posted August 30, 2004 01:39 PM         

By the way, I posted this once before. I am glad no one (Natasha) responded, as the year of birth for the HE was not correct. Apparently, he lied about his age - thinking she would not want to get involved with someone older.

posted August 30, 2004 02:11 PM         

But if you think she is getting over her head then that's different.

You know her better, so I would go with your instincts on this. Lying is never a good sign. A woman needs a man "who is for real". Otherwise he pretends while she has genuine feelings.

Or as the song says
"Don't give me the world today, and tomorrow take it away, just be for real"

Lying says, I'm perfect, now I'm taking it away, how many times will she be let down? Just a question to ask yourself before approaching her. She may learn some lessons and can turn to you for emotional support.

In a great book I read on dating after an ex, the advice was stay away from anyone who lies especially for stupid reasons. What great advice, I wish I had read that book years earlier. In the book the author describes one man who lies about his age for no reason. She stopped dating him. Dating is a process, of selecting and rejecting many people to find a mate. There must be a rejection to select.

Lots of fire signs get into the guilt trap of finding someone who is needy and saying "this is the one". Guilt isn't love, love is real genuine feeling and that takes time.

Here is an article you may want to send to your daughter in case communications are heavy right now, it's also very real. This also works when the relationship is starting to get rocky. I get a lot of laughs out of it, and you can substitute drama for "highlight of my life" "finding the one" or "those magical three hours".

Dating is not love, not yet anyway.
Here's another post to take a look at. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001071.html

I have Venus in Aries and Mars conjunct Ascendant in Sag btw, so I can relate to both the writer, and the ex's. The writer has to be an Aries or a Leo.

It's dating, not drama
Social Grace
by Charles "Social" Grace

Dear Social Grace,

First off, I realize that this is very wrong, so you don't have to tell me that. Basically, I have two guys I'm seeing. I was very monogamous, but the first boyfriend stopped telling me he loved me and didn't send me a Valentine's Day card -- and I haven't seen him in months. (I would have gone to see him, but I temporarily don't drive.) I was feeling neglected and lonely, so when I met another guy online and he offered to come see me, I jumped at the chance.

Now the first guy has said he has a gift for me and one for my mother. But he said he didn't feel comfortable with calling our relationship "love," and I don't know if I feel it anymore, anyway. The first guy lives in a small, cramped place with his sister and a roommate; the guy I just met has no way to support himself, and his family wants him to move with them -- which will put him an additional 100 miles from me. I was wondering if you could help me out with this crud.

-- D.S.

Dear Sir,

You are obviously a very creative person. What I'd like you to do, though, is channel that creative energy into something other than designing elaborate relationship problems. Perhaps you have a talent for screenwriting: You've taken a perfectly innocuous situation -- it's called "dating" -- and turned it into a melodrama. All you need is a case of amnesia or an evil twin, and you're ready for daytime television.

Many people have forgotten how to date. Larger society just doesn't encourage us to work on our dating skills; luckily, Social Grace is here to help. Some seem to have forgotten that between that first chat-room hookup and the professions of undying love, there should be a long process called getting to know one another -- or dating. During this period, before any serious commitments have been made, seeing more than one person at a time is absolutely acceptable (in fact, I encourage you to do so). Only by getting out there and meeting lots of people will you will meet the person who is right for you -- and I'm here to tell you that Mr. Right very likely is neither someone who doesn't see you for months nor someone who lives with his parents 100 miles away.

You have the skills you need to clean up your own crud. My advice to you: Date. Hold off on all the love talk until you're sure, and don't rush to call a man you just met your "boyfriend." Explore your options. Go ahead and see where the relationships you're in now lead, but don't let them stop you from exploring all possibilities -- or from exploring your own interests. Sometimes, the solution to trouble with boys is to ignore them for a while.

Natasha
Taurus
Aries/Venus

posted August 30, 2004 03:16 PM         

Remember me?

Your daughter is very smart, bright, and precious. She is also an Aries! Please do read and re-read Linda's chapter on the Aries woman every night. Especially the part about her not (eventually) succumbing to the charms of a playboy or a wolf. I send to you Love and Light , because I can imagine the worry you are going through.

As a personal policy as an Astrologer, I do not look at charts unless the one who is requesting the service is part of the relationship. Spiritual privacy is a valuable, and sacred trust.

All I can say is continue being the strong, shining, and loving example that you are to her. Lord knows you've done a marvelous job and have every reason to be proud of her.

In LOve and Light,

posted August 30, 2004 09:29 PM         

First of all, I think she's old enough to be dating an older guy, and seven years is not that bad.

Also, I've heard of successful marriages where they only knew each other for a short time and "just knew" - and the marriage is successful. But for the most part, it's best to at least stick it out for 4 months. The "romantic stage" goes on for the first 3 months, when the chemicals in our brain makes everything seem romantic. Sometimes there's a rude awakening after that, sometimes two people learn to cooperate and work things out.

posted September 01, 2004 11:09 AM         

I hope this guy is not a "wolf". According to Julie, they have been in each other's company CONSTANTLY for the past 6 weeks. She is living alone - in the Mission Bay area. That is worry enough.

My husband is pretty upset, and told her he did not approve of a "liar" - under no circumstances. (He is a very solid Capricorn - very high character).

Of course, we are her parents - but it is true. Julie is brilliant, beautiful, athletic - etc. My husband keeps saying -"She could have her choice of anyone, and she is choosing a LIAR?"

But Julie usually makes good decisions, and she keeps saying "he is the one". I feel like flying to CA this week to meet this guy. She says they are just alike. I am trying not to give advice. I just say -"Take it as it comes. Keep up your other friendships."

Julie told us that she could never become involved with someone we did not approve of. Therefore, I am trying to keep my mouth shut (and my husband's mouth shut). Because, perhaps is the ONE for her. It is up to her to figure it out, not us. That doesn't stop us from worrying, however. I just hope he hasn't already moved in with her.

So, thanks again for listening. I really appreciate it.

posted September 01, 2004 12:00 PM         

Trying to analyze something without comprehensive knowledge and confidence will only intensify your anxiety.

How do you know if that person is really his mother providing the information? Be careful.

Have you thought about paying for a background check? A private investigator can find out if this man has given out his real name, married, felony convictions, bankruptcies etc. Just think about considering it.

Love,

Aphrodite

posted September 01, 2004 12:10 PM         

Maybe she is trying hard to justify that he is the one to you, because you, or her Father want her to find someone who values her? It's normal but she may feel some pressure. Most young women still do feel a lot of peer pressure at least until they are 30 or so. By flying out there and worrying you could justify to her that he is really important to YOU, and therefore emotionally significant. Worth considering.

Be spontaneous if you go.

I always say that to my Mom, if you don't approve I won't go out with him, but it's not true usually. Sometimes I rebel. So you are smart not to say anything right now, wait until the glow wears off. Usually what I mean is that, if she doesn't like him, I will listen to her side of the story, but that just drags out the inevitable, if he is worthwhile, it will show eventually, other factors slow things down.

The glow wears off, but we don't usually find out someone is a fantastic person contrary to our first opinion. If we did then we would marry the first person that came along. Luckily only 1% are a match otherwise, people would be really confused and fall in love with everyone.

If the love runs it's natural course, she will see what's what in good time but if there is interference she may become confused about her emotions.

Aries women are pretty smart, and proud, and being shown up by your parents can be embarassing. It's like having your someone say, see you can't do that. Better for an Aries to listen to herself to build her own instincts. Aries have high values too, but they listen to themselves and really value their own opinion. Since our instincts always tell us the truth eventually, she needs to tune into that.

Have you been to a country fair and lost money in one of those carnival games? Notice if you have an audience it' s more embarassing to lose so you try harder?

Her Father is going to have to give her away to someone someday, perfect or not.
Has he accepted this yet? He better start preparing for a son-in-law.

Six weeks-two months is when things start to look real. Meet him after that period of time, or better yet, make him pay the fare and visit you!

posted September 01, 2004 01:22 PM         

Aphrodite, some of me wants to hire a detective. However, I have now received a picture of Joel, and his last name. I have "googled" him, and everything checks out okay (so far).

Joel has sun and jupiter in Aries in the first house. However, it is his venus in Taurus that makes me think he could be honorable. Looking at their two charts, I can see that there are some match-ups. I guess I need to stay away from astrodienst.com. Cause I am not good at interpreting it all.

Any way, Natasha - Julie does like the high emotion and drama of all this. I am trying to be low-key. Very hard for me. I am also an Aries, so I ask about 500 hundred questions everytime I talk to her. I am going to follow your advice, though. If they are still together in a couple of months, THEN I will make plans to meet him.

posted September 10, 2004 12:41 PM         

Quess what? Everything is okay. My daughter is "in love". For someone who has dated about (20) guys in the past couple of years, and ends the relationships within (2) weeks, this is special. Like my mother says, if Julie, who is so picky, likes this guy - he is okay. And he is! She has sent pictures. My husband thinks he looks like a male version of me!! They have the same interests - playing in a local soccer league, jogging, painting and drawing, bio-tech field. They are coming to our house during Christmas holiday, and then going to visit his family. Sounds like they are good for each other. I am happy for my daughter.

posted September 10, 2004 12:46 PM         

But then my son is only 5 1/2 so what do I know?

I'm an Aries and if I knew my parents (mum is a Capricorn) had freaked out so much over a 1 month relationship I would have been really irritated... even if I said he's THE ONE (which I have said often lol).