me.
This is all about the love and trust in just us. there is nothing else. that is why i take such offense that he needs proof of my love or he is that indecisive. I want to be happy. i want to feel secure. I want someone to come home to that i can count on. its too stressful to wake up everyday after years wondering......"does he love me yet?" IP: Logged |
AQUADean
Knowflake Posts: 147
From: UK
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted May 28, 2008 06:10 PM
OK,maybe the crab needs what i've been saying all along....to be physically present with you to fall in love,i mean i'd find it hard if i was only dating someone from a 'distance' which you sort of insinuated in your first post.IP: Logged |
sinderlou
Knowflake Posts: 1039
From:
Registered: Jan 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 06:17 PM
Aquadean........never thought about that, about the fact that he could need to have me present to fall in love.........something for me to think about. I still have decided I wont' do 3-4 yrs. IP: Logged |
AQUADean
Knowflake Posts: 147
From: UK
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted May 28, 2008 06:22 PM
Your choice Sinder,maybe that is too long for you to wait.As someone else said maybe tell him what you do find an acceptable compromise???
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Diandra23
Knowflake Posts: 2240
From: portugal
Registered: Mar 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 06:39 PM
Sinderlou,that last post resonated something in me: When my bf started to talk about living together,he explained me why his rush: That he was tired to arrive home after a full day of work and look at an empty place where he knows he would just be happy if he saw me there - that...he needed me physically just to embrace him,to hugh him for him to know i was just there,and that he was there in the right place. I think your guy must be feeling this too inside - your way of viewing things are like mine:that the guy should be the one "chasing" the woman they love - but dont forget that Cancers...they are one of a kind in this matter:they usually act like the "Princesses that want to be rescued and reassured of the love of their "Princes" - that are us,women  I dont say it´s easy but now and then,we must make them know that we arent already a catch that´s rightfully theirs - i would say that you also must let him know that you want to be treated like the Lady here and show you more of the Love he has for you. As it was said here,the balance can be achieved by you talking to each other and make a compromise on which you both accept.: for example:you can go and live with him just a few months and see how it goes or dont go and say why you dont want to go and what are your fears. IP: Logged |
AQUADean
Knowflake Posts: 147
From: UK
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted May 28, 2008 06:44 PM
Yea Diandra is right,a Pisces can have absolute faith in their love(even blindly) where a Cancer needs a lot of demonstrating.IP: Logged |
alvarella777
Knowflake Posts: 504
From: Europe
Registered: Jun 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 06:48 PM
Hi SINDERLOU,okay - this is obviously not about astrology, rather about psychology ... but I want to add one thought with regard to your BF's stars: quote:
he has a Cancer sun, a Sag moon and a Cancer Asc. if this helps....
I'm a Cancer sun/Sag moon myself - and although I'm a woman, I am seriously asking you: WHAT are you after??? LOVE? Being together with someone? Live with someone, spend your days and nights with him? Or are you after CONVENTION and SAFETY for yourself? Just chasing a young girl's dream of a "white marriage" - and then being "safe" forever??? I really don't want to crush your ideals, but ... We all KNOW that "marriage" as a formal act doesn't help anything in general - about every 3rd marriage in the Western world will be divorced one day, anyway. That's what all the statistics tell us. There is a serious lack of TRUST involved here. And I have the feeling ... that you spoil it all by being so extremely selfish ... that I just cannot agree with you. And I ask you to re-consider your point of view. Seriously. Think about it: Is your (girlie-)dream of "walking down the aisle in a white wedding gown" really more important than the REAL thing that is going on with that guy? I really cannot understand what your problem is about? Sorry, but this whole thread, discussing how many years of "waiting" are "enough" ... is quite childish and so cheesy ... ! How can you torment your head figuring out a certain amount of years that would be "too much" for you ... when this guy ASKED you to move over to him already? Do you need a CONTRACT for your feelings? If so - you should really really really think about that relationship. Because in this case you're obviously quite selfish - and not at all open to the REAL relationship you have whith that guy. In this case, obviously your own ideals/illusions/wishes/fantasies are more important than actually just BEING with that man. You said you'd consider leaving him, if he doesn't propose to you - the way YOU wish for and at the point of time that YOU feel is right. What kind of approach is that to a relationship? I am sorry - but I totally oppose your viewpoint. This is sort of an emotional blackmail you're applying here - not at all mature. If you'd really LEAVE him just because he doesn't fulfill your own visions, that you made up in your own mind (counting the years etc...) - then you can leave him right away!!! If you'd rather choose any other guy, because this other guy would marry you ... what's the worth of your current love??? I am really sorry - but THAT perspective is so annoying ... Like from the middelages or something. It feels like you're not with him because of HIM or because of the two of you - but because you've got an objective of your very own - and this is: being "married" as soon as possible, no matter what, without regard to the PERSON(s) involved. (Mabye because your girlfriends have married already? What kind of horrible ancient cliché do you carry in your heart? What kind of "commitment" do you crave - if you've got a BF on your side that is just honest with you, even if he knows that he might "disappoint" you...) Let me finish this (emotional) response with an astrological thought: As mentioned above, I'm a cancer sun/sag moon as well, aged 37 - and I tell you that this guy would LEAVE you in an instant if he read this thread. Why would he do so? Because this is bigotry you're applying here, a totally superficial approach - Cancer Sun needs/wants commitment - and Sag Moon wants that in a very pure way, no vanities, no pretence - pure authenticity. This guy is craving for a "real thing" - and is frank and blunt in what he feels and is telling you. Sag Moon - no cheesy pretences, one can trust the quality of this moon - NO player. Honesty. He'd be extremely disappointed by your point of view. Again: It is highly immature and is coming up as a very stupid female cliché-thinking, and most of all it is about you, you, you. Please - think about what you REALLY want - a nice wedding weekend for the wedding weekend's sake - or a real relationship, which can evolve (which you obviously have.) IP: Logged |
stillatlarge
Knowflake Posts: 609
From: TX. USA
Registered: Apr 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 06:54 PM
I'd say leave NOW. Forget Semptember. Let that cancerian "not wanting it til it's gone" kick in.IP: Logged |
seveneieghtorange
Knowflake Posts: 410
From: atlanta, georgia
Registered: Jan 2005
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posted May 28, 2008 07:13 PM
sinder,
I am a Cancer woman but I hope some of my views can share light in what you're going through.
First of all, I dont think any Cancerian man or woman would want to move in with anyone that they're not serious about. You're a Pisces, right? When I first met my Pisces boyfriend, he wanted to move in immediately but I was the one that wanted to take everything slow. Not that I didn't love him or anything, it was just that I wanted our love to grow and I wanted to get to know him more. I moved in with my boyfriend within 2 years and a couple months of being with him exclusively.
But I see what you mean when you say that you don't want to waste time, waiting for him if he will ever make up his mind to marry you (that is what you want, right?) and therefore spend the rest of your lives together. Maybe you should ask him if marriage is anywhere in his brain, because it is certainly in yours.
If you absolutely cannot even think to move in with him, bearing in mind the "trial run" that he has fixed in his head, then I suggest that you do tell him what you're feeling and see where it goes from your talk.
But honestly, I think you should be patient yourself. You never know what will happen. You may even realize that living with him may be unbearable and you don't want to go through it or maybe he will realize within a month or so living with you that he is thinking about marriage with you. But if you really have your hearts set on marriage and want to talk marriage RIGHT NOW and he is not, then that wouldnt be fair to you. No matter how much he loves you, you guys should be on the same page and if it's killing you knowing that marriage is the last thing in his mind then it's probably best not to move in with him. It will be even harder in the long run to make such a commitment such as living with someone, when you realize that it's going nowhere.
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Scorpio Chick
Knowflake Posts: 147
From:
Registered: Jun 2006
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posted May 28, 2008 07:15 PM
My Pisces Aunt had the same situation with my (now) Cancer Uncle. Dated for about 1.5 years before she told him she needed to know where things were going, that she wasn't going to date for forever. He bucked. He got really angry and told her he didn't take well to threats. He ended it with her. A few months later, they ran into each other at the supermarket. He asked her if they could 'talk about things'.... They've been married for 10 years now and are the happiest couple I know. IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted May 28, 2008 07:24 PM
Geez!!It's only been ONE AND A HALF YEARS!!!!!!! Having been married twice l would never now marry either of them after a year and a half  In my opinion if you love a man you don't worry about commitment as in marriage. Hell, if it ain't broke DON'T fix it! I don't do the "OMG l HAVE to get married" thing anymore - it's such a load of bollocks. Bottom line: if YOU are happy to marry him then YOU are happy to wait for him. what's the rush?????? IP: Logged |
stillatlarge
Knowflake Posts: 609
From: TX. USA
Registered: Apr 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 07:29 PM
I know a girl that stayed with a Scorpio from the time she was 15 til she was 27 only to be left with nothing but looking the fool for all of it. Don't do it. And don't give in to his blackmail that if you don't move in he's gone. Call the bluff.IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted May 28, 2008 07:32 PM
""Yea, that might be true but I want to know 1000% that he loves me. I dont' want to live with someone for that long before I have his full commitment.""
sorry to be a pain in the aries butt BUT if you don't 1000% know that he loves you - what the heck are you doing wanting a living-together commitment OR marriage?
I mean, are you letting him make this decision for you? So, if he said "I love you a million %, you would then say 'let's get hitched?'" I, for one don't let others make life-changing decisions for me. What does YOUR gut say?????!!!!! Personally l would probably never live with a man again 24/7 unless l was married or decided not to marry but just live together. ---- ACT in haste; REPENT at leisure ---- IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 13873
From: CA, USA
Registered: May 2005
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posted May 28, 2008 07:35 PM
quote:
A few months later, they ran into each other at the supermarket. He asked her if they could 'talk about things'....They've been married for 10 years now and are the happiest couple I know.
Yes... quote:
He'd be extremely disappointed by your point of view. Again: It is highly immature and is coming up as a very stupid female cliché-thinking, and most of all it is about you, you, you.
The Cancer pushes it on you, but is it really you that's the issue, or is it the Cancer's basic desire for control of the situation? quote:
Sorry, but this whole thread, discussing how many years of "waiting" are "enough" ... is quite childish and so cheesy
This is EXACTLY what he's doing as well, so you ought not be putting her down for it.
__________________________________________________________________________________________ Cancers do have their own, self-interested agenda oftentimes (All Cardinals do really). "You're either with us, or against us," as President Bush says. Alvarella thinks it's you making the power play, but doesn't realize that it's the Cancer taking the relationship hostage by insisting that things go his way (and take an extra long route). You are asking for some token of his commitment. He's asking you for years of your life without the promise of better things to come. IP: Logged |
Diandra23
Knowflake Posts: 2240
From: portugal
Registered: Mar 2007
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posted May 28, 2008 07:35 PM
It´s not good to judge someone without really knowing the person  To me the Cancers are serious in relationships and if he wants to live together with Sinderlou,what´s the wrong in that?
But Sinderlou wants a committment - marriage - to be also in his head in a not so long future - that isnst wrong either. What is bad is if two persons break up by not simply putting all the cards in the table and just keep seeing if the other is the one who is goin to "live in" or "marry". Seveneieghtorange is right:maybe he will be the one proposing after you live in for some time;maybe you´ll be the one who will think that "afterall why marry if im happy like this?" - we dont really know!! Alvarella, youre being too harsh on this:we all have our dreams and hopes.Sometimes life shows maybe we are too idealistic - but the thing is:wanting to be married is not only a matter of convention,it´s a matter of the heart also.
I see marriage as a real thing and if 2 persons love truly each other,why not?Why it has to be such a "problem" for the man to marry if he really loves the woman he wakes up thinking about everyday?Wouldnt it also be a true love gift by the part of the guy,wanting to marry her? IN a way,he is also being selfish by pressuring her to move in till September, or else...(here i see the "putting to the Test Crabb´s Style)
If she doesnt feel secure to do that,honesty must be the center of this all. Balance is the key here - it´s not lack of trust,it+s a matter of beliefs. To live in is committment,and to marry is committment also - in my view LOVE is generous and by being it so,they will sort out a Path on which both would agree without being selfish torwards the other. IP: Logged |
AQUADean
Knowflake Posts: 147
From: UK
Registered: Mar 2008
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posted May 28, 2008 07:38 PM
I know a girl that stayed with a Scorpio from the time she was 15 til she was 27 only to be left with nothing but looking the fool for all of it. Don't do it. And don't give in to his blackmail that if you don't move in he's gone. Call the bluff.(sorry,i don't know how to quote) When did he start blackmailing?????
sorry,but some of you need to read the posts a little more 'conscientiously'
EDIT i didn't see that post i appologise,pots and kettles spring to mind(i blame it on mercury retro)
You women!!!!!! you are never happy,you'd be PO'd if you were with someone 50 years and he died... 'that B@#tard said he'd never leave me' lol sorry girls
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Lindaland
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