posted July 06, 2004 02:05 PM         

I see that you are from Lancashire. My grandmother's family once called Blackburn home, so an extra special warm welcome from me to you.

But on to the important stuff.
I'm interested to read what the wise knowflakes here have to say. I'm no authority myself - I don't believe I've met my Twin this time around. Of course I don't think most of us can know with 100% certainty, so who knows? I did have a strange encounter many years ago w/ what I think might have been a soul piece of him. Although I didn't realize it at the time. As brief as it was and as distant as we were, for many years after I had the most intense dreams about him. Quite vivid and of a spiritual nature. I couldn't shake him. My point being that if my very brief meeting could engender such feelings I can only imagine how you must feel.

I do know what it feels like to be consumed and exhausted by someone with whom you have karmic ties. And in my case not so good ones. After many long years, I just prayed for release. And, believe or not, I got it. I know my karma with this person still exists and I know my spiritual development will suffer until I deal with it but, frankly I needed a break. I needed to press "pause", so to speak. So I prayed - for a break, for a rest, for time, for perspective. Sounds simple but if you really truly need some breathing room, if your grief and pain are deep enough I think it will work. I've moved on and I don't stress about it so much. I'm somewhat numb to it all now. And yet, I feel strongly that it is not over. It is just on hold. Is that what you're looking for?

I don't think I will be punished for my requested recess. And I don't think you will be either.

posted July 06, 2004 04:20 PM         

I can empathize with you and will try to relate my thoughts on this.

I had an intense soulmate relationship that ended a few years ago. He left me, and when I realized it was over, and there was nothing I could do about it, it was as if I died. I couldnt get out of bed for 3 months. And it took years to start to get over it. It was as if a family member died.

I was beyond numb, I prayed everyday that God would just let me die. My whole world was black. He was everything to me and I felt like there was nothing to live for anymore. I never left the house. I couldnt even cry. I just felt dead inside. He consumed my every waking thought and every dream. I didnt care about anything, I felt like I was a robot. I can't describe really how painful it was.

I am not the type of person that reacts this way to a break up. I never have. It was really dysfunctional. It took me years to get over him. I'm not really sure if I even am fully over it yet, if I take a hard honest look at it.

Why did I react in such a way to this breakup? I know he was my soulmate. But I also know - looking back now, from a different perspective - that I needed to go through this. I learned so much about myself and relationships -life.

I also don't believe we all only have ONE soulmate. I think we all have one twin self, but it is a rare few that actually meet them. I don't think that you connect with your twin in every lifetime. It is not in everyones "script" to have their Twin Soul union in every lifetime. Some people easily mistake soulmates for Twin Souls. I think when you have met your Twin, nothing can keep you apart. Soulmates come along, so each can learn and share their Karma or whatever you want to call it, with each other. What is really happening is you are learning to understand the SELF. And when you can truly understand the self, then you begin to understand others - which are only a reflection of yourself.

I wouldnt think of it that you will eventually have a massive karmic debt to repay to him. You may still have unworked out karma that COULD take lifetimes to balance out, but I believe alot of this can be released by you now. We have free will and will power. And by deciding that you want to be free of this emotional prison, you have taken a step toward balancing the karma. Part of the lesson may be that you need to learn to free yourself from a self imposed prison. It is so hard, I know.

But you do have the choice to release this. Send him and YOURSELF healing, loving energy. Ask for help, wisdom and light along your path. Know that what is truly meant to be will be, and that what happens/ and what is happening, is what is best for all involved. Try to be in "the flow". Don't push or pull. And dont try to make things happen that are not ready to happen yet.

Read, meditate, cry, sit in nature, reflect, and most of all love yourself. You are another divine creature of this planet living out your own story. Try hard to make the best of it.

posted July 06, 2004 04:22 PM         

I too know what you mean. Had an on/off thing with a guy for 15 years, and I always considered him to be the love of my life. But then the time came to completely go our separate ways, so no more "how are you doing?'s" And you wonder why we were all put here on Earth together... isn't it to relate, and learn, and love?

This deep connection is exactly like a death, and you will experience it more as such, than as a regular break-up. One of the things we tell people who have gone through a painful death of a friend, is to remind them to be grateful for what the person brought into our life. The cool thing about these soul connections is you can call upon them whenever you want.

posted July 06, 2004 05:18 PM         

I've had a hard time letting go of a former relationship. He keeps popping into my head on a daily basis...I even wake up dreaming about him. The thoughts are almost obsessive compulsive. I want them to stop. The more I try to stop thinking of him, the more he invades my thoughts.

I did a purification ritual today. I sent him healing light, I sent myself healing light. I spent an hour sitting and reflecting on our relationship, and letting go. I have come to believe its more our own feelings and thoughts about another person than it is the other person... you know? Our perspective, our experience, and how it effects us, really doesn't have a whole lot to do with the other person...

Does this make any sense?

I was with this man on and off for four years, and he never treated me the way I should of been treated. We had a very passionate connection... this is the first time I am in a relationship with a new man. And even though I have no contact with my old boyfriend, he's still effecting me! Ugh. I am with someone now who loves me for all my faults, my depressions, my everythings, he's there for me all the time, he listens...

and I feel guilty that I'm still visited by thoughts of this other person that was never there for me in these important ways.

I feel a lot better after spending time letting go today...

but I feel like I will need to invest further time to really let it go.

posted July 06, 2004 10:53 PM         

You say that he is lonely? Why is he so shy to accept you then? Maybe he needs to work on some Karma of his own, finding his true self, working on self doubts, and building on his hopes and dreams. We have twin souls, but we also have destinies. He may have to live out his before we can be with his mate. Separations are only in spirit, but if you need more then you heart needs to move on. You can't give your all to someone if you need more, be true to yourself.

You would expect him to be true to himself right? Now is a time to be creative and push yourself, to erase doubts regarding your own future. Use this introspective time wisely. It sounds like you are the one waking up to some truths.

Take Care,
"Hold in tightly but let go lightly"

posted July 06, 2004 11:08 PM         

That said, the Knowflakes here can share and help you thru this time of pain and help ease you into a place of understanding and acceptance.

Oh, And Welcome Mooncat

posted July 07, 2004 10:42 AM         

He disappeared? You mean, even his family didn't know where he was?

What happened to him?

posted July 07, 2004 11:33 AM         

What is his birth date? and yours?

Is he suffering from depression now? If so then he needs to get help for it, on his own before you can be together. Depression is a real illness and it doesn't go away by itself. It could last for years and you wouldn't see all the signs. He seems to want to control your time a bit, that is, staying in touch because he insists on it. He doesn't have a rational explanation, so I would say that he is acting on compulsion, and he is compelled to talk to you, rather than knowing why.

He sounds to my ears, like a person who is obsessive/compulsive, and depressed, you may be there to help him but you can't do it on your own. Going away for all that time isn't usual. If you have doubts listen to them until they are gone, don't try and force anything. It's better if he doesn't contact you, or that you let him contact you while you sort out your doubts and feelings.

posted July 08, 2004 09:48 AM         

His birthday 30/10/68 Liverpool Eng. ? what time, his Mum can't remember.
Mine 19/2/74 Ormskirk Eng. 3.15pm

Thanks for your words of concern, you got it bang on when you said he sounded obsessive/compulsive. He started getting professional help when he got back off his travels and now seems to be making good progress with himself and with the buisness he has set up, motorcycle maintenance and repairs.
The medication he takes seems to have dampened his emotions - he still won't tell me what made him 'jump ship' in the first place and it's for this reason that feel I have to ' ..cut the cord..'

Just sharing this with you seems to have started the process, I slept well last night for the first time in ages and today been able to concentrate on things that I've had to neglect for weeks as I didn't have the energy to deal with them- I hope I'm turning the corner!

I have signed up for a college course in September and am taking my driving test in early August. I'm really looking forward to this new chapter, am just scared that I'm gonna mess it up by still longing for this man and by not being able to let go of him.

I hope the stars look down with benevolence for August and September, I really need a clear head for this!

posted July 08, 2004 12:26 PM         

I will look at your chart but I can tell already from his birthdate that he has problems with his emotions, getting in touch with them, and may feel it's all or nothing, up or down. It's good that he is getting help.

posted July 08, 2004 01:16 PM         

Is his Moon in Aqua or Pisces?

Natasha -

posted July 08, 2004 03:41 PM         

This is a placement that moves slowly, the ups and downs of his depression must make him miserable. Venus in Sag, can sometimes give a manic quality, and since it squares Mars, there is a lot of friction in the personality, and depression surrounding women. He may need a woman to take charge of his life, but can't stand the idea. He has strong physical needs but is conflicted by them. If he has a psychiatrist I would recommend he work on himself, for at least five years before getting involved in a romance.

That's my take, but I am not a doctor,

posted July 08, 2004 04:44 PM         

I am being stretched, opening up, showing things no one has ever seen beforen (this is ultra scary for my 12th house sun)...and I'm still loved for it, and it scares the crap out of me. I've tried to run from it. But he won't let me. And I'm learning to grow and trust everyday. I've never trusted before. I've never been in a relationship where I haven't starved myself both emotionally and physically. I'm letting it all hang out- and it ain't always pretty- but he STILL loves me!

I almost don't feel that I deserve it!

It's so easy to remember the days when I only had to share the parts of myself I wanted my partner to see. He was happy only seeing the superficial me, and I was content to run away when I really needed someone there...

Don't know if this fits in...but it's been an ephiphany for me.

Now that I've realized it, I'm letting go with ease.

posted July 09, 2004 12:59 PM         

6/9/77 7:18 am Washington, DC

Neptune in Sagittarius in the Sixth House - Retrograde

posted July 09, 2004 07:48 PM         

* Do you have very high standards of perfection that you hold for yourself, that you feel you'd do anything to achieve, but only leads to disappointment?

* Did you have problems with family members when you were young, in which they overstepped their boundaries with you? And perhaps why you fear opening up yourself to others now is because you know you would place impossible expectations on them to take care of your emotionally? That they would not be able to make up for the emotional void in you?

* Do you find that you have such high ideas for honesty and integrity in humanity, that you put up a front so that you seem to embody all those traits in order to help share them with others? And then when others continue to be dishonest, you are disappointed, and feel your attempts have been futile? You may realize the front you put up is not completely you either?

* Do things get better for you when you find ways to take care of yourself emotionally sans the unrealistic expectations you have of "perfection"?

Is any of this true, not true at all, or very true?

posted July 12, 2004 03:29 PM         

YES! This is a huge problem for me in many aspects of my life. I don't want to do anything unless it's "PERFCT". I will do something 1,000 times until it has my approval- if I don't like it, I'll throw it out- along with hours of work.

Often, I sit around and don't get projects off the ground, becuase I can only see a "PERFECT" finished product...I can't seem to be able to complete the steps to get to what I see in my head. What I want is often unattainable because noting measures up to the vision in my mind.

* Did you have problems with family members when you were young, in which they overstepped their boundaries with you?

I had a very turbulent relationship with my step-father who raised me. He was a very fiery, imposing, scary kind of man. He was not a bad man, I was just such a sensitive child after going through abuse, I didn't know how to take him when he came into my life...and we have always had a very hard time communicating and connecting.

And perhaps why you fear opening up yourself to others now is because you know you would place impossible expectations on them to take care of your emotionally? That they would not be able to make up for the emotional void in you?

This is also true. I don't want the people I love to get too close, or they will see the true 'imperfect me' that is often a sad melancholy person...with my sun conjuct jupiter... most only know my sunny exterior and jovial dispositon, sacred few are privvy to my inner me, that is often far from happy.

* Do you find that you have such high ideas for honesty and integrity in humanity, that you put up a front so that you seem to embody all those traits in order to help share them with others? And then when others continue to be dishonest, you are disappointed, and feel your attempts have been futile? You may realize the front you put up is not completely you either?

I don't really identify with this part of your post. I do always expect people to be honest and upfront, and have been repeatedly caught off guard because I have been taken advantage of.

* Do things get better for you when you find ways to take care of yourself emotionally sans the unrealistic expectations you have of "perfection"?

Things always get better if I take out time to get in touch with myself through yoga or deep breathing. I need solitude and me time. I seem to be never completely satisfied with anything my work, my relationships, becuase I always thought everything should be perfect, and if it's not, then I'm not good enough. So why would anyone love me? Or appreciate my work?

Is any of this true, not true at all, or very true?

Sorry for the delay in responding, I don't have internet at home right now!