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Author
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Topic: sex buddies
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Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 09:52 AM
 
He is VERY smart... and l love that cos finally l found someone smarter than me hahahahaha  jkThanks Koi xx IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 689
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted October 25, 2008 10:09 AM
Gosh, I haven't had a friend with benefits thing in a loooong time, and I've had a friend and we've been buzzing around each other for many months. Last night something FINALLY happened (sure, now that I'm leaving the country in 3 weeks LOL). Then I get on here and see this thread and it's just pretty appropriate 
I dig on the friends with benefits thing, but I think people really need to be clear...and Lara, I don't think this guy is only wanting sex buddy stuff. He wants more, but his Leo pride is getting in the way. Using the sex thing is a clever way to conceal how he really feels (I think, I sense...for sure). Example: Very good Leo friend of mine several years ago was doing a friend with benefits thing with a woman who he *claimed* he only wanted sex from. I felt he was in love with her, and he would always take extra offense, which of course, would make me tease him more (heeehee). Next thing you know, they're moving in together...and after about 2 years they were engaged. He was always so hell-bent on the whole 'I am not in love' thing...but he just seemed too transparent to me. Your guy's digging on you and doesn't know how to emotionally approach. Sex is a good way to deflect the energies sometimes (a nice way, of course) and almost shift attention, but underneath all of that, he's a creature of habit. I've found many Leo guys to be. No matter what they say, once they start being with a woman semi-consistently, they stick around and things naturally evolve onto a bigger scale. That's just been my experience. ------------------
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. " IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted October 25, 2008 10:13 AM
PS If you can handle the Fire and the excitement of his Air - you will be in for quite a ride!!!Enjoy!!! Show that you are an independent woman, but adore his energetic input into the Life that surrounds him. His Past, Present and Future will be important to him, and will determine his destiny..... IP: Logged |
annaf
Knowflake Posts: 322
From:
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 10:21 AM
Lara, I agree with some of the other comments tht this man doesnt only want you as sb. However, as he has set out the rules, I think it's difficult for him to now say 'well actually I want more from you'. It would put him in an incredably vulnerable position. He's been carefully probing the ground with his enquiries about your date and asking to stay the night whether you are open for more. Your negative reaction must have been a clear signal to him that you are not. Sorry, but I think your examples with his 'work dinner' and what not are beside the point. You have sort of rebuffed his advances BEFORE that and signalled with your 'date' talk etc. that you dont want this to go any deeper. So what do you expect? He's not gonna be all commited to plans etc. with a woman who has made it pretty clear with her signals that she doesnt want more. I agree with Xodian (i think it was) who said that it seems pretty clear that he wants more but the quesiton is do you? If so, you havent given the guy the right signals. Again, all these examples you give of him allegedly being confusing are peanuts to YOUR confused signals towards him. You dont have to put yourself on a plate for him, but give him at least some encouragement and first thing I would stop suggesting that you are going on dates with other men. You can come across as self-confident, independent and non-clingy without seeming as if he has so little importance to you that you are actually looking around elsewhere. Hope this works out for you. IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 10:24 AM
MyvirgomaskGreat post - thanks  so do l just chill out and play along until he finds a way to emotionally approach me or do l do something to help him?
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Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 10:32 AM
Annaf, I did only tell him that my date was only dinner... and then when he wanted to stay i was having a bad night with my kids and l did explain this to him. I texted him this morning to say "you are the best!" so i'm now trying to show that l never ever not cared... hmmm. Maybe l blew it... IP: Logged |
koiflower
Knowflake Posts: 1258
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2008
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posted October 25, 2008 10:36 AM
If there is any Maori there, he will be 'straight' with no bull-sh*t. He won't play games. He will try to work you out based on the strong women in his life - With Aqua, he will try to understand you on different levels. Try to understnad him from a Leo point of view IP: Logged |
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 689
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted October 25, 2008 10:38 AM
Lara, with this guy, I think he needs more 'feedback' - like I don't feel he's going to make himself available emotionally unless he knows you're interested in more. I don't think you need to be all heavy-handed with it. And I don't think you blew it with the text thing...you can certainly tell him that you're going to 'make it up to him' Have you cooked for him yet ? That would be a good ice-breaker too. ------------------
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. " IP: Logged |
annaf
Knowflake Posts: 322
From:
Registered: Oct 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 11:20 AM
I also agree that he needs more 'feedback'. The text was good, but 'you are the best' could just be flirting in a sexual sense. IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 12:21 PM
Myvirgomask,
If I say to him out of the blue 'I'll make it up to you' then am I not admitting I did something wrong?Or do I say 'I noticed you changed after my date... I'll make it up to you baby"
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MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 689
From: processing destination......
Registered: Sep 2008
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posted October 25, 2008 01:42 PM
Lara, I think a text along the lines of 'Hmmm...I'm trying to think of a way of how to make this up to you' might be nice...it alludes that you're thinking about him and getting ideas...and that you're open for suggestions
I do think it sounds sexual but also adds in a level of 'I'm thinking about you'...and you can make him dinner or something. I think that would be nice. ------------------
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. " IP: Logged |
heart cakes
Knowflake Posts: 1561
From: canada
Registered: Sep 2007
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posted October 25, 2008 04:11 PM
hey lara! interesting about the kisses..my feeling (but i could be totally off) is that the combining of leo and aquarian energies are making him very.. into you. leo wants the full experience, the all encompassing joy, and his aquarius moon wants to understand you, NEEDS to understand your motivations, and whether you're into an all encompassing experience. i feel like leo is sort of an all or nothing sign. aquarius is more adaptable in a sense, but it, too, likes to know what is going on. i do agree your signals are probably coming across rather mixed, and since he's not much water he may not be able to intuit your emotions about him, and needs real feedback. the good thing is, both leo and aquarius LOVE feedback and i imagine he'd love to know what you think (aqua) of him (leo)!! i agree that you need to decide whether you are THAT into him and could be in a commited relationship before opening up the whole Feelings For Eachother bag.. because i do get the sense that he'd be into commitment, or loyalty, if his feelings for you are deepening, which it sounds like they are. and also, he could be very hurt (though maybe not show it in typical ways). IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 05:30 PM
thanks heartcakes... makes a lot of sense you think he maybe is hurt because of my date? The only reason l even told him is cos l thought we were only sex buddies and that l was the only one holding back my feelings.. his reaction left me stunned and made me reason that l wasn't in the rowing boat alone I just went to a party and left.. l just couldn't get him out of my head and l wasn't enjoying myself. I have to say something to him, take a risk cos this is getting ridiculous. I just feel so bad that i've been giving mixed signals cos l have been wanting to just be myself, yet acting all sex buddy type of girl, you know?!!!!
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Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 06:40 PM
myvirgomask... yeah, good way to put it! I will wait till he contacts me next and that will be part of my reply. Thanks not easy to turn the car around and go down the other road, is it! IP: Logged |
heart cakes
Knowflake Posts: 1561
From: canada
Registered: Sep 2007
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posted October 25, 2008 07:02 PM
yeah i get what you are saying!! well i think it could go either way: maybe he's just into sex buddiness but out of insecurity or something, he's feeling jealous and wants you to only want him. maybe he's worried your arrangement will no longer be if you get serious with someone else. OR maybe he's just really into you, secretly and wants to have a relationship with you.i definitely think you should just tell him your feelings, if you feel at an intuitive level that he's falling for you and are prepared for a relationship with him!! IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 25, 2008 08:12 PM
yeah, this is what worries me lolMaybe i should play it light yet show a bit more interest and see how he reacts to it!!! IP: Logged |
Kick It
Knowflake Posts: 1032
From: Leeds
Registered: May 2008
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posted October 25, 2008 10:29 PM
quote:
ok, l need help.can we discuss the term "sex buddies" and what it means because l have a sex buddy and i'm sure it's not supposed to be like this!! ie
he wants to spend the whole night
he tells me what he's doing all the time
he talks about his life
he gets jealous if l go on another date
etc
etc WTF is going on? aaarrrggghhhh!!!!
well Ive had my share of sex buddies, so let an experienced head guide you :P Telling you what he is doing and all about his life seems fine. You are buddies.
He wants to spend the whole night?
Im guessing your SEX buddy wants more SEX.
Clever guy if he is your sex buddy. The getting jealous bit is not the best behaviour for a sex buddy. But it is normal for a bloke. Maybe its just a case of you being sex on legs and that is the only reason he gets like that. Your fault. Now of course, with many notches on my bedpost that you lose count, a sex buddy is someone you talk about whatever you are comfortable with and just have lots of sex. All the while being no.2 or 3 or 7th choice to what other fling/boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/ (whatever) you got going there. If they suddenly decide they want more, you have to move them up the pecking order, or ditch them Hope my worldy knowledge born from lots of experience is helpful in that manner.
IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 26, 2008 06:13 AM
i hear ya babe but he doesn't like it when l even go to dinner with another man though Kick It !!I do think he is an honourable man... he is very respectful to himself and others so l have no reason to believe he is a player and he is shy... the other night when l sratched his back and he said "you are diminishing my opportunites with other women now" and l laughed at him. He then lowered his guard and said "i'm not very convincing, am i?"
lol plenty of girls are sex on legs but thanks for compliment anyway Kick It... X IP: Logged |
artemisss
Knowflake Posts: 218
From: NY, NY, USA
Registered: Feb 2008
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posted October 27, 2008 01:03 AM
lara: the geminis ive dated all seem flaky like that...like they are interested, but off-and-on, and if i were to question them, they'd get upset and blow up at an accusation of them not being "into it" lol. but then again, i have gemini as the ruler of my 5th house, so that makes sense.IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 27, 2008 02:48 AM
I have gemini as 5th ruler too! IP: Logged |
robyn.c
Knowflake Posts: 207
From: england
Registered: Dec 2007
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posted October 27, 2008 08:58 AM
actions speak louder than words....what you two are doing is having a relationship! having sex, conversation, each others company. who wanted the sex buddy thing? was it him? maybe he wants a get out clause. you silly sausages ;D IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 27, 2008 10:07 AM
lol true Robyn It was both of us who agreed to it. IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 3274
From: London
Registered: Mar 2006
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posted October 27, 2008 11:26 AM
okso l just asked him to be truthful with me and he said "truth is, im enjoying you as my sexy buddy whilst l get on with my work and look for my life partner" So l said "goodbye" and then rang him ... and he was very curt and off hand. Either he was hurting or he was done. My gut tells me he's not happy now. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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