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Author
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Topic: Is it better to be married or single?
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StarLover33
Moderator Posts: 2200
From: King Arthur's Camelot
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted June 30, 2004 10:41 PM
 
I'm sorry, I know this is the age old question, but seriously I've been pondering this question around in my head, and to be quite honest, I'm not sure of the answer.Is it better to be married or single? Perhaps the solution is to have a partner in life, but not to have the disaster of marriage. But what if you want to have children really badly? Should you perhaps question your motives? If you're not married, would that be good for children? These are important questions, both life styles are appealing to me, but I believe I would learn a lot more being single, and making my own decisions and my own money? It would be nice to have someone who you can cuddle up to, but I don't think you need marriage for that. I don't know, what do all of you think out there? -StarLover IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 2881
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted June 30, 2004 11:21 PM
Are you past age 24?.gloria IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 2778
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 01, 2004 02:16 AM
With the right person, and not even all the time, but some times, marriage is pretty rockin'. It is so much more than you know when the bargain is initially made. People change. They evolve. When you marry, you are in a sense responsible now for that other person, not to mention any other little people you bring into the world ( married or not)Any decision you make now affects others more or perhaps as much as yourself. You can b in a loving commited relationship without being married, provided both of you are in it or the long haul. You can have children without committing to marriage as well, you can have partnerships of many kinds. You are in a bargain with another, a partnership, a deal... you make decisions together, choose your side of the bed, discuss minute details and explore, fight, share space, they are your best friend in alot of ways, yet they are also your enemy. If you have reached the stage in life where you feel you are ready, good or bad, to commit a major part of yourself to another, then go to it.. keep in mind though that where you are at this point in time is most likely different from where you will be five years from this moment. If you are willing to expand your perception of yourself and others in relation to yourself, come what may, then it can be an amazing growth experience. Sharing, giving and learning together. I adore my husband, but I don't have to be married to him to adore him. If he didn't ask, I'd probably still be here. Maybe I'd even work harder.
I hate the typical idea that some women/people have about marriage. It is a contract, and it is work. I have a friend who takes her husband for granted. She wonders why he is miserable. Why she, in turn is miserable. My mother and father took different vows than raditional on their wedding day. They said I promise to be with you for as long as we are happy together, and I promise to work on that happiness and make it a place we want to be. (something like that, anyway) They are not together anymore. Lasted a magical seven years. I am on my fifth year of Marriage ( as of June 5th ) I have had doubts already, not due to him, but due to 'us', and me. I am once again in a mental spot where it is appealing to me again.
Get married. Don't. I am just rambling, but ultimately, it is up to you. There are strong and weak points in both. Selfish and sharing points, good and bad. Nothing is final. Give it lots of thought and be open.
I know you are young though, so I say -don't do it until your first saturn return.. at least not if you want it to last, but ultimately, magic is in everything, and love is in the search. Good luck.IP: Logged |
orchidspirit
Knowflake Posts: 48
From: UK
Registered: May 2004
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posted July 01, 2004 03:22 AM
I would say dont marry until you marry because you know in your heart its what you really want to do. If both sides seem attractive your perhaps not yet ready, you would spend alot of time wondering where you would be if you were single. You can learn as much being married as you can being single, you just learn in different ways. I married too young and for the wrong reasons, my husbands a very good man and a stable loving father, which is something I never had, so I am glad my children have that. However in many aspects we are poles apart and rarely communicate, in a meaningful way. Other than talk about our days and how the children are doing. I made my lot and I shall live with it, but I will try and teach my children to be more aware when they make their choices. There are many people who would say its time for me to move on, but I cant do that to my children being the product of a broken family myself. So take your time and if theres any element of doubt dont do it. IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 2881
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted July 01, 2004 04:00 AM
... yes ... ... I'm so glad that you wrote all that out, because although all of us has experienced every single one of those curiousities, people rarely bring it up, especially around other people. And no one wants a sloppy PC answer to any of this. We want the truth - even if it's ugly ... ... the other reason you'll often get distracting evasive answers is because no one knows! Not even the wild ones like me ... *** Is it better to be married or single?
** Each of us has ownership of their own unique fate. Perhaps the solution is to have a partner in life, but not to have the disaster of marriage.
** It's not so much that the stats should impress you, as that you must fully figure out the CAUSE of the symptom of failed marriages. But always remember, you'll never be able to change everyone else or the world, and whoever you marry will be amongst all those others uninformed. But what if you want to have children really badly?
** That's why I asked you if you were 24 years old yet. The hormones for having babies goes into overdrive by then, and you will move heaven and earth to organize the world around them. Should you perhaps question your motives?
** Yes. Always. If you're not married, would that be good for children?
** No. I'm sorry. Children are built that way for a reason. These are important questions, both life styles are appealing to me, but I believe I would learn a lot more being single, and making my own decisions and my own money?
** Being married does NOT always mean that you stop learning, stop making your own decisions, or making your own money. It would be nice to have someone who you can cuddle up to, but I don't think you need marriage for that.
** No you don't. Just remember, women like to cuddle for a reason. .gloria ------------------
it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged |
babylonphoenix
Knowflake Posts: 56
From: hell
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted July 01, 2004 10:13 AM
I think the best way is reunion.IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 631
From: beautiful, hidden mountain village, BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 01, 2004 10:48 AM
I find I don't mate well in captivity. I've been married...more than once. Average length...3 years. Now I live "in sin" with the man of my dreams. Our 10th anniversary of "living in sin" will be August 6 of this year. I strongly prefer the non-traditional form of relationship. Of course, things are slightly different in Canada. Here there is no stigma what-so-ever attached to our type relationship and any kids that result are no different than the ones whose parents are legally tied. That said, it is an individual decision. You'll know what you want when the time comes, Star.IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 2881
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted July 01, 2004 11:34 AM
Who's to say whether marriage is right for someone, and not someone else. We all have to live with our decisions, and try to remember any lessons we learn from them. There is no short-cut to anything in this life, no matter where we start off from.BabylonPhoenx - "reunion"? You mean, like a reunion of souls?
FishKitten -
I love that word, "captivity"... that's the word! Don't know if I'll ever get married because I'm not 100% traditional, but as I get older, I do think about who would take care of me, or get custody of my writings if something bad should happen to me. I'd like to make sure it's someone of my choosing, rather than misc. selfish family or supposed friends. I guess there's always power-of-attorney. Haven't explored any of that eye-crossing legal bumbo jumbo just yet. IP: Logged |
VirgoMaiden
Knowflake Posts: 6
From: Seattle, Wa, USA
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted July 01, 2004 11:42 AM
This is VirgoMaiden's sister, ScorpionRose. Personally I think that you are blowing marriage way out of proportion. For all it's problems, it's a sweet thing. Marriage is taking the love you have for the person and accepting the problems that go along with it. Instead of shunning it.IP: Logged |
paras
Knowflake Posts: 199
From: the Heart of It All
Registered: May 2004
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posted July 01, 2004 11:48 AM
Marriage is a ring, a ceremony, a certificate. What have these to do with the state of two people's hearts?IP: Logged |
purplezen
Knowflake Posts: 672
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 01, 2004 12:25 PM
wow pixel...I love what you have to say  IP: Logged |
StarLover33
Moderator Posts: 2200
From: King Arthur's Camelot
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted July 01, 2004 03:12 PM
I think I'm going to wait, and focus on having lots of friends and boyfriends. I really feel that I should NOT get married at all, because I know that no matter what, I will have to let go, it will happen inevitably since I'm an immortal, so why give myself legal trouble and a commitment that will be impossible to keep. YES, I want a life partner, but I will be 50 times happier LIVING IN SIN like Fishkitten and her boyfriend. I just know it will be much better, and I will break it to whoever falls in love with me. No kids for another 50 years! I think I will be fine.  Besides I'm single at 17, and I feel extremely happy!!P.S. I'm a Pisces with a Gemini Moon, and a Venus in Aquarius, so I'm crazy and a little fickle. I know in my heart, that I will never be with my Twin Flame so why get wrapped up in a "marriage" that will not work out in the end anyway! It's ten times better having a family, a dozen friends, and at least one special someone that won't give a rats behind about a marriage certificate. As for the little children, well I haven't figured it out yet. -StarLover IP: Logged |
Aphrodite
Knowflake Posts: 3536
From:
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted July 01, 2004 03:24 PM
Hey Starlover,I've been noticing lately a lot of Cancer-Capricorn axis folks posting about relationships in the past several days. It must be the approaching Full Moon in Capricorn  Boy, do we get serious! You have Neptune in the 7th, right? More likely than not, you are probably right in assessing that you would not make a stable, long-term marriage partner in the current mindset. Don't forget that we get transits, progressions, and some of us find out we had the wrong birthtimes all this time!  Erm, have you had your first kiss yet . . . ? Tee hee hee. Oh, when you have your first kiss, us Knowflakes better be the first ones to know! Know why? Something as simple as a kiss can change a lot of things . . . *sighs* I feel like a big sister sometimes. Here's a *hug* and a big  on the cheek. Don't sweat it too much sweetie. Love, Aphrodite ------------------
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) IP: Logged |
StarLover33
Moderator Posts: 2200
From: King Arthur's Camelot
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted July 01, 2004 03:39 PM
Okay, okay I admit I have not kissed anyone yet, but I'm working on it.  Yes, you're correct Aphrodite, I have Neptune in the seventh as Capricorn, and not to mention Venus in Aquarius! Well let's just say I'm a crazy person, and will not make a stable love partner. I completely understand and accept that about myself, in fact I think it's better that way. Yes, I do get worried that I will fall head over heels in love with someone, and then completely jump into marriage that I will later regret. I get concerned about that sometimes, and I admit I'm a romantic at heart, and always have been. But I think I will be okay if I don't turn it into a binding commitment i.e "marriage" it will be much safer for the both of us. I changed my post up top, so if you reread it, I talk about never being with my Twin Self, well the fact of that is...well...she's a GIRL. OMIGOD, LOL and I'm not a lesbian, but I feel an irresistable bond to her, and will always be there as her best friend, she's an Aquarius and I'm a Pisces!! IP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 3443
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted July 01, 2004 03:41 PM
Marriage is something you shouldn't have to talk yourself into. If that's the case, I think it's your instincts telling you that the current prospect is not a good choice for marriage. On the other hand, if your heart leaps with joy at the thought of being married to the love in your life, then perhaps that's the indicator that they were meant to be your wife or husband, as determined by the two of you before you incarnated. Your feelings (instincts) will guide the way, so just listen to them and you'll be ok. My side of onions  IP: Logged |
StarLover33
Moderator Posts: 2200
From: King Arthur's Camelot
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted July 01, 2004 03:46 PM
I've been warned countless times that being blinded by love will be a problem, so better that I don't choose to get married. I will be happy to have a life partner though, and to the government be considered single. But then again, no one really knows! Of course I want a long lasting monogomous relationship, but just in case, my individuality should not make it legal. Legal, or not be legal, that is the question. I love the being together part, but not the legal mumbo jumbo that goes with it. P.S. My North Node is in Aries in the 10th house of career and public image, so the prospects are simply pointing to the non-traditional path of just living together. IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 1665
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003
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posted July 01, 2004 06:30 PM
I have the NN is Pisces in the 4th and I always felt the opposite, marriage was a beautiful thing, created by Equals. Maybe if you feel that everything is topsy turvy and there is no equality, then of course marriage doesn't sound ideal. Of course equality in marriage is a fantasy so I haven't found that yet.I prefer to chase fantasies I suppose, at least I am happier that way. I don't like bonding with others unless there is some emotional stability. But currently I am not interested in legal marriage where I give money away at the end... A spiritual union, yes! Natasha
Taurus IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 2881
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted July 01, 2004 08:47 PM
Natasha -How are you connecting the NN with issues of marriage? IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 631
From: beautiful, hidden mountain village, BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 02, 2004 10:06 AM
One problem that I have with marraige is I can't honestly promise to stay with someone no matter what happens. For Richer or Poorer is fine. I would never let money interfere with love. Money comes and goes anyway. In Sickness and in Health is OK, too. I would never abandon someone because of illness. Its the For Better or Worse part that I can't agree to. If my partner were to have sex with a variety of other people or become violent to others or emotionally abusive or become a compulsive liar (this list goes on for a bit), I would be gone. Sure, no one expects those things to happen and everyone always thinks they know their partner better than that before marraige ever comes along, but those things do come up. And when worse comes to worse, I'm out of there. I know that one is supposed to be willing to stay no matter what, but I'm not, so saying I'll be there until death parts us would not really be entirely honest on my part. Therefore, I can't make that promise. Marraige can be wonderful for some people. I'm just not one of them.IP: Logged |
babylonphoenix
Knowflake Posts: 56
From: hell
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted July 02, 2004 12:02 PM
I want to be merry. 
well,yes like linda said,we all have our missing part.be soul reunion.IP: Logged |
proxieme
Knowflake Posts: 3557
From: Southern 'Bama
Registered: Aug 2002
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posted July 02, 2004 01:48 PM
The only real obstacle that I see to a union between two people who either don't want to or can't get married being cool all the time is a legal one, the one that many gays and lesbians have to deal with (at least in the US):
What do you do when your loved one is ill?
You'd still have no rights to them while they're hospitalized.
Perhaps your Aries NN in the 10th can work on making that better.IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 631
From: beautiful, hidden mountain village, BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted July 02, 2004 02:30 PM
I forget about things like that, Prox. They are not an issue in Canada. I might feel differently about marriage if I still lived in the US. IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 2881
From: orlando, fl
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted July 02, 2004 05:06 PM
HEY! You know what you's just made me think of? Remember, I'm totally marriage-phobic. But what if you go into it with the understanding that AT THAT TIME you do intend to do all those things for your beloved. It's like Britney. Ok - that little wwhore hunk she's engaged to, and people like them, probably justify it that way in their heads all the time, unless they have no conscious at all, which I really doubt.It's like a little lie you tell yourself, to make it "good by God". They are probably like, "...I do ... at least that's how I feel right now ... who knows how I'll feel later ..." I mean, you KNOW it's not going to last long with wwhore hunk. A guy who would leave an ex pregnant with their second child to marry someone else? As for same-sex couples, and I'm a proud American - damn proud - I believe in keeping the sacred union only a man and woman can create. But I believe that for any "legal" rights, such as insurance and stuff like that, they should have something too. I'm bisexual, and I felt truly married to my serious girlfriend. The only thing is, since it is not a sacred, therefore untouchable, union between a man and a woman, what's going to happen is there will be criteria for the same-sex couple to meet. And who decides that? And how many more years of picketing and hated speeches of THAT! It's between two people. If they are so worried about what the rest of the world is going to think/say, they're in trouble. Just be in love. ------------------
it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness... IP: Logged |
Yang
Knowflake Posts: 228
From: Somewhere over the Clouds
Registered: May 2004
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posted July 02, 2004 06:34 PM
I do want to have children but I dont want to
be bogged down in marriagei.e I dont want to be married. I want to be independent,do my own stuff,be who I am.
BUT on the other hand why do you need a piece of paper stating you are married when you and your partner truly and deeply love one other?IP: Logged |
juniperb
Moderator Posts: 4958
From: www.Heaven.Home
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted July 03, 2004 08:59 PM
quote:
I want to be independent,do my own stuff,be who I am.
Yang, you can be you married or not. You must reach the understanding of what it is you need before you do the deed.
Marriage is simply a protection like Prox said. Also,like Fishkitten said, it`s hard to promise to live up to the for better or worse clause. I `ve been married before as well and many things can change the good intentions of for better or worse.  My Cancer needs the old fashioned marriage and after much long and deep thought, We`re married going on 10 years now. I don`t need marriage to hold me; I need the love and respect of my partner and that alone is the tie that binds 
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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot
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