posted February 25, 2005 09:27 AM         

What does help, is for you to focus on yourSelf now. You've put so much into
trying to make him happy; now it's time for you to make yourself happy. Determine
to yourself that you WILL be happy no matter what; put that at the top of your
priorities list, and do whatever it takes, whether it's painting, dancing, or going
out with girlfriends. For, once you inject happiness into your life, you'll see
that it draws even MORE happiness to you. It's worked for me. Strange as it
seems, it's happy that gets more happy, and oftentimes, riding on the wings of that
happiness comes love, success, and much more. Happiness expressed is so infectious,
it draws people to it like a magnet. Your ex has been through such
rough times, i can almost guarantee that he'll find it intriguing to see you
radiating this positivity.

Now, about your ex, I must say, he sounds confused. He definitely does not want to
let go of you (that's why the daily emails/IMs), but he's hesitating to get into a
relationship as before. Maybe he doesn't feel like he's in that place as yet, and
hasn't taken care of all the issues you'd wanted him to. He's also probably a bit
intimidated by you, since you're the one person who sees him so very clearly. If
he's
not fixed it all, he'd naturally be reluctant to let you see him before he's ready.
That he's emailing and chatting more than talking in person suggests that. So, I'd
leave the ball in his court, as far as that goes. Make like you're very busy; that,
combined with the happy new you is sure to have him realize how much he misses you
(and what guy wouldn't miss a gf like you?) , and make him want to hurry up his
journey so he can knock down your door and beg you to squeeze him in your schedule!

So, in short, Puppy, get a "happy makeover", and enjoy all that comes your way.
Promise me you will. Now, take care of yourself, y'hear?

posted February 25, 2005 11:20 AM         

Puppy, try turning your energy towards yourself. Try to feel positive.. Look at yourself in the mirror and say “You are wonderful. I love you”. Smile to yourself. Stop revolving around him... Focus on yourself. You need all that power to get up, to recover. What Sunshine says it´s true, happiness attracts mor happiness, light attracts more light and so on. People get drawn to you when you irradiate positivism. I believe your aura changes its vibration...

Go shopping, go out with the girlies, get a new hairdo... Smile... Laugh... Force yourself to see the beauty around you...

posted February 25, 2005 03:22 PM         

Go to a play, or the opera, release
express your emotions, bitter, happy, sad, so you can sort out what you want

posted March 20, 2005 01:16 AM         

when i wrote and it didn't post, i wanted to say that i was doing exactly what all the lovely people on here were telling me to do - have fun, enjoy life and myself. put out positivity and you will find it comes back threefold. i've always believed that, and was doing exactly that - my thoughts were, who wouldn't want to be with a happy person who loves life and finds you, yes, you! to be an amazing person for just being yourself?
well, apparently he doesn't get it.

i found out he had been talking to other girls on his buddy list and i just felt like crap. i confronted him, not because i didn't think he should be talking to anyone else, i mean - we haven't been going out in forever, but because he kept leading ME on!
i stopped writing him again - for a week and he again - wrote back asking how i was, etc.
so, i go over to his house and say why do you just keep leading me on? you know how i feel. you know what you are doing. he said he never meant to and only wrote me cause i would apparently "freak" out if he didn't.
so, i was like umm... I stopped writing to YOU 3 times!!! you started it up again! did i freak out? uh...

so, i told him this was crap and asked one more time if he loved me and he said flat out no. fantastic. i cried again in front of him for 2 plus hours and said everything i had said before. why? why? don't you get that your mother abandoned you and moved away and it hurt you so much and then you go and do the same thing to me? don't you understand how much i love, love, love, you? and only ever wanted to give you a perminant home, perminant love, etc.?

well, surprise, surprise, he responded the exact same way - dead.
i told him that the only reason i was leaving was because he asked (he didn't technically tell me to go, but said he didn't love me) me to. i said i would never contact him again. speak to or see him. i said he know how i feel (he'd better! good lord!) and that he knows what i want, so i left the door open for him to contact me again... he hasn't ofcourse.

so, when i left, i said "you know, you don't even have one picture of me."
when i walked out the door he didn't even look at me.
sigh... why do i deserve this? it's so horrible. how can someone act his way?

so, since then, i've felt better because i know now that the end is final. it's no more i have to read emails that lead me on and make me feel crumby the rest of the day.

BUT - this is what i wanted to tell you guys - you know how much i love this guy - and i've learned if that means letting him go - so he can be happy, so be it.
i've been sending him light and love with all my power. i've been feeling massively better lately and feel like i have healed. i'm taking my love for life that i've learned from just knowing him and radiating it throughout my being. i send him it in bunches of light filled balloons, etc.

i've found that i "psychicly" pick up a telephone and call him and talk to him. is this silly? i so miss him and talking to him, that it makes me feel so much better - to talk to the "him" i know - not the depressive, mean, selfish one he is now.
i talk to him and send him light and always listen for him to speak back to me - because we did this when we dated - we were very in tune.
well, the first day i tried "calling" him up i had a dream where a phone was ringing and i answered it and there was no sound. i said hello and was about to say "speak, or else i'm hanging up" and all of the sudden i heard his voice saying "sweetie?"
it was AMAZING! i half woke up because it sent me somewhat into an astral projection state when i realized it was my honey. i just smiled. i can't even discribe it.

when he ran away and didn't want to talk to me, i contacted him in a dream and he said "i'm trying to love you."
i also have a spooky story about contacting him on aim when i didn't even know his new name. it's creepy. so, i told him when that happened that i felt as if even though he ran off and wouldn't talk to or look at me and would be totally cold to me, that he was really reaching out - and wanted to speak with me - otherwise these things wouldn't happen. (the instant message thing was all him psychicly)

what are anybodies thoughts on this?
i don't know if i will ever see or talk to him again.
i feel like sending him love makes me feel better. all i ever want is to give him love, and i can do it with out hurting him (i always say he can accept it or turn it away when i send it - like putting my "name" on the balloon/present, etc. and if he wants to open it, he can.
i wonder if he gets any of it?
does he realize he talks to me in my dreams?
is this just me making up things, or is it really him?

i feel that i will contact him again (physically) in a few months because i don't like how things ended - it feels negative to me. and i feel like me sending him all the happiness and joy of life i can, will somehow help heal this horrid wound with someone i love more than ANYTHING.

posted March 20, 2005 02:38 AM         

Firstly I want to join in with everyone and let you know how brave, wonderful, beautiful you are. I havent seen you but I believe Ive seen just a bit of your soul and that is big enough to make me say that. Loving selflessly is something that is rare but much needed nowadays, I Can relate, I talked to Natasha endlessly once about my Leo lol, well I still call him my Leo, he will always be my boo you know, but he's really not mine anymore, we were together for six years, he was my first love too, it was very rough, and I honestly have still not let go, its been four years, since he got married, occasionally he will drop a formal email signed from him and his wife, whom he loves dearly (im happy for that), or him and his wife will stop by for dinner etc., but I still have dreams about him and other feelings that perhaps you would call psychic.

I guess my Air*ness would just say its my subconcious, my love that will never die for him, he can mask the flame but he can't put it out, you can shut your eyes to rays of light but you can't make them go away.

Every relationship since then has been rocky and unhealthy for me because I have never been so compatible with anyone as I was with him.

I can totally relate to your emotions, I can't tell you it will feel better because i don't feel any particular 'healed' feeling at the moment, so I would be lying if I told you it will definitely heal. It will probably heal, how long it takes depends on your strength of character and hopefully on the fact that you are a beautiful wonderful sensible girl who many many men will pursue, and you will be sensible enough to be open to options, and not bitter like myself (still bitter here!) and reject the good ones even!

Well you know being single has this addictive charm, so does being flirtatious, so I guess I am enslaved by this lifestyle that I so love too But when I think of men, I Can only think of my Leo, no one else...

At the risk of going against everyone else, I want to say for you to not send positive love/energy his way....

I know it sounds horrible, but you must understand my motivation for saying so. It is not out of spite, but out of what I think is the logical consequence of this relationship where this Libra guy turned stone cold unemotional on you--something that you must come to terms with (why do Libra men have the tendency to do this?). Do understand taht you were trying to put life back into a corpse, the relationship had really become a corpse because he had cut off his side, but it took you longer to realize it, it was very painful, believe me I have been there.

Sending positive energy sounds dandy but I think this unevolved Libra needs to develop his own energy. And the more you think about him, even sending him positive energy as subconciously, the harder it will be to let go.

Think of him as anyone else, the guy in the grocery store, the man driving on the freeway, anyone but who he was. Think of him as a normal human being who you do not know, just the average nice person. Do not send him anything; right now you need your energies for your healing.

This man couldn't detect positive energy if it slapped him in the butt because he isn't feeling love right now (his receptors aren't on), until he loves again he cannot be open to that.

There is a saying in my language: Playing an instrument to serenade the cow; it loosely translates to the concept that it is so absurd to try to serenade a cow, which is essentially unmoved by serenading, that it is a waste of time, and energy.

Now plz ppl understand the metaphorical meaning of that and dont bombard me with scientific evidence of how listening to Bach made cows happier or something. Thats obviously not my point here.

I dont know if you get what Im saying or not puppyblew,

ask me for clarification if you want,

but I hope you kind of understand.