posted October 31, 2004 05:52 PM         

The reason I'm asking is because my best friend met a man online who lives in Ireland, and she is marrying him next June. She got hooked up with him through a website for people into scientology, and they hit it off right away. Their e-mails brought them together, and then they began talking on the phone. She was planning to visit me here in England anyways, so she set up a meeting with him. They fell in love, like, right away...they spent one day together and decided they wanted to get married. ONE DAY. This to me seemed a little odd, but of course I am supportive, and as they are both air signs, (she is a Gemini, he an Aqua) they are prone to being able to follow a path more influenced by matters of the mind and heart than that of physical reality. They have spent a bit more time together since then, (about a week) and are totally convinced they are meant to be. (which, gotta say, seems to be true.)

My question is, what do you think of this kind of relationship, and how it began? Do you think that it is safe to get involved so deeply with your heart before you *meet* someone? I myself am pretty much open to the idea, nowadays you have to realize that you can meet people from anywhere... it really has opened up the world, you know? Do you believe that people are capable of this, REALLY willing to follow through? And what kinds of things will make it work out? What additudes or actions should they be taking to keep it alive while they are not together? I think trust and honesty are probably the most important things they must have in order for it to happen realisticly... As an air sign myself, I would think that someone being in your heart that you can't see/feel isn't that hard... it will just take some patience and understanding from both parties...

I think they will be alright, and that they K-now they are meant for each other. It's just that there are a lot of circumstances and obstacles standing in their way at present. It's really horrible that they feeeel so much for each other and can't express it at this time on the physical plane, but they seem to have such a connection, a deep mental and spiritual union of souls, that it doesn't really matter to them. They truly love each other, it's as if they did before they even met online... something drew them to each other, a force they both could not have foreseen really... from what she tells me anyways. She was engaged before, and thought then that she loved that guy more than she would ever love anyone else. And now she sees it as though she maybe never really loved before this man at all, that everything was just an illusion... her eyes are finally open.

Has anyone here ever experienced this? Did it work out? Do you know of anyone who it has worked out for? How did they do it?

Any input would be helpful, and appreciated.

posted October 31, 2004 07:49 PM         

I've met a few people I had a connection with online when I was younger, but only one person I met I actually had a relationship with. The rest lied about their pictures, lol.

One of my friends constantly meets people from online to date... I dunno. It works for her. But I think with her it's more of a sex thing.

Probably the one thing I would be afriad of is idealizing the other person so much that when you finally meet them, you are disappointed because you built them up so much in your head and all the gaps you have in your knowing that other person (since you only know them online or from short visits) you would fill with the things you want and like... but that is probably not what that other person is really about, and I think that might be a problem when you decide to make your relationship real and be together on a day to day basis...

But there is an element of that in regular dating aswell, isn't there? Like when you finally move in together, or start spending time with the other persons family and friends, lol. Sometimes you think... ewww!!! Who is this person?? LOL But geeez, I concurr with Sun_scorpion, as someone who eloped and married someone whose family I didn't know and who I met out of context with the rest of his life... MEET THE FAMILY... do not rush in!!! My ex's family were crazy Jehovah's Witnesses, tried to convert us and all this crap, it was not good. I didn't know anything about Jehovah's (as I now call them, lol) except that they knock on ppl's doors with the Watchtower magazine... Now I know they are crazy as **** and I should have run for my life a soon as I found out his family were a bunch of Jehovahs!

Also with your friend, I would make sure she has discussed all of her expectations from being married as honestly and as wholly as possible, because most marriages break down because people have vastly different ideas and expectations about what it is to be married and what each persons role is as a husband and wife. It's so important that they discuss everything from whether she will take his name, children, their priorities (ie: my husband was completely money motivated, I was more interested in job fulfillment... this was a problem when he wouldn't let me quit a high paying sales job that I hated... I ended up working there for a year and this was the root of a lot of resentment... just an example of what i mean about priorities).

posted November 01, 2004 01:05 PM         

Well, this happened to me recently. I met someone online and things were more than fabulous. Then after meeting in person things completely fizzled. Okay, they went disastrously wrong.

What happened?

I asked myself this for awhile. Then things started becoming clear. While online, things were great. In 'real life' it was like meeting a completely different person. I didnt feel like this was the same person I 'knew' at all. It still amazes me how different it all was - just by meeting in person. It all came crashing down.

I now see that I was ingnoring red flags. I had my rose colored glasses on. I was caught up in the whole thing. I'll admit we had a major connection and there was a reason it all happened, but it ultimeatly wasnt meant to be.

I think it can work out for some people. Maybe more so for people with alot of air in their charts. They seem to be able to live solely in the realm of the mind.

Before anyone brings up the fact that I am an earth sign and must have that 'physical' aspect, or just cant seem to get past that part of it all. I say not true. Sooo, not true.

I'll leave out the rest of the details and just say, I think meeting someone online and forming a lasting, successful relationship with that person is not impossible, but it's more risky than the normal dating routine. And has much less of a chance at working out.

It comes down to, I wasnt listening to mys-elf. And a veil was lifted - hard and fast. Thank you God.

People are strange.

posted November 01, 2004 08:01 PM         

Sun_Scorp,

She has met his family. She doesn't have much of one for him to meet. But his family likes her, they all seemed to gel really well. And their reasons to marry so soon are because she is going to move to ireland, and it is easier for them to be engaged when she gets her visa... that sounds bad, but she needs to be able to work. They have very similar dreams, that happen to be like, what they have both always wanted to do and now they can do it together kind of thing. Which seems pretty sweet. And they both can't wait to start a family. She has always wanted a big one, and he is 12 yrs older than her, so he's ready, too. Thanks for your input, luv!

Aqua Girl,

I agree with you about the idealizing thing. That would be my issue if I were her. I have a tendency to really pin my hopes to someone...she is a bit more realistic. I'm sorry about your situation. Yeah, Jehova's seem to live on a different planet. But hey, if they're happy on it... And to your mum!! Well done her!

Paras,
????? eh? 'Ello?

26,
Sorry you had such a bad time with it. I think that air influenced ppl would be able to handle such a situation a bit better than other signs. That's why I seem to think they will be all good, you know? They met, and it was like BANG. ''Oh, do i know you.'' I think it's amazing. If you really can find that with somebody. And if not, at least you can know that you will find the *real* person for you someday, and that the other will do the same. Thanks for sharing... better luck in future.

posted November 01, 2004 08:41 PM         

OMG. Yes. "Idealized each other too much?" Yep. This was my first "online relationship", so I was unaware at how um.....cloudy things can be. It can be really hard to have a clear picture of someone when you are only reading words off of a screen. Not to say that people purpously misrepresent themselves, but it happens almost automatically - to a certain extent - I believe. I thought I knew so much about this person, but in reality it wasnt so. (I've been dealing with a harsh Neptune transit through my first house BTW, opposite my Mars in the seventh. Can't wait til its over. )

"Large investment of time and finances???" Oh yes, I made both of those. Unfortunatly I wont be seeing either again. The money is most missed, since I really couldnt afford it, and I foot the whole - I repeat whole - bill. (Yes, I'm a dumb@ss) But it's gone and I'm over it. Glad it's all done. I should have known better though. It was my choice to cut it off, might I add. I woke up.

That will be my first and last online relationship.

Ghani,

Indeed. It sounds like your friend's experience is one that is going to work out. That's great.

The best thing that came out of the experience was that I realized I did have the *real* thing. It was right in front of me the whole time.

So thanks for the good luck, but I dont think I need it now. I hope everyone finds the same thing.

posted November 01, 2004 09:43 PM         

Well, everything happens for a reason, wouldn't you agree? I guess sometimes it takes somebody else to show you that. So long as nobody gets hurt. But I think all parties involved in such matters can be quick to recover, once they *see* there wasn't what they thought was there to begin with. The *real* veil is lifted....

posted November 01, 2004 09:58 PM         

Indeed. I usually annoy people with how often I throw around that phrase. "Everything happens for a reason." But it's so true. It was beautiful at the time and I'll never forget it. Looking back I've learned alot. That's what life is all about. Learning and seeing the beauty in everything.

Live and learn.
Forgive and forget.
Give thanks for everything.

posted November 02, 2004 01:18 PM         

I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back to you on this. I have a few thoughts on the subject I'd like to share with you. I've just been a bit distracted lately; please forgive.

Consider this: the Internet is a means of a communication. No different than any other means of communication, like, say, the telephone. Or sitting in a restaurant having a conversation. All forms of communication have their limitations. So I would say that the method itself -- chatting -- does not necessarily preclude meaningful communication. Not even very meaningful communication.

I think that "Internet romances" can and do happen; in fact, I have a good friend who was married several years ago to a woman he first met online -- and that was their primary means of communication for the first year -- and now they are happily expecting their first baby. (The world's getting another Scorpio!)

I probably don't have to tell you that I believe in the non-physical aspect of self -- the Higher S-elf, or Spirit; or that matters of the Spirit can transcend the usual boundaries of the physical world. With Love, all things are possible. And when two people meet without the "benefit" of physical contact, and yet feel a profound connection, I think that's an example of the Spirit at work. What do two Spirits who feel a great love for one another care about anything material? Love, itself, is immaterial, and that is the sphere in which it operates.

So is this possible? Well, of course... anything is possible.

But I want to stipulate that I don't think it's possible for everyone at any time. Both parties have to be open to the experience; and in order for a relationship to unfold this way for any length of time there are several requirements that both people must meet. First and foremost is a deep honesty. Both parties must be committed to the truth, both for themselves and others. If they don't have a high degree of honesty with themselves, about themselves, it will be difficult for them to reveal their true nature to another person online, day by day. Openness is another requirement. The two have to be willing to share their true feelings, and hold nothing back. Then there is willingness to trust. It takes courage to open your heart to another person, to believe that they are who they say they are. (And people can "play a role" in person, just as everyone is quick to remind us can happen over the wires. Surely you've experienced this?) But that is what Love requires of us; where we aren't willing to trust, Love cannot exist.

You know, looking over that last paragraph, it occurs to me that these are pretty much the same requirements for any successful relationship. Maybe the simpler way of expressing all that is better: yes, Love can happen -- anywhere!

I like your statement that "I myself am pretty much open to the idea... it really has opened up the world, you know?" I agree. I think that this kind of thing is happening in this world at the present time to allow us to test the notion -- and eventually come to find that it's true -- that "what is essential is invisible to the eye". That the material world... is immaterial in the grand scheme of things! That Love is a connection between Spirits, and physical pleasures are just icing on the cake. (And who doesn't love licking the spoon that just iced the cake, eh? )

To answer your last set of questions, I found this for you: http://www.allpassions.com/internetromance/otherstories.html

I hope something I've said helps you out a bit. I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts just lately, and I don't feel this post is as logically progressive, or as thorough and complete, as I would have liked for it to be. So if you want more of my opinion, you may have to prod me with a specific question.

My best and warmest wishes for your friend. May she always feel the Love she's feeling now!

posted November 02, 2004 02:05 PM         

I tend to meet a lot of my friends online and then in person so to me that isn't a weird thing anymore, and most times it turns out good. However, my 2nd real relationship started out online. I keep an online journal, and this guy randomly IMed me telling me he reads it sometimes. This was 2 years ago. I was intrigued, wondering who this person was, so we kept talking. This past summer we decided it was time to meet in person and he came up to visit a few times. His online personality was pretty much the same as his real personality, at least at that time.

But yeah I think we idealized each other a lot, as things in the relationship have seemed to change since September of this year. It's as if the honeymoon has worn off, and now we're seeing things we don't like in each other. The thing is he seems to expect me to change those things about myself while I don't expect him to do anything about his.

posted November 02, 2004 10:59 PM         

oh, this is a topic that is near and dear to me. Not the marriage bit, but the online dating bit.

I recently posted about meeting a soul mate that didn't recognise me:
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001132.html

He was a person I met through an online dating website.

There are many pros and cons to meeting a person this way. Most of it has been discussed already in this thread. However, there are a couple of extra things that I wanted to mention.

Firstly, to share my experience. I received over 100 responses to my profile. I replied to maybe twenty of these, communicated electronically with about ten of these, then spoke with (on the phone) and physically met five of these.

So I guess I filtered a good many of them along the way. Of the five that I met, they all looked exactly liked the photos they'd shared and were pretty much true to the way that I'd experienced them through the early communication. However, they did tell me stories of women that had misrepresented themselves (usually by substituting another's photo).

Only one of the five people that I physically met had a photo on their profile. So it was a good while into communication before I even got to see what some of them looked like.

So I've digressed a bit from your original question about your friend, but I just wanted to point out that getting to know someone this way forces you to get to know a person from the inside out. We place so much emphasis on physical attraction that often we overlook the truly beautiful souls. So, yes, it is possible to connect at a soul level through meeting someone in this fashion. Hopefully, when you do eventually meet, you will have that physical chemistry to bond that union but it doesn't always work out that way.

As to the longevity of the relationship, well, once they've met, I don't think that question is really relative to the way they met. All relationships are hard work. One guy joked to me before we met and said, but what will we say? We'll have to bring our laptops so we can communicate.

Yes, you can definitely idolise somebody before you meet them but I think this is true of most people going through the courting stage, regardless of how they met.

I wish them love and happiness.