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Author
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Topic: why does my love not want me? HELP!!!!
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lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 10, 2004 05:13 AM
 
My ex-partner passed away last year. I prayed with all my heart to meet my life partner soon so i would know which country to remain in.
I met a wonderful kind man. He's divorcing. I'm attraccted to him, but go steadily. He sees another girl. She dumps him. He comes back to me. We nearly embrace/kiss. I'm not fully trusting of the situation. Though i sense he cares for me. The girl comes back into his life. He wants to return to her. I flip and say i can't see him if he does. He chooses to go. I am heartbroken and can't understand how a prayer answered could go so wrong? We want similar things from partners! He was looking for a wife and i for a husband.Please any thoughts on this? He's leo.I'm Taurus. IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 1920
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted April 10, 2004 10:24 AM
Maybe if you leave your birth info, (date, time, place) there is something in your transits or in your natal that will help determine what's at play. At the same time, I know you thought of this guy as the guy who could fill the void in your life, and sometimes life seems to hand you something and then pulls it back away from you.But maybe that's not what's really happening. I so sorry about your losses. IP: Logged |
Ariesrocks!
Knowflake Posts: 515
From:
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted April 10, 2004 10:29 AM
*sings* loooooove hurts!
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lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 10, 2004 05:38 PM
Thanks Ariesrocks for your reply.To Astrojunkie Thanks for your reply. My date of birth is 24 April 1968. He is Leo. I think late July born 1965.
I know that i was jealous and very destabilised when he asked me what i thought of this girl contacting him again.
I am thinking of contacting him again, even though the last statement i emailed stated that i wouldn't and HE could contact me. I feel that we may be able to remain friends since i feel i may be only ready for reliable relationships/friendship, only, after all. I, also, don't want him to see me as some oppressively love-seeking widow, and instead to understand that i am also needing time to know which emotion to trust. I have to say i can't believe that a prayer so well answered could be untrue! Why does he then state that he knows he is not the man for me? And he will never ever sleep with me? Let me know what you think of this now. IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 1920
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted April 10, 2004 06:02 PM
When you said, "...to understand that i am also needing time to know which emotion to trust..."Remember that needing time to know which emotion to trust is all you. It's not his responsibility. If you are worried that he is seeing you as a widow in need, then maybe you should ask yourself if that's still true. IP: Logged |
lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 10, 2004 06:26 PM
Astro JunkieYes. I am a widow in need. I do though need to have, if i'm to start a relationship so soon, to have one that is based on care and nurturing with a promise of love. This, he knows.
My thoughts are, if he is now in my life and wants to keep my friendship while seeing other girls then i get confused because i am frittering my own little energy supporting him in some worthless poorly judged alliances. And so i threatened an ultimatum. He can provide the material security that could help me to move ahead, with the promise of love exchanged- i thought and felt. He wants a wife with children, which is what i want. Though i may not actually be ready for this yet. I am trying to return to work and i thought with him i could work part-time and build up some confidence and security in the world again, but he seems to not want me? My instinct, though, has detected that he does, since we can intellectually agree and there is a chemistry between us, which i've openly admitted to and he seems to want to deny. The emotion i do not trust are to do with: love-emotions- wanting to have my love experience
or
security-emotions - needing some help with getting a hold in the world again on my own in a different country without any family and relatives of my own around me. I feel far more developed than him, but feel that i can't completely separate from him? What are your views on this. I need to know because i'm thinking of contacting him for a meeting to talk soon. He may reject me or he may agree. I need to know what to do. Thanks Astrojunkie IP: Logged |
lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 10, 2004 06:38 PM
Astro JunkieYes. I am a widow in need. I do though need to have, if i'm to start a relationship so soon, to have one that is based on care and nurturing with a promise of love. This, he knows.
My thoughts are, if he is now in my life and wants to keep my friendship while seeing other girls then i get confused because i am frittering my own little energy supporting him in some worthless poorly judged alliances. And so i threatened an ultimatum. He can provide the material security that could help me to move ahead, with the promise of love exchanged- i thought and felt. He wants a wife with children, which is what i want. Though i may not actually be ready for this yet. I am trying to return to work and i thought with him i could work part-time and build up some confidence and security in the world again, but he seems to not want me? My instinct, though, has detected that he does, since we can intellectually agree and there is a chemistry between us, which i've openly admitted to and he seems to want to deny. The emotion i do not trust are to do with: love-emotions- wanting to have my love experience
or
security-emotions - needing some help with getting a hold in the world again on my own in a different country without any family and relatives of my own around me. I feel far more developed than him, but feel that i can't completely separate from him? What are your views on this. I need to know because i'm thinking of contacting him for a meeting to talk soon. He may reject me or he may agree. I need to know what to do. Thanks Astrojunkie IP: Logged |
Sun_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 320
From: UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted April 10, 2004 07:11 PM
Lovely Lotuss,
Im sorry to hear about your ex partner  , and also the Leo. 'I'm not fully trusting of the situation.' I think you saying this probably is your feeling about the relationship with the Leo, if you don't trust him or feel safe, then its not worth it.
The fact he has chosen to go back to that girlfriend means you are probably not meant for each other, even if you do feel connected. 'I have to say i can't believe that a prayer so well answered could be untrue! Why does he then state that he knows he is not the man for me?' Maybe your prayer hasen't been answered yet, he seems like a good guy, honest enough to tell you he doesn't want to be with you, and this is probably true, your partner is still out there somewhere, just take time to heal your wounds and don't look to having another partner immediatly because you miss your ex. Wait to find someone you truly love and who loves you, and you WILL be happy!!!! 
I hope my advice is helpful and not bossy or anything, and that I haven't offended you, its just how I see the situation!
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lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 10, 2004 07:20 PM
Thanks Sun ScorpionThanks so much for your reply. I wonder then if i am to contact him again or really just leave it to him to contact me? Please see my last message to astrojunkie. I feel i need him as a friend here since i really have few friends and i think that is what he wants- after all. I, also sense he has things to learn form me, he's alot like my-exhusband who put me down all the time for being bold. It may be the case he is not the one for my happiness, but i felt a 'love' for him, which i've declared to him. What to do ??!!!!! This is a great site!!!! IP: Logged |
Sun_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 320
From: UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted April 10, 2004 07:29 PM
Hi again, glad u liked my advice,
I think its fine to contact him, just make sure you remain calm and stable and don't pressure him, make sure he knows you want to remain good friends and that you find it difficult in a different country and that having him as a friend makes you happier and more secure. I'm sure he'll feel happy and flattered and want to remain friends.
Hope this helps. IP: Logged |
sthenri
Knowflake Posts: 1338
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003
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posted April 10, 2004 09:24 PM
Scorpios have good advice for Taureans. I am a Taurus too and recently divorced. I can understand what you mean when you say "I, also, don't want him to see me as some oppressively love-seeking widow" He Will not see you this way. No man does, it's anxiety you are feeling only. And very Taurus. Men love to be loved and needed, do not worry so much about being strong. If you want him, tell him, just for yourself, you don't need to set goals for yourself on what you must do or not do. Be more accepting of yourself and accept your emotions. You do not trust your emotions that is the challenge, it's not about him specifically. Learn to trust and accept your emotions because they are not bad, you are a Taurus and so are cautious, but every experience is a learning one, some are deeper than others but you can always learn from each other. I urge you to not break it off with him this way since it will leave you unsatisfied. Be his friend and learn from the situation, and wish him well with his new life. Do not judge yourself or him so harshly please:> You deserve love. Take Care,
Natasha
Taurus/6th house
Venus Aries/5th house
Moon Cancer/8th IP: Logged |
lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 11, 2004 05:29 AM
The problem with seeing him again is i am sexually attracted to him, and if i see him again i will get the urge to be with him which i have been repressing and really want to let go of. He has confused me by desiring me and then saying he's never going to be the one for me. I sometimes wonder if it is ok the way i've left it. He contacts me when he wants to. Even though i miss him and liked better the security of knowing a man i could be with in the future- i thought. Is he being reasonable stating that i am never ever going to be his partner? Or is he afraid of me?
I have tried to be with another man, at his suggestion and found that i did not enjoy it at all.
This is really not a nice position to be in.
I'm waiting to see how i feel after Easter Monday. I feel i've got to do something or just leave it? Please continue to give your tips and advice. IP: Logged |
Aselzion
Moderator Posts: 861
From: Peabody, MA USA
Registered: Nov 2002
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posted April 11, 2004 06:17 AM
Greetings Lotuss...See this link, I had a few thoughts for you there. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum18/HTML/000078-2.html
Hope it helps.
Blessings...
A ------------------
"The ALL is MIND; the Universe is Mental." *** The Kybalion IP: Logged |
sthenri
Knowflake Posts: 1338
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003
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posted April 12, 2004 08:35 PM
HI, you have to realize as a Taurus your emotions are easily played on-you are passionate and straightforward, you don't know how to play any games at all. So you wouldn't understand them either. All you want is straight affection from this man and you are not getting it. Be very simple about what you get and what you don't get.You are a sensual woman and feel things strongly, it's normal to be very sexually attracted to a good looking interesting man, whenever he's in the room. Especially a Leo. He may feel the same way but he doesn't know how you feel. Since you have a hard to expressing yourself physically, and have been repressing, I would suggest finding a man that you don't have to explain yourself to. One that understands your mind instantly. Otherwise you will chase the Leo, and is that what you want? To be endlessly frustrated? It's not good for a Taurus to be frustrated or worked up over nothing since like I wrote above, we do not play these kinds of games well. Don't torture yourself that way, or let anyone do that to you. Leos are very sexy to Taurean types, but so are Geminis, Capricorns, Virgos, Pisces, Aries, and Aquarius. All these men are magnetic, sexy, appealing, intelligent and romantic. Natasha
Taurus
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sthenri
Knowflake Posts: 1338
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003
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posted April 12, 2004 08:39 PM
Also you must be angry at the Leo for his behavior, you don't have to justify your choice if it's making you angry. Be honest with yourself, now, I know you are angry! Taureans do get pretty angry in a passionate way. That's why Scorpios love us, Natasha
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lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 13, 2004 02:11 AM
Sthenri
I have contacted him again and he is being a little communicative. I think he's been hurt in the past and won't can't admit too easily to caring for me. He's English [half] and thsy can be like this. My ex-husband was. I've realised. So i will give a chnace over time and see if he changes his mind and realises that opposites can attract and he follows his 'heart instincts'. That feeling i've got is not one sided. I'll not accept that and i will get this man. I've also decided how it'll be once we are together is another thing. I'm glad he at least is replying to my messages. He's now refusues to meet in May or June. We are both afraid. I am so emotionally chldish and i thinnk he is too. Seems like this is our chance for a grown up relationship - you know that might include childen. I kno whow i feel so he must be having similar thougths aside from overcooming the previous pain. I like that you described that attraction in the room with Leo. It is like that. phoooo!!! IP: Logged |
Ariesrocks!
Knowflake Posts: 515
From:
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted April 13, 2004 07:42 AM
Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy with desire for some men. What is it they do to us??
Leo's do that to me, but also Sadge and especially Taurus for some reason
Sooo sexy.
The problem is ofcourse that when men feel that you desperately want them they run away. And you always get the ones you don't care for at allIP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 1920
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted April 13, 2004 04:55 PM
I know! And women are like that too. At least I know it's happened to me a lot. A guy will like me a lot and come on too strong too fast, but the chemistry is not there. On the other hand, if the chemistry is there, I'll just do it! ------------------
it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged |
lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 14, 2004 05:15 AM
The chemistry was there and it felt hot! I was drunk and didn't act on what i thought was going to be the love of my life -with drink on a first kiss. Maybe i've missed that opportunity for ever. This leo is really playing is like a kitten at the moment or is really also confused or - God forbid -that he never wants to see me again. I will be looking our for more leos .. IP: Logged |
Ariesrocks!
Knowflake Posts: 515
From:
Registered: Dec 2003
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posted April 14, 2004 01:35 PM
I still haven't gotten over the love of my life, *sobs*
It's hard for the soulIP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 3069
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted April 14, 2004 04:50 PM
Ola,
Not a Leo man, but I AM a Leo woman (X4)....If I were in a situation like this, with a man who was widowed fairly recently, my concern would be, (and we're so bloody stubborn, you can't just "talk us out of" being concerned about something) that you don't want me for ME. You want me to fill the gaping void you feel in your life since the passing of your spouse. I'd be concerned that you don't see me as amazing and unique, that anyone would do because you mearly want a stand-in, or a rebound person, as well a greivence councilor. That is a heavy burdon to place on a typical male, especially Leo men, who are not known for being particularly selfless. I think many men, when faced with someone who is grieving the death of a loved one, the first reaction is "Oh-oh...Heavy baggage alert". Then they may visualize themselves holding your hand and letting you cry while telling them just how wonderful a man your husband was. EEK!  Male egos'take cover! Having to listen and be supportive, as well as ackowledge another man's greatness?! Excruciating! Maybe a Pisces, or a Virgo, or even Scorpio man could handle this, but it would be tricky for a typical alpha type firey man.
Are you honestly ready to love someone new? Are you done grieving?
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sthenri
Knowflake Posts: 1338
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003
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posted April 14, 2004 09:44 PM
That's a good question for everyone, are you done grieving over your last relationship and ready to give? But with many relationships you don't know so go into it with eyes wide open.As for Phooo, Yes I know! Self control comes with time, Aries girls. It takes at least 10 years of constant contact with men before you can hide the passionate side. It doesn't go away, just stays a little hidden, it's better with self control I think. Too me a while too! Leos are sexy, since they are so proud and demanding and Taureans like quality. Even if I don't always get along with Leo suns, I usually have friends with many planets in the 5th house. Natasha
Taurus IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 1920
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted April 14, 2004 10:41 PM
My Libra Sun is in the 5th.IP: Logged |
lotuss
Knowflake Posts: 24
From: The Netherlands
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted April 15, 2004 04:23 AM
I am not done grieving because i am alone so much of the time. I f i didn't feel sucha n attraction and a connection with the Leo man 'd have waited . He also needs to grieve the end of his bad 8 year marriage that has just ended. He prefers to casually date girls that are far away at the moment. I know that we have a strong something- don't really know what it is. I must admit i also didn't want to take on helping him through the pain he feels, until he asked me to. I.e. we would both know that we are getting to know each other with the possibility of commitment. He's now refursing to see me in May or June-thinks it's unwise. I can't get him out of my head!!! Nor do i want to. I love the feedback from you guys. Glad i'm not alone with this!!! IP: Logged |
sthenri
Knowflake Posts: 1338
From: New England US
Registered: May 2003
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posted April 15, 2004 10:32 AM
Gloria, I can hear the 5th house in your posts!
I like it!!As for wanting to date girls casually who are far away..well, I want a solid gold bathtub and a private male massueur! Natasha IP: Logged |
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