posted October 18, 2004 12:52 PM         

The gentleman in question is 17 years her senior (she is 20) and has been divorced for 4 years without a subsequent relationship of note. They have been out a few times and without diving into the minutae of their interactions, there are some concerns that she has as his desires and intentions are changeable and contradictory at different times.

She is very much into him and has attempted to initiate other relationships, but with little success as he is constantly on her mind and they work together and are in constant communication, quite intimately for the most part. They also going out on occassion and he has admitted that he fancies her, but then goes on to suggest everything is in her imagination all in one conversation!!! The man is clearly confused. They are at the stage now where they had backed off for a while and she subtly let it be known that she was dating someone else, and suddenly *shock horror* he is back on the scene and they are planning to go out again this weekend.

She has had major disappointments in recent previous relationships that have left her a little trepedatious in connecting and fully committing to someone, but she seems to really want this relationship to work.

Basically, what I am asking for here is a little insight from Virgo's on where they think this guy might be coming from, and any advice on what she can do to make head or tail of this situation and possibly give herself some power in all of this and read the situation more accurately, and take real defintive action.

Thanks in advance, and all you lovely Pisces and Scorpio ladies who know me, as always your input would no doubt be as invaluable as ever.

posted October 18, 2004 01:32 PM         

It never changes
She will find she has to do the accomodating as the Libra moon is confused sometimes, but he is never confused about what he wants out of life. Usually it's easy to see what you want to see, the goals are not the same.
He will want a friend, she a lover,
to put it simply,

She wants a comitted love relationship, romance, and his confusion seems romantic because there is a tease, always something more to come. But there is no end, and she will be frustrated. My suggestion to you is to tell her that he, as a man, will never fulfill her on an emotional level, or physical level. She needs to tell him what she really wants, otherwise she will always be hurt and confused.

Sounds like they need to communicate and she needs to be more assertive.
I see him as friend to her but she has a tough time being just friends with any man.

don't be a sister to her, because that's not what she is looking for.
She is looking for intimacy, and love.

posted October 18, 2004 06:44 PM         

He is a Virgo sun
Leo moon.
Leo mercury.
Cancer venus.
Virgo mars.
Saggitarus jupiter.
Gemini saturn.
Libra uranus.
Saggitarus neptune.
Libra pluto.
NN Capricorn.
(true birth time)

Now i only know a smigion of astrology...

I do know that we do get along very well.
He is head strong, and I'm heart strong.
He is at sometimes very in to the realtionship.
And sometimes he's leaves me sitting on the side, wondering what's going on.
He seems at times very interested, and then not so sure.
Which totally confuses me.
Sex is totally awsome.
We do not fight, we talk.
Or either he'll not hear it, and I shut up, since I'm not being heard...

Sometimes we're hot and heavy, and sometimes, I'm wondering...
Neither of us are publically showy in our ways, by that i mean i don't lay all over him, and he doesn't me.
But I have no problem with that.

Some of my bestest GF have been Virgo, so I know they are pretty good friends.

don't know if that helps with helpping your friend...
hope so...

If anyone can give me any insight into the chart I've listed for me & mine, it'd be nice for some type input.

posted October 18, 2004 07:45 PM         

"A Friend In Need", by Placebo

"... A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend with weed is better;
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
A friend who's dressed in leather.

A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend who'll tease is better;
Our thoughts compressed which makes us blessed,
And makes for stormy weather.

A friend in need's a friend indeed,
My Japanese is better;
And when she's pressed she will undress,
And then she's boxing clever.

A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend who bleeds is better;
My friend confessed she passed the test,
And we will never sever.

Days, dawn and...
Skin's, crawling...
Days, dawn and...
Skin's, crawling.

posted October 20, 2004 07:11 PM         

Sthenri - This girl is someone who has proven herself to be a very special kind of friend, in fact, unique in my own personal experience, Our friendship is purely platonic, though I was so bowled over by her honesty and integrity at first that I became temporarily confused on that score. After that brief glitch however, we have got on better than I could have expected, and I trust her more than anyone I know.

I can see the point about him wanting friendship versus love, but they are going on a "date" on Saturday, and the messages he sends her are loaded with innuendoes and subtle desire. She IS a very attractive girl, both physically and in her character. I have no doubt he has some attraction for her. I have reservations about what can come of it, as deep down does she, but I have instructed her to take a practical point-of-view and have fun at the same time.

I would love to see her happy, and she knows I will be beneath her to catch her should she fall. Without her, I would not have been able to come through a difficult period of my own of late. This girl brings my strength out and I adore her for it.

There seems to be a lot of activity and confusion surrounding Pisces' and Virgos at the moment, wonder why this is. Anybody have any suggestions?

posted October 20, 2004 07:31 PM         

I'm glad you got some clarity for the answers, these guys have top advice. I'm not too astrologically versed, although I'm sure someone may know the answer to the Pisces / Virgo thing - as far as I know as opposites there has always been a great connection between to two. One needing an aspect from the other. I knew a V / P relationship once which at times was baffling for both of them, mainly for lack of communication, but hey.. all relationships have different ingrediants I hope this clears for you soon hon

AJ - I love that song

posted October 21, 2004 08:43 AM         

Swerve you are a guy so I will tell you straight, never encourage a girl to go out and "have fun", it's not the same thing for her. I know you meant well, but if she's worried, there is a reason.
If she falls you won't be able to pick her up that easily, not if what you say is true.

If he is sending sexual messages to her, he will want sex, she will say yes because..why not?
Casual sex is pretty much a disaster for Sag rising. So why encourage her?
And no offense but they are probably already physically intimate.

Your message to her is along the lines of, what else can you do? She is a woman but she needed advice too, that's why she was asking you, she knows how attractive she is, she knows what he wants, what she was asking you is should she give it to him? If there was any potential?

Why bother wasting her time, and not tell her to leave him alone? There is no chance of a commitment if he is only interested in sex.

What you are saying is maybe he's not just interested in her body?
And if he is maybe some good could come of it??

That is very unrealistic,
I know you are a romantic, but I have to say you are being less than straight with her,
never encourage a woman to head straight into it with a man who is so obvious.

Being a woman I can say, if a man is truly interested in a woman with good intentions, he doesn't make his desire so obvious from the start. He takes her out a few times, gets to know her for a few months first, woos her, and then hints at a relationship.

Are you really so naive to think that there is a strong probability otherwise? 99% of the men she will date want sex only, nothing else. You can't deny it, I know because you are not like that.

But I am like that! I am very suspicious and every woman has to be or she ends up hurt. If I was sending someone sexual signals, the last thing I would want is a relationship,

Why?
Because I'm obvious,
Earth signs are very obvious and not never nice most of the time, and we are blunt, and we always get what we want when we are demanding.

Do you really want her alone with this guy?
Aren't you kind of setting her up for the kill?
The reason I say this is because men do not like to get involved, but women love intimacy.
Intimacy is getting involved and making your thoughts and fears known.

I may be judgemental okay, but it's from experience, it's a little naive to assume he is interested in a relationship. Her chart will attract a lot of men who are not interested in relationships.

posted October 21, 2004 09:08 AM         

I think I may have given the wrong impression with my last post. They are definitely not intimate yet, believe me. And thay HAVE gone out a few times, AND known each other for a few months with hints at a relationship. The problem is he is moving TOO SLOWLY for her.

I would never put a friend in a situation that I would see as destructive, and my instincts are very, very sharp. I have simply told her to take things as they come, and in fun, I meant just that, fun on dates, not sex. If that happens between them then that is their business. She is determined to make an effort of it as she feels he really does have feelings for her. I am just scared that he will be forever unsure as her heart swells more and more for him.

Then I will be there as a friend to catch her and soften the landing.

Maybe she is right, maybe she has to learn through trial and error. I am 8 years her senior and feel great responsibilty in what I am advising her. I take that VERY seriously.

I appreciate your concern though Sthenri, and you should know that Pisces are adept at slipping out of judgemental posts anyway , though what I have said is all true.

posted October 21, 2004 12:26 PM         

Swerve has helped me a lot over the past few months and has been going on about this forum 'I have to try' and I have been putting it off for a while now as I am a complete astrology novice but now I've finally taken the plunge as I think what you guys do for each other is really cool and the whole astrology thing amazes me!

I really appreciate everyones responses to the original post that swerve made regarding my situation with my virgo man and well I am a bit overwhelmed at the fact that everyone has taken the time to give their opinion on my 'problem' - I cant even get my so called friends to do that in real life - but as I have said it is much appreciated and I am taking all of your comments in - good and bad. I hope that I can be as much help to you lot one day. I'm a bit nervous about putting my first post on the forum but here goes nothing . . . . .

Maybe it would help if I told you a little bit more about me and the man in question? I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve and am a big time romantic which is a typical picsean trait so I have been told and one that gets me hurt alot of the time. He on the other hand is a 'black and white thinker' who doesnt really count emotions into his thinking process at all just pure logic - infact I think I have only seen him show/feel any emotions around 4 times in the period of time that I have known him! Your probably all wondering what the hell I see in him and hey you would be right to ask but he is a very special man, who has a side that I dont think many people have seen and being one of the few people that has - I fell in love with him. We get on like a house on fire, have intelligent conversations, have similar interests and he treats me with more respect that any other person I have ever been romantically involved with.

Although this is in a way is something that I would care to erase from my memory - myself and this man did in fact have a 'all or nothing' convo (which swerve has previously mentioned) around a month ago where we talked about what was going on with us - we actually communicate very well together. On the one hand he told me I was beautful and yes he does fancy me but then a few minutes later he told me that when he was holding my hand, kissing me on the cheek, and telling me I was beautiful etc etc that I was reading too much into something that wasnt there. I was crushed . . . but I was looking at him whilst he was saying this and he looked like someone that was being forced to say something that he didnt want to - am i imagining these feelings or is this a virgo trait - feeling something but being able to deny your feelings even if its something you really do want?

I am obviously physically attracted to this man and would of course like to take things further with him but I am not prepared to just have a 'physical relationship' with him and will not settle for anything less than a 'fully commited loving relationship'. I have unfortunately had a previous relationships that I thought was based on love but turned out to be more physical and I have vowed to never make that mistake again - I like to think that I am a good judge of whether people are only after sex and so far have been right 99% of the time. And of course sex has been mentioned but not in a direct degrading way, mainly in rare innuendos that never result to anything and are just part of playful banter verbally or over txt.

I think the main point that I am trying to get across is that I am confused. I am just feeling a bit lost in this whole situation and just cant comprehend the fact that you can have such deep feelings for someone and for them to maybe not even be reciprocated. I dont understand how we could start off so well and it look like we were getting together but then as things get to close he backs off and each time they progress further he backs off further and further until he is almost unreachable! It is driving me insane.

I'm not asking for answers from anyone cos I dont think there is one but maybe if I knew more about virgos in general it would help me for saturday when we are supposed to be going out together. Nerves are already setting in as were are supposed to be 'just friends' and I am already getting the impression it is not something he is looking forward to and again something he is being forced into to keep me quiet!

posted October 21, 2004 12:35 PM         

Good to have you here. I have to log off soon, as you're probably aware it's 17:30 and therefore near time for me to make tracks homeward.

I hope to speak to you soon though,
Sheaa

posted October 21, 2004 12:47 PM         

No matter what he does, if he is uncomfortable with intimacy, he's not ready.
Intimacy being, sharing real personal thoughts and feelings. And it sounds like he can't be intimate with you or fulfill you that way.

You can't change him, or force him to see the romantic side of life, he is probably better at being who he is, and doesn't want to be romantic.

He wants to be your friend, maybe because you accept him the way he is, but he needs some kind of boundary too.

You may want to read this site http://www.marriagebuilders.com
and look at the quiz under Emotional needs
It's a good compatibility reading
No amount of love can combat incompatible needs and wants.

posted October 21, 2004 01:25 PM         

There is a very famous couple who have been happily married for many years, and his first words to her was "Nice ass!"

I've also heard of people marrying their "one-night stand" ...

posted October 21, 2004 01:56 PM         

And is it real?

posted October 21, 2004 03:00 PM         

Sthenri - this one intrigued me as it rings very true unfortunately , is it possible you could explain this in more detail please?

Hello Sheaa, thanks for the welcome

Astro Junkie - would love to bag him, but hey it doesn't seem likely right now.

posted October 21, 2004 03:18 PM         

Just remember that you are always going to deal with this but it will get much easier and eventually your messages will be clear subconciously.

There is nothing wrong with you, your chart just says you are very attractive to the opposite sex, Pisces with Sag rising? Physically you glow, and illuminate men's egos. You make men who are insecure feel better about themselves.

Because you seem to be self assured, and you may think of yourself as a giver.

Imagine receiving assistance, and make it a good thing in your mind. That helps create a receptive state of mind, imagine receiving.

You only have to worry about yourself, your Virgo friend will get over it, even be relieved, so if you concetrate your energy on yourself, its' not hard to move on. It's only hard when you feel the other person is losing something.

But this is the best thing for the Virgo, he needs to get his identity on track. Find out his goals. on his own, you need a more secure friend.

That's pretty forward observation since I don't know you, but you have Swerve as a friend, and that's a good sign. Real friends are key.

Good Luck, I recommend doing some astrology reading, here http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com/TOClessons.htm

Natasha
Taurus
Cancer Moon/8th
Sag/1st house

posted October 21, 2004 04:31 PM         

As soon as I read your last post, I thought about this - a girl to her guy (don't take it literally, I'll explain) ...

"... Cuz I've done what I could for you, and I do know what's
Good for me and I'm not benefiting, instead
I'm sitting singing again, singing again, singing again,
Sing, sing, sing again
How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
M'I gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
sh!t about me ..."

It doesn't necessarily have to mean it's final, but she gains strength in moving on ...

posted October 21, 2004 04:50 PM         

I see what you mean though – I ego boost this particular virgo alot – he has quite low confidence – and well I don’t even realise I am doing it half the time. I not here just to be his ego massager!

Will defo check out that site – infact will do now and let you know what I think!

Oh and I did the emotional need questionnaire with swere – lets just say I think I came out quite needy

posted October 22, 2004 07:54 AM         

AJ! - I'm loving this musical side I'm seeing of late, very cool

posted October 22, 2004 10:42 PM         

Isn't Swerve a sweetie?!

I'd love to hear BOTH of you speak... You too Sheaa

posted October 25, 2004 09:49 AM         

Not sure if you'll swoon over my voice but definitely swerves - dulcet tones and all that

These guys are definitely good but I have a small confession to make - I actually did go on saturday night! I know what I said and all the good advice that everyone gave me but I just had a feeling that I should go and . . . . . well i had a great time.

It was the first time that we had actually been out and I had had FUN! As weird as it sounds I was just more relaxed and so was he!

I am just going to take a back seat with this one for a change and see how far the calm approach gets me! Fingers crossed and all that! Acting neurotic doesnt get you anywhere - well so I have learnt!

posted October 25, 2004 05:02 PM         

Following on from my 'date' on sat with my virgo man I had a very strange dream last night and was wondering if you could help me interpret it . . . .

The dreams starts in his garage, he has asked me to park my car in front of his - his prized possession, his blue, 3litre bmw that he loves so much - so I do and as I am just edging towards his car I suddenly realise that even though I am not going that fast that I can not put my foot on the brakes - no matter how hard I try. I am looking at him and he is just looking at the two cars - I suddenly find my car crashing into his and eventually land on top of his car. His car is totally ruined and I am so scared to get out of the car as I am sure he is going to go mad.

I get out of the car ready for the roasting that I am so sure he is going to give me and to my COMPLETE surprise he doesnt seem that bothered. Just normal no reaction. This scares me alot and I am sure he is going to flip but he doesnt at all.

I then find myself in his house, this massive house in the country. All of my friends are suddenly around and causing complete mayhem in his house - like the house parties you had when your parents used to go away - he is pushing me to get 'everyone' to leave - assuming he means me as well - I get everyone to leave and for some reason stay behind and he is fine with this - even happy it is just us two alone. As my friends are walking up the path to leave I then find myself sitting on the sofa cuddling up infront of a fire - we both seem completely happy . . . .