posted January 10, 2003 12:52 PM         

my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years, since our sophomore year in high school. he has lived with me for .. maybe bout 2 1/2 years?.. in my mother's home after his parents moved out of the state. i had always taken our "together-foreverness" for granted, until a fight we had last st patrick's day. that prompted me to slowly and deliberately and taureanly question and ponder the meaning of our relationship, what my true feelings are for him, and also my direction in life and what that means for "us". i finally decided that i needed time apart from him, perhaps only for a short time, perhaps not. i need him out of my house.

reasons: (i'm using this space to organize my thoughts, so i apologize if this is more information than necessary)
"~"~"i feel i have neglected myself in favor for a major relationship in a time in my life when i need to grow and develop: i need to work on my self spiritually and want time ALONE to do so, i need to experience and interact with others on my own, i need to not be restricted and judged for my actions by my boyfriend- which i very much feel most of the time.
"~"~"i need to know if i really do love him in a 'death do us part' way ... i suppose this is the most confusing part of my dilemma, and that's that i'm in love with a mutual friend of ours too- he's an aquarian, so he truly is just my FRIEND, but he causes me to question emotions for my boy that ive always taken for granted.
"~"~"i believe that he needs to develop an identity for himself outside of us, that he depends too much upon me for his reason for existance, and i want him to figure out what else he has to live for. maybe i just subconsciously know that scorpios need cataclysmic events and death like sentences to really live up to their potential. he very much makes sure i know that our breakup would very much be like a death sentence to him.

so it took me until the end of last summer for all of this to come out, some quite unintentionally (including my feelings for said mutual friend). i finally got it out that i need him out. but it's not enough to get him out. its like he knows its inevitable now, and is just trying to hold on as long as possible.

i'm finding it very difficult to really go through with it. we love each other, we get along well. the mutual positive aspects between our suns and venuses along with many other good aspects makes it very hard for us to stay sour for long, and the comfort of our relationship makes it hard for this taurean to want to MOVE. i find myself smoothing over problems and not being honest when it would hurt him. its so hard for me to want to inflict this kind of pain on my boy it just tears me up inside. but everyday i want the same thing, and thats for him to leave.

posted January 10, 2003 04:25 PM         

"seek out the confrontation that will allow me to break out instead of running away"

This is one of the most powerfully honest sentiments I have read because you are listening to yoursELF.

Stay strong, we're all here for you.

Love and Hugs,

posted January 10, 2003 06:37 PM         

And just because of a Scorpio way of seeing a breakup like this as a death sentence, it may still be the right thing to do, since we must face all our fears, specially the ones we fear the most like anything akin to a death sentence.

Seems to me you just need to break free from the bonds which bind you, of which there are several. Did you ever do any cord cutting? I will leave it up to you to track down info on it, or others to tell you how, yet cop The Art of Psychic Protection by Judy Hall to learn this excellent way of cutting the cords that exist between you and others, without hurting yourself or them, yet cleansing both of old and often frighteningly strong psychic bonds between people. We should all do this regularly, and with our family members at least once. Yet you must follow her way of doing it if you are a novice, it's a serious ritual of magic that can leave you weak, yet unbelievably free, so you have to do it right. Honest, this book is worth this one spell. Anyone else ever done it? It is just fabulous

So my short answer is cut cords, and maybe end the relationship, yet it sounds like you have more feelings to work out, so keep at it Such a brave Bull girl

posted January 10, 2003 07:26 PM           

It was the best thing I ever did and I feel that If you are unhappy in a relationship you should get out (unless there are children involved, then things can be worked out).

Put a big sign up somewhere to remind you that says -MOVE- in big bold letters. Only you have to know what it means. Evertime you feel like just sticking to the comfort zone look at that sign and stick to your guns. I promise it will be better for both of you in the long run.

Dont feel bad if he gives you the 'what am I supposed to do' scenario. It sounded like you said he had family in another state and its time for him to go depend on them for awhile, thats what families are for.

I hope I've helped and if you want to ask me anything about my situation feel free, it is almost identical to what you have described above.

posted January 10, 2003 10:18 PM         

I support you with these challenges and I know you are very smart and wonderful

I hope you keep us posted and if you need a peptalk

Write soon and keep us posted, love Fajita

posted January 11, 2003 09:54 AM         

Yet to be hopeful and excited about your new future is the way to go! And while you may change your living situation (in my opinion, you def should), it doesn't have to mean it's forever over for you two. Or maybe it does! Yet that issue does not have to be answered right now!

Yet you do have to think of yourself first. It is manipulative beyond belief to tell someone that you would go off the deep end, or anything related or worse, if they leave. Like someone who says "Leave and I will kill myself," should be dumped and left immediately, I say.

So be excited about your future! Getting out of this situation is a tiny change on your path, not as major as you might think. I have been through two former marriages already and am with my third wife. I moved out of the house and back in with my second wife, four times before I finally left her for good. That was almost six years ago. I am 36. I was married at 24 to a woman I met when I was 22. So we can jump into relationships with both feet, we can jump right out too!

Whenever I have to make a change, and we all always do, all of our lives, I think of the words of the immortal Geddy Lee from the band Rush...

Changes aren't permanent...but change is.

And so it is! So get psyched, you gots some fabulous changes coming! And you will live to tell about them, you'll see

posted January 11, 2003 04:52 PM         

I am here for you and KNOW it's hard, maybe you should read that book about cutting the cord..maybe I should read it!

posted January 12, 2003 11:42 AM         

Breaking up is hard to do, it's true, yet most peeps in our life are not meant to be there forever, and realizing this complete truth is wonderful, since it allows you to part ways when the Time is Right, much more easily and happily.

We are all here both to teach and to learn from everyone we meet. Yet those lessons do end sometime, with most people. Learning to move on with no regrets, guilt, blame, shame, repression, or doubt is the most liberating feeling in the world! Do you see why? And trust me, cord cutting makes it so much easier and more pure and clean, which we Virgs dig. Just read the page or two on how to do that spell, in a bookstore somewhere, and you will want to do it, and it works amazingly. It is necessary here, girls, in your situations. Cut cords - not necessarily ties - with those people who you still feel connected to in a growth-stunting way, and you will be free to grow even more, you'll see. It's brilliant. Psychic self protection is so important, take it from this Witch, or ask another one, they will tell you just what I am saying.

And flower essences are great too, the astrologer Donna Cunningham is all into that, she write a great magazine on it online:

http://www.essences.com/vibration/backindex.html

she does all the html for this cool ezine

Also, plan to do a short ritual with the person you are breaking with that thanks them for their presence in your life, and is basically you own Parting of Ways ritual. Thre are some online, so I'll let you find them. And do not forget to thank your living space, and ground out the energy that has flowed there, before you go into the next place. Be a little witchy now, girls, since what you are doing is very personal and self-directed...do what you have to do to be as peaceful as possible throughout and afterwards. Ground it out and center, and let go lovingly, yet I am sure you will

Best of fortune and love ladies! Let go and let God/dess!

posted January 12, 2003 12:28 PM         

Ya'll're great for having the courage to start what you're each starting, respectively.
But ya'll already knew that.

posted January 12, 2003 08:39 PM           

Dont get me wrong, my first boyfriend (the guilt layer) is long gone... My current relationship is more than wonderful. I love loving this guy and I love the love I get in return. If my first boyfriend taught me one thing it was to not put up with ******** in a relationship. I say to my current boyfriend (of 5 years now) 'Me and the girls are going out tonight' and he says 'do you need money for an outfit?' I treat him the same. However boyfriend No. 1 would have given me the 'your just going out to see guys' routine and I never would have gone. I demand respect now, I expect respect and I give it in return. It is very refreshing.

posted January 13, 2003 02:55 AM         

Yes gee I know about being allowed...
thanks

posted January 13, 2003 12:00 PM         

thankyou so much auriel!

posted January 13, 2003 10:00 PM         

I know it is hard to do it, but I think like Auriel said, it will be change and that will mean growth. For both you and him.

d

posted January 14, 2003 01:32 AM         

ARIES Woman VIRGO Man

by Linda, from Love Signs

He was so much the humblest of them, indeed he was the only humble one, that Wendy was specially gentle with him.

~ Peter Pan

...The combination of Aries and Virgo is a 6-8 Sun Sign Pattern. Among other things, this means devotion, service, and working together will always be part of their relationship. It also means something which may come as a surprise to those who don’t understand astrology – a strangely compelling sexual attraction. She represents sexual mystery to him. He represents to her the kind of sexual relationship she can trust. Somehow, despite the basic differences in their natures, these two may enjoy a rare compatibility of physical desire and expression. Perhaps it’s born of the essential innocence and purity of intent the symbolic Infant and the symbolic Virgin bring, in an esoteric sense, to their lovemaking. Or it may be their mutual belief that sexual union is the ultimate blending of a man and woman’s deepest yearnings, bringing their bodies, minds, and souls together in a singing unison of purpose and mutual tenderness. It could be this woman’s directness, the simplicity of her approach to intimacy, that appeals to her Virgo man’s innate honesty – or his unselfish consideration of her needs that touches her so tenderly – and the fact that his latent passion can be aroused only with someone who joins him in the desire to raise physical love to a higher level than a casual erotic encounter or a brief pleasure.

Whatever the reason, the sexual relationship between them is usually a strong force, often resulting in the kind of emotional peace and physical fulfillment that makes it easier for them to tolerate the differences and tensions in other areas of their togetherness. With Aries and Virgo, sex is a renewal of hope and rededication to each other. In most Aries-Virgo unions, the Virgo man will feel that Aries girl is all the woman he’ll ever want or need. The enthusiasm of her spontaneous passion nearly always deepens his basic earthy instincts…

Although it won’t be easy for the girl Ram to really understand her Virgo man’s frequent need for privacy and solitude, she can comfort herself with the thought that this man is far less likely than any other Sun Sign to hurt her by flirting with another woman when he’s not with her. Like Aries, Virgo usually falls in love for keeps. Yes, I know that love that lasts forever is rare enough to be a miracle. Yet if you expect a miracle, you’ll find it…every time.

******

Linda Goodman on the 6-8 Sun Sign Pattern (inconjunct Suns) in general...

You will have some problem in communicating with these individuals born under the two Sun Signs 150° opposite your own. Yet, you’ll be oddly intrigued by the puzzling charisma, and powerfully driven into its spell. If the tie between you is a love relationship, you'll feel an irresistible sexual attraction toward the individual...

In some way, these individuals will have a desire to help you, and you’ll feel an urge to help them. One or both of you, will serve the other willingly, with little or no resentment – and one will often protect the other from those who attempt to harm her – or him. There may be times when the favors extended are resented; yet there will be no choice in the matter. Under this vibrational pattern, service given will always be repaid by the fascination of the association itself. In some way, a great benefit will come from one to the other through the relationship, and the one who serves will usually remain loyal.

***

hi Auriel...sometimes we just gots to tell these darlings wassup thanks for being here

so high five you girls, it will be over before you know it, and you will keep building your fabulous lives, and they will build theirs, and all will be just fabulous darlings, just as it should

posted January 14, 2003 02:03 AM           

I fell in love with a Virgo man when I was 17 and it was love at first sight for both of us. I remember the first time we were alone and had only really known each other for a week. Nothing was spoken about our feelings but in that moment when we were all alone we just embraced and kissed. I know we were being re-uinited from a past life because we didnt have to utter a single word. The first thing he said to me was 'I've been looking for you for so long'. He was the most beautiful, gentle, loving soul but we were parted by distance. We spoke on the phone as often as possible (he lived in outback Australia, whilst I was stuck over the ocean in Tassie) I couldnt even drive to see him!! Even when our phone calls stopped I never for one moment forgot him. So many of my thoughts were occupied with his words, voice and touch. We spoke on and off for about 4 years but the pain of living apart whilst being so in love was too much. Life seemed to always get in the way of us being together. Unfortunatley by the time I seen him next I was very much in love with my current partner. I was highly excitied about meeting him again and was scared that when I did see him I would surely fall in love with him all over again. But I didnt, he was too far gone with drugs. I think he came to me searching for an answer to his problems and didnt expect to find me in love with another guy or in a love that could be stronger than what we shared. I didnt expect to find him empty, like his very soul had been ripped from him. I did the wrong thing, instead of being there for him I turned my back on him and a few months later he was killed. 2 years on I still think of him and we had a code name so that if either of us died and this name or word was spoken we would know it was the other. So, here I am waiting for him again. I'm hoping he will visit me in some way and reveal to me why his death occured and who truly did it.

And I have no idea why I just typed all that out.............

posted January 14, 2003 11:31 PM         

Keep us posted oh how you are

posted January 15, 2003 09:12 PM         

yep, so we can be friends then ruby, okie doke you Rams are so sweet when you let yourselves be petted

pat pat, nice Ram, pat pat lol oops, don't keep touching that hot stove, you're not invincible you know