posted July 06, 2004 04:08 PM         

What a nice surprise to hear from you. Thanks for checking up on me too. Sounds like we are both still in that hazy phase of love. It's maddening, and I'm sure you'll see that when you read up. Trying to start anew, but also have that thing like you, where I'd like to be at least friends with Mr. Libra, afterall, we were friends for a long time to begin with. But there's that spark.

Will look for more from you.

.gloria

posted July 07, 2004 10:35 PM         

I'm in a pickle again. I'm seriously feeling dejected and horrible, but at the same time, lightheaded and falling desperately back in love with my ex.... The story in short: my Libra has a serious porn addiction, and a tendency to "meet" women online and start relationships that he thinks I don't know about. Found out about them, and feel pretty shyte about myself. Found that out after hanging out with the ex and having the best night I've had in over 6 months. Everything came rushing back between us. We went for a beer and chatted for about 1 1/2 hours about everything that was new.... his current relationship-ish thing, my current boyfriend. He was sort of getting together with this girl Daisy we both know, whom had a boyfriend she lived with, but has broken up with and everyone (aka all our friends) found out that he and Daisy had done some fooling around while she and Brian were still together. It didn't go over well, and he said he really didn't care what happened, because it wasn't worth the drama. I told him about the Libra boy, and how I wasn't really happy there, as he doesn't seem to be sexually attracted to me EVER, and we never do anything together, and he (the ex) said he would be really sad if I ended up with someone who was like that and didn't deserve me. We then went hiking to watch the sunset, and he was really sweet and giving me THAT look the whole time. I was telling him all about my adventures in England, and all about my decision to go to school for History and my idea to become a college lecturer or some kind of specialist in English history, and then we just took in the beautiful sight... and while we were walking back down the mountain, he kept touching me, and getting his face REALLY close to mine, and I kept fighting to not kiss him, I mean FIGHTING not to do it.... The worst thing in my life so far.... then we went to the Blueberry Fields and ended up making rediculous love under the full (blue) moon and sky full of stars. I did not mean for it to happen, but I'm not sorry at all. It felt so right... then we kept kissing each other, and laughing at ourselves, then we drove home, and he said he would be so sad if he didn't have me in his life, that I should move back home so he could hang out with me. I didn't want to seem too moved by everything, as we've been down this road before, so when he dropped me off, I asked if we would see each other again, and he said "yeah, you're around for a while, right?" I said I'd be here until July 27, and told him he should call me sometime, then gave him a kiss, and walked into the house. The end. We've mailed each other a few times, but I've kept things really light, as I don't want to be the only one feeling the "LOVE" again, and he seems to be keeping things light too. I mailed him asking him how his 4th was, and if things were alright in the 'drama situation', meaning the Daisy thing, and he said " no drama, just bliss", but I'm not sure if he knew what I was referring to, as I'm not sure he would just blurt that out after what we shared not a week ago, and I was pretty casual. So, we're getting together Friday, and I'm scared ******** of what he's going to say to me. I have already prepared myself for him to say he's with her... I wrote him today asking him if he was dating now, what the bliss was, and that I was happy for him, but all he wrote was, ''Yeah, that thing is on Friday", so I'm not sure if he now thinks I don't feel the same as him, because that's not what he meant about the bliss thing, he was referring to me.... Oh, I don't know. It's all toooooo confusing. I guess I have to wait until Friday to figure it all out.

Anyways, really sorry about all that, just needed to get it out I guess. I'm stranded in the countryside of Mass (bet you didn't know there was a countryside near Boston), and really needed to vent.

Hope you are well, and your alone time now is proving positive. NO worries, there's not job a woman has ever been given that she can't handle herself, if you know what I mean (wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean....)

posted July 08, 2004 12:36 AM         

What a sweet rendition! My heart goes out to you my dear friend.

Thank you for substantiating what is true (men are silly)... I think when guys read our posts, they don't understand that we are just venting and hypothesizing, seeking support, that we are not alone, that there is a reason why things are happening, but in the mean time we communicate about our experiences no matter how elusive.

I was saying to Pixie, on that thread I started when the Moon went into Pisces, and I FELT IT really strong, and all of the sudden, I just had to SPEW a lot of negativity.

And that day, I heard someone say::

"God knows the truth; but he waits"

The experience you described sounded so romantic, (under the stars?) UH!! Beautiful love time.

Things in the world are changing so fast, and it's almost as if no one is recognizing each other, and if we do, we just excuse it quickly. Why are we becoming so generic?

Being much closer to pure nature is what I am seeking. I'm very sensitive to the issues of the world at-large. So when all these horrible reports on the news come up, I am truly affected by it. Greatly. And I think everyone else is too, but they are just pushing it down so they can go about their hectic lives to begin with.

When Sept 11th hit, I began to suffer, (much to my surprise!) from post traumatic syndrome. My body just shut down and I was convinced someone was going to come to my home to kill me. So I went into major "survivor mode". It is very taxing on the body. Went to a neurologist even, and had every test done, including MRI.

Well, that's the short of it, but the point being, when another horrible terrorist attack occurs, every one is going to experience post traumatic. They will be REexperiencing Sept 11th. A time to invest in pharmaceutical stocks.

It does seem like things in the world are deteriorating, doesn't it? I mean, do you feel it too? At least those of us who acknowledge these fears we hold fare better, in my opinion. But the process is grueling.

Share all you want, and thank you again for checking up on me. For someone with a huge 4th House emphasis in her chart, but basically repudiated by her family, I need all the support I can get.

I so much need that "someone to watch over me" feeling.

It's been a month since speaking to Mr. Libra, he didn't call, and I have my theories as to why. But I called him a little while ago, and the very first thing he said to me was, "Where have you been?" He said it in a very "firm" way. Funny how such a small gesture as that can make me feel secure, and further drawn to him.

Stay tuned...

Thank you again.

.gloria

posted July 09, 2004 07:09 AM         

Anyways, today I will find out what the deal is with the ex. Will I be sad or elated next time I post??? Time will only tell. I've decided that if he is seeing her, I'm going to just say that no matter what, I'm here, and I'll always hold out a torch for us. I'm completely willing to be his friend, he's one of the best friends I have... but I don't want to just blurt out "no!! Be with me!! I love you still!", because I want to be okay with her too, not have her leary whenever I'm around. If he's not with her, I'm going to tell him exactly how I feel. I will not be stupid this time and be afraid to say certain things, communication is the key!!! See, 23 and finally get the idea that talking about things is the best way to solve problems!!

Well, off to watch the kiddies!! We're making leis out of construction paper, glitter paint, ziti noodles, and wire for our family luau next Saturday. It's raining, so art projects reign supreme today!!!

posted July 11, 2004 11:27 PM         

My Natal Moon in Cancer is in my 3rd House, Transiting Sun & Saturn are about to go over it, as well as Transiting Mars & Mercury getting ready to leave the 3rd.

The Transiting Moon is in my 12th (deep emotions). And Venus is transiting my 1st House. Transiting Jupiter over my Venus - Uranus still buggin my Chiron - Pluto getting ready to leave my 7th - so I was able to express my emotional needs.

posted July 13, 2004 06:46 PM         

So, about the ex situation: crap. Got together on Friday, came to my sisters to pick me up and was like, "i'm starving, want to go get something to eat before we head up to the camp site?", I said sure, but not one particular restaurant, as my mum and sister were there, and I didn't want it to be weird. He said no, let's go there because he wanted to see them. We get there and he goes right over and gives my sister (whom he never really talked to, and didn't care for him much until recently, go figure) a bug hug and has a chat with them for a while. Then we ended up eating with his best friend and his wife, had a great time and a good laugh, and he insisted on paying. I was so nervous and strung out about my emotions that I felt that I couldn't even eat... as we drove up to the camp site later on, I asked him if he wanted to hear my story, and I told him about the Libra's little internet relationship problem, and that I had told him about what happened between us under the stars that night, but that I hadn't said anything to anyone who would matter, in case it messed anything up.... and then he said it: "yeah, she would probably be pretty ****** about that.." So he's with her now. The bliss was that they are now dating and are going to Manhattan for the weekend, and he acts like we are still a couple, but then talks about his new girlfriend as if it's no big deal. Argh... So when he dropped me off that night, I said "have fun in New York, and I'll see you....sometime, I guess..." then held out my hand to give him a handshake, he kissed it and gave me THAT look, and said "yeah, see you. Goodnight."
So heard nothing about it for the rest of the weekend, actually managed to put it sort of out of my mind, then saw my friend Sada yesterday and she told me she had had a chat with Daisy's best friend, and apparently HE is really into them hooking up, and she isn't really.... she's trying to work things out with her ex... Don't really think that my ex knows about that, but since she lives an hour away, maybe it's all on the sly, or she's just not telling him as to not hurt his feelings. She's a Scorpio, he's a Gemini, the worst of love combos most of the time.
Well, I'm in the know about all that, but I'm not making any attempts to contact him as I am finding it really hard to hang out with him when all I want to do is be with him, but be a good friend at the same time... I absolutely don't want to lose what we have as friends, but it is really hard to know he is with someone else. If it all goes bad for him, I'm going to be here as a FRIEND to help him through it. Maybe I should just let him know that? Maybe I should just put it out there that no matter what, I'm here for him? I think I will do that. I seriously am never going to give up on us... my brother and I were talking about it on Friday night. Surprising when suddenly your brother is the wisest person ever.... but he said I should tell him how I feel, that it can't really hurt anything and it's better that he know, because if he doesn't realize what I'm feeling and might feel the same at some point, I may never find out. Oh, the mysteries of a 21 year old baby brother, how intelligent they turn out to be... hehehe

Anyways, again I have just made you read a freakin' novel... but seriously, I am so glad things have worked themselves out and Mr. L has been able to talk about his feelings honestly and that you two are on the same page finally... It's so nice to know there are some good ones out there....

Keep me posted on the trials/joys you experience, as you are pretty good at just vibing about relationships without being too seriously obsessed with them. It's really refreshing to chat with someone like this, I don't feel like such a crazy! : )

posted July 13, 2004 07:29 PM         

I knew Mr. L for over a year as just very respectful friends before we took it to the next level. Honestly, the most either one of us was expecting was to "feel good". Immediately we were both hit with intense feelings, and everything changed, which scared the hell out of us. So to that extent, we are still making adjustments.

I saw him a couple of nights ago and we played out our clash of the wills, and we're still making adjustments, but I think our relationship will always be about adapting. We pull out the best in each other, and sometimes, one or the other resists the necessary changes.

As for being open and non-obssessive, it's not a mindset for everyone, but for now, it works for me. The problem with making a pact with two intrinsically eccentric people is you're setting up the very conditions you will eventually destroy. You know, love vs. the paperwork.

He's starting to understand that his ideas of "being in love" include many conditions, and that MY idea is loving him unconditionally.

posted July 14, 2004 12:27 AM         

Are you just beginning into astrology? You've got the basics down, right?

Yeah, every cell in my body vibrates to this man in a way I've never felt before in my life. You know, sometimes dopamine makes your brain vibrate, or your groin vibrates. But every single cell in my body at the same time, including every corner of my heart. Of course, you say that out loud and they think you've used that line before.

posted July 14, 2004 06:08 PM         

How's your day going? How's your man and your love?

posted July 15, 2004 11:23 AM         

Have fun, lady and smile up to your favorite sky!!

posted July 15, 2004 07:06 PM         

I'm like, and I've got something to tell you. And he's like, oh yeah? What? And I tripped over my heart and said, I'm chickening out, I'll call you later.

I'm not sure why, I mean, I know it has something to do with this Cancer movement. But sometimes when I stop and realize I'm madly in love with him, my Neptune influences kick in, and he's a god. And then you get nervous! One of the few and minor astrological challenges we have is not to put the other on a pedestal, or see them for what they are not. So I've got to keep myself in check. Put my boxing gloves on, and spar a little bit...

... I'll do it ... I'll get it done ... I may have to say it (and then follow thru) in person ...

posted July 15, 2004 09:29 PM         

Sleep tight, and build your confidence, girl!!

posted July 19, 2004 10:57 PM         

So, how have you been? Did you ask him in person, or what? I don't have much time to check any other topic right now, as everyone is vying for a turn to check up on all things information superhighwayish, just wanted to check up on ya.

All is the same here. Haven't heard from the ex, and have been getting BEGGING e-mails from the Libra in England. Head spinning out of control, just want to lay by pool and not think about streesful situations.... is still raining.....darn New England weather!

Hope all is well in Gloria's world....

posted July 20, 2004 12:41 AM         

Whazzup?
Adelphia has major major company problems right now. Drop them if you can.

Mr. L. understands what I'm leading up to, and it's not all him right now, especially with this CRAZZZZY Saturn in Cancer hovering over our Natal Mars & Moon CONJUNCT. And we are both Libra's afterall. And I'm going nuts trying to find info on what his Neptune in my 7th House would mean. Do you have a snippet on just that?

SO VERY IMPORTANT to keep focused, yet so very difficult when it's being done for the first time. For both of us!!

Was wondering this question. Do you think that the person's knowledge and awareness in astrology can add that extra umpphh! in order to keep the relationship rolling along nicely? I look at our Synastry & Composite, and it's like all our potential for now, and later, just staring back at me. And yet you live your real life - day to day - and then you feel like getting drunk - and then you need to be a hermit - and then you need to cry. In other words, astrology doesn't turn us into god's or goddesses.

posted July 20, 2004 09:31 AM         

"In many cases, Neptune in the seventh or eighth expresses itself as a naturally strong valuation on close, warm relationships, and the individual will feel motivated to create and sustain such relationships. Again, if only one spouse wishes to pursue this, it is most important that it be the one with Neptune in these houses. It is his need; it is up to him to fulfill it. The partner will, howerver, need to acknowledge that this is a vitally important part of the individual's life, and will need to share at least some part of it with him."

Kind of sounded like you two to me!!

posted July 26, 2004 05:28 PM         

"Everyday, when I wake,
My first thought is you
And I pray, my baby,
You'll listen

And I'm sure, that it hurts,
Just to hear me say,
That it's true, it is you
That I'm missing

Every face that I see
Every voice that I hear
I'm searching for you
When I know you aint near

How foolish it seems
To be chasing the past
When we've tried it before,
And we know it don't last.

But I can't, stop feeling
That now is the time
To try, and rely
On my heart

So my baby, now maybe
We could try it again
And we'll have,
A more beautiful start

Cuz every face that I see,
Every voice that I hear
Can't hold a candle to you
I'm letting go of my fear

It aint foolish at all
To be loving you still
Cuz my baby, I aint stopped
You know I never will."

Kinda cheesy, but it describes how I felt after that night under the stars.... stupid sodding soul mate type person that I have to wait for now. I guess it's fair, as I've done that to him before, and he's trying to be with someone else, and I should let him see if it works out. Maybe we'll get another chance someday, maybe not, but I've learned that when I have something that special and amazing, not to be a crazy gypsy girl and mess it all up again....

How are you doing, anyways? I'm on a plane back to England tomorrow morning to sort my stuff out, but I'll be around Wednesday or Thursday if you write back.