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Author Topic:   So many lonely people...
lioneye68
Knowflake

Posts: 2933
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted March 26, 2004 06:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
It just makes me so sad that there is such an abundance of lonely hearts looking for someone to love them, who they can love back. And, they're mostly female. Where are the men? Why arent' they looking for someone to love? Is it that so many of them don't know how to love, causing a huge inventory deficit of the male component of relationship in the land? Why aren't we teaching our boys to love? Moms? Dads?

Oprah should do a show on this subject. Where are all the quality single men? Why are they in such short supply?

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sthenri
Knowflake

Posts: 1259
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003

posted March 26, 2004 06:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
We ought to be raising men, not dating them. That's what I tell my little brother an Aqua/Leo moon. He say he'd rather have more little brothers than a man in the house, and I'd agree. I think most men are children, and most women are okay with that. If I can't find a man...

I'll just raise them...
I've raised one teenage boy already and it's a lot more rewarding. Maybe the problem isn't a shortage of men, but a shortage of emotional fulfillment through the men around us. Emotional fulfillment is tough to find anyway.

Natasha

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sthenri
Knowflake

Posts: 1259
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003

posted March 26, 2004 06:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Yeah and let's ask Oprah, why don't they have any money!! In my Grandmother's day, women got married, the guy made the money, then he died, and then she married someone else or was left with a full bank account and retired to Hawaii. Now, women want men with feelings, but we want a bank account too.

It's not working..
I'd rather have one or the other, but the ones with feelings run off with my money,
we are going back in time, or forward, are we liberated yet? Do I still have to wear a bra? What now?

As Freud Said,
"Love-It's Chaos"

Natasha
Taurus

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lllog
Moderator

Posts: 783
From: Springfield MO
Registered: Jun 2002

posted March 26, 2004 08:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lllog     Edit/Delete Message
Okay ladies, get off the man bashing. There are plenty of good men out there, I was one until I met someone special myself.

The reason yopu don't hear more about them is that we men don't talk about those type things like you ladies.

It also has to do with age to some extent. As we all get older, good men become in more demand, and usually have a wider range of options.

Anyway, don't give up, there are plenty of men willing to be with you, if they get a chance. Thats my sore point, I've seen to many ladies who were interested in the guys car, job, and status, and not what he could bring to a relationship.

My Male two-cents

Lanny

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 1628
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003

posted March 26, 2004 09:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
Well Lanny,

What I want to know is, since men are so used to being treated that way, what do they manage to do when someone like me comes along? Sincerely wanting to know...

I could give you my personal theological study on this, but what of the FEELINGS.

.gloria

------------------
it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness...

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sthenri
Knowflake

Posts: 1259
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003

posted March 26, 2004 10:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Well, men are basically good, there just aren't enough of them, I think is what Lioneye was saying. Didn't mean to be critical of men in general, but the entire feminist movement has left me confused. Do we pursue men or run away from them? Do we still need them?

I think I will always love men, I still need them very much. Women learn to appreciate a good man more as they get older, and are more vocal about it.
That's my take.

Natasha
Taurus

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moondreamer
Knowflake

Posts: 379
From: durban
Registered: Nov 2002

posted March 27, 2004 05:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moondreamer     Edit/Delete Message
Well I am a LONELY MAN in need of love!

Astro-Junkie-Wanna be with me(wink,wink)
Love MD

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 1628
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003

posted March 27, 2004 05:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
TWA!!!

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 1628
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003

posted March 27, 2004 05:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
...don't get me started...

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Motherkonfessor
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Posts: 330
From:
Registered: Oct 2003

posted March 27, 2004 03:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Motherkonfessor     Edit/Delete Message
I have no interest in a man's bank account, car, job, whatever.......

I have always found myself in relationships where not ONLY am I playing caretaker to a man's heart and spirit, but I am ALWAYS the one with the job, paying the rent and supporting two people.

In truth, I am a bit pi$$ed off about it. I have yet to date a man who actually has his own car, his own place, or even the barest grasp on financial common sense.

I guess I can't be angry........because those things aren't the deciding factor for me in choosing a man. I would just be happy if they could support themselves, and not expect me to do ALL the hard stuff.

I want someone who is emotionally available. Someone who wants a real partnership, not an idiotic power struggle. I cannot drum up the optimism to contradict the cliche "Its all about sex." I love the company of men- I generally get along with them better than women- but I have decided to forget about dating. I have made too many terrible choices, I see how men my age treat women they date, and I am done with it.

So if I am lonely, big deal. Its better than having a terminal illness or living in a third world country- so if the greatest tragedy of my life is being single, I think its unbecoming of my character to dwell on it. Men suck up my energy that could be better spent enjoying myself or doing something meaningful in society as a whole.

Its hard, so hard, to withstand the pressure from society to be "couple-ized" I feel like a fish out of water sometimes because I am surrounded by couples....all my friends are married...buying the house, procreating.

If I could just get rid of my considerate libido, I would be fine. LOL


MK

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 1628
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003

posted March 27, 2004 04:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
MK -

Normally you don't see me in my lazy phase, but the only thing i caught was "Its hard, so hard, to withstand the pressure from society to be "couple-ized" I feel like a fish out of water sometimes because I am surrounded by couples....all my friends are married...buying the house, procreating.

If I could just get rid of my considerate libido, I would be fine. LOL"

I don't know where to even start.

.gloria

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lllog
Moderator

Posts: 783
From: Springfield MO
Registered: Jun 2002

posted March 27, 2004 05:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lllog     Edit/Delete Message
There is little doubt that there are a lot of so called men who want to be taken care of, while they (p)lay around (the P is silent)just as there are a lot of ladies looking for someone to support them.

I've always believed that to be with someone sucessfully, you have to be willing to be on your own. "Needlyness" is one of the biggest killers of romance, regardless of the gender.

just some thoughts

Lanny

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 1628
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003

posted March 27, 2004 06:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
we are all needy

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cheza
Knowflake

Posts: 31
From: Adelaide, South Australia
Registered: Feb 2004

posted March 27, 2004 06:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cheza     Edit/Delete Message
I agree that there are a lot of lonely hearts out there. I cant say that all men are bad as I know of some really sweet loving men. The problem in this case is that I have no attraction to them.
Then again I have seen some really horrible women out there too.
To find someone who is both good to you and one that you are both equally attracted to is a very difficult thing to find.
I feel that we are all striving for perfection in a mate now a days (attraction and someone who is good to us) but its a jolly hard thing to find.

To all of you I wish you love and happiness.

Cheza xo

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 1628
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003

posted March 27, 2004 06:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
stop looking...

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lllog
Moderator

Posts: 783
From: Springfield MO
Registered: Jun 2002

posted March 27, 2004 11:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lllog     Edit/Delete Message
Your right again Astro Junkie. When you stop looking, you will often find the one you seek.

Lanny

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Stella
Knowflake

Posts: 23
From: oregon,usa
Registered: Feb 2004

posted March 28, 2004 01:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stella     Edit/Delete Message
Wow, some people's blogs really annoy me. They completely deny any responsiblity. There are plenty of good men available, just thinking there isn't is what creates it in your own life. I saw a good movie last night. "What the f(bleep) do we know?". I recommend all to see it.
WE are much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for.
you create your own reality and I believe there are plenty of worthwhile guys available to give and recieve love with. I've even have had them come and go from my own life.
So Create Your Own reality with Positive Thoughts, please.

stella

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 1628
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003

posted March 28, 2004 10:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
It's not even a matter of thinking there's "good men", although I'm sure my pessimism doesn't help sometimes. It's just that for me, there's only one in a million guys who just do it for me.

But I AM learning a guy can be a total dicck to most women, but can be managed quite well by the right woman.

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lllog
Moderator

Posts: 783
From: Springfield MO
Registered: Jun 2002

posted March 28, 2004 12:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lllog     Edit/Delete Message
When you say managed, I hear controlled. Not a very good way to have an equal relationship.

Lanny

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sthenri
Knowflake

Posts: 1259
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003

posted March 28, 2004 02:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Lanny I hear what you are saying about equality,

There isn't much in the world. It's separating the world from the bedroom that is really tough for my friends. I can do it, but it took a long time.

Carl Jung said "There are women who find their power in the world, and those who find their power in a man's bed"

I am finding that it works both ways, something that Carl left out. Men find their power in a woman's bed too but they are not the same kind of men who find it in the world. Or they can't separate it. But it must be separate or there are power struggles. I do not try to control anyone but I am told I like control over my life-the world.

That is not the same as the bedroom but once a man sees that he's history-he says-until I change, or at least make him a priority. I can't do that because I have, and then the thrill is gone because the $$ is gone. Men like money a lot more than women I think, they just don't say it. Actions speak louder than words-they just go.

To be a man in this world means to make the money, it's a fact. Men deserve better than that because that's not fulfilling, and meaningful.

But I am a challenge because I can't hide my life away from anyone not with Mars/1st house Sag, and Gemini Mercury/7th. I am as outspoken as Lenny Bruce, on the subject of the truth. Honesty is the best policy for me.

All I need is an honest soul, who has good basic personal hygenie, and doesn't feel threatened by a woman who makes more $$$ than him.

Very tough to find, but I am cool with male friends.
I just don't like it when they try to change me, borrow money, control my time and movements, or test me.

I have found good men but I had to change my name, hair colour, religion and home. Why do I need to do all that for someone else just to love me? For affection or companionship?

Natasha
Taurus/6th house
Scorpio Ascendant/12th house conjunct Neptune
Juno and Pallas in Capricorn/2nd house

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sthenri
Knowflake

Posts: 1259
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003

posted March 28, 2004 02:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Maybe this generation is just more demanding..

I saw a peanuts cartoon today:

Sally and Charlie Brown are watching TV
Sally says with a dreamy look on her face
I" want a horse"
Charlie Brown says
"A Horse?"
She says "Yes a Horse!"
He says, "I don't have a horse
but I do have a pencil, which you can use to underline the next John Wayne movie in the TV Listings."
Sally says
"Why did I get a brother with a warped sense of humour?"
and Charlie says
"Tis the Season to be Jolly"
and goes back to watching TV
as Sally leaves in disgust...

I think we all want a horse, or a pony, and what we get are John Wayne movies.

On the other hand it's easy to pick apart someone's dreams...


Natasha

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lioneye68
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Posts: 2933
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted March 28, 2004 07:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
Natasha, I know exactly what you mean when you say..should I chase them or run from them? I feel the same way. Am I suppose to be assertive and go after a man if I want him, or will that threaten his masculinity? Should I just drop subtle "I'd respond favorably if you..." type of hints? I think the women's lib movement has confused everybody, men AND woman. Men don't know what we want from them eithor. The ones that go to far to the liberated extreme are materialist users of women, and the ones that are too non-liberated are chauvanists. It's ok to be finacially dependant on a woman if you're staying home with the kid(s), which was the whole point behind women staying home and being supported by their man. Even if there were no kids, as long as the intention to have them was there, it was (still is) ok. But that gets abused too, right?

What I'm troubled by is the seeming high number of woman pining for someone to love, compared to the almost non-existant number of men pining for the same thing. Or, maybe it's a throw back to the he-man era, and they're still not identifying with their own emotional needs. In that case, the equality movement still has a long way to go. Men don't have to be sickening emotional saps to identify with their emotional needs. They just have to admit they have them, in whatever testosterone induced voice and foul language that works for them.

Also, yes, it's true that desparation and neediness are a huge turn off, both in men and women. So, you have to walk the tight rope between expressing what you need, and down right demanding it from near strangers, causing them to go vampire! vampire! help!

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sthenri
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Posts: 1259
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003

posted March 28, 2004 09:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Oh Lioneye, men pine after women too, its' the same, they are just not saying it. Men are not as verbal most of the time. But I have raised two teenage boys, and believe me when I say they pined:> It was always will this girl love me, or that girl love me, if I buy her new shoes, change my hair, face-what can I do to be loved!?

It's an emotion we all have at one time or another, but we dont' see it in men unless we are their mothers. Most men learn to hide this part of their personality right away. Even now, since I have male friends, they tell me how they are pining after this woman or that woman-since I am their mother figure. Sometimes it's a job, or opportunity, but its' still the same message.

However, men usually hide it in the form of-I really want money, prestige, career opportunities, that kind of thing-when they are really looking for meaningful, fulfilling relationships. But after a few drinks, the truth comes out.

In other cultures, such as Italy men are a lot more open about their emotional needs. And women rarely are alone, if women are unhappy it's because they do not like the way their man touches them, or treats them, but they are never worried about being alone.

It's different over there, I heard a talk show once that was all about women who didn't like their lovers and why. They got on the radio and described what was wrong with the way their man touched them in bed. You'd never hear that here. And then the men could call in and argue back.

Relationships are a focus for men, I think in the Americas money is a bigger focus.
Men and women are a lot more assertive in other cultures too, in the Americas there is a fear of being emotional or needy. That kind of fear doesn't exist elsewhere, not really.

I have not fear of being called needy because I know the American version means broke. Then again I have so many aspects to Uranus that I could never be called needy-whiny sometimes..

That's my opinion, anyway.

Natasha
Taurus

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lioneye68
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Posts: 2933
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted March 29, 2004 05:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lioneye68     Edit/Delete Message
I think to a certain extent, the average man is a little frightened of the modern woman and modern relationships. They don't pursue it as actively as they use to, preferring to just dabble and keep a low profile.

They don't know what we want from them, or they're not willing to give as much ground as what they think they're expected to. They still want to wear the pants and be the head of the household and all the Ozzie and Harriette stuff, but they do like women earning money. They just don't want to reciprocate in kind by taking over some of the traditionally female roles, like house work and child care. Afterall, THEY'RE not the ones who wanted change in the first place.

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astro junkie
Knowflake

Posts: 1628
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003

posted March 29, 2004 05:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
Yes Lanny -

I said "managed" - not controlled.

Being unmarried and fancy-free my whole life, basically... There's BEEN a whole 'nother world out there consisting of people who do not want to have children, who are waiting late to have them, or want to do things with their life before marriage... There's still a lot of emphasis on "family" values, and I'm all for that for people who choose that route.

But for all the freaks out there who have never, and will never have a "normal" family life, there's a plethora of reasons why they too would prefer to stay at home, not have a regular job... woman supporting man... up, down and all around.

Seems there is a drift towards personal independent goals, rather than the collective "family" goals, and that's cool too.

.gloria

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