posted October 02, 2008 02:16 AM         

she's only eight!!! help me!!!

i'm a cap sun, aqua moon with a taurus rising. i guess the conflict is she's such a fun child, it's like we're friends, even though we're mother and child so when i try to discipline her, she takes it as being "mean", or simply not understanding her.

anyways, HELP!!! what should i expect in the future? how should i approach grounding her and teaching her responsibility and PATIENCE.

posted October 02, 2008 02:28 AM         

Check out this thread in Labors of Love:

http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/000487.html

posted October 02, 2008 03:12 AM         

But I'd better say right off, I don't do authoritarian parenting. My sons have strong Uranus contacts with Mars and the Sun. Me too. It would be a waste of time.

That's another thing, I don't have a daughter. According to my brother, girls give it attitude. At age 8, plenty of it. But I have no experience of this in my home. Boys trash the house and like to wrestle and punch their friends. They can get a bit aggressive. But they tend not to give so much of the attitude to their mama.

After a quick opinion poll, apparently I am not strict on anything. But to their creidt they got the message about saying Please and Thank You. I expect them to behave like gentlemen, polite to the teacher, kind to other children. So far, so good.

posted October 02, 2008 03:57 AM         

It's your job to teach your child responsible behaviour, reasoning skills, self-discipline, social skills, fiscal responsibility, manners, self-respect, respect for others, and that there are consequences for one's actions, so that they know how to make informed decisions as teenagers and later as adults. Those skills and attributes will help them in all aspects of their adult life, such as their career, family life, social life, financial life, etc.

I would suggest that you allow her to make her own decisions and choices in certain situations, after all that's part of growing up into a mature, responsible adult. However, you can set the limits under which she makes those decisions. This way she will learn to make independent, reasoned and informed choices, allowing her some freedom, but the ceiling is something that you have control over.

For example, pick out several tops and pants out of the closet for her to wear to school, but let her choose which two pieces of clothing to actually wear. You've set the limits, but she has the choices within those limits.

As a child ages, the parental limits could be changed to account for the child's emotional and physical maturity. In other words, make them age appropriate.

posted October 02, 2008 04:26 AM         

i guess my concern is, after looking at her chart, that she has all these "wild" signs that are prominent ie sag sun, leo moon and gemini rising, i guess i'm just freaked out that in the future she will be out of control or not be a good decision maker. to be honest, i think it's the gemini thing that really bothers me cause all the gemini's i've known have been really promiscous and out of control. is this a gemini trait? could it possible affect her, and i'm sure the sag sun and leo moon doesn't help much either

posted October 02, 2008 04:35 AM         

My relationship with my mother didn't get touchy until I was 13-15. And it was because she unreasonably tried to restrict me. My best friend was depressed and was considered a "bad kid" so she tried to restrict my relationship with her. We got into screaming matches over it. She relented finally. I didn't become depressed or "bad" because I could think for myself (obviously). She wouldn't let me spend the night at boys' houses (most of my friends are boys, it wasn't sexual). We got into screaming matches over it. She relented. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17. I didn't like that my mom tried to shelter me.

posted October 02, 2008 04:38 AM         

Sun opposite Uranus will give her 'trigger' responses which makes her seem a little erractic.

Moon conjunct North Node in the 3rd House - I see her being suited to a profession where EMPATHY and INTUITION is required, eg social worker. Also, where she can be creative and the pressures of the tough 'real world' won't harm her. She may even be a little psychic!

Her Moon and NN on her IC - reading tarot from home may even suit her when she is an adult.

She'll like being involved in group activities with Mars in Aqua in 9th House. Get her involved in Girl Guides. She'll love it, especially that her Sun is in Sag.

posted October 02, 2008 04:39 AM         

i mean, not only was i baffled by all of this....but she's only eight, if these few rules are "too much" in her opinion at the age of eight, then i'm going to have a huge issue in the future when she's a teenager.

posted October 02, 2008 04:51 AM         

They also laid out expectations for me. I was always at home on week nights before 10. I never had an official curfew, but I knew they would be mad if I stayed out later than 10 on school nights. And I never questioned it because I knew it was for a good reason other than "WE DON'T WANT YOU SLUTTING AROUND, PARTYING AND GETTING INTO TROUBLE." because it shows a lack of trust/respect for your kid.

And it doesn't really sound like she gave you attitude. She was expressing her dislike of the chores/conditions, which you shouldn't take offense to. Discuss with her why you impose these rules and maybe come to an agreement on conditions that work for the both of you. That way she won't complain.

posted October 02, 2008 05:06 AM         

i just thought that by being strict now, in the future, she'll be a good decision maker, practical and self-reliant.

posted October 02, 2008 05:15 AM         

My pointers for things to look at would be the Moon aspects. Traditionally they are representative of the relationship with the mother, so it is interesting for you from that perspective. But on a psychological level they deal with the emotions and the instinctive reactions. Here they jump out of the page.

There are some powerful moon interactions. I feel for you, I don't think you have an easy job on your hands, here, not at all. For starters, the Moon in aspect to Uranus, in opposition. Uranus is the rebellious planet, the Moon is emotions. This is someone who doesn't want to be pinned down, someone who feels the need to shake things up and just generally, is someone who might well know they are 'difficult'. Hands up, they are 9 degrees apart on my chart. Let's make it a conjunction. I know I am not the easiest individual to live with. Some more on this opposition:
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/astrological-aspects/moon-opposition-uranus.php

To really stick the boot in, this Opposition forms into a T-Square formation with Saturn at the apex. There it is in the 12th house, in stubborn Taurus. I think there is potential here for her to be a deeply frustrated person. The problem I can see from your perspective is getting her to open up and say how she truly feels. Moon Square Saturn people tend not to want to do this, they like to cope alone. Saturn in the 12th certainly suggests that is the case, but this need might not always serve her well. Saturn Square Uranus really pulls in different directions. Reinforcing the discipline of Saturn might just trigger the T-Square and send Uranus spinning out of control.

quote:

---

Saturn square Uranus
You may often find yourself in conflict with authority or challenging the status quo. Or conversely you may be in an authority role trying to cope with �rebellion in the ranks�. Somehow the conflict of convention versus change, constraint versus freedom, will play itself out in your life, and you may be faced with some very difficult decisions, especially if you define your choices in either/or terms. If you seek a creative resolution which makes room for both independence and self-discipline, this influence can become one of your greatest strengths.

---

There is so much in just one aspect, more later, if I have time. I have to finish a piece I am writing, it isn't going so well.

posted October 02, 2008 05:21 AM         

quote:

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i think it's the gemini thing that really bothers me cause all the gemini's i've known have been really promiscous and out of control. is this a gemini trait?

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That's a new one Us poor Geminis get accused of all sorts. We're just friendly, curious types!

quote:

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my husband and i are not american and tend to be strict in comparison to american rearing standards. i'm afraid she might be comparing our behavior to what she sees with her friend's parents. i don't know.

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posted October 02, 2008 05:48 AM         

The soda ~ we call it pop here, but I've said before now: what do you want, a can of pop or an appointment with the dentist? Your choice!

posted October 02, 2008 05:55 AM         

you might have a point there, she prides herself in being honest. she actually ended a friendship with a classmate after that classmate stole something from another girl. i smiled to myself one day when she said, "yup, that me, ashley, the honest girl". isn't that very sag.

posted October 02, 2008 06:14 AM         

quote:

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she might see me drinking soda and think i'm being dishonest about why i don't want her drinking it. darn, i guess no more soda for me, or i have to drink in private

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My parents taught us that pop, candy or chocolate weren't healthy, but were ok as an occasional treat. All things in moderation, but none is excess. We were also taught that if you eat sugary treats and juice, just make sure to brush and floss thoroughly afterwards.

We were always told exactly why there was a rule, so we were never confused by a yes or no answer.

I have a Gemini Ascendant and 3 planets in the 3rd house. I didn't lose my virginity until I was in my 20's. I was raised with guidelines, but my parents weren't overly strict nor were they religious. It was my choice to wait until the right person came along.

posted October 02, 2008 06:15 AM         

funny that you mentioned the Jonas Brothers. she loves them and i've already told her i'm going to get her a promise ring. don't know if that'll stop her in the future, but i am so paranoid. it's probably the cappy in me that's driving me mad about my daughter's future.

it's just that, i was raised by a single mom and had to look after myself alot. meaning, i had a lot of freedom and independence. i hung out with what would be considered "bad" girls, girls having babies, being promiscuous , smoking. i never felt tempted to engage in those activities though and i don't know why either. i just knew that i wanted better for myself and that was it. i guess, i want my daughter to be that way also, to be able to not run with the crowd, to stand on her own and make good decisions BY HERSELF for herself.

me and my daughter are very different. i have a lot of control over my emotions, even when i was younger. i was also very disciplined (which i want for her). also, i was very shy growing up. my daughter is very outgoing. she loves "hanging out" with EVERYBODY. as long as you're human and not "creepy", she'll be your friend lol. i guess we are different and that is why i'm concerned for her future behavior.

posted October 02, 2008 06:21 AM         

1. I agree with astroleolady. You cannot be friends with your children but that is not to say that you have to be the heavy all the time. The good Lord knows that sometimes they are so cheeky you can't help but smirk & giggle - we did it to our parents so you take that karma with grace.

2. Pick your battles - If you try to fight them all you will win none & just get a migraine for your efforts.

3. Be consistant!!!!!! The rules have to be the same always. Our kids are exploring a world that is new to them & they don't know what the dangers are out there.

4. Don't be so worried about your kids that you forget to simply enjoy who they are.

5. This is the most painful one. You have to let them make their mistakes, you have to let them fall on their ***** , as much as this will break your heart - it is the only way to learn - by our mistakes.

6. Remember that what you put energy into manifests. So speak positive words about her while you are away from her ie school etc & while she is falling asleep say to her what makes you proud of her - these things sink into the heart & stay forever.

7. When they say you are mean you can always try what I say to my son when he says' to me "I don't like your words mummy" my reply? "It's not my job to be your friend & tell you what you want to hear, I am your mother & MY JOB is to teach how to be a good & respectful person"!

posted October 02, 2008 07:25 AM         

I'm a Sag Sun, Leo Moon. (And my older sister is the same as you, a Cap sun and Aqua moon.) I also share some other details with your daughter astrologically, so I think I understand where she's coming from.

About her reaction to the conditions you put on her having a soda...I think that had a lot to do with her Moon.

A Leo Moon wants some moments when the rules don't apply, when she doesn't have to earn a treat but is just given one because you love her and want her to feel good. She equates a little indulgence (feeling special and exempt from the rules) with love. Adding to that is her Sag sun, which is laid-back and looks at the big picture. The big picture says that a soda every now and then isn't going to harm her much, so it's hard for her to see the value of such strict and consistently enforced rules. No exceptions to them seem a bit cold from her pov.

The Saturn square to her Moon could make her prone to questioning whether she's loved unconditionally just for being herself, or if she's loved only when she's a "good girl" pleasing an authority figure.

So to me, when she had a strong reaction to that soda deal, and went on to say how everything is always conditional, I think her Leo Moon was crying out for a little special treatment.

I think if you occasionally threw out the rule book, she would be reassured of your love. Make it clear to her that it's only a temporary suspension of the rules, a special treat that's happening. Share a soda, stay up past her bedtime...anything not too serious in the grand scheme of things that you know she'd like, given freely with no conditions. She will have a blast, feel like you're talking straight to her heart, and be more good-naturedly obedient the rest of the time.

posted October 02, 2008 07:39 AM         

Jane, you are very much on point with these statements. as she was getting dressed for school today, i asked her why she became so upset over the soda. she said she only has soda once in awhile and i wouldn't let her have it. i reminded her that soda is not good for her and she said: "yeah, i know, but i only have it about once a year", which is basically what you said. and also, she does love little indulgences like spontaneously asking to stay up past her bedtime, or going to the store to get her something.