posted April 08, 2005 12:32 AM         

We see each other from late Saturday night until Tuesday night, but we have work and school in there, so it's not a continuous thing. Then from Tuesday night through late saturday we only have the telephone, so it feels like all the intimacy we create while we're together disappears. I could keep it up through phone calls and emails, but not when he's discussing work, work, work, and more work, and when I try to have some kind of intimate conversation with him, i feel like i'm intruding on his groove. The worst part is that we run into the same old problem... i kind of become a little distant (not mad, just fire-squelched) and he wants to know what's wrong, so i tell him without placing blame, very objectively, and then all hell breaks loose. (He has an aries moon and lots of libra, so we're dealing with a guy who doesn't like to rock the boat or have the boat rocked, and wants it executed perfectly, and when that doesn't happen KA-BOOM!) So that's my round and round and round predicament!

posted April 08, 2005 07:48 PM         

*I actually had to breakup what I wrote into two pages because it wouldn't send it being so long. Does that ever happen to you? Anyway this and the next post are one...

Aww so your guys a work-aholic too..I'm so sorry I know what you mean when you said when you try to be intimate with them and you can just sense that their mind is on work or other Virgo worries. Even though they don't mean to do that to us, it still hurts and feels like rejection. Today when he was on MY laptop at MY house, he started ignoring me again..then I did this cute pout thing that I do, and I was like "your neglecting your baby!!" and he was like "ohh I'm sorry I don't even realize when I do it", so then he was much more loving. I'm sure that will lose its effectiveness soon though and he'll start ignoring that too, but until then..I'll use the pout. I know he truly doesn't mean to ignore me, its just the idea that he puts sooo much time and energy into his work that I am almost jealous of it sometimes. And like I said, I just don't comprehend work coming before your love life.

And oooohh boy do I feel you when you say you get distant sometimes when your fire is squelched and he takes so badly!!! I can't say that my indifference is no cause for concern, but if it is left alone and he makes up for it later then it can easily pass. But yea if I start being distant, right away he's like "what did I do now??" I'm like nothing, just leave me alone!! because of course the last thing I want to do is explain whats wrong when he asks me like that! I totally understand where your coming from there!!

Well today he actually surprised me after school and came over. I say Actually because he never surprises me, so that was really nice And of course it felt like a special treat because he never does it...I remember some of my exes that would surprise me all time did not get the same reactions from me. Poor guys, no wonder men are confused about women

posted April 08, 2005 07:49 PM         

Well I've got to get going, plus I've hit my 4 paragraph mark..so talk to you soon sweets.

posted April 13, 2005 08:48 AM         

Annnnnnnnnnd... your story about you and your guy is beautiful! That was certainly some leap of faith for you. Don't those leaps make everything matter so much more? I'm still wondering about your placements. Are they already posted somewhere? I hope things are still looking up for the two of you.

posted April 14, 2005 04:11 PM         

Future, I'll have something for you tonight k

posted April 17, 2005 02:46 PM         

Is that last post of yours still current? I cannot believe how much you two sound like me and my guy!!! We're so happy and together one week, then we remember again how different we are and break up the next. Whenever people ask me how we're doing...if it's good, I'm like "I don't want to say because I might jinx it". Ugh what a rollercoaster ride with these Virgos! If you two are still broken up, I'm sorry to hear that sweety. I know what you mean when you wonder if its you that should change your percpective or have the same expectations you had before you met him. But that is soo true, following your heart is always best..I think. Well, let me know how you two are now. I would've gotten back sooner, but this weekend was another rollercoaster ride with him and I just haven't been home at all.

well we decided that we were going to try to make this more casual for a while, so that I don't bring so much intensity to the relationship. He said he already feels very strongly about me and he really loves me, but that he can't express his feelings in passion or intensity. So I was like I can't keep being the only one to feel this way, its no fun to feel your the only one who wants to be romantic and loving. I decided to try living more like a college student and making more friends and hanging out with the ones I have to feed that passionate side of me and see where things go him. He said he thinks he just may need more time to feel the way I do because he's never known a love deeper than this, so he doesn't know what hes aiming for with us. But I've fallen really deep in love before and of course it was magical, so right away I wanted that with him and gave my heart to him in ways he probably couldn't imagine. I just realized that it might be a while before he returns that kind of love to me, and I don't want to sit around moping until then, so I'm going to try to put less energy into us and more into my friends and school. It will be very hard, given that its also my nature to want to be really romantic and I may end up meeting someone else, but at least I tried right. I just can't take the way this has been hurting my confidence, so I'm giving up. I was hot and now I'm kind of cold..in love, I only know those two temperatures.

As for our placements, I actually don't have my birth time yet because I lost my original birth certificate, but I'll give you what I have of mine:

Sun~ Leo
Moon~ Taurus
Mercury~ Virgo
Venus~ Virgo
Mars~ Cancer
Jupiter~ Sag
Saturn~ Libra
Uranus~ Sag
Neptune~Sag
Pluto~ Libra
N Node~ Gemini

Asc~ By estimating my birth time I think its Libra.

His birth data: (check out how much Virgo and Cancer he has!! I'm sure now you can see our difficulty )

Asc ~Cancer
Sun~ Virgo
Moon~ Cancer
Mercury~ Virgo
Venus~ Virgo
Mars~ Cancer
Jupiter~ Leo
Saturn~ Virgo
Uranus~Scorpio
Neptune~ Sag
Pluto~Libra
N. Node~ Virgo

posted April 17, 2005 10:32 PM         

I could have written that post myself, honest to god. The similarities between us are insane! I've even said the same thing to him... let's make this casual-- even to the point of using the words "like college students." Wow! Because I, like you, only know two temperatures. I can't tell you how glad I am to have gotten in touch with you because just knowing that I'm not crazy goes a long way to helping me deal with this rationally. (As rationally as I can, anyway!)

Word for word, I mean it. Same here. Technically we're together, but struggling. As far as your charts go, have you gone to astro.com? It's pretty comprehensive. It's a cool site and you should check it out if you haven't already. I'm a newbie at this, too, but I can read a little bit. I have lots of books that help me out. Once I can see the charts, maybe we can work on them a bit together. We'll both learn something!

We got together a year ago and when we did I was listening to John Mellencamp a lot. There was one song that really made me think of our relationship and still does. Last week we saw him in concert and he played that song. It was an amazing moment for me. It's "Ain't Even Done With the Night," and here are the lyrics for you:

********************************************

Well our hearts beat like thunder
I don't know why they don't explode
You got your hands in my back pockets
And Sam Cooke's singin' on the radio
You say that I'm the boy who can make it all come true
Well I'm tellinya that I don't know if I know what to do

Chorus:
You say that's all right, hold tight
Well I don't even know if I'm doin' this right
Well all right, hold tight
We can stay out all day or we can run around all night
Well all night, all night
Well it's time to go home
And I ain't even done with the night

Well I don't know no good come-ons
And I don't know no cool lines
I feel the heat of your frustration
I know it's burnin you up deep down inside
You say that I'm the boy who can make it all come true
Well I'm tellin ya that I don't know if I know what to do

Chorus

********************************************

I love this song!

Anyway, please keep me posted. And if you go to astro.com, post up your chart info for me, or give me your birth data. BTW... how did you decide that your asc might be libra? Do you know approximately when you were born or is it a gut feeling? You said you lost your birth certificate, but you should be able to request a duplicate if you want to be sure!

Take care, sweetie!

posted April 20, 2005 09:14 PM         

Sorry again for the late post, I've been super busy. I'm really glad I met you too because for a while there I was really wondering what was wrong with me. He has a tendency to make me feel like I'm crazy sometimes, I guess because he's ultra normal It is helpful to know I'm not alone in my frustrations, nobody else can quite relate to this. So thank you

I haven't gone to astro.com yet, I was waiting until I got my birth certificate. I am planning to, I guess I just got caught up with my bf and school. It would be cool though to compare charts with you, so I'm tempted to order it now. You motivated me.

So yea we're still in casual mode and its actually working out better for me. I feel more whole with this new freedom in my life. I've been going out and making friends and just spending less time thinking about him and our problems and its not only helping my confidence and alleviating my frustrations, but its making me a better person when I'm with him. The one thing I am concerned about though is that no matter how hard I try to fool myself, I'm a hopeless romantic and if I meet a sweet romantic guy that I have a connection with, I might just give up on Esteban (my bf) to pursue a deeper love. But at least I'm not going crazy waiting for him to feel all passionate with me. I needed a break from being in that vulnerable position, you know? I'm sick of asking for him to feel a certain way about me, it makes me feel so powerless sometimes. So I'll let you know how this new found freedom I have works out or if I bail out for a more romantic ...fire sign maybe? hehe

So whats new with you guys? Or should I say, how's are you balancing your needs this week? Learn any new strategies? There must be somekind of formula or something for this fire/ Virgo (earth) relationship. Others have achieved harmony in the past, haven't they?

Thanks for telling me about that song, I had never heard it. The words hit very close to home

Well talk soon sweets. Hope your having a good week.

posted April 21, 2005 10:27 PM         

It's good that you're not dwelling on the problems within your relationship and instead you are taking care of you. I know that can't be easy, because on one hand, part of you may feel like you're giving up. But perhaps you can think of this phase of your relationship as a time of looking into yourselves, but still holding on to one another, even if with some distance for the time being. Since you've been doing this, how have you been feeling? Have you come across any synchronicities or coincidences that tell you something about the path you've chosen?

It seems that for me, when I take time away from my life and go off on my own for a while, I notice all kinds of things that I normally don't. Sometimes these things provide clues as to what I really need to be doing in my life right then. Does this make sense?

And how is he taking it? One of the hardest parts of dating a Virgo for me has been those times when I feel so discouraged that I distance myself, subconsciously hoping that he'll pull me back. In those situations he has always said that my pulling away indicates to him that I don't want him around, so he doesn't come around. I can see both sides of this, but I am more familiar with my side. I also had to realize that I couldn't just stick around to make him feel secure, either. Sometimes it takes a bit of earth shifting to bring things into sharper focus.

posted April 26, 2005 03:05 PM         

I didn't see that you posted until today because I thought my last post made it 11. Sowie

Well I'm still keeping the distance between us and it seems everyday gets clearer and clearer. I'm starting to see what part of my being with Esteban is from love and what part was familiarity. I know that I still love him, but I somehow feel more independant now. I feel that I have my power back and if we hit rock bottom again, I will be able to recognize it for what it is and leave.

And yea its funny that you mentioned the sychronicities...I have noticed them!! As soon as I told Esteban I wanted to be casual, I've been meeting so many people! Like for instance the day after we decided it, I was just shopping in the grocery store (health food) and this really friendly, spiritual looking guy (with yoga pants on) told me I had a nice vibe and he wanted to get to know me..so we exchanged numbers on a friendship basis and he's now a friend of mine Also I just got a new roommate that I've been going out with lately and meeting people through her. Its just really cool because I felt so alone before and I realized that is a lot of the reason I was so dependant on my Virgo.

He's actually being quite understanding through all of this considering we changed the "rules" of the relationship so much. I know he doesn't like me to go out dancing without him (so I don't do it very often) but he's dealing with it. Though he keeps asking if I really love him and he's been asking for more reassurance. I understand though because he's just not used to this big change. All of sudden I have another life outside of him.

At this point I think our relationship is the healthiest its been in a while, but I don't if we were meant to be. As I'm seeing things with more clearity, I realize I was holding on for a lot of the wrong reasons, so now its a test of my love. I think as long as he wants to try and show me that he loves me, I will put my best into it and see what happens. I hope his feelings don't change as I grow more independant. Its such a balancing act!

Oh and I forgot to mention I guessed my asc was Libra because I know my birth time is between 8 and 11 in the morning on my B-Day (August 1 1983) so that makes it either Virgo or Libra...I guess it could also be Virgo, but I don't want it to be!! You can understand why

Ok enough about me, so what's going on with you guys??? Tell me all about it. Are you together now? If so how's it going? Oh and we can compare charts soon, because I'm ordering my birth certificate today before I forget. I can't wait!

posted April 26, 2005 03:06 PM         

I didn't see that you posted until today because I thought my last post made it 11. Sowie

Well I'm still keeping the distance between us and it seems everyday gets clearer and clearer. I'm starting to see what part of my being with Esteban is from love and what part was familiarity. I know that I still love him, but I somehow feel more independant now. I feel that I have my power back and if we hit rock bottom again, I will be able to recognize it for what it is and leave.

And yea its funny that you mentioned the sychronicities...I have noticed them!! As soon as I told Esteban I wanted to be casual, I've been meeting so many people! Like for instance the day after we decided it, I was just shopping in the grocery store (health food) and this really friendly, spiritual looking guy (with yoga pants on) told me I had a nice vibe and he wanted to get to know me..so we exchanged numbers on a friendship basis and he's now a friend of mine Also I just got a new roommate that I've been going out with lately and meeting people through her. Its just really cool because I felt so alone before and I realized that is a lot of the reason I was so dependant on my Virgo.

He's actually being quite understanding through all of this considering we changed the "rules" of the relationship so much. I know he doesn't like me to go out dancing without him (so I don't do it very often) but he's dealing with it. Though he keeps asking if I really love him and he's been asking for more reassurance. I understand though because he's just not used to this big change. All of sudden I have another life outside of him.

At this point I think our relationship is the healthiest its been in a while, but I don't if we were meant to be. As I'm seeing things with more clearity, I realize I was holding on for a lot of the wrong reasons, so now its a test of my love. I think as long as he wants to try and show me that he loves me, I will put my best into it and see what happens. I hope his feelings don't change as I grow more independant. Its such a balancing act!

Oh and I forgot to mention I guessed my asc was Libra because I know my birth time is between 8 and 11 in the morning on my B-Day (August 1 1983) so that makes it either Virgo or Libra...I guess it could also be Virgo, but I don't want it to be!! You can understand why

Ok enough about me, so what's going on with you guys??? Tell me all about it. Are you together now? If so how's it going? Oh and we can compare charts soon, because I'm ordering my birth certificate today before I forget. I can't wait!

posted April 26, 2005 06:17 PM         

We're still together, but everything is still very confusing for me. I think what it comes down to is that I need to spend more time with him, like in a "down-time" sort of way. But all he has time for is our scheduled times and we mostly spend that catching up, etc. I guess to put it in a nutshell I would have to say that after a year I still kind of feel like he's "company" when he stops by, and I don't really like it.

I'm not really sure what to do about it. In a lot of ways, I think there are probably other people out there who are more suitable for me... that I would mesh with better emotionally. But, he brings so many things to my life that I've never found with anyone else and we have so much love and respect for one another in the most basic sense, that I can't imagine him not being a part of my life like this. It's a tough decision to make...

I'm sure you know!

I'm glad things are going well for you. I hope that this continues. I can understand that your Virgo is probably feeling pretty insecure right now, but that seems like it is probably one of his lessons to learn. It sounds like you are doing the right thing and I applaud you for being so clear-headed and positive. Good for you!

You will have to let me know what you find out when you get your birth certificate. In the meantime, have you read up on Libra and Virgo ascendents to see which one you think describes you best? I look forward to finding out, myself!

posted April 30, 2005 06:27 PM         

I understand why your confused. Your in love with your boyfriend and want you guys to work and be happy, but you never know when your differences are going to get in the way again and how bad its going to be.. Or at least I think thats how your feeling. Thats how I feel.

I went out last night with him and my roommate to my friend's birthday. It was a lot of fun for me because being around people and dancing makes me happy, but not for him. He was just uncomfortable with this new side of me..which is really brought out when I go dancing. It seemed I was too outgoing and upbeat for him and seeing me with my guy friend made him insecure. But somehow I didn't mind last night that he wasnt that into dancing and didn't socialize the way I did, I actually liked how he kept me balanced and thought it was cute how he was swaying back and forth on the dance floor while I impressed him with my moves. Of course it was hard when got insecure, but hopefully he will get used to this side of me. I think I was okay last night with his Virgoness because I had my friends there and my fire side was fed, so I appreciated the contrast he had to offer.

So as of right now, I am happy with the way things are going. I hope that we can smooth out the wrinkles in time and last together. I really do love him

Whats new with your two? I hope you find some clarity soon and I hope its with your Virgo. I'm rooting for you guys! Well talk to you soon hun..I'm off to another B-Day party tonight. Yay!

posted April 30, 2005 07:48 PM         

I've got to run, but I'll catch up with ya later. I've got some things to share.

posted May 08, 2005 12:53 AM         

I have been just as busy so no worries. Its finals time for me at school!! I've actually been so busy that I forgot to sign onto to LL, thats pretty busy for me hehe. Anyways how about we catch up when things slow down for us, sound good? I have some things to share with you too! Well talk to you soon sweets, I'm even staying home tonight to study Social Psych. and my friends are all having fun wahh haha. Talk to you soon k!

posted May 09, 2005 12:51 PM         

My quarter ends in about 4 weeks, but I should have a little more free time in a few weeks. I'm working on a literary journal right now for an area high school and it goes to the publisher's soon. Then I get to sit back and relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax!

Take care! Hope your finals go well!

posted May 17, 2005 06:17 PM         

So whats new with you and your Virgin? Is he still driving you crazy? From reading your poems and other posts, I can tell its still confusing for you, but it sounds like your getting fed up like I was and your ready to make or break with him. Is this still the case?

As much as I want to say my casual attitude is taking care of all of problems, I can't. I'm afraid my intense emotional side will always have its say, just like yours. It was only a temporary fix. So right now with more friends in my life and my energy focused in many different directions, life with my Virgo is easier, but it still is lacking that special connection. I don't like this feeling of doubt this relationship brings me, so sometimes I am ready to throw it away (usually when I get emotional) and sometimes I'm glad to have someone who loves me and cares about me to spend time with. He has been more loving recently though for whatever reason. I'm thinking its my pulling away thats causing it, in which case thats a bad thing because I don't always want to pull away to feel loved. I want to be vulnerable and be able to give him everything and not feel too intense for him. Well you know what I feel because you feel the same way. I guess I don't have many new things to add, but as you know this same old feeling hurts just as bad. I hope we both learn a lot from this and become more clear headed and strong so that we can do whats best for our happiness. I've started to pray about it. I'm asking for a stronger, more inciteful me to come to the rescue, and so far it has been helping. Well keep me filled in with your love life, I feel invested in it now and want to make sure you have a happy ending no matter what happens. Take care and talk soon.

posted May 23, 2005 10:55 PM         

Thanks for your reply!

posted May 29, 2005 03:26 PM         

Sorry, I know this is a bit late but I just saw that last post Sowie. Well I'm hanging in there, still with my Virgo. I still haven't accepted his ways completly, but are highs are getting higher and I do feel we are connecting more. Unfortunately though whenever we get mad at each other, I can go right back to trying to get close again, but its like he has to start back at the beginning when that happens. Its like it is possible to get closer, just as long as nothing goes wrong in between. I think its because he isn't naturally inclined to be really intimate with someone, or at least the way we mean, so it can only happen if it just happens slowly over time and catches him offguard. He cannot know we are getting closer or that we're having heart to heart conversations, it seems to scare the pants off him, but yet if I catch him at the right time, I can find him doing just that. He's so funny So basically I'm still struggling with the same problem, but its getting a little bit easier with time because I'm starting to understand more about him. Sometimes though, when I get in a really romantic mood and he isn't there to meet me, I feel like we're missing so much again. Whenever I watch heartfelt movies, I get like that. Its probably not realistic though to always expect my life to be like a movie, but if anyone could ever pull it off, it would definitely be a Leo or any fire sign for that matter, haha. So I guess I'm still riding this one out, to who knows where. Right now I guess I don't really mind it. I just hope that not because I'm losing my faith in fairy tales...I don't ever want that to happen.

So fill me in on you and your Virgo. I saw in the celebrity matches thread in the Astro section that you wanted a celeb that had the qualities of your guy, so thats a good sign. Does that mean your starting to really appreciate him for everything he is? Or are you still struggling with his practical Virgoan ways? Well keep in touch sweets, like I am one to talk, hehe. Hope to talk to you soon!

posted May 31, 2005 10:26 PM         

However, I'm supposed to be finishing a paper for school (last one til fall! Yay!) and I've promised to kick myself of Lindaland here soon...

But I wanted to write you because it's been a while and I've missed our conversations. Just so you know... even if this thread disappears from page one, don't ever hesitate to bump it back up, okay? Okay!

I was looking back over his astro info. I'd forgotten how much cancer he has in his chart. This is certainly someone who is capable of feeling. No doubt about it. I would guess that Virgo and Cancer could be two of the most emotionally protective signs out there, so he needs looooooooooooooots of security before he can open up. I'm guessing that he is quite a bit more reserved than you are with your bright leo vibe. But you've got Mercury and Venus in Virgo, so that should go a long way toward helping you understand him, and appreciating the way he loves you (when he expresses it or you can "find" it!)

I have a very relevant story to share with you about this... it's probably the one thing that got my bf and I back on track. I'll be sure to give it to you soon. I have to stay focused here! My time is running short! (Lecture to me from me... disregard!)

If I were to take a stab at the dynamic of your relationship, it would go something like this:

The two of you have a lot in common emotionally. The difference is that expression comes a lot more easily for you... not only that-- it's a necessity to keep it alive. He needs so much security before letting go that you'd have to have the patience of a saint to wait it out. So you have to do all the work-- of reminding yourself that he does love you, even while he doesn't express it, of making him feel safe enough to express himself, and trying to keep your feelings alive without the nourishment they need to survive.

That's a lot of work! But I would still say that anything is possible, as long as both of you still feel like it's worth the fight. And if you don't, then that's your right, too. A relationship has to be give and take. We tend to think that that means in every situation, but sometimes we have to give a lot more than we expect to before getting something in return. Sometimes it's worth it and sometimes it isn't. You will know the difference.

I have to go now, but I do have more to say. I stumbled on a little secret that worked for me. It may carry something that rings true for you, or it may not. I'll catch up with you soon!