posted June 07, 2008 04:48 AM         

First, I suddenly feel as though maybe anti-depressants are a good option for me when I have always been really against them unless there is good, solid evidence that they're truly necessary. I've been depressed many times in my life, but this time feels different for a number of reasons.

Second, I actually feel like I really never will find anyone to spend my life with...as in I REALLY feel like it's never going to happen. I also feel as though I will never have kids either. I mean, I'm going to be 32 in a couple weeks and things seem truly bleak.

Third, I cannot seem to let go of people I need to let go of and it's adding to the feelings of depression and anxiety and frustration.

I know that transiting planets are merely indicators of the influences in a person's life and not the cause. I know that I have creative control over what I do with my thoughts and feelings. And I know that, in theory, this too shall pass...except that Pluto is going to be moving back and forth over this point for the next 4 YEARS!

Has anyone experienced a Pluto transit like this before? I am looking for a little hope/relief right now and if it comes in the form of astrology, that's okay by me. For the record, Saturn is also about to enter my 5th house. Ugh.

posted June 07, 2008 07:32 AM         

Love
Maybe since your Sun and Venus are in the 2nd house, this Pluto transit wants to teach you about your own values, and the way you see yourself. For the ego, its much easier to accept that you will never find a suitable partner, than trying to change... dont let it happen.

i can relate to the difficoulty in letting go... but if you dare to take a deep look into yourself,with time you will realize the reasons behind, and then you will be able to change and finally learn to let go.

posted June 07, 2008 07:47 AM         

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ASC: Virgo

posted June 07, 2008 08:12 AM         

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Third, I cannot seem to let go of people I need to let go of...

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Yeah, that's the sort of thing Pluto will be a real pain in the ass about. I'd put that point in first place. I think that is what Pluto is calling you to change about yourself, and until you heed that call, you're going to be feeling the depression and despair of the points you listed first and second.

I know you know (that I know that you know ) that making that kind of change is hard work. It's not something that will happen overnight. It's going to require digging deep, and transforming some fundamental views you have of yourself and your self-worth, particularly in love relationships (Sun & Venus in the 2nd house, house of self-worth).

I also have my Sun in my 2nd house. Mine is conj Neptune (ruler of my 5th house). The planets are over 3º apart, so there was a gap of 3 years between t.Pluto conjuncting each one. T.Pluto conj my Sun was...disorienting, but not painful. It was more liberating & empowering than anything else. T.Pluto conjunct Neptune was much harder (b/c of the 5th house connection & b/c t.Pluto also trined my Moon). I went a bit insane in the membrane...abruptly dumped my SO b/c I couldn't face the emotional challenges t.Pluto was demanding I face. I didn't realize that's what was going on at the time. Didn't know a thing about what transits I was experiencing and was in denial that the problem was in me. I needed to restructure myself in the way I related to a partner emotionally, and it hurt too bad to do that. So I ran away. In time, we worked things out but it took a lot of intense, open communication where I made myself vulnerable in a way I never had before. We also got counseling as a couple, and then I continued with it on my own for a couple months. In the end, I'm a much stronger person, much more trusting, and feel more free to be myself emotionally.

During the transit's worst point, I was certain that my SO and I were over. REALLY felt like we had given it our best shot and come up short. Turns out, I hadn't even tried yet. So right now you may feel like you won't find a partner or have kids, and you know what, you're probably right...but by that, I just mean that you as you are NOW won't do those things. But the you who you will BECOME thanks to Pluto will be able to do that. You'll have your whole life and all its possibilities open to you.

posted June 07, 2008 01:59 PM         

Ah. I see that I missed what you meant there. Well, Taurus is intercepted in the 12th. My 4th is Leo and my 6th is indeed Libra. And of course, Scorpio is intercepted in the 6th.

girlloveboy ~ The irony is that I have been working on changing so intensely for such a long period of time that this year seems to be draining me of everything. I have degress in criminology and psychology, holistic health and now I am studying psychotherapy this year. It's probably one of the hardest years of my life because I have not really gotten a break - it's constant therapy whether I'm in school, at home or in my family/relationships. I'm working at the same time and not getting a ton of sleep and when my neck and back went into spasm in May and I was off for 3 weeks, I think it's because it's the only way my body knew to MAKE me stop and rest. I really do want to change what needs to be changed. As for karmic love, I have had enough of those in the last 3 years to last me for several lifetimes.

jane ~

I know that YOU know that I know that YOU know.....ha. Well, I am stuck at this point in wondering now whether I am supposed to be merely letting people go internally or actually telling them I can no longer be friends with them. You know about my Scorpio ex and how much of a hard time I've had letting him go...I am now at the point where I am not sure if my desire to end our friendship is more about my ego's sanity or the best thing for my soul. I really don't know.

I know I have a bunch of work to do still in terms of valuing myself but at this point I feel so confused about what is what. I am the queen of desiring open communication...if anything, I want to over-communicate which is perhaps the problem. I don't mind looking at my issues with a partner who can do the same and be compassionate with me. As for one day having a marriage or kids...it just seems unlikely since I'm basically 32 now and I know how much work is still ahead of me at this point...

Ugh. I don't even have the energy to bite you, even though I'm sure you taste great.

posted June 07, 2008 10:57 PM         

I have not been through a Pluto transit in recent years (though it will be going over my Capricorn Moon, Mercury, Mars & Sun soon), but wanted to offer a suggestion. I think the key to handling oppositions is to try to find a planet that trines/sextiles the planets involved in the opposition, and use the expression of that planetary energy as a way of lessening the tension of the opposition. Do you have any such planets in your chart?

posted June 07, 2008 11:12 PM         

aaaarrrrrggggghhhh!

posted June 09, 2008 06:59 AM         

But back to Pluto...I think the lesson t.Pluto teaches is different for everyone, since we all have our own issues. Mine was to accept that for a partnership to actually work, I had to accept that I was a partner and needed a partner. I couldn't just run off and fix things on my own, and keep my vulnerabilities to myself. I think your lesson also deals with healthy partnerships, but in a different way.

Pluto can show us the unfairness and ugliness in life. With t.Pluto opp your Venus, it may be showing you the unfairness & ugliness in love and relationships. Loving someone won't make them love you back. Loving them with respect, kindness, and devotion won't make them return love in the same way.

Your power in those situations is recognizing that it's unfair to you. That you deserve more than that and will end the relationships in your life that don't properly honor you.

I remember the Scorpio and I remember a while ago you mentioning that you still saw him regularly. Despite my Leo Moon, I don't actually like telling people what to do , but I thought continuing contact with him would prolong & deepen your feelings for him, and prevent you from moving on. I don't see a conflict between doing what's best for your soul and what's best for your ego's sanity. The soul best grows when it's coupled with a healthy ego. I don't see a division between the two. What's healthy for one, is healthy for the other.

posted June 09, 2008 07:00 AM         

I have a close girlfriend who repeatedly got involved with emotionally aloof men. She was always the one wanting more of a commitment in the relationship, craving more intimacy and nurturing. She was always the one being dumped. This went on for years. I told her the same thing for years. That she has no control over whether someone will love her the way she wants to be loved and that she needs to stop chasing those men to make room in her life for the good guys (they do exist). After her last relationship had ended, she was devastated. Suicidal, convinced that she was unlovable and would never find the relationship she wanted. She finally deeply changed how she views herself and spent some time being single and enjoying it. She was single for about 9 months, then met a lovely Virgo/Taurus Moon. He treats her like the treasure she is and after only a few months they moved in together. Their relationship is strong and I'd bet money that they'll get married. (I don't at all consider marriage the marker for a strong relationship, but it is something she wants very much in her life and I believe she will have that). When she was ready for it, this great guy appeared and in an instant her life changed. Love happens fast, but the real stuff won't happen until you're ready for it.

posted June 09, 2008 07:23 AM         

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Pluto is up my bum. Help!

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posted June 09, 2008 08:03 AM         

thanks!