posted July 27, 2004 12:49 AM         

I'm wondering if ANY of you would look into whether or not you see karma with me and this man.

Going just on my GUT, I'd say we've been together many many times.

This life has been weird. We were magnetized to each other nearly 4 years ago. The attraction seemed to fizzle on his end, became heavy duty unrequited love on my end.

Once I met him, I started having past life regressions, quite spontaneously.

I know this: the two lives I saw with him, he terribly hurt me, and in another life, I terribly hurt him.

Now his venus is Rx. I feel responsible for it! One aspect is that my S/Node sits more or less right on top his Venus-- scorpio.

We are both scorpio sun, merc, venus and neptune. Who is he and what is this life all about?

I try to let him go, and now we're beginning to look like Alan Alda and Ellen Bernstyn in "Same Time, Next Year." We now have this tradition of meeting for a physical union, once a year. Lots of love and sharing, and sweetness, then he heads off into the sunset for another year. But he never stays away for good. . .

Not my choice, but I'll take what I can get.
Never have I ever bothered with something like this. There seems to be a bond here that won't be broken. I love this man's soul. (and the man's pretty hunky, too--he gets more sexy as time goes by). WOW!

He doesn't make promises he can't keep.

He just drifts back in, then out again.
It's NOT as torturous as it was prior years, because I'm gaining confidence that, on a soul level, there is alot of love and caring, regardless of the limited time we spend in real time.

Any thoughts would be priceless. I'm stumped.

Me:
Planetary positions
planet sign degree house motion
Sun Scorpio 05°09'07 05 direct
Moon Taurus 00°53'23 11 direct
Mercury Scorpio 28°56'34 06 direct
Venus Scorpio 02°22'13 05 direct
Mars Virgo 09°41'14 04 direct
Jupiter Leo 03°36'00 03 direct
Saturn Pisces 23°37'06 10 retrograde
Uranus Virgo 22°43'06 04 direct
Neptune Scorpio 21°17'11 06 direct
Pluto Virgo 19°49'59 04 direct
True Node Taurus 16°09'01 12 retrograde

House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant Gemini 20°19'08
2nd House Cancer 10°49'49
3rd House Leo 00°50'24
Imum Coeli Leo 24°18'18
5th House Virgo 25°44'46
6th House Scorpio 07°48'06
Descendant Sagittarius 20°19'08
8th House Capricorn 10°49'49
9th House Aquarius 00°50'24
Medium Coeli Aquarius 24°18'18
11th House Pisces 25°44'46
12th House Taurus 07°48'06

Him:
Planetary positions
planet sign degree house motion
Sun Scorpio 27° 12 direct
Moon Virgo 13° 09 direct
Mercury Scorpio 24° 12 direct
Venus Scorpio 15° 12 retrograde
Mars Leo 17° 09 direct
Jupiter Pisces 03°38 03 direct
Saturn Aquarius06°11 02 direct
Uranus Virgo 05°06 09 direct
Neptune Scorpio 13°45 12 direct
Pluto Virgo 12°00 09 direct
True Node Leo 02°08 08 retrograde

House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant Sagittarius 02°53'08
2nd House Capricorn 05°07'12
3rd House Aquarius 13°12'14
Imum Coeli Pisces 20°13'06
5th House Aries 20°08'35
6th House Taurus 13°27'16
Descendant Gemini 02°53'08
8th House Cancer 05°07'12
9th House Leo 13°12'14
Medium Coeli Virgo 20°13'06
11th House Libra 20°08'35
12th House Scorpio 13°27'16
*****************

What would you say our lesson is this time?
Or, lessons?
Thanks to all.
Astrid

posted July 27, 2004 10:20 AM         

Does he want children at any time? The reason I ask is because Sag ascendants usually love children, and your Gemini ascendant would be good with younger people.

I have a Sag/1st house and my ex has a Gemini ascendant and many Scorpio placements and we felt fated. I still feel he is the only man I have ever loved, but he was so jealous it was impossible for me to feel secure.

You probably get along very well, but the question in his mind is what now? And your question is what happened in the past?

What keeps you together otherwise? How are you compatible, what are your interests? passions?

posted July 27, 2004 11:43 AM         

He's 40+, never married, no kids, comes and goes as he pleases. He's had a g'friend for 3 years that also moves in, then leaves, then comes back again, just torturing him.
I've been a more stable presence for him. A rock. Though, like I said, I see him once a year!!

I'm 38, married at 23, and was with ex for 14 years. We have a 6 y/o boy.

This scorp man mystifies me. As you can see, he's got alot of his scorpio stuff in the 12th, and doesn't disclose much of his desires. I wish he would admit that he would like more, but he rather puts space between us.

I'm quite hemmed in by my circumstances, I am raising my son ALONE, w/no parents/family around. And ex is in/out of jail. Funny, we had a white picket fence life, until pluto knocked him silly.

Talk about Sag: get this,
My ex is a Sag sun, my son has asc/pluto Sag, this scorpio man I love has sag asc, and the man I just spent in a BEAUTIFUL love affair with for the first half of this year (and first half of 2003) has a sag asc. *I love him very much, too--but we're like the couple in MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, intensified tenfold w/out the happy ending. ie, it would be an outcry if he committed to me. So I've had to let him go.

Meanwhile pluto is in my 7th right now. . .

You asked if I like it the way things are w/scorpio man:
No. I deeply love him and would love to be with this man f/t, but I think the idea of my "baggage", (tho I love my boy and he is a divine gift, my child, not baggage) and my ex with his problems, may be more than he wants to deal with.

However, I DO notice that we are truly VERY much alike in mindset, and wanderlust, and our vision of our futures. So. . . I think for now it's a timing thing.

I struggle with it. I desire a man to be there for me and my son, I just know he can't see himself as that man.

What's really really bad, (at least, it seems cruel) is that I see myself loving and marrying someone to make a solid family for my son, and then reuniting with this man at some point in the future when my son's grown. I could see things naturally happening like that.

I am NOT a flake, but this man and I, it feels, are supposed to be together. But the timing just doesn't feel right, just at the moment.

Ugh. And I won't put my life on hold in the meantime.

I know by now, you are going to say just go see a shrink. :-D

What I've realised after a long marriage and divorce is that life is cyclic. And we can have more than 1 soulmate, and be deeply in love in life more than once.

This guy came into my life, seems to want to leave it, only to return. It's my hunch that he's hanging around for the "right" moment. At least, that's the hopeless romantic in me.

Thanks for listening, and for understanding.
Astrid

posted July 27, 2004 04:14 PM         

I fell out of my chair when I read your reference to that Alan Alda Movie "Same Time Next Year". OH MY GOD!!!! My head is still spinning.

I'm 42, never married, and had that kind of relationship you describe with a guy as well, and it lasted many years. He had a Taurus Moon, Pisces Venus and Scorpio Asc. We felt that pull too - yes - we've been together before. We do not meet anymore, he is married now.

posted July 27, 2004 11:37 PM         

what are the aspects that tell you this?
I'm such a newbe, I'm sorry. ANY interpretation would be so comforting at this point in time, as I just saw him this weekend, and won't for some time to come.

I just KNOW there is so much unfinished business, so much love left here. . .

BTW--neither of us sees the other when we're involved. When we are involved with someone, it's very deep and we're all the way with them. Weird thing is, w/out my ever reaching out to him, he KNOWS when I'm hurting, and comes around. Like my comforter. It's validation from the universe . . . like we've got this soul contract to look out for each other.

In a way I was sad to hear that you and your man did not marry each other. . .

I have a feeling he and I will marry others, too. But it's him I want.

I just went to see THE NOTEBOOK tonight.
I'm feeling emotional regarding soulmates.
If you have not seen this movie, I'd urge you (or anyone who believes in soulmates) to GO!! Take tissues, too. It's beautiful, and I cried and cried.

All I know is that there is alot of yearning and tension when I cannot be around this man.

posted July 28, 2004 02:39 AM         

Sometime when you have too much alike, it can cause problems, sometimes not. It's complicated. But nevertheless, you'll sense each other as if you were twins. I cannot see a movie that will make me cry right now. Although I trust in your review of that one being really good, right now, all I have to do is rewind my love life and I'll cry a river. So... yeah... I felt like that guy was IT, but where was it that I read, with soul mates you may recognize each other, but then have very different paths in this lifetime. It sucks. Believe me... I know...

posted July 28, 2004 07:43 AM         

I think you are right about that.

We all have our karma to work out.
I read a book called Soul Mates, and it said that 2 souls can agree to reunite in life, and one could change their mind.

I think what you have said here is probably exactly what I was looking for.

It's comforting talking with someone who's been there.

And. . . I totally understand about your reluctance to go see The Notebook. I don't blame you one bit.

Astrid ps, I go to astro.com for daily's but I will look into it further, as you have suggested. Thanks!!!!!

posted July 28, 2004 09:13 PM         

I've not heard that. My ex boyfriend and I had a very intense relationship. We've gone on / off twice now. Right now we're off. And we're both sorta sad about it.

And it IS intense, and his saturn falls in my 8th.

How would you describe this? And why would you get up and run from it?

We're so uranian influenced, L. Goodman said in Relationship Signs that our relationship would have plenty of sudden separations and reuniting. . . and that's been entirely too true.

Please tell more about saturn in the 8th. We both had the absolute best sex either one of us EVER had, by a landslide, and were open and expansive in this area. Curious, and expressive and experimentive. It was hands down the MOST gratifying experience for both of us.

But there was a wet blanket effect on the relationship itself--especially coming from his upbringing and his family, who are strictly religious. I'm wondering if that came from Saturn . . . just curious.
Astrid

posted July 28, 2004 10:25 PM         

And I guess my Venus, Uranus, Pluto & NN in HIS 8th doesn't hurt - unless it's ... nevermind...

posted July 29, 2004 12:42 AM         

If you are with this man in the future, than at the very least he has the potential of being a best friend even if you end the physical relationship. That is an important aspect in a relationship because many men cannot do this, go and come back, but it's important in terms of growth.

You may say you don't want that to happen, but you could drift away from him for many years, and come together again. It's not a sad thing if you marry someone else, since marriage would be more for stability. There may be someone who is excited by that and who is also your friend.

Lovers are ultimately just really good friends. Sometimes they are very enjoyable but we stay for the underlying friendship. Enjoy the journey, don't get caught up in the destination, but provide stability for yourself and your son.

You may find you don't have to re-marry, with that Taurus moon financial security is always within your own reach, even if you feel insecure.

posted July 29, 2004 03:35 AM         

What's really interesting is we also have some stabilizing Saturn aspects which forces us to check ourselves regularly. So it's not one of those floods until you drown. We're still learning to coodinate our coming up for air, but I'm sure as soon as we do, we'll shake it up again.

But remember how I was saying I was hoping to influence him to make better use of his time in terms of financial goals? Well, he's really made some changes in the last couple of weeks, almost as if he is trying to reach the goal of us two being able to spend more time together (part-time live in), but there's a hint of him not wanting to let me in on his goal - (His Neptune in my 7th???)

We both have good Uranus aspects within our respective Natal's, and what's interesting, his Uranus is Conjunct my Neptune in Scorpio. Therefore, my Uranus in his 8th House probably feels comfortable. Also, my Natal Uranus in Leo is Conjunct his Natal Saturn in the 8th.

These Scorpio'ish aspects are important since my Desc is ruled by Pluto - my Pluto is in Virgo Conjunct my Venus in Virgo, both in my 4th House. (which we already know is SWOONING over his Cappy Moon).

It just continues to get interesting (to me anyways)...

Here's why Pluto is important within our respective Natal's.

I have -
Venus Conj Pluto
Neptune Sextile Pluto

You can already see how all the above ties in nicely.

He has -
Moon Sextile Uranus (in Scorp)
Jupiter Trine Uranus (in Scorp)

and then he has -
Neptune Sextile Pluto (in Libra = my Sun)

And whatever upheavels his own Natal Moon Square Pluto produces, it is probably soothed by my Venus & Pluto in Virgo, as well as my Moon Sextile Asc in Taurus.

(At least that's how it SHOULD all work out in the end - hee hee)...

Damn! Did I write all that? I've got it bad ladies... I'll save my Scorpio Mars, Merc & Neptune in the 6th for behind closed doors... OUCH!

posted July 30, 2004 09:36 AM         

Let's cut right to the chase, shall we? There's this other guy (yes, I'm queer) named Danny who I'm feeling extremely strongly about. I never ventured to say this about anyone else before, but I really do feel that he is my "symmetry" (I wrote a few poems about it, hehe), in other words, my twin flame. But since we don't really know if someone's a twin flame or soulmate with any certainty, either one may be as good as the other...well, at least for now.

Anyways, we haven't actually met yet (OOPS!), although he only lives an hour away from me (hard for me to find transportation since I don't trive at the moment--how sad! How's this for interesting? He went to high school 10 minutes away from me, his first boyfriend went to my school, another one of his boyfriends went to my college, he lived next to the beach where I want to live, and now he lives on an island in the middle of San Francisco bay where I'd love to be...hmm...). I feel a strong bond with him, and a few days after we started chatting, he informed me that he broke up with his bf, a relationship which apparently left much to be desired. It just seemed too good to be true in some ways--he seems to embody what I'm "looking for" in a life partner.

One night, a few weeks after we met, I called him and found out that the reason why he wasn't answering was beacuse he was boofing another guy. I decided to lay my cards on the table, blurting everything out that I would have waited to tell him to respect his recent break-up. He told me he wasn't looking for a relationship at the time and that I really wasn't his type, physically anyways, and that he wanted to be friends.

I've been thinking about this one non-stop since we've met, and I can't seem to shake him. We haven't chatted in a few weeks, and I'm trying to give him his space (apparently he went into therapy right when I left on vacation a couple weeks ago) to work things out.

I don't want to be a fool and wait for him, but then again, I'm not going to make the mistake of meeting someone who I was meant to be with and just walk away. This will all make more sense when you find out the basic astrological info:

Basics for me are Taurus Sun, Cancer Rising, Pisces Moon; April 30th, 1981. Can anyone say stubborn, clingy, misty-eyed romantic--muddy waters indeed? Ding, ding, ding! Let's not forget that I have a stellium of Sun, Venus, Mars and Mercury in 11th house Taurus. So yeah...double the stubborn and domestic part, triple the food lover and romantic, add some of the intuitive mystic sage wanna-be and liberal handfuls of singer, pianist and history student...and you mustn't forget, the writer--and you have a picture of me. Oh, do that and put me behind the bar making your favorite coffee drinks when I'm not in class!

Basics for Danny are these: Cancer Sun, Sag Rising, Libra Moon; July 11th, 1978. He thinks he's a mess...in some ways I wouldn't argue any differently. Still, I can see the party boy in the Sag, and the reclusive meditator/intuitive healer in Cancer. I think the Libra might help him to balance the two so well, being such a dichotomous kind of person that he is. He's a raver/new age/hippie guy who loves to party hard, and when he's alone (which is really doesn't want to be all the time that he is) writes and meditates and does intuitive healing work when he's not working as a trapeeze artist/writer/dj/waiter. Phew!

Now for the interesting part. Here's the link to both the Synastry and the Composite Charts: http://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?nhor=1&nho2=15&btyp=671&mth=gw&hsy=&zod=&add=18&add=19&sday=30&smon=7&syr=2004&rs=&orbp=&cid=v6pfilee1OafL-u1040639111&lang=&gm=a1&ast=

(synastry):http://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?nhor=1&nho2=15&btyp=61&mth=gw&hsy=&zod=&add=18&add=19&sday=30&smon=7&syr=2004&rs=&orbp=&cid=v6pfilee1OafL-u1040639111&lang=&gm=a1&ast=

I've been doing my research and so far the results are muddled. Apparently, at least in the synastry, there are quite a few healthy aspects to and from my chart to his and vice versa involving the personal planets, and the chart rulers of each (for example, my Moon trine his Jupiter). Here are some of the more outstanding and interesting aspects:

Our ascendants are in mutual aspect to Pluto (mine square his, his sextile mine). I recall seeing that Plutonian aspects are a good indicator of a "soulmate" type bond. Unfortunately, Pluto scares the living daylights out of me because it's described in scary, scary ways. In our Composite, it's in the 7th house trine the Sun (3 deg 25), loosely squaring Mars (8 deg. 39) and sextile Pluto (generational aspect, but important since Pluto's in the 7th--2 deg 05). Synastry-wise, my Pluto squares his Jupiter and Sun, loosely conjuncting his Pluto (8 deg. 29) and sextile his Pluto. His Pluto quincunx my Mercury and square my Asc. AHH!!! Freaky. Pluto in massive amounts. Not fun stuff.

As for the more sexual stuff (ahem, cue Mars and Venus), seems like stuff is on the up and up concerning each other. My Mars trine his Venus, and his Mars trine my Venus. In the Composite, it's Mars conjunct Venus in the 4th (Placidus). So at least those two planets are happy with each other.

Now, for the not so fun stuff again. Composite Sun square Saturn. UGH! I haven't read anything positive on this one. Please, give me some hope here!

But to balance the scales (which would please his Libra moon), Composite Moon trine Jupiter. *sigh* Thank goodness, something good. I'm thinking that might have a heightened effect since those are our respective chart rulers, natally, and Synastry-wise, my Moon also trine his Jupiter. There's also a very nice aspect in that my Asc. conj. his Sun. Another good aspect is my Venus sextile his Jupiter. YAY!

So...back to the difficult aspects. I'm just going to run through them and hold my breath: Synastry: my Sun sq. his Mercury, his Sun sq. my Pluto (argh, Pluto again), his Asc. conj. my Neptune (could go either way with that one), my Venus opp. his Uranus (heard mixed reviews about that one), and his Saturn sq. my Uranus.

I'm not going to give any more aspects (you're probably thankful!) because I think that would just make this extremely long post even longer! Besides, there's more time for details later. Furthermore, I don't know exactly where to go with this one--what to include here and what to leave for later, so I think I'll stick with the latter and write more later...uh...yeah.

SO, back to the beginning. I do feel as if there's a really strong connection here, and I think that once we meet, things may be moving in the direction of a dating relationship. He's been giving me mixed messages (wow, who would have ever expected THAT?) as in "You're not really my type--You're a really nice guy, so I don't want you to take it the wrong way, just being really honest...but, good God, we haven't even met yet, you know?" Of course, my intuition is telling me differently, or it could just be Neptune screwing with me. ACK!

The Pluto thing freaks me out more than anything, because I know that Pluto's not the easiest planet to deal with, and he comes up so much in different places, some good, some bad, all in aspect to personal planets and angles, both in synastry and composite. Maybe that's why I feel like this is such a powerful, transformational "relationship" already. Since I have met him, it feels like I've been even more reflective and aware of what's going on inside of me, and I'm making a conscious effort to listen to my intuition more and work through some residual fears I have of things like co-dependency, lack of self-esteem, and other powerful issues. Apparently, whether I had anything to do with it or not, it seems as if he's going through a lot of the same (breaking up with his ex, going to therapy, recovery from addiction, etc.) I think that just maybe, those issues have a tinge of Pluto...I could be wrong...

Must remember the Cancerian tendency for sarcasm, folks.

Obviously, I'm at a loss for words, and though I'm meditating even more on how to "compassionately detach" myself from this guy, it's not happening, at least not yet. But I'm really trying not to cling on so much and I'm really trying to let things develop on their own and be patient, although sometimes it feels like the emotional side of me is washing over the grounded side like tidal waves at the height of typhoon season.

I guess I'm just looking for a way to open a discussion about this situation with like-minded, understanding people, get some advice (astrologically and otherwise), and just have a place to discuss the issues with people who understand (or who can at least sympathize) with where I'm coming from.

posted July 30, 2004 12:42 PM         

The big attraction from you to him is his Libra moon. That Venus ruled moon speaks to your Sun and the mixed messages he sends out are part of his basic nature. Part of you is fascinated, the other part wants to reel him in.

Libra moons like to be friends, and have romance, but being tied down isn't the best of the best, they go slow in their minds, and want an ideal relationship based on all things, sex, emotion, and love. Until they find that they will remain single. Danny has no problem with control even when he is with another guy, it's part of his exploring phase after his breakup. Normally he is very conventional.

I think you are rushing him a bit which is normal considering your feelings, it's best he goes through therapy. However without communication your love for him may become less intense and you can't push the communication.

So I would stay tune and wait until you hear something that is more concrete, this way you are respecting Danny's process.

Your synastry does not show a strong sexual physical component and you have to ask yourself how important that is.

On the bright side, I have two Libra moon friends who I have similar feelings for! And we are still friends years later, they are both gratified and honored by my feelings which I have expressed but they adore the romance of being adored and so do not want to tamper with that.

I appreciate the wisdom, and advice I receive from both friends, and I like having a close buddy who is not physical in his affections.

Everyone shows affection in different ways, a libra moon does not show affection the way a water moon does, affection equals respect.

I know he sounds like a soul mate, and he maybe, but karma teaches us we have many soulmates, from many past lives, we are simply discovering each one over again, and it's a lovely feeling of familiarity. Each one has a lesson to teach us, so keep in touch, but remember you may have another soul mate in this lifetime, even if Danny remains in therapy and is unhappy.

It's not your job to make him happy, because you are much faster in your affections than him. Danny may take 10 years to decide what he wants, and when he does he will take care of his life first BEFORE his emotions. That is why he is involved in therapy because he dislikes being caught up in emotions.

I was just speaking to another water moon who is in love with a Scorpio/Libra Moon. Communication is sparse but he can hold on! Water moons have staying power but make sure you are fulfilling your life destiny first before putting your emotions in the drivers seat.

posted July 30, 2004 02:00 PM         

thanks for your insight and input.

Yes, sex would be a very important part of any potential relationship for me, so it would be a big let-down if sex wasn't involved in a, well, sexual relationship, considering that I'm pretty much "on" all the time (then again, what male in his 20s isn't?)

It's actually interesting and funny how you describe his behavior as a Libra moon. It sounds a lot like me! I have never been in a relationship before, because I really do want to find the mind/body/spirit/emotion connection before I devote myself to someone else, which is also the reason why I'm still a 23 y/o virgin! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm not physically attractive or anything like that, it's just that I'm saving that part of myself for the right person (oh yeah, blame that on the Catholic upbringing!)

In addition, from what I've heard from him, his last relationship was notable in that he acknowledged that they had NOTHING in common, yet he still said he "loved" him, even though they were only together for about 3 months, and I have no reason to doubt the sincerity of his affections towards his ex. Now, of course, there could be many other factors playing into that, but I really do see his sun Cancer conj. Jupiter in the 7th playing a large part in his personality since it's his sun conj. his chart ruler in the house of Libra, which is his moon sign...anyways...he said they were having so much fun that he didn't notice they were completely incompatible!

Other than the latent incompatibility, Danny's most vociferous complaint was that his ex was not nearly as affectionate as he would like. He told me he's looking for someone more emotionally available, that "it sucks when you have to tell your boyfriend to give you a hug". The Cancerian part of Danny's persona and being is something he cherishes and values very much...he's full of "cancer pride" and is jokingly proud of his emotional nature, clinginess, and moodiness. There was some banter about how us Tauruses have communication problems (his ex was another Taurus), but then I told him that not all Tauruses have communication issues...not this one at least!

When I told him how I felt about him a few weeks ago, it was because he was asking for honesty. I took that as a signal to be COMPLETELY honest, and I think he was looking more for pretty half-truths. He knew I was attracted to him, and I just went off the handle, at least emotionally, when I started telling him how I felt. I said that I was tired of romance (and I really am starting to get sick of it), that it was, to quote Shakespeare in a different context "sound and fury signifying nothing". To quote a more modern voice, as Elton John sang, "No sweet romance, I've had enough!" If romance means fluff, vapid banter, unnecessary drama and good times devoid of substance, I want none of it...I can get enough of that being single (yeah...flirting anyone?)! Of course, romance would be a definite want in a more substantial, committed relationship, but if it was that and just that...I would consider the person a friend, not dating or relationship material. I want a real relationship where I didn't have to doubt the situation or the other person's feelings about me, and I communicated that to him. I also said that I wanted to stop having relationships "in my head", and he responded in kind, saying that he had similar problems. I'm tired of falling for people who cannot commit. I think it's my Taurus sun that's maturing and looking for something especially substantial, and I know that complements his Cancerian search for a stable partner. Of course, part of his "exploration" phase, as you would call it, had a distinct Cancerian turn to it--the guy was an old friend and let's just say that they were friends with benefits back in the day--nice and comfy.

It wasn't too encouraging to find out that he hasn't had a stable sex partner in the past 6 years or so. At first glance it could be the Sag rising, but then again, I think that he hasn't healed from his first long term relationship where his boyfriend ended up cheating on him the last few months of their relationship (still hanging on, like a typical Cancer), so he hurtles himself headlong into pairings that are ultimately self-destructive. He hasn't had the most stellar (well, except for they were all "stellar"...uh...yeah...ba-dum-CHING!)relationship history, and I'm surprised because of the natal Sun/Jupiter conj. in his 7th--one would think that he would have quite an easy time and good luck in finding suitable relationships. There has to be some sort of block or blockages he's putting up that I'm hoping he will eventually break through on his own.

And all of this might have not even reached this stage if I didn't impulsively blurt out how I felt about him when he reported with apparent glee how he had gotten laid. Since I was hurt and he was asking for "honesty", I spewed out everything...I thought that if I was going to go for it I might as well have gone for it completely. As my friends and I would call it, "going balls out". My logic and common sense of decency told me to hold those feelings in and not tell him, out of pure respect for his process of breaking up, and he respected me for respecting his feelings, at least up to that point!...but I think his asking for my honesty pushed a button--if you're asking for someone to be honest, it is intimated that you believe that in someway they are being dishonest, and I didn't want to be dishonest about my feelings.

I don't want to rain on the parade, but as a balance to your "bright side", I've fallen for a friend and wanted it to be more already. I think I'm wise enough not to get into a similar situation again--it was far too painful and powerful the first time around. Of course I want this person in my life...but at this point at least, if the chances for us being together seem than slim, I would rather not bother at all. I think that I might venture into the realm of purely platonic friendship with him if and only if I was already seriously involved and comfortable in another "romantic"/sexual, long-term, committed, stable, etc. relationship with someone else. The desire for it to be more than just friends would be made an impossibility. And who knows, by that point, perhaps he will have faded only into a distant memory, and if we don't end up together as a couple, I'm sure he will. Oh yeah, gotta love that Taurean side that has enough courage to yell "My way or the highway, buddy!" when the Cancer and Pisces are willing to lay down and be walked all over, and will even place the person's foot where it would hurt he most! I have to have some sort of boundary holder when a part of me wants to erase them all!

Sure, I want things to work out between us, but there's no point in trying to hold onto something that will not let itself be attained. That's where the dilemma comes in--knowing when enough is enough and when something is a bridge too far. With my Taurean and Cancerian tenacity I could wait till the cows and the crabs come home. But, thankfully for my Pisces, I could just wake up one morning, say "Oh...oh well, guess that was that" and move on without so much a glance backwards (yes, has happened before). But also for pesky Pisces, I could just intuitively be picking up on what's going on behind what he's letting me (and not letting me) see.

To quote my favorite line from Shakespeare in Love, "It's a Mystery!"

That's what life's all about.

posted August 26, 2004 02:10 AM         

Me: September 4, 1968 @ 10:47am
Him: December 28, 1971 no birth time known