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Author Topic:   can my life get any worse?
puppyblew
Knowflake

Posts: 207
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 19, 2004 01:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
i feel so horrible. can my life possibly get any worse? i know i posted about "should i get back with my libra" on the astrology forum. well, i decided that it might be good to talk to him to discuss it. i talked with his friend and he said that yes, i know he loves you and that you two were so good together and that i'm sure he would be more than happy to talk about maybe working things out.

well, i emailed the libra asking if we could talk and he replied. it was short and heartbreaking. he just said that we were not happy for the last few months and that he wants us to be happy and that there is nothing he can do and he is sorry. i just sat there and cried. i was so upset and mad.

the reason we broke up was because he got so weird the last year we dated. he only worked part time and would not get a full time job or go back to school even though his car was broken and he was starving from lack of money. he was starving and he still wouldn't get a better job. he would drive his car that didn't have a turn signal or break lights and then i had to worry that he would die everyday in a crash.

i had to do everything for him. he was so apathetic. i had to feed him. i had to fix his car - go buy the part, pay for it, and install it MYSELF!. i begged him to get counseling because he has depression and ocd and anxiety disorder. he would promise he would get help and then never do it. we were going to get married. i told him that i am not marrying someone who cannot take care of themself. i told him he needed to get a job so that we would be able to financially get married. he would not. it drug on for months. he got so apathetic that he stoped shaving and lived in a flea infested house. i couldn't stand to even be there anymore. you'd just get bit up. and then he told me that he was taking a bath and a flea washed off of him. sick. and guess what? he couldn't let it drown so he saved it by pulling it out of the water so it could go reproduce and make the house more flea infested making me not want to come over. he couldn't even get rid of the fleas for me. he would have like 20 on his leg biting them and would not kill them because he didn't want to hurt them. this is how sick he was. just sick. he just let life run straight over him. he wouldn't even fight back. not for him and not for me. it just proved to him he didn't love me.

so, i thought that maybe the time we spent apart would change something. then he emails me back and says that there is nothing he can do. that's bullsh1t! he chooses to do nothing. he led me on for 4 years that he wanted to marry me! i am dying here. he killed me. why do i deserve this? what did i do? why must he be this way? why must he only be happy when he is destroying himself? why can't he see he needs help? why can't he do it for me? why must i suffer? why does he not realize that by destoying himself he has destroyed me? why can't he see he CAN make me happy? why can't he see he has a choice to live? why? why? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? i am so mad. frustrated. destroyed. i gave everything to him. and he can't see he ruined me. he can't see that by backing out again he proves he does not love me.

i am so upset. i am crying.
all this is made even worse by the stupid cappy teacher situation in which i again was screwed over. why must everyone use me and hate me because i love them?

what is going on?
can someone PLEASE take a look at my chart and tell me what oh, WHAT is going on in my life? this can't all be from saturn transiting my 7th. when will it get better?

may 4th 1982 12:57 am york, pa.

please someone, anyone, help me. i'm lost. utterly destroyed and lost.

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virgotaurustaurus
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Posts: 401
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 19, 2004 01:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
I read this whole post and soooo much wish I could help. All I can do is relate in a sense though! Tonight was the worst I have felt since the breakup with Mr. Taurus, I just finally broke into tears for about an hour. Soooooo intense! I wonder if there was an influence floating by today where we both just felt like crap is at the bottom or if we just had a similar one in our charts. But I feel utterly destroyed too.

I also had 2 squares to natal planets by the Moon today which were very bad personally. Lots of arguements and bitterness.

*sigh* i wish I could help more, but I can't even look at a chart without getting upset, most I can handle is the msg boards. I just hope things start looking up for us both very soon!!! xoxo

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Johnny
Knowflake

Posts: 84
From: Colorado, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted November 19, 2004 01:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Johnny     Edit/Delete Message
Jeez, I'm sorry. That sucks. I'd try to take a look at your chart, but I don't have much experience with that, and I don't want to give you bad advice, so I'll leave it for the pros. But I'll keep you in my prayers.

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puppyblew
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Posts: 207
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 19, 2004 02:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
thank you both so much. you have no idea how much better it makes me feel that someone took the time to read this and respond. i can not express it in words. thank you.

i was just hoping i could get back with him, you know. it's like we broke up all over again. i just keep holding this hope, and everytime i see it crushed, i am crushed.

we had an awesome relationship for the first 3 1/2 years. then he changed. like i said, he just left those fleas suck on him. he knew he needed help and wouldn't do it for me or for himself.
when i was talking to his friend, he knew how mr. libra is and said it could kill anyone to deal with someone like that.

i just hurts so much when you say to someone that you must get help or it's over and they walk away. they don't love you enough to get help. i couldn't take it anymore. so, i left. he made ME leave. he made me do it then yet. he didn't even have the balls. he put all this guilt on ME for leaving. god knows i love him. i thought that leaving would give him a kick in the pants and he would realize i was serious about him getting help and his live together. i thought he would get a job and come running back proud and in love and ready to get married. he never did.

so, i thought that maybe something had happened and that we could talk and see how things were going because i knew when we broke up that i still wanted to be together. me leaving was a last resort for my own sanity and self preservation. so, when i say "can we talk?" he pulls this? he won't even talk to me. apparently i am completely forgotten. and my leaving was the end. he ended it. even if he made me do it. he ended it. why can't i just realize how much i am beating my head up against a wall? why am i so dumb?

it hurts so bad. i want to scream at him. i feel sick. curled up in a ball crying and feel sick. i feel so weak. there is nothing i can do. i can not help a sick person if they don't want help. i tried so hard to get him help. told him i'd take him, help him get aid for it. and what do i get in return? broken promises. you can't even imagine how much i did for him. like i said, he had nothing to eat and was sick and i feed him and brought him blankets to keep him warm. and he could not see that he needed to get a job that paid better - a full time job, even though he was starving. he said "i think i'm doing ok." it's just sick. just sick. i thought loosing me would wake him up. no, he has just become content to let me go. now he won't even consider getting back together. there is "nothing he can do". sure. because he doesn't want to or choose to. he knows what the conditions were. and now it's "i want us both to be happy and we weren't." and apparently he won't even try even though i wanted to talk and try.

such a payback. take my life. take my love. destroy me.


i don't know vtt. yes, maybe something is going on. i don't know how to link to our charts.
i posted our "stats" on the "should i get back to with my libra" thread.

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Johnny
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Posts: 84
From: Colorado, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted November 19, 2004 02:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Johnny     Edit/Delete Message
I keep trying to think of advice, but nothing I can think of sounds any good. The best I can offer is my sympathy - ooh, and telepathic positive energy! I so hope you feel better. Just give it time?

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puppyblew
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Posts: 207
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 19, 2004 03:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
johnny ~ your being here speaks more than any words or advice you could give. and it is massively appreciated.

let me know if i can ever return the favor. anytime, anywhere...

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Aquarian Girl
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Posts: 309
From:
Registered: Aug 2004

posted November 19, 2004 06:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aquarian Girl     Edit/Delete Message
I wish I could give you some great advice or look at your chart and come up with a miracle answer, but unfortunately there is none... because sweetie, you are heartbroken, and for that, there is no cure but time.

I have been in your shoes, where someone I loved walked away from me... and although I couldn't see it at the time, it was for the best. We have our karma to work out and the situation played out very strangely indeed, and looking back now, 3 - 4 years later... He took the wrong road... but ended up setting me on the RIGHT one. I wish it was the right one for him as well (my best friend... another Libra coincidently... still love him to pieces, but not romantically).

You can only do so much for someone, but if they do not want to help themselves, there is nothing to save them. I know you don't want to hear this, but it sounds like it is a blessing that you didn't marry him. Honestly, what kind of life could you have with someone like that? A marriage will work and be happy when two whole people come together and build a life together and help each other work towards their dreams. A marriage isn't going to work when there is one whole person and one half person, or two half persons... try to come together, and the stronger of the two is propping up the lame one, who isn't even motivated to provide the BASICS for HIMSELF... I know it hurts, but you must be able to see that being with him was not going to be blessed path for your life, you do see that, don't you?

I am so, so deeply sorry that you feel the way you do right now, I think there are few feelings worse than that in the world... And nothing but time can take it away {{{hugs}}}

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ghanima81
Knowflake

Posts: 475
From: Portsmouth,UK
Registered: Aug 2003

posted November 19, 2004 09:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message
Puppyblew,

I have just been through the exact same thing. I was with a Libra man whom I gave the world to, just hoping he would do the same. I gave up seeing my friends, family, or even going out of the house to make him happy. He did not return the favour, like, at all . Whatever it was that I saw in him when we first got together, was just a shrouded image of the man he really is. People don't change, they are always a certain way, but when we think we love them, we do not see these things. We think they are wonderful and perfect, and try our darndest to compromise a lot of ourselves in order to 'save' them. They cannot be saved by anyone but themselves. This is a hard lesson to learn (especially for me, aqua sun/leo moon), but it must be understood, or we will make ourselves bitter and sick with regret and eventual resentment towards the other person.

I learned a lot from this relationship, a lot of things about myself and the way other people work. I have to say that I have come out of it a much stronger and more self-possessed person. I'm not totally 'there' yet, but I have taken huge strides towards a better me. I hope this experience will teach you some lessons, that you will be able to come out of it looking at the positive things that you have come to understand. Also, depression is a mental illness, there is nothing you could do to help him, and if he will not go on his own to get some help, you cannot allow yourself to feel guilty about that, or even responsible for him, no matter how long you were together or what kind of connection you have/had. It is a Libran tendency to try and argue their way around things, so they don't have to take responsibility for what they feel, and it will leave you with deep rooted guilt. If this is one of your main reasons for still being so broken up about it, please try and find some inner peace with yourself, or it will take you much longer to get over it.

These are all the same things a very wise person told me, and things I have had to overcome in the past few months. YOU cannot possibly be asked to let another person drag you into their own pit of despair, no matter what the circumstances. You are the owner of your own self, and only you matter at the end of the day. (This must be sounding really Sagittarian, but hey, these ppl have done wonders for me lately)

Rember who you are, and love yourself above all else, that is what you need right now. And don't forget you have all of us here at LL to come to if you need anyone to talk to about it.

I wish you peace of mind and heart at this time of uncertainty...

Love and light, sister.

Ghani

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Yin
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Posts: 614
From:
Registered: May 2004

posted November 19, 2004 09:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message
I love what Aquarian girl and Ghani said.
Puppy, you can help someone only so much. If he doesn't want to be helped or change, it is time for you to step back and let him be.
Sounds like it is time for you to move on.
I've had my share of broken heart too. It hurts like hell, but like AG said - the only cure is time.
Know that you can rely on moral support here at LindaLand.

Hugs

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chrissymgreen
Knowflake

Posts: 200
From: hurst, TX, USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 19, 2004 09:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for chrissymgreen     Edit/Delete Message
hey pb,

i'll take a lookie at your chart later on today for you and see what i can see. i know it's not much, but it might help. i know, i understand.

sweetie, he sounds like a MAJOR energy vampire. dont let him get to you. i know that you guys were happy together once, but if he cant help himself, you cant do it all for him. youll die bending over backward!

take care and go do something just for you.

c

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LibraSparkle
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Posts: 3949
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted November 19, 2004 11:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
Aw Sweetie,

There's no cure for heartache. Each day gets easier... that's all there is. **hugs**

I would like to talk about your trying to fix him though. (Sorry, I haven't read the other replies yet... so I may be repeating something someone else has already said.)

You can't fix him, darlin'. No one can. He's got to fix himself. I think, by doing all of these things for him that he should have been doing for himself, you are enabling him... making it that much easier for him to continue to be unhealthy.

Libras can definitely go through lazy spells. Believe me, I know What they really need is a kick in the @ss to get them moving again... not someone to do everything they should be doing for them.

I'm totally assuming here, so please correct me if I'm wrong... Do you have a tendency to allow people to walk on you? Always the giver, never the taker? You hurt my feelings... I'm gonna keep my mouth shut?

Until you break this cycle of *fixing people*, it's going to continue to grow. You'll keep finding men who need *fixing* and falling for them. I like to call it a broken picker. Sounds like your picker is broke, and you've got to fix it, sweetheart. You are your picker.

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KarenSD
Knowflake

Posts: 493
From: San Diego CA USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 19, 2004 12:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarenSD     Edit/Delete Message
Dearest puppyblew,

I certainly don't feel ALL male Libras are bad news, but my last relationship of 3 years was with one who, as I would later find out, has Narcissistic Personality Disorder as well as Antisocial Personality Disorder.

I spent the good part of those three years trying to "fix" what was wrong (I had no idea that there is no fixing these kind of things, at least not unless one is a trained pro and even then, it's an uphill battle) with him.

It's been over a year since the relationship's been over.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER!

I gave him - HIM, the one who was always looking for a job, not that he really WAS! -thousands upon thousands of dollars to fix his car, fix his teeth, feed him and clothe him, to pay for his children's schooling, financed his "art" - on my very meager, measly paycheck! And I was emotionally abused, had very serious physical problems that unfortunately are still with me today and will always be a part of my life because of things he did not tell me about HIMSELF, I was treated like the forgotten enemy and not the loving g/f I truly was to him, but thankfully my emotions are healed!

The best thing to do is have a good cry for as long as you need to (minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months if need be), then when you are ready (and you WILL be ready!!!), you WILL spread your wings and FLY and be FREE!

Get to know yourself again and then you WILL find love when the time is right. And I pray it is with somebody who's good for YOU!

I shall be thinking of you as you heal.

Hugs,
Karen

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 5004
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted November 19, 2004 02:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Can your life get any worse?

Yes, yes it can.

Can your life get any better?

Yes, yes it can. And it will.

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moonbaby
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Posts: 189
From: uk
Registered: Oct 2004

posted November 19, 2004 03:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonbaby     Edit/Delete Message
like everyone is saying puppyblew...you can only do so much. your going to look back on today and it will be a distant memory.

he is not your burden and he needs to love himself first before he can give you what you need, and deserve.

youve tried to change him, you dont want him completely out of your life...so the only thing i guess you can do is to emotionally detached from the situation and let him grow himself.

it will be good soon.....big kiss to you....X

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puppyblew
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Posts: 207
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 19, 2004 04:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
i just wanted to tell everyone that i have read what you have written and appreciate it more than you will ever know. at this time it is too overwhelming to respond. i have been openly crying as i read through them. i will think about what everyone has said and will get back to you all.

thank you, my friends at lindaland!

sincerly,
puppy

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sthenri
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Posts: 2505
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003

posted November 19, 2004 04:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
You lost me with the fleas, This Sixth House Sun, with Virgo Stellium and MIdheaven will not tolerate FLEAS!!!!!!!!!

YUCK!
He's sending a message that he wants to live with fleas, okay let him. Friendships grow and change, give him time but don't stick around.

Fleas!!!!!!!!!!!

Natasha

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chrissymgreen
Knowflake

Posts: 200
From: hurst, TX, USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 19, 2004 05:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for chrissymgreen     Edit/Delete Message
natasha - i KNOW! isnt that gross? fleas. its got me itching myself now as we speak. (or ok, as i type, rather.)

anyways, pb, i did look at your chart, i didnt check your transits but i noticed something interesting that maybe somebody else can elaborate on: your north node is almost exactly conjunct your descendant. in CANCER. definitely a mothering, helping, nurturing sign. your NN doesnt actually fall in your 7th house, it's in your 6th, but it's still conjunct because its only 2° away. and gem nymph says that when its that close, it can operate from both houses. so...its easy to see you might have some things to work through with relationships, and believe me, coming from a 5th house aquarian NN, i know. but the good news is knowing is half the battle! well, ok, it's at least 38% of the battle.

hang in there, toots. youll make it through (even if it seems like you wont now).

-c

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sassygrrrl
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Posts: 147
From: U.S.A.
Registered: Aug 2004

posted November 19, 2004 06:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sassygrrrl     Edit/Delete Message
{{{HUGS}}} Sweetie

I agree that you should try to hang in there. You are a strong and beautiful woman who certainly deserves better. I haven't had a chance to look at your transits, but I just wanted you to know that I'm sending some positive vibes and prayers your way.

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Johnny
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Posts: 84
From: Colorado, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted November 19, 2004 10:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Johnny     Edit/Delete Message
Looks like the experts have arrived!

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puppyblew
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Posts: 207
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 20, 2004 02:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
hi all.

i'm feeling alittle better. i've still been crying all today, but i'm feeling better.

i wrote mr. libra another email that suggested we talk again. i understand now that we will not get back together, but i need to hear him say it and express my feelings to him. i'm hoping that doing this will help me get over some things. i will wait to hear what he says to all that.

i'm trying not to think too much yet. i'm just putting that part of my brain on numb until i can talk to him and let it all out.

yes!, it does seem the experts have arrived! and just in time! "sees a white knight charging with reserves behind him." or should i say her?


chrissymgreen. thank you soooo much for looking at my chart. i never thought about my NNode being in my 7th in cancer. it's funny because this libra has cancer rising and a cappy moon. and the cappy teacher i mentioned briefly has cancer rising as well! i swear, i attract cancer guys like flies. i actually had two ask me out on the same day years ago. and the were born on the same day (july 1st) then yet! spooky!

so, on a sadder note, does this mean that saturn is sitting over both my 7th house and my NNode?

i don't know. also, i'm a number 4, born on the fourth and i think that has something to do with it. on my birthday this year, there was an lunar eclipse. i turned 22 then yet (4!) i almost broke up with mr. libra on that day. this birth year has just been the worst. i remember when we almost broke up that day and i was crying and upset and went to leave my house and literally fell on my face. it hurt.

i thought of that today because i was just beginning to feel somewhat better and went to come down stairs and fell down like 5 steps. banged myself up pretty bad. i have big burn on my elbows that came close to bleeding. it hurt my hips too.

i just wonder what the universe is trying to tell me when i suddenly fall flat on my face. i mean like i didn't know i already did! does it have to show me that PHYSICALLY? geesh.

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MysticScorpio
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Posts: 16
From:
Registered: Nov 2004

posted November 20, 2004 10:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticScorpio     Edit/Delete Message
Hey PuppyPew, Im new here but I feel like I have to add smthg to wht every1 else said, that's not to say it wasn't all gr8 advice...but the thing is, u need 2 realize that it's NOT U, it's HIM. U are way too young 2 beat urself up like that...I know it seems hard 2 imagine now, but u have 2 BELIEVE that someday, somewhere out there there is a gr8 guy who is WORTHY of ur love. If talking to libra again will give the closure u need, then go ahead, do it, but don't expect him 2 change. I am sorry sweetie if I am a bit blunt, it's jst that it makes me sad 2 c beautiful strong girls waste there love on ppl like that. A big warm hug from me, take care.
PS I dnt know if I missed it or wht but I'm not sure wht ur sun sign is?
L.S

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sthenri
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Posts: 2505
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: May 2003

posted November 20, 2004 12:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sthenri     Edit/Delete Message
Right now it's pride hurting, and the fear of being alone again, but remember that he loves you underneath just can't be with you in a romantic sense. There is someone out there for him, who is a better match, and the same for you.

You will find someone who is head over heels, in love with you, who treats you well,

Natasha

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KarenSD
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Posts: 493
From: San Diego CA USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 20, 2004 02:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KarenSD     Edit/Delete Message
As the brilliant sthenri said so right-on:

SOMEONE

WHO

TREATS

YOU

WELL!!!

That is so so so so SO very important.

For you, puppyblew - and for ALL of us!

Love,
KarenSD

P.S. puppyblew, it is especially crucial right now that you take EXTRA good care of yourself physically. When we are feeling sad, down, dejected, hurt, it is not only the mental/emotional pain that we are dealing with. We tend to get more clumsy and klutzy and forgetful about things. So take things slow and easy and keep being good to yourself, don't get down on yourself right now, watch your steps and your physical self a little more carefully and make certain you treat yourself like the queen you truly are! Be extra good to you right now! It's really more than OK to do that!

*HUGS puppyblew*

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puppyblew
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Posts: 207
From: usa
Registered: Jul 2004

posted November 20, 2004 04:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for puppyblew     Edit/Delete Message
i'm a taurus. the sign that hates change and never gets over people.

i thought i was doing better, but then last night i went to this site where we had both had virtual pets. i got his pet something a few days ago and wanted to see if he had used it, liked it, ect. when i went there, i found that he had deleted his pet. i knew he loved that thing. it was just like someone had stuck a knife in me. i didn't know what to do or think. he still didn't email me back. i don't even know where he lives anymore because he never comes home anymore. it's just like i was suddenly deleted. i no longer exist. i'm a ghost. he won't even acknowlege i'm alive. how can it be so easy for him to forget?

i'm just sitting here thinking, how comes he can be so nice to a flea, and not hurt it, but "save" it, and then turn around and hurt me so bad? i just cannot understand.

i feel like i'm dead. seeing that he just deleted his pet and the things i got for him and how easy it was to do was seriously like i had just been stabbed in the gut.
i paniced. yeah, did i mention i suffer from anxiety disorder and depression too?
i contimplated just dunking me head under water and seeing how long i could hold it there. to see if i could overcome that reflex that makes you come up for air and save yourself. i felt so dead and dumbfounded that i thought i might be able to do it.
i contimplated commiting.. well, you know...

today i wake up and still no message. still i am dead. still i don't exist.

there is no way to even be alone in my house, except for in my room. my mother was keeps asking me dumb, pointless questions and humming as she walks around. i want to scream. i guess i'll just go back up to my room and sit on my bed and stair at the wall. i can't do anything else. i can't understand.

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purple_scorp
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Posts: 124
From: Australia
Registered: Sep 2004

posted November 20, 2004 08:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for purple_scorp     Edit/Delete Message
Hi puppy,

I read both tarot and oracle cards and I was wondering if you would like me to do you a reading?

It might help you to understand what purpose he has served, or is serving, in your life and give you some clues as to where your future is headed?

purple_scorp

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