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Author Topic:   nasty breakup
virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 08, 2004 01:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Mr. Taurus and I ended our relationship in a very rocky, not very great way this morning...it's not even clear who broke up with who as it was more or less mutually agreed upon, although I'm sure I can be blamed as I was the one leaving his apartment and driving 6 hours back home.

To make a really long post very short, we had been friends for 2 years. Started getting serious about 5 months ago, very serious 2 months ago. A few weeks ago I just noticed things changing quite a bit for the worse, and it was totally on his side. Basically, the honeymoon was over. He started being callous, sarcastic, sometimes distant, not as fun, increasingly emotionally and mentally manipulative and abusive, and verbally abusive as well. He kept blaming me for things going wrong, which I now realize it was not my fault. The only thing he really can blame me for the relationship going wrong is me not wanting to move in with him right now and wanting to do my own thing to figure out what I want, mostly career-wise.

So this morning I left, drove myself back to my parents house, (i was trying to visit for a week). I tried not to say too much to him because I knew it'd be another arguement, but he pushed and pushed, and got to feel the fury of my Taurus rising or moon, I very angrily told him what was bothering me, he was very sarcastic with me which made things worse, then asked me if we were breaking up and I said "I guess so, I mean I'm leaving again." then he said something very rude and I said, "Do not talk to me ever again!" which I somewhat regret.

I'm having a hard time figuring out how to feel about this. I'm losing a boyfriend and a best friend of 2 years, but also it was someone who became very manipulative and abusive to me. Also, what am I looking at here, I told him never to talk to me again, with a taurus do I have to worry about getting a random, out-of-the-blue email/phone call from him sometime in the future?

(p.s. I checked out the astro.com stuff, but I never really saw this coming in a million years by what it has told me, besides one aspect making this possibly a love/hate relationship, and some ego issues)

moi:
asc - taurus
sun - virgo
moon - taurus
merc - libra
venus - virgo
mars - scorpio
jupiter - scorpio
saturn - libra
uranus - sag
neptune - sag
pluto - libra

him:
ascendant - Sag
sun - taurus
moon - libra
merc - gemini
venus - aries
mars - libra (retrograde)
jupiter - scorpio (retrograde)
saturn - libra (retrograde)
uranus - sag (retrograde)
neptune - sag (retrograde)
pluto - libra (retrograde)

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 4887
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted November 08, 2004 02:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
*****hugs to you****

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KarenSD
Knowflake

Posts: 469
From: San Diego CA USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 08, 2004 02:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarenSD     Edit/Delete Message
HANG IN THERE!


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puppyblew
Knowflake

Posts: 178
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 08, 2004 02:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
enormous gigantic hugs!!!!
it's very hard to know what to think when involved in a love/hate type relationship. sometimes they make you feel great. others.... well....


i think most of us have uttered "never talk to me again" once in our lifetime.
if you are hoping that someday he does randomly call/email you, then i can pretty much guareentee that it will happen. he's a taurus. we do that type of stuff. sometimes it takes a few years............
sorry to inform you if you are hoping to really be rid of him.
but, talking to him after having some time off to think about the relationship may be able to give you some closure as to how you feel if you are not sure right now.

i feel like crud right now from a relationship ending myself. maybe we can give each other some much needed support.

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 08, 2004 03:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you so much!!! Wow I didn't expect to get this support . I seriously need it right now too, I've been so upset all night long.

puppyblew: that is relieving to hear that about Taureans, I wouldn't mind him contacting me in the future. I was more worried that he was going to call me every day when I need space, I had a horrid Cancer ex-bf who did that! Even if it is a few years before Mr. Taurus says hi again I think it'll be okay. I'm not much for grudges, and times change .

There's something that's a lil spooky though. I have this thing in my AIM info that tracks people's IP addresses, who have looked at it. Just before I visited Mr. Taurus, I saw a new AIM name in there. The name itself made me think maybe it was him, as it has the name of his beloved car in it. I checked the IP address, and it traces almost directly to his (the town is outside of his, but the cable provider is the same, and the state is in the IP address as well). This irks me a bit, why would he need another name, and not even IM me on it? If it is him, I saw that he was on twice tonight, and he doesn't know I know the name. Creepy.

Yay for giving each other support! I'm totally here all the time, so any venting and whatnot, bring it on! Endings of relationships are SO HARD, this is my first REAL one. Gah!!

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han's
Knowflake

Posts: 12
From: hyderabad,andhrapradesh,india
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 08, 2004 04:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for han's     Edit/Delete Message
Hugs to you virgotaurustaurus..

I have a Taurus girl friend . I dont know about her birth chart, but i assure you taurians will give you more than enogh space needed

Dont think about the words spoken in anger, sometimes we just speak deliberately to hurt the partner.
Just keep yourself busy Rest time will heal

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moonbaby
Knowflake

Posts: 99
From: uk
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 08, 2004 05:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonbaby     Edit/Delete Message
honestly VTT, maybe he has strayed or has those confused feelings ...looking at the libra, sag in his chart....my mum's ex...a taurean, with a huge ego....started becoming really distant and blaming towards her after he strayed....he couldnt direct those feelings towards himself...

please dont shoot the messenger...but maybe it will help towards you resolving this for your sanity....

no to be too cliched...but this too shall pass

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miss_muffet
Knowflake

Posts: 235
From:
Registered: Mar 2004

posted November 08, 2004 07:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for miss_muffet     Edit/Delete Message
Never, never, never feel guilty leaving an abusive man!!!!

Remember that verbal abuse is still abuse. A person who has to belittle another to make himself feel good is NOT worth your time.

You have my support... for what it's worth.

Miss Muffet

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GemStar
Knowflake

Posts: 74
From: USA
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 08, 2004 08:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GemStar     Edit/Delete Message
What Miss Muffett said...Feel better!!

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Raleigh21
Knowflake

Posts: 34
From: Washington, DC USA
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 08, 2004 09:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Raleigh21     Edit/Delete Message
I agree with Miss Muffet, don't feel bad about him trying to return (at least not immediately), chances are that he's signed up for a new screenname because he thinks that he can see when you are online, but you won't be able to see when he is (your supposed to think that he is SO busy w/o you)...

...How do you get the IP tracker on AOL?

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 2414
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003

posted November 08, 2004 11:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Well I can see a big problem right here
venus in aries, venus in virgo
Venus in Virgo does not like to be pushed around, needs respect for career, work, admiration, Venus in Aries is more needy, clings, needs instant gratification, likes to be close to the partner. Can be abusive verbally if he/she feels the partner is holding out or leaving.
Basically Venus in Aries is mean when left, if it's mutual then it's just confusing.

I have Venus in Aries, and I got mean when my ex wanted to leave, which lead to a blow up. I can't help it, I need to know exact reasons right now. His Venus in Virgo didn't expect that and he prefers to be in control of his emotions and the situation. Do not worry about him bothering you, A Taurus with Venus in Aries will most likely forget the entire arguement and work on being with someone again soon.

I hate to say that, but he won't be alone for long, maybe to punish you, or to punish himself. Don't pay any attention. It won't last.
I have said myself many things that I didn'tmean in an argument. Relationships are basically nothing but a series of confrontations.

The good times are not as important as the breakups, do not let them get to you.

In the end ask yourself if his friendship is worthwhile to you, emotions aside. If it is, set ground rules for speaking to eachother, and give yourself a cooling off period of a few months, with no communication.

Good Luck,
Natasha
Taurus/Venus Aries
Cancer Moon

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astro junkie
Moderator

Posts: 5569
From:
Registered: Nov 2003

posted November 08, 2004 12:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
My body is so tired right now. But all I can say, is, try calling this 800 # -

*dammn - where did it go?*

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astro junkie
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Posts: 5569
From:
Registered: Nov 2003

posted November 08, 2004 03:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for astro junkie     Edit/Delete Message
1.800.500.1119

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chrissymgreen
Knowflake

Posts: 178
From: hurst, TX, USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 08, 2004 05:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for chrissymgreen     Edit/Delete Message
hey vtt,

i'm sorry to hear about your break-up - good god, they're rough, i know.

what natasha said is true about the venus in aries, i can confirm that knowing my sister, who i am very close to (but who drives me totally nutso sometimes), who has venus in aries. she can be very mean when angry...sort of biting and sarcastic, says whatever just 'cause she's all hot under the collar about something. she always says not to take her personally at times like that...i would imagine your ex did not mean the hurtful things he said this morning. he probably just got manipulative and weird because he knew he was losing you.


again, i'm sorry, and i'm sending you LOTS of good vibes!!


c

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 08, 2004 10:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Hey everyone! Thank you sooososososooo much for the support, I definitely need it! Today was a bit easier, but still down. Just trying to keep myself busy...

moonbaby: actually i'm glad you mentioned that he might have strayed, as analyzing that possibility has put things into perspective. It is actually quite likely, I was beginning to wonder if he just wasn't interested anymore, and wanted me to leave him, especially since HE kept asking me if we were breaking up!

Raleigh21: haha oh so wrong he is, I can see him if that's him! woohoohooo the IP tracker thing is here: http://r.imchaos.net/link/ you put in a link in your info or away msg...that's the only thing that sucks about it, the person actually has to click on the link you put in, rather than just viewing your info. But it's still fun!

sthenri: totally loved your reply, I like how it looks at this whole thing astrologically! What you said about how he won't be alone long out of punishment, I almost wonder if I was used as punishment towards his ex-gf!

AJ: I know that #! Not because of anything bad, but I know what it's for. Never know when or who is going to need that.

Everyone else, thank youuuuuu, definitely not the easiest of times and all support is awesome

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 09, 2004 04:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Wow so earlier I read a lot more about Venus in Aries on the msn groups interpretations, and it described Mr. Taurus perfectly, both posi and negative traits! I wish I had read it about a month ago, I may have run screaming while I was ahead. My Venus in Virgo just cannot deal with that. By reading the descriptions, it definitely sounds like he possibly strayed, I can't even imagine how or where he may have met another girl though, although online would not be out of the question since that's where he had met me.

However, I also keep reading that Venus in Aries is attracted to strong, bold, assertive and independent women. This makes me feel better about myself, hahaha!

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 2414
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003

posted November 09, 2004 01:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Most likely he only strayed in his mind, Venus in Aries isn't that good at deception physically speaking. After you are gone it's different. I have thought about straying many times in my head, but physically I will always go back to the one I'm with, whether he wants it or not.

Venus in Aries is very stubborn,
but you are right in that you must be a strong woman, the plus side is you could get him to anything you wanted, the downside is that he will always butt heads with you.

Natasha
Taurus

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lovely*
Knowflake

Posts: 278
From: CA
Registered: Jul 2003

posted November 09, 2004 01:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovely*     Edit/Delete Message

you are so young hunny, better this happened now. isn't it great we have astrology to help us understand ourselves?

i have venus in virgo also and i can be pretty apathetic when someone does me wrong. no negativity, no ill feelings, just forward-moving, you'll do just fine without him

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 10, 2004 12:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
sthenri: straying only in his mind definitely makes more sense. A friend of mine told me that we actually seemed "broken up" before we really had it out this last time. Really makes me sad to think that. So true that I could have him gotten me anything I wanted, I just hated asking!

lovely*: Thank you so much!! Haha I love that smiley. It makes me soooooo happy I have astrology to make sense of all of this mess! I'm glad it happened while I was still young too, lots to learn! Just makes me sad, but I'm definitely moving on way faster than any of my friends seem to have expected. Good ol Venus in Virgo, awww yeah hahaha!

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puppyblew
Knowflake

Posts: 178
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 10, 2004 04:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
yeah, VTT

i'm a taurus and have a penchant for calling/contacting people years down the road and expecting that they thought about me as much as i thought about them over the missed time.

if he does not contact you anytime in the future, don't feel scared to contact him. taureans are always glad to be contacted by an ex. they hate change. remember? that is key. they get b!tchy when faced with change. the more he becomes mean, the more you meant to him. the more he is trying to *hold* onto you in a sick bull way. (trust me - i have insight into this )

as for a first breakup - man, are they ever the worst. my breakup was not my first, but i thought it would be my last. we were going to be married. so, i spend each and every night crying into my pillow. but, i know that i will feel better in the morning. and i do. you need to trust that this horrible emotional feeling will gradually pass - and that each day you will feel just a little better. the pain subsides eventually. you will cry less. you will begin to think more rationally - and realize all of the things that you will definately NOT miss, instead of thinking about all the things you will miss. it will get better, dear! trust me.

as for mr. t. - don't let him puss you around with any verbal abuse just because he is scared of losing someone(you). and trust me, if you talk to him again he will probably be a terror claiming that you did not love him enough, ect. don't give in. the bull will have MUCH more respect for you if you retain your composure. if you decide to get back together, he will be the one coming to you. and it will teach him a lesson.

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 11, 2004 03:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
puppyblew I'm so glad you replied to this Yay for Taureans! I'm trying to remember, but I think it is you who has a b-day so close to my ex's. His is May 5, 1982.

Despite how crappy things got, and how crappy I feel right now, I have a tendency to contact people down the road, and I'm sure I will want to try with him, probably in a few months. He got pretty mean with me! He must have reeeaaally liked me

Maaann yeah, this first breakup...good god! I haven't cried yet, I'm not sure why not, but I'm feeling everything soooo intensely that I just have to sit down sometimes. I'm almost craving for the rational mind to be like, "HEY! It wasn't that great, cut it out!" hahaha.

Crap! I wish I knew that I could be headstrong/composed with a bull who is being nasty! I kind of backed down with him, but with most people, I can't be knocked down!

Soooo interesting . I just know with my history that I probably will try to contact him down the road, nasty response or not from him, he won't be able to get to me the next time if he does respond!

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sthenri
Moderator

Posts: 2414
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003

posted November 11, 2004 12:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
If Mr. Taurus was straying in his mind, he was subjected to some mind games I would guess. That would make him cranky and mean. Nothing makes a Taurus angrier than mind games, and Venus in Aries does not like to be submissive, or left out. So if there was someone else obviously that person was playing with him, and that would make him angrier. It's best to leave him to his hurt, while he works it out.

Chances are he tangled with a Scorpio or Cancer and got burned. The upside is that venus in aries never holds a grudge and remembers the steady people first, my Venus in Virgo ex always gets a birthday card first-he's like family. He never tried to control me except with love, but I get so screwed up with the Cancers and Scorpios in my life sometimes that I just get angry in general.

I always remember to shed a little love and light his way as soon as I think about it, but it took years to realize what stable people meant to me. And another 8 years before we became friends, intimacy makes Venus in Aries cranky, jealous, and out of control.

It's a good placement for a friend,
I make a MUCH better friend than lover, with men and women.

Natasha

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puppyblew
Knowflake

Posts: 178
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 12, 2004 10:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
vtt ~

oh, wow! yeah, my birthday is on may 4th 1982. how odd! his rising sign, venus and moon are in differant signs then mine... other than that.....we're the same!

vtt ~ i was just gonna write a post to you one here asking how you were doing. i guess because i'm hurt over a breakup i'm really feeling for you girl. i wish we could hang out or something. breakups require hanging out with girlfriends. i know you said that you were friends with this guy for awhile before you dated. my ex bf was my best friend and pretty much only friend. it's hard when your bf is your best friend and you have no one to talk to. i hope this is not happening with you, too.

it's funny. i saw your name (vtt) awhile back and thought "oh cool, i bet we have alot in common." you have taurus and virgo influences, and i am a taurus sun with a virgo moon and an earth sign rising (cappy.)
i would think with your double taurus influences, you would understand you mr. t. just as well as if you were a sun sign bull.

i was just thinking.... if you call him and act nice, he may act nasty still. you will be able to hear it in his voice if his is just masking sensitivity with his anger. i did that to an ex who acted nice to me who i still loved. we bulls are just stubburn and don't want to show any vulnerability when we are feeling threatened. sometimes to our better judgement, we lash out with nasty words when we really want to scream "i love you!." or just bear hug you. i've been noticing this in myself lately. it only happens when i get really emotionally hurt.


as for how to deal with breakups and the gross feelings of should we shouldn't we get back together..... i'm most likely going to post a long post on here soon about my ex. examining just these things. maybe you'd want to check it out. i don't feel like it right now.....blehh..... but maybe soon.

until then, keep us updated and much love!


~ puppy

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 355
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 13, 2004 04:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Yay! It's so neat to see that people I don't know very well actually care. That's happened a lot to me lately, I'm not sure if I've just finally opened myself up to others more, or that I just seem extremely vulnerable. Tonight I had 3 brand new people at a music show come up to me, start conversation, were interested in who I was...very strange to me! But nice. Then the 4th, was this musician I adore, I see him about once a year and I found out he is also going through a really tough breakup himself, so we talked about that.

Anyway...oh man, yeah I seemed to have taken a break from this thread...it's just really hard. I was sulking a lot this week. I'm really really hurt, which may seem weird since I was the one who left, and broke up with him, but I felt like it was over on his side before I said so myself. Going to that show tonight really helped me a lot. But it's going to take me a long time.

I wish we could hang out too! Yeah, I had been friends with this guy for 2 years. We were so soooo close, he knew more about me than anyone else. I really did feel like he was my soulmate, we totally understood each other. It's true what you said that I would understand mr. t just as well as if I was a sun sign bull, I actually come across to most people as a taurus! Especially when I first meet people. I always think of myself as reserved (virgo influence), but I'm really not, I'm actually quite friendly and talkative with new people. I do have 2 very close good friends, but they've both been busy and I have told them both that I've felt neglected so they've made a bit more effort. But I still feel pretty lonely anyway. I feel like I lost part of myself with mr. t since we shared so much in common.

Haha you and I probably share a ton in common too!! Virgo moon yay! And a different Venus Do you have Merc in Gemini too? I seem to really like that influence, I babble a lot about anything and can change subjects pretty fast.

So here is what I did, which made me feel better after reading that if I was acting nice he might be mean. But at the same time, I might have just really hurt him too, but I wrote him an email this morning, as I felt it was unfair of me to just leave and not really give him any reasons, and he really really demanded reasons. So, I wrote him an email with my reasons, but explained to him that I do still love him and miss him, but that these things were hurtful to me, and that I am concerned about some of them (his personality really seemed to change when he moved and started school), and that some of them also may hurt him in his future relationships. I really don't know how a bull would react to that, I mean, with my bull influences and that Virgo, I'd appreciate the honesty, but at the same time probably be like "oh man". haha! But hey, he really asked for reasons and he got them. That is, IF he reads it. Ever. So maybe I dug myself a deeper hole with him, but I do feel better, and I wish he'd read it and understand the way I meant all of it, because I truly think some of the ways he's acted will hurt HIM. The only thing is, I am now anxious and fearful of the response I may get haha oops.

I'd definitely like to see your post! We probably both need to purge our feelings about our ex's to feel a little better, and I may even be able to relate!

but yeah, I seem to be doing a bit better, having any support is always a good thing.

I'm going to run to bed though, as I feel really sick. blehhhh!!!

xoxo hope you are feeling a lil better too!!

-vtt

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puppyblew
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Posts: 178
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 14, 2004 04:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
hey vtt ~

sorry to see you are feeling sick. yuck.
hope you feel better soon.

yeah, i have merc. in gemini too.
i like this influence as well because it seems to really lighten up your thinking, which is a good thing when you are a triple earth. it tends to make me ramble on and on when i write posts that make no sense sometimes though.

i understand what you mean about not knowing if mr. t. will ever read your post. i had to do a similar thing last month. for all it's worth, it doesn't really matter if he does. if it gives you some peace and is something you need to do, then be it. you can lead a horse to water.....

if he does read it and gets mad, then so what? if he lashes out in an email back to him, tell him to take some time and think about what you said and email you again when he is more composed and has really thought out what he wanted to say.

personally, i think that email can be used as a tool to communicate better. you have more control over what you are saying when you have to actually write it out. and you can always go back and read how it will come off to someone else. ever go back and read what you wrote years ago? seems like it was someone else sometimes... see... i digress..
but really, maybe if you two communicate in email it will give you some much needed space to work out your difficulties. if it's one thing i learned, you actually have to work to break up a relationship. seriously, to do it right, you both need to talk about it.

ok. - i didn't mean to say "right" there in a pretentious way, but more as - if you want to get as much closure and learn the most about why it ended, ect. so you know come next relationship, i would recommend talking about it. and email would be something that would give you both the space and time to sort out your thoughts. and commuicate them when you are ready.

keep me updated on if he responds or not. we care here! i'm glad you have found so many supportive people lately. i guess it's sincronicity! yeah! and thanks for wishing me well!

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